Life by design, p.27
Life by Design, page 27
I set my wine glass down, defensiveness bubbling in my chest. My earlier irritation with Hilary resurfaces, and I know if I don’t get control of it, Isla will be on the receiving end of it. “I’ve been with my daughter.”
Isla shrugs her left shoulder. “I know … and I know it’s selfish of me to think this way, but I can’t stand the idea of you playing the role of devoted father and husband to a woman who called me a slut to my face while you just let her.”
I run a hand over my weary face. “What would you have me do, Isla? The restaurant was packed. Did you want me to cause a scene? Her opinion of you doesn’t matter.”
“But yours does,” she counters, her voice rising and her blue eyes searing into mine. “You didn’t even defend me. You just rolled over submissively and let her dictate these tyrannical visitation rules.”
“Yeah,” I say, maybe a little too harshly given how Isla jumped a little. “Because I was an idiot and thought she could be trusted when we came up with a visitation schedule.”
Isla sighs, clearly growing more agitated, and she takes a large pull from her glass. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea,” she finally says. “I’ve had quite a bit to drink, and we’re both a little agitated. Maybe you should go home before one of us says something we’ll regret.”
I stare blankly at her, kind of shocked by this suggestion. “Do you think we’re bound to do that?”
All she does is nod. “If we carry on down this road, I’m afraid that’ll be the least of our problems.”
Unsure what to say to that, I finish my glass of wine in a few larger-than-average gulps and stand up. “Okay, then,” I say. She doesn’t look up at me, instead focusing on her own empty glass. I can tell her posture is stiff, like she’s walled up her emotions and is trying to maintain some kind of control. “I guess I’ll go.”
Isla nods before whispering, “Okay.” Her sultry voice is softer than usual, and it cracks between syllables.
She makes no indication of getting up to see me out, and instead of asking her to and risking further upsetting her, I simply lean down and kiss her on the cheek. “Have a good sleep tonight. I hope we can talk in the morning.”
“Sure,” she says before sniffling. She raises her head and turns to face the wall, bringing her free hand up to swipe away the tears that must have fallen as she continues to avoid my gaze. “Drive safe.”
I set my glass in the sink and make my way for the door. I stand in the open doorway for a second, listening to her trying to mask more sniffles. I want to rush back to her and hold her—to apologize for upsetting her—but I can’t seem to get my feet to go in that direction. We both just need a night apart to think and let whatever anger we’re holding to work itself out of our systems.
I’ve barely closed the door and turned my key in the deadbolt behind me before I hear a gut-wrenching sob on the other side. But she asked me to leave, so that’s exactly what I do.
CHAPTER 29 | TAKING THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE

Isla
My head is pounding when I wake up, sprawled out on my stomach as the morning sunlight floods into my bedroom because I forgot to pull my curtains closed before collapsing onto my bed sometime after midnight. I groan, pulling my pillow over my head to block it all out, but before long, a shrill ring accompanies the pulsing pain. I hate to admit it takes me longer than it should to recognize the sound as my cell phone.
Without removing the pillow from my head, I stretch my left arm out toward my nightstand, feeling around until I locate my cell phone. I bring it under the pillow and blindly hit the green button to answer.
“Hello?” the heavy rasp in my already smoky voice catches me off-guard, so I clear it.
“Finally!” Chloe replies, her voice so loud I have to pull my phone away. “I’ve been calling and texting for the last two hours. You almost ready to head out for your shoot? You don’t sound like you’re almost ready.”
Chloe fires off question after question, and I’m far too hungover to keep up. “Whoa,” I croak, sitting up and letting my pillow fall back to my bed. “First of all, I’m going to need you to take the volume down a couple levels, and then I’m going to need you to slow it all the way down.”
“Jesus,” Chloe grumbles. “Did you and Liam stay up all night?”
Hearing his name brings the memory of our disagreement rushing back. I’d done my best to drink it away with the rest of that bottle of wine he’d opened, and I’d done a pretty damn good job of it until just now.
Now, my head is flooded with all of it, making my headache even worse.
“Actually, he didn’t stay long,” I tell my sister, feeling the sting of fresh tears in my eyes.
There’s a brief pause before Chloe asks, “Everything okay? I thought you had plans for him to stay over?”
The last thing I want to do right now is talk about Liam, so I ignore her question and do my best to change the topic. “Look, I’m going to go hop in the shower. Let yourself in when you get here. I’ll do my best to be ready quickly.”
“Wait, Isla …”
Even though I know it’s rude, I hang up the phone and put it face-down on my night stand as I grudgingly crawl out of bed. Chanel and Val’s heads shoot up as I stand, and I know I should probably take them outside for a few minutes before I get ready for my day with Chloe.
I use the washroom before brushing my teeth and plopping my hair up on the top of my hair in the messiest bun I’ve ever done. As I exit the bathroom, I call the dogs to follow me to the front door where I put their leashes on them and head out the door.
Thankfully, we aren’t outside for too long before they’ve done their business, and we turn and walk back home. They’ll get more exercise when Chloe and I take them to the dog park for the shoot. She wants to include them in some of the shots, claiming everyone loves a dog.
While the two of them gorge themselves on their breakfast, I climb into the shower and do my best to wash my hangover down the drain. I’m a little more refreshed when I turn the water off and wrap myself up in a fluffy white bath towel, my wet hair hanging down my back. I make a quick stop in my studio to grab one of the cute summery outfits I’d chosen for today’s shoot, and then go back to my room. Once I’ve got the white cropped tanktop and high-waisted yellow shorts on, I gather the towel pooled at my feet and toss it in my hamper before I start doing my hair and makeup.
On the way to my vanity, I grab my cell phone and see I’ve got several text messages and a missed call from Liam. My empty stomach churns with unease again, the events of last night coming back with an intensity I’m not sure my sober-self is ready to deal with.
I take a deep breath and sit on the bench in front of the mirror, my thumb hovering over my message thread with Liam. I decide to bite the bullet and tap on it, not sure what to expect. Had I pushed him away entirely last night? Only one way to find out, I guess.



I allow myself to breathe a sigh of relief, hearing how he wants to talk through everything that happened last night, but a weird burning pit of uncertainty also forms in my stomach, because we still have a pretty big hurdle ahead of us. I do my best to brush it off, though, and check my voicemail.
“Hey,” Liam’s deep, silky voice travels through my phone, tickling my ears and making me break out in waves of goosebumps. “I was hoping you’d be up already … or maybe you are and you’re just screening my messages and calls. After last night, I could understand if that were the case.” He sighs into the phone, sounding just as exhausted as I am. “Anyway, I’d love to hear from you at some point before you go to work tonight. I know you have plans with your sister, and I don’t want to intrude on that, but please call me. I don’t … I don’t like how we left things. Talk to you later, okay?”
A high-pitched tone bookends his message, so I hang up my phone without deleting it. Mostly because I know I’ll probably listen to and obsess over it throughout the day before I call him back.
What have I become?
I do my best to push Liam to the back of my mind. Chloe should be here soon, and I really don’t want to be in a sour mood and have that translate to the photos she plans to take.
I’m halfway into my makeup routine, letting my thick, heavy hair air-dry a little before I blow-dry it the rest of the way, when I hear keys rattle in the deadbolt and my door open. Chanel and Valentino’s claws click against the hard floors as they greet my sister, and I can hear her talking to them as she tries to get inside. By the time she finally enters my room, both dogs hot on her trail, I’m just getting ready to start on my hair.
“Hey,” she greets with a wide smile, flopping down onto my bed, her dark hair plopped on top of her hair in an intentional tousled bun.
“Hi.” I try to match her enthusiasm, but she sees through my veiled attempts, as only a big sister can.
Chloe’s eyebrows pull together, and her bright blue eyes find mine through the mirror. “So what the hell happened?”
I drop my gaze and turn my curling iron on. “Nothing … it’s nothing.”
“That’s not what your energy says,” Chloe challenges. “Did you guys have a fight?”
“I … We …” I stumble over my words for a moment, trying to piece together exactly what happened before I passed out. “Kind of, I guess.” I release a heavy breath, turning around on my seat to face my sister, who’s sitting in the middle of my bed with her legs criss-crossed.
“What do you mean kind of? Either you fought or you didn’t.”
Chloe is like a dog with a bone, and I know if I don’t tell her something she isn’t likely to let this go. So, like always, I give her what she wants. “It’s all a little hazy, if I’m being honest. He got here, and everything was fine … at first. I’d had a bit to drink, so I guess I was definitely less restrained with the feelings I’d been keeping to myself these past couple months.”
“Oh, Isla,” Chloe says softly. “What did you say?”
I shrug. “He was doing his best to be supportive as I told him about the business plans you and I had discussed over dinner, and when he told me he was here if I ever needed anything, I just … kind of snapped.” The pit in my gut rolls, and my chest tightens with regret. “It hasn’t felt like he’s been here for me, and I said as much. I want to blame the wine, but truth-be-told, I’ve been feeling neglected these last couple months, and I know how selfish that sounds, because he’s been with his daughter, but I just …” I sigh again, unable to properly articulate my jumbled thoughts.
“You haven’t felt like a priority,” Chloe finishes for me. “And you’re upset because you’ve put your entire life on hold, and it feels like he hasn’t made the same sacrifices.”
My eyes warm with tears, but while the corners of my mouth turn up with a small smile of gratitude, my gut continues to churn with guilt. “God, I sound so selfish.”
Chloe falls silent, and I can see by the look on her face that she’s trying to choose her next words carefully, because, yes, I do sound selfish. Finally, after a few excruciatingly long minutes, she exhales and offers me a warm smile filled with empathy. “I admit, from a parent’s perspective, it does sound a little selfish,” she says, and I open my mouth to apologize, but she continues before I can manage to get a word out. “But you’re not a parent, Isla, and like I said last night, this isn't fair to you. You have the freedom to build the life you want. You’ve been dreaming of having your own clothing line for years, and it worries me that you’ve pushed it aside.”
“I haven’t …”
“You have,” Chloe gently pushes. She takes a beat, eyes holding mine, and then smiles. “Listen, I think Liam is great—really, I do. He seems to have his life together … well, aside from his crazy ex, but that’s beyond even his control. I think you have to ask yourself if you guys are in the same place and want the same things right now.”
A fresh wave of nausea washes over me, so I turn back to my vanity and start messing with my damp hair, unable to look Chloe in the eye. I know, she’s right, but I’m not ready to admit it to her … or myself.

“Earth to Isla …”
Ruby’s voice cuts through the invasive thoughts I’ve been having all afternoon. Ever since my chat with Chloe this morning, I couldn’t stop thinking about everything she said—and everything she implied.
“Sorry,” I apologize, putting down the wine glass I had been polishing and grabbing another off the dishwasher rack.
Ruby’s brow pinches together. “Everything okay? You’ve been kind of out of it all night.”
I nod, even though I’ve already started zoning out again, thinking about Liam and our first conversation following the argument. He’d tried calling me again before I got to work, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer it. “Fine,” I lie. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
And then, because apparently the universe has a twisted sense of humor, the door to the restaurant opens, and through it walks Liam. His eyes find mine immediately, and my stomach does that familiar flip before it immediately knots up with unease.
His lips turn up into a small smile, his expression appearing almost guarded as he saunters toward the bar, like he isn’t sure what to expect. And how could he? I haven’t said two words to him since last night when I asked him to leave. I’ve been purposefully avoiding this whole situation.
Unfortunately it appears he’s going to force my hand.
“Hey,” he says, looking first at Ruby, then me.
I nervously shift my gaze, setting down the glass I polished and almost dropping it. “Hey.”
“How’s tonight been?” he asks. “Looks slow.”
“Uh, yeah,” Ruby answers after a beat, her tone wavering with confusion, almost like the question had been directed toward me; I wouldn’t know, though, because I’m still too much of a coward to look in his direction. “It was busier at dinner, but over all pretty slow … Right, Isla?”
I chance a look back over my shoulder and notice Liam’s piercing blue eyes on me, his eyebrows raised high with concern. “Mmmhmm,” I reply softly, setting another glass down when I get drawn into his eyes and turn around. A flourish of flutters arises in my stomach, doing its best to make me forget about the knot of unease that continues to reside in there.
Liam smiles, a glimmer of hope sparkling in his eyes. “Hey,” he says, repeating his first initial greeting.
“Hi.” My voice cracks, so I nervously clear my throat.
Liam looks around the near-empty restaurant, then back at me. “You’re off soon, right?” I nod once. “Can you come by my office before you leave? I’d … I’d like to talk to you.”
“Uhhh …” I swallow thickly and look at Ruby, who looks completely thrown. “Y-yeah. Of course.”
“Okay.” Liam slaps his palms on the bar-top and pushes himself back a step. “I guess I’ll see you shortly.”
“Jesus,” Ruby mutters. “This entire place is going to need to be cleansed of all that tension and negativity..” She shivers. “What the hell is going on?”
I shake my head, not sure I want to get into everything that’s happening. Not while I’m in a public place—my place of work, no less. “It’s nothing,” I lie.
“That”—Ruby points in the direction of Liam’s retreat—“didn’t feel like nothing. In fact, that felt like the exact opposite of nothing.”
I exhale heavily, hoping to ease the increasing tightness in my chest. It doesn’t help. “We may have hit a little turbulence neither of us was anticipating,” I mumble, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice before I break. I need to keep my composure if I’m going to stay strong when I talk to Liam. “Hey, I know I still have another half hour before I’m off, but do you mind if I take off a little early? I should go talk to him before I lose the nerve.”
Ruby’s eyes widen. “The … nerve? Isla—”
I hold up a hand. I know it’s rude, but my bravado is faltering. “I’ll tell you everything later, but I need to do this now.”
“Oh, yeah. Of course. Go.”
I grab my things from the little cubby under the till and smile my appreciation. “I owe you. Truly.” I slip out from behind the bar and move through the restaurant. Once I reach the kitchen, I glance at my phone and notice more than fifty notifications from my Instagram account. While I’m curious about the new and unusual activity, I have a more pressing situation waiting behind the big wooden door less than five feet in front of me.
Four … Two of tonight’s female servers look up at me, forgetting the conversation they’re having about their tables.
Three … Carol glances my way, eyebrows pinched with confusion as she puts plates on a tray for one of the servers.
Two … The lead chef bumps into me as he backs away from one of his line cooks. “Sorry, Isla.”
One …
I stand just outside Liam’s office door, heart racing, palms sweating. The sound of dishes crashing together in the kitchen is drowned out by the thundering pulse in my ears. I contemplate turning around and leaving, but that would only prolong the inevitable.
So, I take a deep breath and hold it until my lungs burn, and my stomach twists as I raise my right hand and knock. It takes less than a second for Liam’s voice to reach me.
“Come in,” he says, his voice muffled. “It’s open.”
I place a sweaty hand on the black door knob and push the door open to find him sitting behind his desk, his head in his hands and his fingers twisted tight into his hair. He raises his head until his tragic eyes find mine, and he quickly stands and closes the space between us, reaching past me to lock the door the moment I’m all the way inside. Before either of us can say a word, his lips are on mine.
CHAPTER 30 | SO THAT’S IT, THEN

Liam
Three hours. That’s how much sleep I’m running on. I’d tossed and turned all night, torturing myself by constantly replaying the argument Isla and I’d had. I cursed myself for not staying and trying to work it out, even though the logical part of my brain knows that a little space to cool down and process everything is probably for the best.
