Peril in the shallows, p.12
Peril in the Shallows, page 12
“What do you mean right there?”
“The jumper was nearly on top of her boat when he jumped. I’d have gone after him, too. Especially if I thought I could reach him.”
“She did reach him.”
“Yeah, I know. And she’d have been okay if the guy hadn’t accidentally knocked the cylinder out of her hand.”
That wash of ice was back—had he ever felt this cold?—as Arlo pictured all that had happened on the dive.
But she was alive. And so was the poor soul who’d believed jumping to his death was a preferable alternative. Now the man could get help. Now he had a chance.
It was minimal solace as he thought about all the ways this could have gone very wrong, yet at the same time, Arlo couldn’t shake that solid burst of pride.
Kerrigan had saved someone.
And she was okay.
Captain Reed’s admonishment earlier to apologize still rang in his ears. He was going to do just that.
* * *
Kerrigan filled her teakettle with water and considered all the possible outcomes of telling her parents about her dive. There was no question she’d tell them—it was a solid promise she’d made when she’d entered the harbor program—but it was the “how” she was struggling with.
They deserved to know. Just as she’d expect to know about them and their safety, for any reason, in return. But letting them know she’d gone after a potential suicide victim with three minutes of air left in her tank wasn’t going to sit well.
Hell, it hadn’t sat well with her, either.
But what was she supposed to do? She was the closest to him. And she had a duty to help.
You have a duty to yourself, too.
That lone thought had remained steady each time she considered how to explain what had happened.
She set the kettle on the stovetop but didn’t turn on the burner, instead grabbing her phone off the counter to call her parents. She’d nearly pressed the call button when she heard a heavy knock on her door.
“Saved by the bell,” she whispered as she laid the phone back down and headed for her front door. A look through the peephole showed Arlo on the other side.
A quick glance down at her ratty old NYPD gym shorts and torn navy blue sweatshirt had her cringing, but there wasn’t anything to be done for it now.
Besides, if he was here, it meant Wyatt had already gotten to him and he knew about the dive.
And she might be mad at him, but after the danger in the water this morning, all that anger seemed inconsequential. It was valid—she reassured herself—but it didn’t seem quite as important as it initially had.
She pulled open the door and drank her fill of him, standing on the other side. He had on dark slacks and a blue button-down shirt that should have looked staid and somehow just appeared solid stretched across his broad chest.
Reassuring.
And the place she’d like to bury herself for a few hours.
“Arlo.”
“Kerrigan.”
And then there were no words as her vision came to life in a near-perfect rush. One minute he was standing there and the next he had her in his arms, his cheek pressed to the top of her head while that strong chest cradled her close.
“I heard what happened.”
“Arlo, I—” She tried to lift her head, but he simply lifted one hand and pressed it against her neck, keeping her flush against him.
“Please.” He let out a hard exhale and she felt the tremors slide through his body. “Please just give me this for one minute.”
So she did.
And they stood there like that in her doorway for a lot longer. She knew she should pull away—it wouldn’t do to get so much warmth and comfort and physical support from this man—but she couldn’t do it.
When his arms finally loosened, he still held on to her but took a small step back. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
She gestured him into the large room that served as her living and sleeping area and was glad she’d cleaned up that morning before leaving. He moved to the love seat and armchair that dominated the corner of the room and she remained standing where she was.
“Can I, ah, get you anything? I was about to put on some water for tea.”
“Don’t go to any trouble, but if you’re having some, I’ll join you.”
“Okay.”
The kettle was already on the stove, so it was a quick task to turn on the burner. And then she slipped back into the room and took the seat beside the love seat.
“Wyatt told you what happened?”
“He did. He’s pretty upset about it.”
She laughed at that, but the sound came out harsher and more brittle than she’d intended. “I’m a bit upset about it, too.”
“He thinks you’ve taken on too much.”
Although she should have been prepared for that, the words still felt like a blow. One that cut her off at the knees, all while knocking her breath fully from her lungs.
Arlo must have seen it all brewing on her face because he quickly held up a hand.
“I think we do need to talk about the workload, but I told him I didn’t agree with his assessment.”
“You don’t?”
“Not about today. You saved that man, at great personal expense to yourself. But you did the job, and I don’t think you should be castigated for that.”
The sweetest relief flooded her veins and Kerrigan had the oddest sensation of floating.
Not the feeling she had in the water, but something far lighter and airier than mere buoyancy in the water.
For the first time in a lot longer than she could remember, she felt free.
“You told him that?”
“I did.”
“Is it truly how you feel? And why are you suddenly protecting me for this job?”
He shook his head, an odd mix of humor and something deeply serious filling his gaze.
“There you go again. First you were convinced I was hunting for some reason to get rid of you or believed your performance was flawed. Now you think I’m protecting you.”
“I’m sorry.” She waved a hand. She was aware her reactions were tied to her own concerns that her competency would be questioned.
Not that it actually was being questioned.
“Why do I keep getting the feeling that I’m being judged? Or worse, that I’m judging you for whatever came before.”
“I—” She stopped, his words making a certain sort of sense.
And then the kettle went off, the loud whistle interrupting them. She realized it was her chance to not only get her thoughts together, but also to stand and take a few deep breaths and tell him the truth.
To stand tall and tell him her truth.
“Let me get our tea. Then I have something I need to tell you. About my last precinct. About the man I testified against to Internal Affairs. The one who committed suicide.”
* * *
Arlo waited for her to make the tea, a mix of dread and relief flooding his veins.
She was okay.
He hadn’t realized just how important it was to look at her with his own eyes until she’d opened the door.
But to hold her? To feel the press of her body against his and know that she was alright?
It had meant everything.
How had she come to mean so much to him in such a short time?
Yes, it was attraction—the lure and that deep tug of desire—but it was so much more. He knew he should fight his feelings, but it was hard to argue against something so real.
Kerrigan came back into the room with two steaming mugs and settled them on the end table that cornered the love seat and chair. Her apartment was small but cozy, and he could see her here. Could picture her deep in the oversized chair reading a book or sitting on the love seat as she watched TV.
What caught him off guard was how easily he pictured himself here, too.
Whoa, Prescott. A hug at the door is one thing. Something more permanent...
He let the thought taper off, unwilling to go too far down that rabbit hole.
They were still colleagues and partners. To assume anything more was a fool’s game.
“So Wyatt told you all about what happened this morning on my dive?”
“He did. Although I’d like to hear your version.”
“It was stupid and against protocol and—”
“And incredibly brave and heroic.” He stressed those points again. Somewhere in Wyatt’s recounting and the obvious self-recrimination she’d spent the past few hours marinating in, the message had gotten lost.
“I hope you don’t do it again. Or maybe do it again but not in quite that way. You know. With air in your tank.”
“Trust me, that’s not an experience I ever want to repeat. It’s a diver’s worst nightmare and one my parents regularly have. Your arrival just helped me delay the inevitable phone call to tell them about it.”
“I can be here for moral support if you’d like.”
Exhaustion rimmed the delicate skin around her eyes, but he didn’t miss how they softened at his offer. “I appreciate that. But I can tell them later. What I really need to do is tell you about what happened before.”
“At your old precinct?”
She nodded, then reached for her mug of tea, wrapping her hands tight around the ceramic.
“I joined my precinct in Queens right out of the academy. I’m from Forest Hills and I wanted to go back to the community. I hadn’t made the harbor team yet and while I was already working toward it, I had to put in my time on street patrol, too.”
“And you wanted to go back to your neighborhood and be the face of the NYPD to the community.”
He remembered those days. When all of your training and ambition were finally let loose and you had to learn the job from the ground up, step by step on the streets of New York.
“I did. And for the first year I was so busy I couldn’t see beyond it all. I was working my shifts, and on top of that I was swimming several days a week, pushing myself to meet the requirements of the test. One morning, early, I headed in for a swim at the precinct’s gym facility.”
“So your Saturday pool visits have a history?”
A vague smile ghosted her lips. “Something like that.”
Although he’d intended to lighten the mood a bit, he knew he needed to give her time to tell the story. He picked up his own mug and leveled his full attention on her.
“As I was changing into my suit, I heard this muffled crying from the far side of the lockers. I went to see what was going on and found a woman from my academy class. She’d been beaten pretty bad, and one eye was nearly swollen shut.”
“Was she responsive to you?”
“Not at first. She told me she had trouble with an arrest the night before and was still dealing with the adrenaline rush. I would have believed her, but she slipped up on a few details.”
“Enough that you realized she wasn’t telling the truth. Or not the whole truth.”
Kerrigan shook her head. “In the end, there was barely any truth at all. She was partnered with an older cop who’d just lost custody of his kids. He was already on the decline, dealing with the twin demons of gambling and drugs, and he was pretty out of control. He dragged her into a scam he was running on the side for extra money. The thugs he was meeting with didn’t like the look of the new young partner and they took quite a few shots at her to gauge his loyalty.”
“And he let them?”
She nodded her head, almost in slow motion, her gaze on a time and place only she could see. But it was obvious how it still affected her.
And how determined she’d been to stop such an awful wrong.
Her gaze cleared as she looked his way. “It’s such a sad story it’s almost cliché.”
“They exist for a reason.”
“I guess they do.”
“How’d you get her to tell you what really happened?”
“She didn’t tell me much, but I followed them a few days later. The whole situation didn’t sit well with me. Especially because here I was, a recent academy graduate, all bright and shiny and excited about being a cop. And maybe she was, too, or maybe the job ultimately wouldn’t have been for her, but no one would ever know because of how she started out.”
“Media and entertainment love to make a big deal about cops going bad or rogue. It makes for good storytelling.”
“But it’s a heartbreaking reality in every way.”
He’d been fortunate not to see a whole lot of it in his career, but Arlo had heard the stories. The cops who burned out or who were lured to criminal pursuits for the right payout.
Hell, wasn’t that a bit of what they were all still reeling with from the news of Anderson McCoy’s betrayal? Marlowe’s grandfather had been protecting his son, but it was still a betrayal of the badge to look the other way at a crime so his son could stay safe.
“How’d it end?”
“I saw enough to take it to Internal Affairs. They already had a dossier on him and were keeping notes. His decline was evident to a lot of people, and he’d had a few cases that had some suspicious details to them. Add on the fact they paired a rookie with him and IA was quick to get as many details from me as they could.”
“I believe I used the words brave and heroic before. Clearly, it’s a pattern with you, Doyle.”
“There’s nothing heroic about tattling.”
He could acknowledge that it was a bad experience in every way, but to stand up to a bad cop to ensure he couldn’t continue his destructive ways was the very opposite of tattling.
It was necessary.
“There’s everything heroic about it when it means standing up for what’s right. This isn’t the second-grade playground or a kids’ pool party. He had a responsibility to his new partner and he sure as hell had one to the job. He failed on all aspects of that.”
“He then deliberately waited until I was on shift one night. He followed me close enough to know where I was patrolling. Even now, I suspect he had someone help him goose my schedule so he could plan it all.”
“You were there when he jumped?”
“He made sure of it.”
Once again, her gaze had drifted to a memory only she could see. And as he watched her, Arlo understood a bit better why she was so determined to make a good impression on their case. Why she wanted to learn and grow and earn everything on her own merits.
And why she was so afraid of messing something up.
“I’m sorry this was your experience. And I can’t change what came before, but I can feel regret that was a side of the job you had to experience. And there’s something else I’m truly sorry for that I want to own up to. I kept you out of my review of Big Will and his boys.”
“You did it deliberately?”
“At first, yes. When we left Brooklyn Yacht, I wanted to do a bit more nosing around about the family and I didn’t want to alarm you. That was wrong. In every way.”
“And then you sat on the report.”
“Because I knew you’d see it and I wasn’t ready to face the inevitable.”
Her gaze never wavered as she looked at him across the small expanse between the chair and the love seat. The dark brown depths of her eyes were sharp, reading him as she seemed to weigh her words.
“I don’t like it and I’m going to reserve the right to be mad about it later, but not today, Arlo.”
“No?”
“No. Today’s a day for focusing on the good, and what is good is being your partner and learning from you.” She stared into her tea before continuing. “I was holding back from you, too. My last job and how it was coloring my reactions to things. Our relationship has changed since we went to see Big Will, and you’ve had a chance to see me work. But...”
She shook her head, seeming to shift gears. He was still curious what she was about to say, but as he stared at her, a picture of strength and vulnerability as she sat in that chair, Arlo had to admit the truth.
It didn’t matter anymore in the face of almost losing her.
“It’s time to move forward, Kerrigan.”
“Water under the bridge.” She grinned at her own words, the cliché not lost on either of them. “You know me now, and I’m going to move forward and trust that there aren’t any more secrets between me and my partner.”
Chapter 10
No more secrets.
The idea settled deep in her core, spreading outward. It was a satisfying thought, and with respect to their partnership, Kerrigan had every confidence they were over the hump.
Arlo had willingly addressed the background check he’d done on Big Will and his sons and she’d shared her past. Their partnership was back on solid ground.
But what else was between the two of them?
That was another matter entirely.
She had feelings for him. She’d been hard-pressed to deny them from the first, but the way he’d pulled her into his arms?
It had meant everything.
And that was something she needed to play close to the vest.
Which meant—as always—it was much easier to focus on work.
“Why did you run Big Will and his family?”
“I can’t fully say. Something about our visit struck me as worth digging into. But part of why I didn’t say anything was I couldn’t put my finger on why.”
“You can work a hunch without any reason other than it’s an angle. I wouldn’t have been upset.”
“I know that now. But at the time the captain’s words were still ringing in my ears about the dark, violent overtones of this case and then seeing you with someone you knew so well.” Arlo tapped his fingers on the arm of the love seat. “I let it cloud my judgment. I didn’t want to cast aspersions on your friend if I could help it.”
