Dead inside temporary bl.., p.35
Dead Inside (Temporary Bliss #1), page 35
At that, I block out the rest of the words that pour like a torrent from the man’s mouth and cover my mouth with my hand, holding in a gasp. The scapegoat. The man who’ll take the fall for my sins. An innocent man, who had nothing to do with what happened to Ivan. The realization of all those deaths I’ve caused and brought over innocent people hits me like a block of cement. I gulp and step back, closer to Stefan. It’s easy to imagine myself in his place. Tied to that chair, bloodied like that, knowing I’m about to die. Traitor. I am a traitor, am I not? I am. The man mumbles something and the interrogator gets closer, yelling at him. “Louder, bitch!”
The restrained man starts laughing and spits him in his face.
“Nico, Nico. Bad move!” the interrogator growls, cleaning his face with the back of his hand.
The blur of movements and shouts that come from the crowd instigate punishment, pain and death. The tall man gets a hammer and an iron stake and puts it through his left thigh. The one called Nico screams and tries to kick, but the fight has left his body. Someone holds his hair, pulling his head back, exposing his throat. The screams are the only thing that can be heard in the entire hangar.
“When you swear allegiance to Temnota, then choose to betray it, this is what awaits you!”
There’s so many people around and none of them moves a finger. Young. Middle-aged. Tattooed. Businessmen. Thugs. Elite. Everything. No one protests. No one tries to stop what’s happening. If anything, some of them grin with heated expressions, hungry for the blood spilling they’ll be witnessing. These people don’t play. They’re evil and soulless and they’ve infected the town and the country without us even realizing it. They could be anyone. Our brothers and sisters, business owners, doctors, politicians. They’ve sold their soul to the one who offered them more, because the country they were born in didn’t give them enough.
Sweat trickles down my spine. This is what awaits me. Stefan brought me here to show me how I’ll end up if I dare to betray him, if I dare to take Raymond’s side again. It’s like a final sentence, the axe he’s holding over my head. On a deeper level, I don’t think he’d actually hand me over to these people but I’m sure he’d do the job himself. He seems to love the idea of torturing me, of causing me distress, watching me unravel like a ball of yarn. He’s the evil cat who’s toying with me and darting me all around the floor; I’m the mouse who has no crevice left to escape in.
“Nicolae Ronceanu. I’ll ask you again. Who sent you? Talk and I’ll make your death quick.”
“Go to hell!” The man whispers hoarsely, yet the words resemble thunder in the utter silence.
“As you wish,” the torturer gives his verdict and extends the knife forward. He makes him scream by cutting his chest, carving words in Russian all over his body. Traitor. Bitch. And so on. I don’t know from where he’s got the power to remain conscious through all of that. Some wicked deity might be watching from above and enjoying the show as well, keeping that man alive and screaming until he’s drawn his last breath. The man seals the deal with a slash of his knife, opening his throat, the blood spraying the air. We witness him gargle and twitch for what seems like hours, the horrible sounds coming out of his mouth becoming imprinted into my mind, the spasmodic movements burned into my retinas. Even when there’s no more fight left in him and the gargling stops, head hanging on the back of the chair, his limbs still jump intermittently, as if they’re still trying. But he’s gone. Dead.
I am so numb by the end of it all. So cold on the inside. The blood spilled on the floor still warm in comparison to me.
After it’s all done and Stefan herds me out of there, I look blearily around the place at the faces who’ve returned to laughing and smiling. They haven’t just witnessed an atrocity. They’re not affected by it because their conscience is clean, unlike mine. They can return to their lives, shutting their eyes at night and dreaming about the next day, while I’ll be staring at the ceiling for the rest of my life, unable to sleep ever again without being plagued by nightmares.
“Take me to Denis,” I say coldly, still staring in the distance.
Stefan rounds me and grabs my arm, pulling me to the side, forcing me to stare up at him. If I had the strength to kill him right now, I would. I almost have half a mind to claw his eyes out in front of everyone but that would just be simply too stupid. I’d give myself away, they’d know I’ve betrayed them and instead of a quick death at my own hands, I’ll have to go through that. No.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I’m not in the mood to come back to your place.”
“Back to my place?” he mocks me. “Now our place turned into my place? What the fuck, Alex?”
“What the fuck, indeed.”
“Hey, look at me,” he grabs my chin, squeezing it until it hurts.
I try to jerk myself away from his touch. The disgust running through me is too much.
“Are you like this because of that guy? Is that it? You got scared now and you can’t go back to see him again,” he growls accusingly.
“It’s not your fucking problem, is it?”
“Not my fucking problem? I’ve told you I’ll fix that and get you rid of it, now it’s done! Except you don’t seem to want to be out of it!”
Thank god I’m so sedated I can barely think, otherwise I’d scream in frustration by now. How fucking deluded can he be?
“You can’t fix shit, Stefan! Are you fuckin’ blind?” I hiss, staring him right in the eyes. “I don’t fuckin’ love you anymore,” I deadpan, knowing that’s gonna hurt.
He grabs me again and forces me to walk, crushing my arm in his fingers. I’m so paying for it.
“You’ve got all this pile of shit in your head that’s clouding your judgement. You can’t think fucking clearly anymore,” he snarls, pressing his right thumb on his temple. “Has everyone been turning you against me?”
“No need for others to do that. You’ve done it yourself. With the fuckin’ beatings and raping. All you see is sex and nothing else. You fucked me up so badly that I can’t function like a normal human anymore! What the fuck did you bring me here for?” I snap and try to get away from him, but he holds me in place and jerks me back.
“Look at me. Look at me,” he forces me close to him and I push him away.
“Don’t you fuckin’ touch me!”
“What did that guy do to you? Tell me, Alex! You weren’t bruised, nor beaten, yet you still went to him and screwed me over in every possible way,” he points out, crushing my cheeks with his fingers. “What the fuck did he do to you? Break your fuckin’ heart?”
When I do nothing other than hold his gaze, his eyes narrow, studying me steadily. “Is that it, you’re in love with him?” The words make his chest rumble and I know that despite what I’ll say next, the outcome will be the same. So, I fuckin’ say it because I've thrown all caution out the window anyways.
“It took you a long time to figure out that one, you fuckin’ idiot!” I snarl and if it weren’t for his grip on my arm, I’m sure I’d be on the ground when the slap lands on my face.
I start breathing heavily and my fists clench, my vision blurred. It rattled my brain a bit. The anger is running through me. I lift my gaze and I slap him back, hard. He catches his jaw in surprise, then before I can process it, he smashes my face against the car door. The pain disperses through my skull. My knees give out, but he keeps me on my feet. I moan in pain, having a hard time standing. Blood’s running from my nose and lips, staining my left hand.
“You raise your hand at me again, I’ll fucking bury you. Hear me?” he threatens, his voice completely out of control. “Get in the fucking car!”
“Are you alright there, guys?”
I keep my palm pressed over my nose and my face half hidden from the stranger. Not that anyone here would be mad enough to help me.
“We’re fine. Mind your business,” Stefan barks and reaches for the door handle.
“Hey, wait a second. Aren’t you the guy who almost fucked Raymond Ward on the dancefloor?” The newcomer asks intrigued. I turn my head automatically and for the first time in the last thirty minutes, I start to panic. I know I’m looking at him wide-eyed. A slow shaking is making its way through my limbs. Fuckin’ Bogo. This is like the worst nightmare come true. I can’t believe he’s here. He is. He is dealing drugs for Temnota. Kid what the fuck did you get yourself sucked into?
Stefan’s nails dig in my arm at that. His gaze snaps down at me. I shake my head.
“You’re mistaken,” I blabber and turn around to get into the car of my own volition, but he carries on like a fucking madman. I look at Stefan from the corner of my eyes, his jaw is locked in place like that of a rabid dog.
“No, man. You’re him. Denis’ friend. You’re the one who was all over Ward all night. You’re dating him or something, aren’t you? Denis told me.”
Shit. My breath stops in my chest. I turn around and let out a nervous chuckle. “Listen, mate. You’re deluded. You must’ve smoked something.” Shut the fuck up! I’ll claw your motherfuckin’ eyes out, you stupid piece of shit. Denis, what the fuck did you do?
“Nah, man. It’s you. Alex. I’d remember the fucker who hurt Denis anytime,” he says, and his voice lowers into a growl.
I back away but Stefan jolts me closer and stares down at Bogo. “What did you say, mate? Who’s he dating?”
“Raymond fuckin’ Ward, brother. He owns an empire. They said you’re a hooker or something,” he looks at me. “In for the money?”
“How long?” Stefan barks and Bogo gives him an all-knowing grin.
“Oh, you don’t know? It started since you were in prison, Stefan. Or at least that’s what Denis told me,” he shrugs. Oh, great. They know each other. That’s really the last thing I needed tonight.
I try to step away, but Stefan keeps me pinned in place.
“Months, you say?”
“Aye.”
“Who’s this guy again?”
“You don’t know Raymond bloody Ward? He owns half the town, mate,” he laughs out loud. Bogo grins, then goes on. “His family’s rich as fuck. Money pouring all over.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling myself shiver. Stefan’s hold will leave bruises on my arm. My head and nose are probably much worse. I’ll be lucky if that would be all I’m going to be left with after tonight.
“He is?” his voice trembles with anger. “How does he look like?”
“Tall, black hair, blue eyes, nice, strong body. Really fuckable. You should watch that video of ‘em going around. Your boy’s all over him. Quite the scandal. Ward and the hooker. If his family wasn’t so rich and reputable, I’d say he’s got something to share with the mafia. But then again, you can never know.”
Stefan jerks me in place and looks at me, but I avoid his gaze. Stupid fucker. Out. I need to get out of here. Stefan pulls the door open and throws me in the car. I grab the dashboard before I can hit my head. “Move. Fuckin’ move!”
After he pushes me inside, he gets in, puts the car in reverse and does a U-turn in the middle of the road.
“It’s him, isn’t he?” he yells. “Raymond. Ward. Tall. Black hair. Multi-fuckin-millionaire! You’ve lied to me!” he snarls.
“He’s just a client,” I lie through my teeth, tasting my own blood.
“You stupid whore,” he yells again and slaps me hard. Fuck. My shoulder takes a blow when the impact sends me in the passenger door. “You’ve been lying and cheating on me all this time. Is it him? IS IT?” he whacks my head but only barely, since this time I see it coming and avoid it as best as I can. But he doesn’t stop at that and me dodging his hit only makes him angrier. He grabs the collar of my jacket and jerks me towards him. The fabric tears as it strains. “You’ve danced with him, uh?” he shoves me away, aiming strike after strike at me. I cover my head and huddle against the door as he speeds down the street.
“Hit me again and you’re next. He knows I’ve left with you,” I scream at him, in a weak attempt to stop him. It might be the wrong choice of words though. Then again, I’m not really thinking this through.
“Oh, he knows… You stupid bitch!” When he reaches for me again, his left hand pulls down the wheel dangerously. The tires screech against the pavement but he redresses the car quickly.
“You want to hear something funny, Stef?” I poke him again, grinning like an idiot. I catch my reflection in the rearview mirror. Blood trickles down my lips, staining my teeth and my chin. “Maybe you should dig yourself a grave. Next to Iordan’s preferably. I’m sure you’re still a traitor for them.”
He screams in anger and flings his fist towards me, but I dodge. I keep my hand pressed on my nose, my eyes focusing on the pavement that rolls sickeningly fast beneath the car. This is it. I knew it was coming. I’ve signed my death sentence a long time ago. It’s the right time. There’s no more strings to hold me back. I’ve lied and manipulated. Broke hearts. Killed people. Turned into one of them. Gave Raymond away… Now they’ll go after him and his family. After his sisters. They’ll punish them because I fucked up. I wasn’t careful enough. I wanted love. I know he’ll never reciprocate, at least I’m aware of that. And I care about him and couldn’t stand to know something happened to him because of me. I still stand behind my statement. He has everything to lose. I’ve got nothing. Not anymore.
I look at Stefan, trying to see in him the man I fell in love with. What a fiasco that love was. I know it now, it took me years to realize. I wouldn’t give my life for him. Not now. Not in a million fucking years. But I sure as hell won’t let him live if I’m going down. I’ll take him with me.
“I’VE NEVER FUCKIN’ LOVED YOU TO BEGIN WITH!” I scream and grab the wheel, pulling it out of his hands. I’m fuckin’ done.
Chapter 36
I open my eyes to a loud ringing. The infernal noise has finally stopped, yet the world’s all turned upside down. I’m on my back, staring at the upturned seats. My heart is an arduous throb in my chest. With each beat, everything hurts even more. There’s a groan and faint movement on my right side but I try to ignore it. My foggy vision is something that preoccupies me more than that. I inhale deeply only to stop midway at the piercing pain in my left side. That makes me cough. Which only makes matters worse. I look to my left and see the back windshield shattered, a gaping hole staring right back at me. How did I even…
I wasn’t wearing the seatbelt. It all comes back to me, however I can’t tell how long I’ve been unconscious. Another groan forces me to focus this time. Shit. I scramble out of the car using my elbows and pushing slowly with my legs, learning to use them again. My entire body’s on fire, yet at the same time it’s all numbed out.
When I’m almost out of the car, a pair of fingers wraps around my ankle, trying to pull me back.
“Come back here, you filthy whore,” he says, proving he’s still alive, but probably more hurt than I am right now. His faint tone and the constant groans seem to emphasize that. I try to pull back, but his grip is either too strong or I’m still too dazed. I kick with my right foot and hit something in the darkness. The hold weakens, and I drag myself out of the trunk that looms above me.
With an effort I push myself up, stammering dangerously. After two or three steps, I’m half on the ground again. I take a couple of deep breaths and look over my shoulder. An arm’s out of the windshield, trying to pull its owner out but it turns limp under my gaze.
Good. I hope he’s dead.
When the dizziness becomes manageable, I push myself up and start walking again. The unused street is dark and quiet. Not too far from the highway, yet not too close to draw attention. Judging how no one’s here, it means they haven’t left from the warehouse yet. In conclusion, I wasn’t passed out for long, but now I’ve got a bigger issue to deal with. I need to move my ass out of this place. Quick.
As I walk my body gets back in functioning order. I’m not bleeding profusely from anywhere. Anywhere I can see, that is. The pain in my ribs has subsided somewhat, but the headache’s getting worse. And I’m sobbing for some stupid reason. My failed attempt at killing myself probably. The fact I fucked up so badly in such a short time. The fact I don’t know if Stefan’s dead or not. I’m too afraid to get back there and I don’t think I could kill him if he’s still breathing. I’m just hoping he’s dying.
Luckily, my phone’s still in my pocket. I get it out with shaky hands and call Raymond. He needs to know I messed up. That Stefan found out about him. That I crashed the car trying to kill him. Voicemail. I try again. Voicemail. I call him five or six times but when I realize he’s not picking up, I dare to leave him a message.
“Stef… Stefan kn-knows who y-you are. I… I t-think he’s d-d-dead. I… I… I’m sorry,” I whimper, blinking the tears away then end the call.
I just wish I could’ve heard his voice one more time.
I get in and find Denis in the room. I toss my phone and wallet on the table as he stares at me blankly. I want to kill him. I want to crush him. How could he be so careless. How could I…
I need to grab my things. I need to leave town. I’ve got nowhere to go. Nowhere to run. They’ll come after me. Both of them. They’ll kill me. They will. One of them will. And what’s the matter, anyway. I’ll die. Isn’t that what I’ve been waiting for?
“What the hell happened to you?” he jumps from the bed and comes to me, but I shove him away.
“Don’t fuckin’ touch me!” I snap and go to the bathroom. When I see my face in the mirror, I laugh hysterically. Fuck. I have a gash on my forehead that’s been bleeding on my entire face. I fuckin’ did this to myself. I tried to make it better. I tried to fix it. I did. But I messed up so badly.
That ain’t me. It can’t be me. I can’t be this useless. I can’t be such a big waste of breath. There must be something more to me than this broken shell. I can’t be this empty. I can’t be this hollow. I can’t be this stupid. There has to be more.
