The worst dates bring ch.., p.16
The Worst Dates Bring Chocolate Cake : A Romantic Comedy, page 16
“Ugh.” I flopped over on the couch. “It was amazing.”
“How big was his dick?” Gia asked, pumping her fist to emphasize each word.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“She was too distracted to take a look,” Nonna said.
“No, he just left after, um, you know.”
“Cunnilingus is not a dirty word,” Nonna said sagely.
“Yeah, but it’s not one anyone really wants to hear in the middle of their living room.” I buried my head in my hands. “What’s wrong with me? Do I smell?” I asked them.
Nonna sniffed me.
“You need this,” she stated and handed me a Dior shopping bag.
“Oh no!” I wailed. “Why are you only just now telling me I smell like a trash heap?”
“It’s the free gift that the lady at the Dior outlet gave us,” Elsie assured me. “This isn’t an intervention.”
“But you think I need it,” I said flatly.
“It has perfume, scented lotion, scented body wash, and vaginal wipes,” Gia said, opening the large white box.
“Oh my god. Maybe Walker left because he was about to puke.”
“That’s why you need to drink more red wine,” Nonna said. She opened a bottle by banging her high-heeled shoe on it.
Gia fished in another bag and brought out wine glasses with white cursive script on them.
“I stacked three coupons,” Gia bragged, pouring me a glass. “They were practically free!”
My wine glass read, Don’t even ask me how my day went.
Elsie began pulling the purses out of the Dior shopping bags.
“That’s the only problem shopping for handbags at an outlet mall,” Gia complained. “They don’t give you all the nice packaging.”
Elsie lined up the rows of the pink, salmon, white, and light-gray mini Lady Diors on the coffee table. The white-gold hardware glinted in the afternoon sun that streamed from the windows.
“Such a rip-off.” Nonna poured me more wine.
“Don’t worry about Walker.” Gia patted me on the head. “He’ll probably be back over here. Even if he thinks your vag is smelly, I bet he still wants to put his dick in it.”
“Does everyone have low standards?” Elsie asked.
“I think we should put those somewhere safe,” I told her.
The ferrets were eying the little bags.
“I already see them,” Elsie told me. “I’m taking these bags down to the office for safekeeping. We just stopped here first because it’s on the way to the office.”
I pushed one of the ferrets away.
“Do you want to come?” Elsie offered. “I’m taking an Uber. You could get out of the house and get your mind off things. We can get pizza.”
My phone rang, and I answered it.
“It’s the concierge,” I said.
“We have a delivery for you,” the concierge chirped. “Do you want us to send it up?”
“I’ll come get it,” I told her. The last time a delivery guy came up, Trudy had cornered him, wanting to complain about the Amazon truck that had almost run her over.
“You’re going downstairs like that?” Gia asked as I stuffed my feet back into my fuzzy slippers.
“I’m just trying to get through the day.”
“Wrong attitude to land a man,” Nonna warned.
“I think the delivery guy is too busy to care that I’m going to get my package in my bathrobe. Shoot, he’s probably already gone by now.”
I slowly opened the front door then snuck down the hall. That was the benefit of slippers. Trudy wouldn’t hear. I ran my fingers through my hair when I stepped off the elevator.
What was the point of a Sunday if you couldn’t get eaten out by a hot guy then hang around moping in your pajamas?
I wondered what was in the package. I had tried not to order anything from Amazon. Had I been drunk shopping?
“Hi, Imani,” I called, waving to the concierge.
Then I immediately turned around to try jumping back on when I saw what exactly the package was. Unfortunately the doors had already closed behind me.
“Special delivery,” Walker said, holding up a large white box and an enormous bouquet of flowers.
Crap. Crap. Crap. I pounded the up button. Where was the dang elevator?
Walker frowned.
His shoes clicked on the marble floor as he walked over to me.
“Did I do something, Anastasia?” he asked softly. “If I did, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I had a work emergency.”
“No,” I said in a whisper. “You were amazing.”
“Then why are you running away?” he murmured in my ear. He nuzzled my neck.
“I’m not dressed!” I squeaked.
“Actually, I think you’re wearing too many clothes,” he said.
“Doing the walk of shame, I see,” Trudy said from behind me.
“What? No, I’ve been here the whole time,” I insisted.
My neighbor had a hungover-looking young man beside her.
“This is my son,” Trudy announced, forcing herself in the elevator with Walker and me. The smell of the flowers perfumed the small space.
“So, how do you like Frost Tower?” I said weakly to the skinny young man as the elevator took us up to the condos at the top of the tower.
He shrugged. “Fine, I guess.” He peered at me with bloodshot eyes. “You’re not as good-looking as your pictures. I mean, uh...” The hungover man trailed off when Walker turned a cold gaze on him.
The elevator doors opened.
“You should invite one of your friends to have a double date with Mommy’s special boy,” Trudy told me and kissed her son on the cheek.
“I’m sure they’re all busy,” I told her hastily, dragging Walker down the hall. I threw open the front door and shoved Walker inside.
“I told you,” Nonna said when I walked back into the living room trailed by Walker. “You never know when you’re going to meet a man.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Nice to see you again, ma’am,” Walker said to the elderly woman.
She peered at him out of the corner of her eye. “I don’t trust a man who walks out in the middle of sex.”
Oof.
“Good news travels fast,” Walker said, biting back a smile.
“This is the first time Ana’s been laid in a while,” Gia told him. “It’s a big event for her. She had to lie down afterward.” Gia shook her head.
Wow, guess I’m in the market for new friends.
“I hope you’re not too worn out to come out with me,” Walker said.
“Out where?”
“Yes,” Gia said, taking the flowers and box from him and handing them to me. “She’d love to.”
“I brought you a dress,” Walker said. “For the event. It’s black-tie.”
Nonna turned up her nose. “A dress,” the elderly woman scoffed. “What does a man know about buying a dress?”
“I feel like women usually like me a little bit better than she does,” Walker whispered to me.
“Come, Ana.” Nonna clapped her hands. “We have to get you ready to go out in public. No more pajamas for you.”
We left Walker sitting in the living room and headed upstairs.
“Why don’t you like him, Nonna?” Gia demanded, hands on her hips.
I pawed through my drawers, fishing around in the back for my nicer undergarments. You probably couldn’t wear Fruit of the Loom granny panties with whatever dress Walker had brought.
“He was walking around at night in a dark alley.”
“So were you,” Gia argued. “And you were out there stealing from a dumpster.”
Nonna ignored her and pulled the top off the box. The name Dolce & Gabbana was embossed in gold foil on the top.
“Let’s see what monstrosity that man brought over here,” she said, flipping back the white tissue paper.
She gasped softly.
The dress was a below-the-knee white silk garment with a majolica print in a swirling blue design over the front. The fabric was hand embroidered with crystals to add some subtle sparkle. The bust area was a fitted bustier held up by thinner, crystal-embellished straps.
“Well,” Nonna said, clearly impressed.
“That is gorgeous,” Gia purred. “See, Nonna?” She lightly elbowed her grandmother. “Some men can buy a nice dress.”
“Do you think this will show through?” I asked, holding up the black lacy bra. “Or should I wear my beige one? It’s not strapless, though.”
“You cannot wear a bra.” Gia pulled the garment out of my hands.
“You can see my nipples through this fabric,” I protested. “It’s paper-thin!”
“You’re supposed to be a model, remember?” Gia said, throwing the bra across the room. “Models never wear bras.”
“You don’t need one,” Nonna told me. “Your boobs aren’t that big.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“No,” Gia said, “it’s a good thing with this dress.” She held it up to me. “You’re going to look young and perky.”
“I am neither of those things.”
“Wait until you’re my age,” Nonna said from where she was rummaging in my closet. “Everything sags. I need to get a labia reduction.”
Gia pulled my hair back into a slick ponytail with two tendrils framing my face.
She and Nonna tag-teamed my makeup, giving me a heavy eye, then chose a pair of shoes.
“I cannot wear those,” I protested when Nonna held out the strappy high-heeled sandals.
“You need them with this dress.” She shook them at me. “You’re going to look like a model.”
I slipped into the shoes then shimmied into the dress.
“Damn,” I said, looking at my reflection in the mirror. “I do look hot.”
Gia walked around me.
“Lose the underwear,” she said.
“Um, no. I’m already wearing a thong, which is not my preferred underwear.”
“Me neither,” Nonna said. “That’s why I never wear underwear. You don’t get lines that way.”
She reached up under my dress and pulled down the thong.
“Oh my god.”
“Nonna has no boundaries,” Gia said. She held some jewelry up to my face.
“Do a choker,” Nonna instructed.
“I don’t like any of them. They’re a little too basic. She needs a statement piece,” Gia said, pursing her lips.
“Then just do the bracelet. Keep it simple.”
Walker was talking on his phone at the window when I slowly came down the stairs, trying not to trip on my dress.
“How did I do?” Walker asked Nonna.
“Passable. But you forgot jewelry,” she said, crossing her arms.
“Please, Nonna, you wound me.” Walker reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a flat gray jewelry box.
We all oohed when he opened it.
Inside was a silver choker studded with sapphires and diamonds. As wide as my hand, it had a delicate square of chain mail studded with smaller sapphires and diamonds in the links with a large sapphire at the front. Walker carefully draped it around my neck, and I shivered slightly at the cool metal. Then I fastened on the matching sapphire-and-diamond earrings.
“Bravo,” Nonna said, nodding approvingly. Then Walker draped a fur cape around my shoulders, and she swooned.
“I think she likes me,” Walker said when we were alone in the elevator.
“Only because you flashed your money around.”
He grinned at me. “What is it good for except impressing grandmothers?”
He wrapped her arms around me then leaned in and kissed me.
“And,” he purred, “buying dresses I have every intention of ripping off of you later this evening.”
38
WALKER
She looked even better than I had imagined in that dress. My sisters had helped me pick it out. They loved any excuse to shop.
I could make out the faint outlines of her nipples under the white fabric, and I almost lost it right then and there.
“Where are we going?” Ana asked me when she was sitting next to me in the back seat of the limo.
“Just a fancy cocktail party,” I said, tracing her breasts under the dress.
With my hand so close to her chest, it was easy to feel her breath catch. My eyes went to her cleavage—hell, I was practically leering at the woman. When my gaze flicked back up to her face, she was smiling.
“You like my dress?”
“It's a bit tight on you,” I purred, not minding in the least.
“You say that like it's a bad thing.”
My hand curled under the swell of her breast, my thumbs tracing over her nipples. She was wearing some kind of fancy bra under the dress that perked up her already-perky tits, but the dress was so tight that if I stared, I could still see the bare outline of her nipple. That became easier as her nipples pebbled under my ministrations.
She was growing hot and bothered. So was I.
“Not a bad thing at all,” I said. “In fact, I want to see what's under it.”
Her smile brightened and took on a seductive edge. Grabbing my wrist, she pulled it downward to her thigh. Then she placed one of her legs over my own, half sitting in my lap—opening herself to me.
I took that for the invitation that it was. Sliding my hand up her milky thigh, I immediately felt the wet heat of her pussy.
“My, you are getting hot and bothered,” I said casually as if I weren’t getting hard at the thought of making her come.
Because I was absolutely going to do that. Call it a little appetizer before the cocktail party.
She murmured something I couldn't quite catch, shifting so she was half in my lap. Her nose became buried in my neck, gently kissing the skin there.
It was a quiet plea for more and a way for her to muffle any sounds.
“No panties?” I murmured. “Guess I really did make an impression earlier.” My fingers entered her, and I stroked her for a few moments, teasing her and building the anticipation.
“Walker...” she murmured, hot against my throat.
That was enough to make me give up the teasing. I let my fingers play between her pussy lips. Then I moved up and made slow, steadily increasing movements over her clit.
Ana gasped against my throat, moving herself along with my fingers. From the way she clutched against me, I knew she was close already.
Good girl, I thought and increased my pace until, with a little cry, she came.
I poured Anastasia a glass of champagne.
She fanned herself.
After gulping down some of the champagne, she said, “I would say we could just go back to my place and forget about the party, but between the ferrets and all my roommates, I’m not sure how well that will work out.”
“That’s why I’ve made alternative accommodations for tonight,” I told her.
We heard the music before we saw the boat where the party was taking place.
“Wow,” Ana said as the limo driver pulled up in front of a red carpet. A bouncer opened the door and offered Ana a hand to get out of the car.
“This ship used to be one of those big fancy ocean liners that would ferry rich people across the Atlantic to Europe during the Gilded Age,” I explained as we ascended the gangplank up onto the sumptuous boat.
“It’s like the Titanic,” she said under the glittering lights from the chandelier.
Music thumped in the background, and servers walked around with alcohol and hors d’oeuvres.
I kept an eye out for Ana’s father while simultaneously trying to appear casual, like we were just at a party to hang out and drink.
“How do you know SwedeHaus?” Anastasia asked me as we walked past a photo-op backdrop with a large picture of the artist.
“Just a fan of his music,” I said.
I wasn’t. I actually didn’t like his music at all and hadn’t even heard of him until earlier that day. I had forced myself to listen to all his tracks in the car on the way over to Ana’s and to skim critical articles about him.
In short, SwedeHaus was a self-referential pretentious douche.
Fortunately, the party was pretty packed, so I didn’t think I was going to run into him.
But it also made finding Bram DeHaan in the sea of people difficult. That was, if he was even going to show up.
“You have to see the grand ballroom,” I said to Anastasia, leading her up the curving staircase to the upper level of the ship. “Then I’ll show you the million-dollar view.”
I had been on that boat before for parties. I had even rented it out once to impress a date. I was mapping out our route on the boat so that I could sweep through the maximum amount of area on the boat and, I hoped, run into her father.
“Oh my god!” a woman gushed, stopping us. “I love your outfit. Love it. That necklace is to die for!”
“Thanks,” Ana said to the young woman, who had an asymmetrical haircut and a dress that looked like it was made out of a garbage bag and probably cost as much as a car. This young woman was more than a little tipsy from the bright-orange cocktail in her hand.
“Let’s take a selfie. Oh, Grunge.” She waved another young woman over. “Look at her necklace. Isn’t it cool?”
“Oh wow,” Grunge said. “I’d totally steal that.”
Somehow, she looked like she had been rolling around in dirty grease and didn’t quite clean it all off.
Ana seemed like she had seen a ghost as the garbage-bag girl took another selfie.
“Where’d you get it?” Grunge asked.
“It was nice to meet you,” Ana said in a rush. “I’m actually going to grab a drink.”
She grabbed my hand and practically pulled me through the crowd.
Damn it. If Grunge was here, then Bram was somewhere on this boat too.
“You didn’t want to stay and talk to them?” I said mildly, trying to seem only casually interested.
“Nope, I actually want a drink,” Ana said in a strained tone, “and they looked like they had other people they wanted to talk to, so...”
We stood in the bar line in silence for a moment.
