Molly, p.14
Molly, page 14
Ryan was grudgingly caught up in mammoth divergence with himself as he unhurriedly drove back to his apartment, virtually without purpose or resolution. His mind ordered him to choose between the two significant women in his life, while his heart instructed him to surrender to Molly. For the first time since Molly had returned home, he was ready to declare that he still loved her, and that he was determined to battle for her, and for what they once had. The words that she carelessly attacked him with earlier, were playing out over and over in his mind, at the same time, he decisively knew that the performance was finally over, and that the curtain had ultimately come down. They could no longer persist in this tireless and exhaustive manner. It was up to Ryan to mend the broken fences with both Molly and Flo.
When he strolled into his apartment, he noticed that Flo had taken down her luggage while neatly folding the scattered clothing on their bed. “Hey, are you okay?” She walked over to Ryan when she found him standing despondently in the doorway. Ryan sobbed despairingly into Flo’s arms while admitting to feeling defeated and overwhelmed. “She didn’t?” “No, she didn’t.” Flo turned back to their bed, and commenced with the sorting and packing her clothes. “Flo.” He had a burning desire to explain himself to her. Flo gazed at him with warmth in her eyes, and smiled sadly at him. “Ryan, you don’t love me, not like that, and that’s fine. Honestly, I am fine with that. You are a great man, and you deserve to be really happy. And I think, I think that’s what Molly wanted to do, you know? Make you happy. I believe she thought that the baby might come between us. She loves you, Ryan. Don’t you understand that it was her love for you that drove her to do it in the first place? And, you adore her, something about the way you look at her, if I had that …” “Flo.” Ryan was desperate to let Flo know that he never planned for their lives to turn out as it did. “No Ryan, you are bringing a child into this world. You’ve got one more last chance, and you have a desperate need for this baby. And, do you know why? You can’t stand to be away from her, and again, that’s okay, because, it is the one way to keep her in your life. And Ryan, I love you enough to give you that one last chance.”
Flo zipped up her suitcases before she hugged him firmly. She sympathetically whispered goodbye to him, and sorrowfully closed the apartment door behind her. Ryan felt immeasurable guilt towards Flo, but it was Molly he could no longer deny.
Molly had shut herself out from the outside world, and spent the afternoon sleeping after she had returned from the medical center, desperate to process all that had transpired between her and Ryan. When she awoke earlier in the evening, just as the sun was setting, she felt unpredictably invigorated and unexpectedly optimistic at the prospect of becoming a mother for the very first time.
Shortly after eight the evening, Molly turned on the radio, hopeful that the annual Christmas carol marathon was still in full swing. Even though Christmas had come to an end, she had a fraught desire to cling to a speculative belief that there would be a miracle out there somewhere, unwearyingly and tolerantly in anticipation of her. For the first time since Molly could remember, it no longer felt to her as though her heart was in tatters or battered, as it had been only just recently. Molly cheerfully sang along while reminiscing over all she had loved and cherished. She sorrowfully recalled those she had lost along the way. She pensively and dreamily placed her hand on her belly, and inadvertently whispered a silent prayer for her baby. She prayed that she would be mercifully absolved from what she had done years before, while she thanked God for intervening when she was about to make the same reprehensible mistake once again. Ryan would never discard or banish her, even though she would have to learn to live with his resentment. At the same time, she would have to teach herself to accept that Flo would remain steadfast behind Ryan.
Above the tunes chiming from her radio, Molly heard a soft, but audible knock on her front door. She timidly turned down the volume, and diffidently made her way to the front door. She was staggered and stunned to unexpectedly find Ryan standing there, and it baffled her vastly when Flo failed to identify herself. “Can I come in?” Ryan was carrying a brightly wrapped gift under his arm. “Where’s Flo?” Molly glanced around once again. “She’s gone, she’s left …” Ryan handed her the gift. “Left? Like in gone?” Molly was instantly perplexed. “Yeah, we, it wasn’t going to work anyway.” “Why not? Is it because of the baby?” “It’s not the baby, Molly, it’s you.” He was anxious to enforce the understanding that it was in no way at all about the baby that had capriciously come into their lives. “Flo knew all along that, that I didn’t love her the way she wanted me to. I guess she thought that the longer we were together, that I might love her the way I once loved you. Do you know what she said to me tonight?” Ryan let out a poignant snigger. “She said that I still loved you, and that I was using the baby as an excuse to be closer to you. She also said that I never look at her the way I look at you.” Molly perfunctorily sat down beside him, and urgently sought to find corroboration in his eyes. “Why would she say that?” “I guess it’s because, I do still love you, Molly.” Ryan took her trembling hands into his. “Ryan?” Molly’s heart had instantly skipped a beat. Not once had she considered a reality in which Ryan would ever profess his love to her again. “Molly, all this time I thought I was mad at you, instead, I am so livid with myself for letting you go, and letting you go through the baby on your own.” “Ryan, it’s nobody’s fault. I’ve spoken to my dad ...” Molly was about to reassure him that it was not any one person’s burden to carry. “Yeah, me too.” Ryan nodded as if in a daze. “You spoke to my father?” “Yeah, I had to get it off my chest, and I guess he did it because he loved you, you’re his little girl. I know he’s sorry, Molly, but I just can’t seem to understand why he had so little faith in me. He thought that he was being a good father, you know?” Ryan paused to take in a deep breath, “I know this is a gamble, and I know that perhaps I’m asking too much of you, but please can you forgive me?” “Ryan.” Molly clasped his face in her hands, “Ryan.” “Yeah, I know, too much has happened. I know I can’t change what’s happened and what has been said, but I’d like a chance to try. We were meant to be together. You must know that, Mols?” He bowed his head desolately. “I know that you’ll come back to me, Molly, and I can wait for you. I can wait a million years for you if that is what it takes.” He lifted himself from the sofa before he gently kissed her on her brow. “And, even if it takes a million years, we will have the baby.” Ryan strolled out her front door just as swiftly as he had walked in, and while Molly stood watching him, she was fraught to absorb all he had said to her only moments before.
She turned back to the living room, and was wholeheartedly aware of a gigantic smile that had snuck up on her face. She felt as though a weight had lifted from her heart, and she was tempted to shout out after him that she loved him too. But, she had to proceed with caution. Time had placed an enormous amount of distance between them. They had moved from love to hate and back to love in such a short time, that Molly remained indisputably cautious of her relationship with Ryan. She adored and cherished him, and she was convinced that they could work their faults out, even if it took forever. She slowly unwrapped the gift he had left behind for her, and was delighted to find that it was an album he had put together of while they were growing up. He had left many blank pages, and Molly instinctively understood that he was trying to tell her that all would be alright again, and that they would soon fill up the empty pages with brand new memories.
A THOUSAND SMILES
As was typical for the weeks following Christmas, Ryan pitched up at Molly’s place at the break of dawn as he did on so many mornings before. He made a valiant effort to check in on her in daily, first thing as the sun was about to rise, and once again as the sun was about to set. She routinely invited him inside, and poured each a mug of coffee before they jointly made their way out to the terrace. After they had sat in stillness that specific morning, Ryan turned to face her with a downcast look in his eyes. “Molly, I worry about you here, on your own, and it’s tricky for me to be constantly close to you with you living here, and me over there. I know that things have been jagged…and I know, I know we haven’t really been getting along lately, but, come and live with me, just for a while, just till after the baby is born?” Molly stared at Ryan in disbelief while attempting to fathom what he was asking of her, but suspicious of the fact that it might not be the best situation for them. “I don’t know, Ryan?” “Molly, I’ll give you your space. I have enough room, if that’s what you’re worried about? You’ll have your own bedroom.” He was restlessly challenged, while fervently determined to persuade her that it would be the perfect answer for her and for the baby. “I’m always going to worry about you, and I just want to know that you and the baby are okay, please? Just until after the baby comes. Anything can go wrong, and you’ll be here on your own. Let me be there this time, give me the chance I never had the last time?” Molly unwittingly gazed at him. His gentle demeanor reminded her of the boy she fell in love with almost a lifetime ago. It swept her back to all the promises they had once made to one another, and it provided her with optimism that some of their dreams could perhaps still come true. “Alright, Ryan, but just for a while.” Ryan let out a sigh of reprieve while abundantly aware that it would present him with one last opening to reacquaint and reconnect with her again. It was an opportunity to discover and revise all about her, all over again as though it would be for the very first time. They were both unrecognizably distorted to one another, but he was certain that she still loved him, while he in turn, was frantic at the prospect of proving his untainted and haunting love for her one more time.
He helped Molly pack her personal belongings, and promptly closed up and locked down the townhouse on her behalf. He swore to her that he would drop in daily to ensure that her plants were watered, and that the housekeeper was let in as per her schedule. Wandering through her townhouse one last time, he decided straight away that Molly was deserving of so much more. When they reached his apartment only a few minutes later, Ryan was in high spirits and animated to lead the way for Molly. After placing her bags in the spare bedroom, Ryan was instantly at ease and relieved that she had agreed to come and live with him.
He prized having Molly close by, satisfied that he could watch her closer. It was all he had ever hunted after, and it was all he could ever think of from the moment he recognized that he couldn’t subsist without her. Molly stood gazing out over the ocean while Ryan hid in the background, powerless to stop staring at her, or rebuff her beauty. He appreciated the vision of her growing belly, and was astounded by his emotions when he watched her standing there. He closed his eyes, and was once more enormously indebted for the opportunity to be visible for her, and their baby. He felt tremendous guilt over choosing Flo, and for forcing Molly to endure the distress of witnessing his correlation with another woman. He was enormously remorseful for putting her through the anguish and torment, but he made a secret oath to spend the rest of his life convincing her that there would never again be another woman who could lay a claim to his heart.
Ryan was jolted back to reality when he heard Molly’s virtually muffled murmur, “Goodnight, Ryan.” “Goodnight Molly, if you need anything, just shout.” After indulging in a temperate bath, Molly turned off the lights, and climbed into her bed. She lay gawping at the ceiling, while sensitive to the fact that Ryan was just one door away from her, a recognition and realization that once again enforced feelings of safety. When Ryan turned in for the night, he quietly checked in on Molly who had fallen asleep earlier. He delicately moved closer to her, and he wondered if it was possible to worship her more than he did at that very instant. Watching her sleep so serenely, made it almost intolerable for Ryan to reflect on all she had suffered in such a short time. Molly was delicate and fragile, and he could barely shake a nudging feeling that he had almost broken her into a million pieces. Ryan wanted more than anything to slide in beside her, and hold her firmly in his arms all night long. He was frenetic to promise her that he would take care of her just as he had sworn to her when they were just children, but at the same time, he was agonizingly aware of the fact that Molly had listened to that exact same conversation once before.
When he crawled into his own bed, Ryan lay thinking about her again, unable to get her out of his mind or fall asleep. The vision of her sleeping haunted him, and he could hardly settle on how he could have been as foolish as to let her go, again and again. He thought back to all the occasions where he was responsible for her tears, while unenthusiastically accepting that the hurt in her eyes would disturb him for a while to come. It occurred to him that it had been ages since he had seen her smile, and he unsuccessfully tried to remember a time when he could recall her being nothing but happy.
He awoke to sudden movement in the bedroom next door before he hurriedly glanced over at the alarm clock on his pedestal. When Ryan realized that it was only moments after three the morning, he was convinced that something was worryingly and unquestionably wide of the mark with Molly. Before he could get out of his bed to check up on her, he noticed her unexpectedly standing in the doorway of his bedroom. “Molly?” She cautiously moved closer to him. He at once noticed her tears that had begun to roll down her cheeks. “What’s wrong?” He instantly leaped from his bed. “Ryan, I didn’t want to wake you. I just, please will you just hold me?” He confidently placed his arms around her, and held her protectively against him. “What’s the matter?” He retreated for just an instant. “Nothing.” She held him firmer against him. “Is it the baby?” “No, I’m just scared, Ryan.” “Why? What are you scared of?” “I don’t know? I just am.” Molly was at once utterly baffled by her own emotions. “Oh, Molly, you’re going to be fine. Come, lay here next to me.” He exposed the other side of the bed for her, before Molly crawled in slowly, and turned her back on him. He slid in next to her, and held her steadfastly in his arms. Molly was sheltered once again. She was confident that she only needed to feel his arms around her. He lay close to her, trying to take in all about her as he remembered the little things that had elapsed along the way. He adored her scent, and when he detected that she had fallen asleep, he laid closer to her. “I love you, Molly, forever and always.”
Ryan awoke to the exasperating and deafening bleeping of the alarm clock the following morning. He peered over to Molly, but was horrified to find that she was no longer in his bed. He swiftly ran down the passage, and felt acute panic seize his heart. When he reached the living room, he noticed her seated out on the terrace, a blanket snugly covering her. “Molly?” “These sunrises …” “You scared me, when I woke up, and you weren’t there.” She gazed up at him, and smiled lovingly. “So, Molly, I’ve got some business in town later, will you be okay on your own for a while?” “I’ll be fine Ryan, really.” He kissed her on the cheek and disappeared back into his bedroom.
Ryan rushed through the shower, zealously aware of the exhilaration building up inside of him at the prospect of what he had planned that day. It was colossal, and it was an enormous surprise for Molly. It would finally convince her of how much he cherished her, and how euphoric he was that she had returned to him, starting a family with him. When he was dressed and ready to leave, he kissed Molly swiftly, and promised her that he would make a concerted effort to return before sundown.
Molly gazed at him as he walked out the door, and for the first time in her entire life, her heart was no longer threatened or fearful of whether or not he would return to her. She knew into her core, that Ryan Neves would always come back for Molly Starkey.
Ryan spent the majority of the morning visiting houses with two separate real estate agents. He was intent on finding the perfect home for Molly and their baby, a brand-new house to start a brand-new life in. He greatly hunted Molly to continue writing her novels, so that she could remain close to him and their child. He was searching for a place that she could call home, and feel protected and secured in, at all times. Ryan viewed countless houses during his search, but failed to find the single house that felt like home to him. On his way to the next viewing, he passed a house that instantaneously and without expectation, took his breath away. The house was not for sale, but he had a sudden and impulsive urge to learn more about the dwelling.
Ryan apprehensively walked up the path to the front door while probing himself as to how he would successfully implore the owners, and convince them to sell him their home. When he frivolously knocked on the front door, Ryan had no indication as to how to initiate the conversation, and attempt to explain to them how crucial it was to give his family the home of their dreams. It was a beautiful house, and by the plate that was cemented onto the wall at the front door, Ryan was astounded to discover that the building dated back to the eighteenth century. Ryan was effusively sensitive to how profoundly Molly acclaimed all ancient and old. He instinctively knew precisely how great her passion would be for this house. “Yes?” An old man greeted him almost right away. “Hello, my name is Ryan Neves …” Ryan hurriedly and tensely introduced himself, while extending an open hand out to the old man. “Wilbur Rice.” He gallantly shook Ryan’s hand. “Mr. Rice, I don’t know how to ask you this, and you’re probably going to think I’m a mad man, maybe I should just first start by saying that you have a beautiful home.” “Thank you, son?” “Mr. Rice, I have this, this most amazing woman in my life, and I really messed things up with her along the way. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, we’re going to have a baby, and I really want to get her a fresh start, a home for new beginnings. I’ve looked at so many houses, but it was yours that just took my breath away. If you knew what she has been through, maybe you would consider, maybe you would just think about selling me your house?” Mr. Rice smiled, before he made way for Ryan to enter. “Well then, you’d better come on inside.” He cheerfully invited Ryan into his home.
