The two Mosquito Consuls were as great a success in the ministerial circles of London as they had been at Government House at Portsmouth. The authorities, to whom they paid their respects, noted in them, it is true, complete ignorance as to the usages of society; but this want of fashionable manners, which one could scarcely wonder at in men born south of the tenth degree of latitude, was amply atoned for by the many talents they had at their finger-ends, such as are often I quite unknown to the members of the most civilized nations.

  For instance, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, having returned one evening very hoarse from the House of Commons, where he had been forced to debate with O’Connell a fresh scheme of taxation for Ireland, the Consul for London, who chanced to be present when he came in, asked her ladyship for the yolk of an egg, a lemon, a glass of rum and a few cloves, and with his own hands mixed a draught which was very agreeable to the palate, and which, he said, was frequently taken at Comayagua as a cure for attacks of this nature. The Chancellor having swallowed the potion in all good faith, found himself completely cured the next morning. This display of skill attracted so much attention in the diplomatic world that the Consul of London was from that time forth universally known as the “Doctor.”

  Another circumstance, not less extraordinary than the foregoing, happened with reference to Sir Edward Twomouth, the Edinburgh Consul.

  One day when a conversation was being carried on, at the house of the Minister for Public Instruction, about the dishes of different nations, Sir Edward Twomouth showed such an intimate knowledge of the subject, from Indian curry, such a favourite in Calcutta, to bison-hump pasty, the standing delicacy of Philadelphia, that his descriptions made everybody’s mouth water. The Consul seeing the effect he had produced on the distinguished company about him, offered the Minister for Public Instruction, in the kindest way possible, personally to superintend the preparation of one of his approaching dinners, promising that no dishes should be served except such as were entirely unknown in Europe. The Minister, overwhelmed by such excessive condescension, refused for a long time to put him to so much trouble; but Sir Edward Twomouth pressed his services so graciously and frankly that His Excellency gave way at last and invited all his colleagues to join in the culinary solemnity. So, on the appointed day, the Consul for Edinburgh, who had given his orders for the necessary purchases the previous evening, arrived in the morning, and without an atom of pride or assumption, went down to the kitchen, and, in his shirt-sleeves, took over command of the cooks and scullions, setting them to work as if he had never had any other occupation in his life. The dinner having been cooked, half an hour before its time for dishing up he untied his apron, resumed his official attire, and, with the modesty of real merit, entered the drawing room as calmly as if he had just arrived in his carriage.

  This was the dinner, the effect of which was a revolution in the English Cabinet, that was compared to Belshazzer’s feast by the “Constitutionnel “in a scathing leading article headed “Perfidious Albion.”

  In this wise deep regret was felt in the gastronomic clubs of Piccadilly when Sir Edward Twomouth, obeying the stern mandates of duty, was obliged to leave London for Edinburgh. The “Doctor “then remained by himself in Town. After some time, he notified to the Diplomatic Corps that his august master, his Highness Don Guzman y Pamfilos would shortly arrive in England. The news produced a great sensation in the fashionable world.

  Following the announcement, one morning a foreign vessel was signalled sailing up the Thames, flying the Mosquitos flag at her peak and that of Great Britain at the mizen. This was the brig “Mosquitos,” from the same port and of the same tonnage as the “Solomon,” but all splendid with gilded mouldings and decorations. The same day she dropped anchor off the docks. She proved to be the Cazique’s own ship bringing his Highness in person to London.

  If the crowd had been large on the occasion of the Consuls’ landing, it was much greater when their master arrived. All London seemed to be in the streets, and the Diplomatic Corps had great difficulty in getting through the eager crowd, as they proceeded to meet and receive the new potentate.

  He was a man of forty-five to forty-eight years of age, recognizable at a glance as belonging to the true Mexican type, with his sparkling eyes, his bronzed complexion, his aquiline nose and his jackal’s teeth. He was dressed as a Mosquitos General and wore, as his only decoration, the badges of his rank. He spoke pretty fair English, but with a Provençal accent. This was because French was the first language he had mastered, and his instructor was a native of Marseilles. But he conversed easily with all, talking to each Minister and Ambassador in his own tongue. His Highness the Cazique seemed to be a most accomplished linguist.

  The following day his Highness was received by his Majesty William IV. A week later the walls of London were papered with woodcuts of the different uniforms of the Army and Navy of the Cazique of the Mosquitos. These were followed by landscape drawings of the Bay of Cartago and Cape Gracias-a-Dios taken from where the Golden River flows into the sea.

  Lastly appeared a correct view of the chief square of the capital, with the palace of the Cazique in the middle, the theatre on one side, and the chamber of commerce on the other.

  All the soldiers looked fat and sleek, and the phenomenon was explained by a printed announcement at the foot of each engraving giving the rates of pay of each rank. These were three francs a day for privates, five francs for corporals, eight to fifteen francs for sergeants and other non-commissioned officers, twenty-five francs for lieutenants and fifty francs for captains. The cavalry received double these rates, because they had to keep up their own horses. These splendid salaries, which would have been extravagant in London or Paris, were quite reasonable in Mosquitos, where the rivers rolled with gold and the precious metals cropped up visibly from the ground, so that a man had only to stoop and pick up gold and silver.

  As for the landscapes, they displayed the richest prospects that could possibly be imagined; ancient Sicily, which used to feed Rome and Italy from the surplus stores of its twelve million inhabitants, was but a desert beside the plains of Panamakas, of Caribania and of Tinto. The whole country was covered with maize, rice, sugar cane, and coffee, the fields being only divided by the pathways absolutely necessary to allow the cultivators to get about among their crops, all of which grew spontaneously, without any labour whatever. In fact, the natives cultivated the ground not for the sake of the crops at all, which they had only to harvest as they grew, but because their ploughshares frequently turned up nuggets of gold weighing two or three pounds, and diamonds of from thirty to thirty-five carats.

  Lastly, as far as could be judged from the then magnificent buildings which formed three sides of the great square of Mosquitos, the town was built in a happily eclectic style of architecture, borrowed from the chaste edifices of the Ancient Greek, the florid erections of the Middle Ages, and the handsome utilitatian constructions of modern times; thus the Cazique’s Palace was a replica of the Parthenon, the façade of the theatre was in the style of the Cathedral of Milan, and the “Bourse,” resembled the Church of Notre Dame de Lorette at Paris. As for the inhabitants, they were dressed in magnificent garments, glittering with gold and precious stones. Negresses bore parasols of the brilliant plumage of toucans and humming-birds over the ladies’ heads; lackeys were giving away pieces of gold to all who asked, while in the corner of the picture was a poor man feeding his dog with sausages.

  For a fortnight after the arrival of the Cazique in London nothing was talked of throughout the country but the Eldorado of the Mosquitos; people collected in such crowds before these magnificent advertisements that the constables were unable to keep the roads clear for traffic. When this was brought to the Cazique’s notice, he forthwith called upon the Lord Mayor, and begged him to prohibit the exhibition of any bill or poster calculated to attract public attention to his kingdom. The Lord Mayor, who up till that time had refrained from interfering solely because he did not wish to offend his Highness Don Guzman y Pamfilos, gave the order for the confiscation, that very day, of all illustrations and literature relating to the said kingdom. But if the prints and bills were lost to sight, their memory was by no means effaced; so the day after this high-handed seizure, almost unprecedented in a free country like Great Britain, more than fifty persons attended at the Consul’s office, stating that they were desirous of emigrating, if their inquiries could be answered as favourably as they had been led to anticipate.

  The Consul informed them that whatever idea they might have conceived of the beauties of this happy land was as far removed from the reality as night is from day, or storm from sunshine, that the art of the lithographer could not, at best, be anything but a very imperfect medium for the representation of nature, seeing that black and white not only failed in reproducing colour, but also in giving a notion of the thousand and one beautiful touches which went to make up the charm and harmony of creation. For instance, he said, the bird which fluttered about the trees and which enjoyed the privilege, unknown to those of Europe, of being able to destroy all noxious insect life, without themselves suffering at all from the diet, were necessarily represented by the engraver as nothing better than sparrows or swallows, whereas in truth their brilliant plumage outshone the rainbow and they might have been taken for flying rubies or living topazes. And, he continued, if they would kindly step into his sitting-room he could show them the birds, which they would recognize as the same from their shape, their beaks and their tails, and then by comparing their true plumage with what the engraver had been able to show, they would be able to judge of the rest of the drawings by the example he was able to put before them. The worthy folk followed him into the other room, and as the “Doctor,” a great lover of natural history, had, in the course of his travels, made a valuable collection of all those flying blossoms we call humming-birds, honey-suckers, and Indian finches, they came back profoundly impressed with the veracity of his statements. Next day a bootmaker waited on the Consul, and asked if industry was free from taxation in Mosquitosland. The Consul replied that Government was so paternal in its methods that even payment for patent rights was a thing unknown. The result of free competition was beneficial both to the producer and the consumer, for all the neighbouring nations drew their supplies from the capital of the Caziquate, where they found everything so much below the prices current in their own countries, that the saving effected repaid them over and over again the cost of travel and transport. The only tradesmen who were to be allowed special privileges in the future, for the class did not exist at present — the idea of its creation having only been suggested to the Cazique in England — were the purveyors to the Serene Person and Household of His Highness. The bootmaker asked at once if a bootmaker to the Crown had been appointed in Mosquitos. The Consul said that there had been numerous applications for the post, but that no one had yet been honoured with the appointment; moreover, that the Cazique intended to establish a scale of purchase for all similar appointments, with a view to preventing once for all the intrigue and venality which were the curse of European administrations. The bootmaker asked at what figure the post of bootmaker to the Crown had been scheduled. The “Doctor “consulted his books and found that the appointment of bootmaker to the Crown was valued at two hundred and fifty pounds sterling. The bootmaker jumped for joy; that was nothing at all, so taking out of his pocket five bank-notes he handed them over to the Consul, begging that he would at once enter his name as that of the sole and only holder of the office, which was only fair, as he had made on the spot full and complete payment of the charges involved. The Consul thought the request so extremely right and proper that he forthwith proceeded to fill up the commission, which he delivered straightway to the petitioner, signing it himself and sealing it with the state seal of His Highness. The bootmaker left the Consulate confident that his fortune was made, and congratulating himself on having attained his desire at so small a sacrifice.

  From that time forth, there were applications by the score at the Consulate. The bootmaker was followed by a tailor, the tailor by a chemist and druggist; in a week’s time every branch of industry, of commerce or of art, had its commissioned representative. After this began the purchase of ranks and titles; the Cazique promoted applicants to colonels, and created them barons; he sold both life peerages and peerages in perpetuity. One gentleman, who already possessed the order of the Golden Spur and the Hohenlohe Order, even offered to purchase the Star of the Equator, which had been established as a reward for civil merit and military daring. But the Cazique replied that at this point he must draw the line between his practice and those of European Governments, and that he declined to grant this decoration to anyone who had not earned it. Notwithstanding this refusal, which, by the way, brought him much credit among the Radical Party in England, the Cazique banked during the month a sum of sixty thousand pounds sterling.

  About this period, after a State Dinner, the Cazique ventured to let fall a remark about a loan of four millions. The Crown banker, who was a Jew, money-lender to every sovereign in Europe, smiled with pity at the idea, and observed to the Cazique that he would not find it easy to borrow less than twelve millions, all monetary transactions below that figure being left to the bucket-shops and outside brokers. The Cazique answered that any little difficulty of that kind need make no difference to him, as twelve millions would suit him every bit as well as four. The banker told him that if he would come round to his office, he would find his head clerk there, whose duty it was to negotiate all loans not amounting to more than fifty millions. This young man would be given orders to facilitate the transaction, and the Cazique could make his own terms with him. As for the banker himself, he took no personal interest in transactions involving less than a thousand millions.

  The next day the Cazique paid a visit to the financier’s office. Everything was ready for him, as had been promised. The loan was to be issued at six per cent; Mr. Samuel guaranteed the placing of the loan on the market, and in the meantime was to find the whole capital. Nevertheless, there was one condition attached that was to be considered as a sine qua non. The Cazique felt some little anxiety as he inquired what the said condition might be. The agent replied that the condition was that he should grant Constitutional Government to his subjects. The Cazique stood for a moment dumb with amazement at the nature of the request. Not that he had the slightest intention of refusing it. He well knew the value attaching to documents settling grants of this nature, and would have given a dozen for a thousand crowns, and à fortiori one for twelve thousand crowns. But he never expected that Mr. Samuel would take up the cause of liberty among the nations; and had even heard him express, in his half-German, half-French patois, opinions distinctly inimical to the request which he now had conveyed to him. He could not then refrain from expressing his astonishment to the agent.

  The latter explained to the Cazique that His Highness had quite correctly gauged the political opinions of his employer, but whereas in an Absolute Monarchy the Prince was responsible for the debts of the State, in a constitutional kingdom the State became responsible for the ruler’s debts, and although Mr. Samuel trusted to a great extent in the promises of kings, he had a still more implicit faith in engagements entered into by nations.

  The Cazique, who was a man of experience, was constrained to admit that the theory propounded by the agent had a great deal of force, and he also saw that Mr. Samuel, whom he had taken for a purse-proud blunderer, was really a far-sighted financier. He therefore promised to draw up by the next day a constitution conceived in as liberal terms as any obtaining in Europe, one of the principal articles running as follows:

  “the public debt.

  “Such debts as have been, or shall be, contracted by His Highness the Cazique up to the date of the approaching Convocation of Parliament are hereby declared to be part of the State Debt, and they are guaranteed by the whole revenue and property of the State.

  “A law will be prepared for submission at the approaching session for fixing the portion of the revenue assignable to the payment of interest and the gradual extinction, by repayment of capital, of the bonded debt.”

  This clause was drafted by Mr. Samuel.

  The Cazique did not alter one iota of this, and the next day he brought with him to the office the complete constitution, just as it appears in the documentary evidence we append to this history. It was signed by his own hand and impressed with his own seal. The clerk examined it and judged it in form, and took it to Mr. Samuel. Mr. Samuel wrote below it at the foot “Passed for Press,” tore a leaf from his memorandum book, scribbled on it, “Pay to Bearer twelve millions, and charge to current account,” and signed it “Samuel.”

  A week later, every English newspaper printed the text of the constitution granted to the people of Mosquitos, and this was copied into every newspaper on the Continent. This evoked from the “Constitutionnel.”

 

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