Something about those words made my heart trip painfully in my chest. She said it, and in a single instant, I could imagine the future so vividly in my mind. A future with her in it. A woman my parents would approve of. Someone who would be my choice as much as theirs. A perfect balance on the spectrum of my life.

  I’d always been obedient, had always wanted to make those around me proud. I found I wanted the same joy that came with it to apply here, with Calliope. I wanted her happy with me, I wanted her to smile.

  I could make her happy. We could make each other happy.

  “You’re exactly as I imagined you’d be.” Her words were a vehement confession. “Arrogant. Vain. You would stand here and profess to know what’s best for me without asking me first. Because just like everyone else, you underestimate me. So thank you, Ambrose Tallis, for making me realize that you are everything I hate in a man. I would rather be a spinster for the rest of my life than to ever be with you.”

  She blindly pushed her way past me, storming quickly away from me.

  My feet and body acted out of their own accord. I whirled to follow, and my arms encircled her waist. I only meant to stop her, to defend my own honor and tell her I wasn’t what she thought me to be.

  Yes, I knew I could be arrogant, and I’d known I fucked up with her. I hated that feeling writhing tightly in my gut. Like I’d disappointed her, like I wouldn’t be enough. I wanted to be enough. I wanted to make her happy, make her trust me.

  All my life I’d worked towards one goal only. To be perfect in every way I could possibly be.

  She made me flounder around in the dark and I didn’t know how to make it better.

  Before I could say anything, she slipped from my hold and whirled. Her fist came striking at me, lightning fast, hitting me straight in the throat.

  I gasped, my hands reaching for the sensitive spot as I lost my voice in the surprise.

  “Shove off, Ambrose. I’m not your property. You pretend to be perfect and act like you’re so high above everyone else and can’t even realize what an ass you’re being.” Then she whirled and stomped away.

  And I was left alone, my throat aching with the strike of her fist and all the words I’d longed to say and apologize for stuck tightly in my mouth.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Calliope

  I should have been appalled by my own abhorrent behavior the past few weeks, but I couldn’t feel the sentiment rising inside me. Not when there were more important things to worry about other than Ambrose’s wounded expression, or the way he tried to speak with me.

  I could feel the apology he wanted to spill from his mouth down to my bones like it was a living thing. He was riddled with remorse, and while that was all very well, the only reason I didn’t give him the opportunity to say anything was because I knew it would just be empty words.

  He was sorry I was angry with him, but not sorry for the way he tried to possess me like I was an object rather than a person with feelings and thoughts of my own. It was typical behavior among the high society, and I knew he was different from others in certain aspects. He accepted me being here, but not fully, not in the way Maksim accepted or believed in me.

  I saw something in Ambrose, something I knew could bring on change, something that made a tenderness open within my chest, which only made my ignoring him harder.

  All these feelings were a storm inside me. Rafe had ignored me after that debacle in the training room. He’d barely spoken a word, as if we hadn’t shared a moment between us. Like we were strangers rather than... whatever it was we were.

  We were nothing. He’d made it abundantly clear, but still something in me had foolishly hoped that things could have been different.

  We still took detention together, and he still trained me. “I won’t go back on my word,” he’d muttered, and he hadn’t, but he was so stiff and formal. He no longer touched me, he didn’t smile, and he didn’t ask me questions.

  The only reprieve from my loneliness was Maksim and Self-Defense 101.

  It was the only class where I wasn’t treated with incompetence. Professor Elara treated me like an equal among the men, something for which I was grateful.

  The days passed until parent visitation came around.

  No one was allowed off the island, and no one was allowed on unless they were family and only once every three months. Visitors were confined within the dining hall, escorted in and back out promptly.

  My nerves piled on top of each other as I waited for my father.

  Before slipping out of my dorm, I’d taken extra care to get ready, unsure of how I should greet my father after weeks of not seeing him.

  I’d come to the Academy for a change, but the thing was, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to see a change in me or not.

  I’d stared long and hard at myself in the mirror in the bathing room. I couldn’t see any differences in myself except for the subtle change in my muscle mass. Training with Professor Elara and Rafe had caused a difference in my body. I was no longer wraith-thin or delicate as so many had often reminded me.

  I was gaining muscle, thickening, but no less feminine.

  I’d pleated my hair away from my face. He’d warned me about dresses, and still I slid the soft tuft of material over my body. A smooth expanse of bright blue material, the hem of my palla grazed along my ankles.

  I looked elegant, like a wave crashing to shore in it. I’d straightened my shoulders, fixed the jewels clasped around my neck and wrists, and walked straight into the dining hall.

  It filled quickly. I assumed it was a day either everyone was excited for or dreaded. Their parents would drill them with questions on their progress at the Academy and either commend or condemn them for it.

  I knew what side of the spectrum I fell on with my father, and still a twist of nerves clawed at my insides.

  The truth was, I wasn’t even sure if he’d come or not. If he didn’t have business with the Sons, he would. I’d basically cleared my mind from the hopes of seeing my aunt at all. She had made it quite clear what she thought of my decision to come here, and I doubted she’d changed her mind.

  My gaze scanned the ever-growing crowd of people, skipping over students entirely to look over the faces, hoping to catch a glimpse of my father.

  My gaze snagged on a family that stepped into the dining hall. It was a group composed entirely of children. I couldn’t help but stare as they were escorted stoically inside and ushered to a lone table, set apart from everyone else.

  There were six children total, wearing drapes of black cloth fashioned into simple togas. The youngest appeared to be at least two, and the oldest about twelve or thirteen. The rest of the children seemed to vary in ages and could have been ten, seven, or six. One thing was irrefutable: they were all related.

  They all looked alike with their long, black hair. Some had it straight across their shoulders, others in wild curls or braided down the length of their backs. Dark eyes was another feature they shared, olive skin, and serious expressions.

  They seemed familiar, and I didn’t know why, couldn’t quite place it until Rafe stepped towards them.

  The children hopped up with barely concealed excitement and rushed towards him. The youngest jumped into his awaiting arms and clung tightly around his neck and began to wail.

  The oldest, a girl, walked over much more slowly, her expression pinched tightly. Rafe’s eyes met her from over the boy’s head. His expression hardened, became unreadable, but he held out an arm and her face crumbled before she rushed into his embrace.

  They all held each other so tightly, in a way that reminded me of how my father held me. The love between them was palpable, so obvious, it made my chest ache with tenderness.

  This was a side of him I’d never seen before. While he still wore lines of seriousness over his features, it was his eyes that spoke of an infinite amount of love, tearing a pathway deep down into his heart and soul.

  I would have stared forever if a figure hadn’t cut into my line of vision and interrupted my own thoughts.

  Tall and imposing, I would have recognized his cutting figure anywhere. My chest seemed to expand with emotion and in a moment, I didn’t care about propriety at all. I threw my arms around my father’s shoulders.

  His big arms wrapped around my waist and he twirled me as if we were the only two people in the room.

  A sob threatened to lodge itself into my throat, but I pushed it down. My father wouldn’t know what to do with me if I started weeping.

  He set me on my feet and looked down at me, his bright blue eyes full of love and tenderness. His hand cupped my cheek and he offered up a smile that was especially for me. “Hello, Guppy.”

  “Hello, Papa.”

  In a moment, the emotion behind our reunion was ripped apart entirely as my father was lightly shoved to the side. “Hmph, what is the matter with you, Torin? Have a care for her reputation!” My aunt appeared before me, looking as impeccable as ever and just as disdainful. “A few weeks at this dreadful Academy and you’ve already lost all sense of propriety, I see. Where are your manners, girl? Am I a statue? Where’s my greeting.”

  Shock kept my eyes glued to my aunt and the way she sneered down at me, even while I was taller than her. It was custom and force of habit that made me lean forward to kiss her tenderly on each cold, wrinkled cheek before stepping back and curtsying.

  She sniffed. “At least you still know how to do that.” Her eyes scrutinized every aspect of me. “A month away from home and you’ve obviously changed.”

  “It is nice to see you, Aunt Clarity.”

  “Do not Aunt Clarity me, child. Now, are we going to stand here all day or sit?” She proceeded to sit down on a nearby chair as if it were a throne.

  My father rolled his eyes and waited until I sat down before following. They were across from me and I felt odd, like I was being scrutinized from the inside out.

  I fought not to squirm.

  My father pressed his forearms onto his spread thighs and leaned forward. His eyebrows were pulled together, staring at me with concern masked behind the hard lines of his features. “How are you, Guppy?”

  I knew that if I lied, he’d be able to rip through it in an instant. My mouth still formed the words. “I’m fine.”

  His eyes narrowed and his lips pursed. “I was informed by Headmaster Xafer that you have been given two months’ worth of detention for skipping class.”

  His gaze was probing, demanding an answer.

  I couldn’t tell him I’d been anchored to the bottom of the ocean without him stringing Vitas up by the balls. Literally. While it would be a sight to see, I didn’t want my general father fighting my battles for me. I knew it wouldn’t possibly end well.

  “Detention!” my aunt practically screeched. “How preposterous!”

  “Aunt Clarity, please keep your voice down.” The last thing I needed was her making a scene.

  “What happened?” my father inquired.

  “Yes, tell us what happened. To think, they would disrespect our family in such a way and give you detention of all things. I knew this was no place for a woman of your delicate nature.”

  Delicate.

  There was that word again. I gritted my teeth. “Nothing happened.” I wanted to look away, but my father would see it as an act of cowardice, so I met his gaze unflinchingly.

  “It’s obvious she is not meant for this place.” My aunt’s nose wrinkled as she shot her gaze around the dining hall, stopping on Rafe and his family in the far corners of the room. “My word, is that the Zemir bunch?”

  “What do you know about Rafe?” I couldn’t stop the words before they came tumbling out of my mouth.

  She glared at me knowingly. “I know enough to say you should not be associated with him or his ilk at all. Treacherous lot.” She sniffed and smoothed her wrinkled hands over her skirt. “Tell me, have you met the Tallis boys yet? I hear the two eldest are in attendance.”

  “I have.”

  She nodded almost approvingly. “And? I know you had qualms about my list of potential suitors but now that you’ve met them which will you choose? This Academy should be good for husband hunting, if nothing else.”

  “Triton, will you be quiet, woman?” My father very nearly rammed his shoulder into her small body. It would have been a sight to see to watch her fly halfway across the room with that action alone. I stifled the laughter the image wanted to conjure up. “Let her be. You said if I brought you, you’d behave.”

  She glowered in my father’s direction. “I am only here to make your fool of a daughter see reason.” She turned to me, her eyes beseeching. “What do I have to do to get you to come back home?”

  Belatedly, I realized she hadn’t come to wish me well. She hadn’t come because she’d put our differences behind us at all. This was all a joke to her; my selection, the Academy, my feelings, everything. She wouldn’t stop until she had me in her clutches again, and she didn’t even see what she was doing to my soul, my life. How she was killing me slowly with her lessons. That I wanted this more than I wanted breathing.

  “I like it here, Aunt Clarity.”

  She scoffed with disbelief. “Right. As foolish as Remedy. Take a look around you, Calliope. You do not belong here. Do you want to end up like Remy? Do you want to end up dead like her?” Emotion swelled in a sheen of tears around her eyes. When they began to fall, she swiped at them impatiently and jerked to her feet. “Come home at once! I will not have you following in your mother’s footsteps. She was too adventurous for her own good and it killed her.”

  My father slowly stood to his formidable height. His glare in her direction would have been enough to send any lesser person running for their life. “My wife, my Remy, died in an accident. Do not attempt to discourage my daughter by besmirching her mother’s memory. She died in an accident, but Calliope is not Remedy.”

  My aunt looked at him like she had a few choice words to say, but she closed her mouth. I could make out her jaw working angrily. She turned to me, taking a breath. While her face was calm, her words were filled with venom.

  “Come home, Calliope. You barely survived society. What makes you think you can survive here? This is no place for you.”

  I slowly stood up as well. Even while my head surpassed her, I always had this feeling like it was she who was looking down on me. “I can’t, Aunty. I’m sorry.” Even when I had nothing to apologize for.

  She took a step back in staggering betrayal. “Then you are as dead to me as Remy.”

  She whirled and stomped away, pushing through the crowd and snapping at them when they didn’t move.

  My father looked after her and sighed. “I must go after her. She’ll come around.” He didn’t seem convinced, though. He turned and hugged me tightly. I tried to relish in the feel of him, but my mind was far away, withdrawn tightly into that same place it always ventured to after speaking with my aunt. Like I wasn’t good enough. Like I would never quite be enough for her, no matter what I did. “The best of luck, Guppy. I know you can do it.” He pressed a kiss against my forehead and then he, too, was gone.

  Surrounded by people, I felt entirely alone. Because I was. This visit was supposed to have filled me with hope for my future. Instead it had left me drained, empty, and I wasn’t quite sure how to bear it.

  I steeled my shoulders and walked out, careful to try and not draw eyes to me. I wandered away from the sounds of families reuniting, and still they haunted me, grasping at me like phantom fingers looking to keep me in a death-grip.

  My breathing grew more ragged the further I walked. It was panic, settling itself deep inside me, making a nest inside my chest. I needed air. I needed a clear mind.

  Fingers fumbling blindly, I grasped for a classroom door closest to me and pushed it opened, stumbling through. It slammed closed behind me and I leaned my back against it, inhaling sharp breaths of air.

  I banged my head against the door.

  “Careful…” a warm voice drawled out from across the room.

  My eyes opened, blurred with a few tears. I swiped them away furiously, and when my vision cleared, I caught sight of Professor Elara standing near the open pillars of the classroom. Light pierced through the opened windowpanes, casting him in a glorious glow.

  If Rafe had the build of a mighty god, then Professor Elara had all the beauty.

  I couldn’t help it when my breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. He was always so formal in his chlamys, the material wrapped tightly around him like a second skin. It was his posture; he stood straighter than any other man I knew. His armband, like always, was hidden from my view.

  I longed to catch a glimpse of it. Not to judge his rank, but because I knew what a sight he would likely make, bared like that before me.

  If he was breathtaking now, he would look infinitely better in nothing but his skin and arm band.

  “Professor.” The word came breathlessly past my lips. “Forgive me. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

  This wasn’t his classroom, but he looked at ease in it.

  “You did no such thing. I was merely observing the scenery.” His head angled out the opened windows. “Come see?”

  I wondered how he could even speak a question like a command, and why my foolish feet obeyed when they didn’t have to, but I did. I walked over to where he stood, giving a good foot of space between us, to look out at the vast expanse of glittering ocean.

  Boats were docked on the island and people were milling about. Some stepped into the water and didn’t resurface again, while others clambered onto the boat.

  I watched it all with an ache in my chest. The first time I’d seen them in weeks, and my aunt had chosen not to encourage me, but to belittle me and the Gods.

  A fresh swell of tears rose behind my eyelids and no matter how hard I wanted to push them away, it was like my cracked heart forced them to slide down my cheeks.

 

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