Mad cow, p.14
Mad Cow, page 14
“What’s in the bags?” she asked.
“A few quilts and a couple of blouses. Maybe some things that Abby would want at the lodge.”
“You going to visit her?” Donna asked.
“In a while,” Linda said. “Not today. Not after last night.”
“I hear you and Craig are looking into the title.”
Linda shuffled her weight from foot to foot, and transferred one of the plastic bags to her other hand. The bags looked heavy. Linda wore pink Converse high tops. She must have borrowed Chloe’s shoes.
Linda stared off into the distance, searching for something out on the land, tempting Donna to look in the same direction.
“We can’t do this anymore,” Donna said. “We need to work together. There are only four adults here now.”
“The farm is Abby’s and she can decide what she wants to do with it. And I should tell you, Craig was the one who insisted we go to the lawyer’s alone. I wanted to bring you two.”
“Why didn’t you say something to him?”
Linda snorted. “I can barely talk to him. He just works all the time. He’s been a stone since Al’s death. Hasn’t even cried. Barely sleeps. He’s been trying to get as much work as possible. It’s like he’s afraid that if he stops moving, he might have feelings.”
Donna’s voice got small. “How is your money situation?”
Linda glared at her. Her gaze was so intense that Donna felt herself wilt.
“I’m not going to tell you that. That’s private,” she said.
She took a gulp of air. “I swear, Donna, you don’t pay attention to anything that happens out here. You’re not a country person and you never have been. You just like to pretend you are, with your boots and your Dolly Parton CDs and your love of cowboy movies. But now you’re going to have to get real. You’re going to have to saddle up and help us out now that Abby and Al are gone. You’re going to have to be a real farm wife.”
“I live here, don’t I?” Donna said. “I’m not acting on my own. I’m trying to help everyone. Al would be rolling in his grave if he knew how you two were behaving.”
“No, you’re wrong,” Linda said. “He’d say the exact same thing.”
Donna could feel tears behind her eyes. She hated being the family bawl baby. When she started to cry in the middle of a fight, she felt like a child.
“We’re all hurting and we’re all trying to figure out what we need to do. And everyone is stressed because of the whole cattle thing,” she said.
“You’re telling me,” Linda said. “You’re the one who is walking around oblivious to everything.”
Donna could feel a harsh knot building in her chest. All the ugliness inside Linda had unleashed itself and landed on her.
“I’m not oblivious,” she said. She put her hand in Maggie’s fur. She concentrated on the sound of the dog’s panting, their pink tongues and bright eyes. She was okay. The dogs wouldn’t be around her if she weren’t a good person.
“I see what’s happening to us,” she said. “We’re all on our way to some dark place.”
She willed herself not to cry; she was so sick of crying. Tired of fighting. She looked at her sister-in-law and saw fear on her face. Her features, which had been pinched and closed a few seconds ago, softened. This was the same woman who had helped her with her newborn babies. The same woman who cheered alongside her as the kids took their first steps. They had been so close when the kids were small. But then Linda started teaching, and they stopped hanging out with each other as much.
“I gotta go,” Linda said, adjusting her bags again. The handles of the bags left red marks on her skin.
“Want me to take one of those?” Donna asked.
“I’m okay,” said Linda.
“Let me know if you decide to do anything else,” Donna said. “You guys can’t keep sneaking around. We all need to be on the same page.”
Linda nodded, turned her back and started towards the house. Then she turned around and called over her shoulder.
“I just gotta ask,” she said. “Why are you carrying around a half empty bottle of Crown Royal?”
*
The winter was long and uneventful. When Donna thought of it, all she could think of was a long stretch of highway and grey and worry. Visits to the lodge to see Abby. Gord monitoring the news every day to see if the border had opened. The family tiptoeing around one another, going through the motions, trying to pretend things were normal when they weren’t. Donna worried about money. The farmers waited for the border to open, but nothing happened. They waited for aid packages and government money and nothing came. There was just an endless space of grief, and grey and not knowing and waiting. And then it was summer time again.
CHAPTER 9
“Holy crap, Dad, look at Spirit,” Allyson said, pointing as Gord drove past. Spirit was the large, black bronco statue that a local artist had built and donated to the town when the town was created.
“Can you stop the truck?”
Her father idled the truck near a crowd of people gathered around Spirit. Spirit was the town mascot. The local hockey team was called the Mustangs. Town businesses featured Mustangs in their logos. Allyson had asked Gord about the history once, but he couldn’t remember if there had been a famous mustang in town, or if it was something the town had just adopted. No one knew why the horse was named Spirit. Spirit’s sculptor had made sure the animal was anatomically correct, with a large scrotum and pendulous balls. It was popular for townspeople to get visitors to have their photos snapped beside Spirit’s oversized genitalia.
Allyson rolled down her window and leaned out of the truck.
“I can’t see,” Gord said. “My eyes aren’t as good as yours.”
“The grads must have done it as a prank,” Allyson said. She started to laugh. “If you get out of the truck or drive a little closer, you’ll see it,” she said. “Spirit’s balls are bright gold.”
Her father started to laugh too. “It would save us a lot of trouble if good stock had gold balls.”
Gord parked the truck. “I need a better look at this.”
Mabel Jacobson was among the crowd of people gathered at the base of the statue.
“It’s a crying shame,” Mabel said as Gord and Allyson approached. “Who would take Spirit’s dignity like that?”
“Yes,” Gord said, trying to keep a straight face. “How could they do such a thing?”
Allyson couldn’t even remember the last time she’d seen her father laugh or smile. The Klassens watched as an RCMP officer joined the crowd. This officer had only been in town for a few months, but there were already rumours flying that he was gay. He was a good-looking single man who lived alone. Allyson had overheard a bunch of women talking about him one day when she’d been at Joe’s.
“We better get going,” Gord said. “Much as I’d like to stay and watch this, I don’t want you to be late for practice.”
Allyson nodded. They walked back to the truck and drove towards the school.
“Break a leg,” Gord said. “You’ve been practicing a lot. “I’ll see you soon. I’ll be so cleaned up that you won’t even recognize me.”
Allyson grabbed her trumpet case and unbuckled her seat belt.
“See you in a bit,” she said, and started toward the school.
*
The gymnasium was too hot. Allyson could feel sweat gathering under the armpits of her white blouse. She should have listened to her mother and worn short sleeves. It was so warm on the stage. Thank God no one was looking at the band. The audience was all staring at Mr. Warsylewicz, the principal, as he talked to the graduates and their families. The band had finished the overture and only had to play Pomp and Circumstance while the graduates accepted their diplomas from Mr. Walrus. The principal had earned his nickname because of his huge belly and multiple chins. Mr. Walrus had been droning on for several minutes, so Allyson looked at her family in the third row. Her dad was wearing his black Stetson and a red plaid short-sleeved shirt with a black bolo tie. He’d even cleaned his cowboy boots. Her mom looked pretty in her peach dress. She looked less tired than she normally looked. Colton sat beside her, his long legs stretched out in front of him as he leaned back, contemplating the ceiling. Allyson had heard her mother and Colton arguing last night. Colton had wanted to bring Lily Stevens to grad but Donna had forbidden it. Allyson heard the whole argument from upstairs.
“She’s my girlfriend, Mom,” Colton said.
“I don’t care,” her mother said, sounding like a petulant child. “She doesn’t get to sit with us.”
Then Colton started in on how his mother didn’t like Lily and didn’t accept her. The argument wasn’t anything Allyson hadn’t heard before. She knew her mother didn’t want Lily to become anything serious. It was weird that her mother seemed to want Colton to be single, and Clay to get a girlfriend. When he was in high school, she’d look at the pictures of the girls in the yearbook and point out the pretty ones to Clay.
Clay dated a girl named Nadine for a few months, but it had never gone anywhere. Nadine wore a lot of pink and giggled when she and Clay sat in the TV room, stealing kisses when they thought no one else was around.
Allyson didn’t like Lily either. There was something about her that was dark. She looked at people down her nose, with her eyes slightly closed as if she knew something you didn’t.
Clay sat on the other side of Colton. His white shirt showed off his arms. He had a bit of reddish stubble and wore a white cowboy hat. Allyson caught his eye and he raised his eyebrows at her and smirked a little with one side of his mouth. Uncle Craig, looking stoic and serious in his tan cowboy hat, sat beside Clay. Allyson looked forward to the day when she could go to an event and not be surrounded by cowboy hats. Seriously, her family looked like a bunch of hicks. It was like they thought they lived in Texas or something.
Aunty Linda dabbed at her eyes with a crumpled pink Kleenex that she had pulled from her purse. It couldn’t be easy for Linda, now that her only child would be heading off to Edmonton in the fall. She and Craig would be rattling around their house, just the two of them. Linda’s parents were sitting behind the rest of the family, but they weren’t doing anything interesting. At that moment, Allyson missed her grandparents. If they had been there, they would have both been beaming at the stage. Linda had asked Abby if she wanted to come, but she said she didn’t want to. Chloe hadn’t visited her for months. Donna had told Abby they would take lots of pictures for her. She would bring the pictures to the lodge and give Abby a recap of the entire night. Allyson wondered why they kept on pretending that Abby cared about these things, when she clearly didn’t. It was like Abby was looking at the world through a very thick pane of glass. She could look if she wanted, but there was no way she could touch or interact with anything, so there was no reason for her to bother.
“This is the time when our children become adults,” Mr. Walrus said. “They will be moving forward, growing into men and women. And who knows what these young men and women will become? Do we have a Nobel prize winner in the bunch?”
He gestured his arm, pointing along the rows of graduating students. “Look at this group, ladies and gentlemen,” he said. “One of these people could discover the cure for AIDS. We could have future doctors and lawyers in this group. One of these fine young people might write a Pulitzer-Prize-winning novel. Another could be the next Shania Twain.”
Oh, please, Allyson thought. Half of the guys would end up in the oil patch. A number of the girls would end up pregnant by next year and would never leave town. They’d be talking about soaps, popping out the next bunch of townies and gossiping about their children and who was screwing who. Some of them would join the parent teacher council, and others would organize the curling bonspiel and decorate floats for the town rodeo parade.
Laura, the trumpet player who sat beside her, nudged her foot. “How much longer?” she whispered, ducking her face behind her music stand. “If he goes on for another ten minutes, I might pass out.”
Allyson nodded. She could see Amber’s long brown braid a few rows in front of her. Amber and her oboe sat right in the middle of the front row. Like her, Amber would leave town as fast as she could.
Mr. Walrus announced the valedictorian, Emily Chin. As Emily walked to the podium, Allyson scanned the crowd, looking for Jeff and his parents. Jeff sat a few rows from the front. Next to him, Joe and Winnie Chin beamed. Winnie wore a red sundress with white polka dots. Her red lipstick looked elegant. Joe wore a suit. He shuffled a little and hunched his shoulders up and down, adjusting his jacket as if he wasn’t quite comfortable in it.
Emily started her speech with a clear, calm voice. Allyson had never really spoken to her. But Emily was well-liked, did well in sports, and got good marks.
Emily was talking about their future, how they were all going to go out into the world and make it this amazing place. Why were grad ceremonies supposed to be life-changing events? After today, the graduating class would take off their gowns and fancy suits and go back to being their pimply, smelly selves. Why did people need to talk about how amazing everyone was? The world wasn’t so simple. These people weren’t going to change it.
Allyson looked at Jeff. He was bent forward, listening to his sister’s words. Emily was headed to the University of Alberta in the fall, Jeff said. She’d be a doctor or a lawyer. She would have degrees that she could hang on her walls. Allyson wanted to be one of those people too.
Jeff caught her eye and winked. She pointed to herself. “Me?” she mouthed. He nodded. She could feel her face getting hot. Did he like her? When people liked each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, things got messy and complicated.
The audience applauded and Emily walked off stage. Her pink sweetheart gown looked beautiful on her. Mr. Walrus came up to the microphone and started calling the graduates to the stand. They each walked to the middle of the stage to shake his hand, and then on to shake hands with Miss Shandler, the vice-principal. There were forty-five students to go through. People in the audience whooped and hollered when Tim Coates got his diploma. He pulled his arm down in a fist pump and yelled “Yeah!” waving at the crowd like he was a movie star. Allyson looked over at Jack, Connie and Tracy Coates. They were laughing and Connie Coates put her head in her hands and shook it like she was embarrassed. It was more of a joke than anything. Everyone loved Tim Coates.
Allyson watched as the rest of graduates paraded by. The Gs went by and then the Hs, including Josh Hutchinson, a guy Chloe had probably made out with. Allyson couldn’t understand what her cousin had seen in him. He looked like an ugly, red-headed version of Matt Damon. He was good at hockey, though, and would probably get recruited by the WHL someday.
Chloe’s name was called and she walked across the stage, her smile a little too big. Chloe walked like she had a stick up her butt. She did look pretty, though. Her strawberry blonde hair was piled on top of her head in an updo and her blue dress fitted her perfectly. She looked like a real grown-up, like someone who was going to go out and do something. This fall, Chloe was going to be able to floor her car, squeal out of town and leave a cloud of dust behind her.
Uncle Craig and Aunty Linda beamed from the audience. Craig, Linda’s mom and Clay stood, cameras in front of their faces as they snapped away. Chloe reached Mr. Walrus and Miss Shandler, shook their hands and walked off stage with her piece of paper.
That was it, Allyson thought. Two minutes to cap off three years of hell. Those minutes on the stage meant that Chloe could leave now. She zoned out as the rest of the grads walked across the stage and took their diplomas. The whole thing reminded Allyson of the Miss America pageant.
As the last grad, Jordan Zebot, accepted his diploma, Mr. Taylor, the band teacher, walked onto the stage and stood in front of the band. He waved his baton around, cueing them. It was time to play “Pomp and Circumstance” as the grads departed.
With her trumpet raised to her mouth, she waited, poised. Mr. Taylor brought his baton up and they started the regal march. Allyson couldn’t wait until she could march out of the room with the rest of the group. Once everyone in the auditorium had left, Mr. Taylor stopped them, and the sound of the song faded out, until the band members were left silent and alone in the empty auditorium.
CHAPTER 10
The town’s Stampede parade was held two days after grad. The night before the parade, Gord asked Clay if he was willing to move back to the farm for the summer.
“I could really use your help,” Gord said. Donna, Gord and Clay were sitting in the family room. Gord leaned back in his La-Z-Boy, waiting for his son’s response, showing the same kind of nerves and anticipation of a romantic lead asking a lady on a date.
Donna sat beside Clay on the couch. The TV was on, but no one was watching it.
“I can’t,” Clay said. “I have things to do in the city.”
He’d gotten a good job at the university farm for the summer, helping out with dairy experiments.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Clay said. “But it’s about the money. You can’t pay me, can you? I need that money for school.”
Gord stared at his hands.
“You can’t afford it, can you?”
Gord shook his head. “We’re not doing so hot,” he mumbled.
“I wish I could help you. But the money I can make in the city is just too good for me to pass up right now,” Clay said. He walked over to stand next to his father. “It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you.”
Gord looked so small and broken next to Clay. Was Clay still growing? Could you get taller in your mid-twenties? Was Gord already starting to wither and fade? Donna was afraid and she wasn’t sure why. Gord reached for the remote and turned the TV on, ending the conversation. Clay left the room without saying anything. Gord started flicking through channels, and his eyes started to glaze over. Donna hated it when people skipped channels, but she said nothing. The stress was getting to Gord. He was trying to run the farm without Al and Abby, and dealing with the financial pressure, what he would do next and where the money would come from. The family hoped Abby would return to her regular self and magically appear as the person she had been before the accident, but this was not happening. She just wanted to stay in her room and stare out the window. Gord had taken to walking the fields, studying the cows. For the millionth time, Donna wished she was a better farm wife and could help. At least school was out and Linda would be around more. Colton hadn’t been much help lately. He was getting more hours at the auto shop, which was good. He had barely been at home. Donna suspected he was shacking up with Lily. She needed to talk to Gord about giving Colton the boot, since he wasn’t contributing to the house at all. He just came through the house like a tornado, making messes and scavenging through the fridge. He was old enough to move out. Clay had been out of the house by the time he was nineteen. Colton was now almost as old as she was when she’d gotten pregnant with Clay. Donna would have to talk to Gord before she told Colton he had to leave, and she wasn’t ready to have that conversation.
