A night of rapture and p.., p.14
A Night Of Rapture and Pride, page 14
Waylon jumps to his feet next. “Okay, so you’re his fucking boss. Keep things civil at work. But have you been out with him? Have you shown the world he’s yours?”
“Yes! We just got back from vacation. We did all the things couples do!”
“And have you done any of that since you got back? Hold his hand in public, kiss him when someone else is around?”
“No,” I say. “We–I”
Waylon shakes his head. “You need to decide what you want and do it now. That boy deserves better than to be someone’s dirty little secret. I gave up everything to stay true to myself. The money, my parents, all so that I can love myself. I’m gay, Sebastian. I’m proud of it and I will never let another person make me feel bad about who I am. You say you don’t care what your grandfather thinks of you, but your actions show differently. Money isn’t everything, Seb. Not when you go home alone and unhappy every night. That feeling you get being with Tanner, hold on to that. Fight for that. Before it’s gone.”
Not knowing what to say, I turn and leave Waylon’s office.
Maybe he’s right. I act like what my grandfather thinks doesn’t matter, yet I keep doing things to please him. And sure, I’m not giving in by marrying the woman he picks for me, but does that matter when the main reason I don’t want to marry them is because I’m in love with someone else? A man.
I need to do better, to be better for Tanner, before I lose him. I don’t want to hide him, I don’t want him to be a secret. Waylon is right, I love Tanner.
But does my love for Tanner outweigh my fear of change, of losing everything I’m accustomed to in my life?
I really fucking hope so.
Chapter 18
Tanner
“How are you holding up?” Peter asks me, popping up next to my desk, startling me.
“Oh, hi Peter,” I say, placing a hand over my racing heart.
“Sorry to scare you.” He chuckles. “I was told to bring these up for Mr. Fitzgerald,” he says, handing me a stack of papers. “It’s urgent he looks at them now.”
“Alright,” I say, taking them from him. “Thank you.”
“Can I ask you something?” Peter asks.
“Ah, sure?” I look up at him.
“Is Mr. Fitzgerald... is he rude to you?” he asks, his eyes flicking over to Bash’s closed door behind me.
“Rude to me? What do you mean?” I ask, brows furrowed.
“I don’t know. He just doesn’t seem to like me very much. At first, I thought it might be because I’m gay, but you’re gay.”
“He hasn’t been mean or rude to me,” I say, feeling sorry for Peter because the reason why Sebastian is so standoffish with Peter is because of me. Because Sebastian is jealous. And as hot as I find it, I don’t want people thinking he’s a bad person. “I wouldn’t think too much into it. He’s a busy man, so he’s probably just overworked.”
“True.” He nods. “Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with him very often. So, how was your holiday?”
We’ve been back for a week now. I’ve spent most of my nights at Bash’s place, once at mine. But the past few nights I’ve been alone in his bed and I’m starting to hate being in bed without his large warm body holding me tight.
“Holiday?” I ask. Does he know about me and Bash? If he does, I don’t think he would say anything. At least I hope not. He seems like a nice enough guy. I just don’t want anyone in the office to think I’m getting any kind of special treatment.
“Yeah, Christmas?” he asks, a smile taking over his face as he raises his brows.
“Oh, right.” I let out a sigh of relief. “It was nice. Enjoyed the week off work.”
“Me too,” he says. “Did you spend it with your family?”
“No.” I give him a forced smile. “I’m not really close with my family.”
“Oh, that’s too bad,” he says.
As much as I love this awkward conversation, I stand up with the papers in hand to take them to Bash. “I should get these to Sebastian.” I say, holding up the papers.
His brows jump, and I silently curse when I realize I used his first name.
“Ah, yeah,” Peter says. “See you around.”
After he leaves, I knock on Bash’s door. “Come in,” his deep voice calls out, making a shiver shoot down my spine. Hold it together, Tanner. It’s not like we don’t already fuck like bunnies.
Opening the door, I see Bash typing away. “Hey, Peter brought down some papers for you. Said they needed to be taken care of urgently.”
At the mention of Peter’s name, he stops typing and looks at me. “Oh, did he now?” he asks slowly.
“You’re sexy when you're jealous. But you might want to tone it down. Peter thinks you hate him.”
“I do,” he mutters, sitting back in his seat.
“No, you don’t.” I laugh.
“Fine, I don’t. But I don’t like how he looks at you. He likes you,” he growls, crossing his arms.
“Well, I don’t like him that way. Unfortunately for him, I’m taken.” I grin, walking over to him.
“Oh, yeah?” he asks, standing up and walking around the desk to stand before me.
“Yup. He’s older, smart, sexy, and very rich.” I wiggle my eyebrows.
“He sounds like a real catch,” Bash says, cupping my cheek.
“He’s the best,” I say, looking up at him. I want to tell him I love him, but I’m afraid to scare him away. It’s still too soon.
“I bet I kiss better than him,” Bash says, bringing his lips to mine. I suck in a breath, my heart rate picking up as my cock twitches in my pants.
“Maybe we should test that out and see,” I whisper.
He kisses me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me to him. I moan against his lips as his hardening cock grinds against my belly.
“We should stop,” I say breathlessly as the kiss starts to get heated.
“You're right.” He sighs, putting his forehead to mine. “You know me too well. Once we start, I’d be bending you over my desk and taking that pretty ass of yours,” he growls.
“You know what, let's keep going,” I say, making him chuckle.
Bash kisses my forehead and goes back to his chair. “What are your plans for tonight?” he asks as he takes a look at the papers I hand him.
“A group of us are going to a club. I haven’t really gotten a night out with my friends in a while and could really use a night of dancing. I miss it,” I admit. As much as I’ve enjoyed my time with Bash since I started working for him, I’m in the office from nine am to seven pm every night. Before, when I had any free time, I was too tired to go out and now I spend it with Bash.
“Oh,” he says, blinking at me. “What kind of club?”
“If you're asking if it’s a gay club, the answer is yes,” I say, raising a brow.
His jaw ticks like he’s not happy about it. As much as I love Bash, I’m not going to let him talk me out of going.
“Can I come?” he asks, surprising the fuck out of me.
“Oh.” My eyes widen. “Well, yeah, if you want to. I’d love for you to come.”
“Okay.” He nods. “What time?”
“Nine. Everyone is meeting at the bar down by my place. We’re going to have some pre-drinks, then head out.”
“Nine it is. I have to go home and get changed so I’ll meet you at the bar,” he says, but even though I’m excited that he wants to come, I’m confused by the blank look on his face.
“Alright. I’ll see you then.”
“I THOUGHT YOU SAID your boyfriend was coming?” Melissa says as we pay for our drinks. It’s now ten, we’ve all had our drinks, and Bash still hasn’t shown up. I texted him a few times but no answer. I’m kind of pissed. He asked to come and if he wasn’t going to show, he should have just said something and not ghosted me. I don’t want him to be the reason my night is ruined, but the longer he’s late, the more disappointed I feel.
“Hey, there he is,” Tommy says. I spin around and see him walking in with Waylon. “Why the hell did he bring him?” Tommy mutters.
“Hey there,” Waylon says, pulling me into a hug. Bash growls, making Waylon chuckle as he lets me go. “Oh look, the brat is here.”
“Who invited the old folks. Isn’t it your bedtime?” Tommy snaps.
“Oh shit,” Melissa says, trying not to laugh.
“Listen here, little boy. I might be older than you, but my body is still fit. I could outlast you any day,” Waylon says, giving Tommy a wicked grin as he looks him up and down.
Tommy blushes bright red. “Yeah whatever you say, old man.”
Waylon shakes his head. “Ah, to be young and a dickhead again,” he says, tossing his arm over Bash’s shoulder.
Bash rolls his eyes and I take a moment to really get a good look at him. He’s got on jeans and a black t-shirt. Fuck, he’s so sexy. I mean he’s sexy in anything but there’s something about a casual Bash that I’ve grown to love.
“Hey,” he says. “Sorry it took so long. I thought I’d invite Waylon because–”
“Because he thinks I’m lonely and I need to find myself a new boy toy,” Waylon says.
“I volunteer,” Ray says, stepping forward.
“What?” Tommy shouts, gaping at Ray. “What the fuck?”
“Why not?” Ray says with a grin. I’m pretty sure he’s joking, trying to get Tommy jealous and I’m pretty sure it’s working, only I don’t think it’s in the way Ray was hoping for. “He’s hot as hell. I’ve always wanted to take an older man for a ride.”
“Aren’t you cute?” Waylon chuckles at Ray. “I’ll make sure to save you a dance tonight.”
“Can we go?” Tommy huffs, pushing past us.
“I love it when they play hard to get,” Waylon says, leaning in so only I hear him.
I bite the inside of my cheek to hold back a laugh as Waylon follows. “Ready?” I ask Bash, looking up to see his attention on the room around us. “Bash?”
His eyes snap down to mine. “What did you say?”
My brows furrow. “I asked if you were ready to go?”
“Oh, yeah.” He nods. “Let’s go.”
The walk there is quiet. At least on our end. Waylon is chatting with Ray while Tommy is trying not to act bothered by it as he talks to Melissa and her girlfriend.
“Hey,” I say, pulling Bash to the side as the others get in line for the club. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong,” he says, but it’s a lie.
“Bash, please don’t lie to me. I can tell you’re not yourself tonight,” I say, crossing my arms.
He lets out a sigh. “Alright, I’m a little nervous. I’ve never been to a club like this. My life consists of business meetings, luncheons, and galas. This is a little out of my comfort zone.”
I place my hand on his arm. “You don’t have to come in with us if you don’t want to. As much as I’d love to hang out and dance with my boyfriend, I’m not going to force you to be somewhere you're not comfortable.”
He looks at me for a moment, then at the line of people behind me as he tries to decide what he wants to do. I mean what I said. I don’t want him to feel forced to be here for my benefit. “No. I’ll stay. Maybe if I get a few drinks in me, I’ll stop being so tense.”
“Really?” I ask, unable to hold back the glowing smile I give him.
“Really,” he says, smiling back. He leans in and kisses me. It’s nothing crazy but enough to settle the nerves I’ve had since the night started. He’s been a little closed off, not holding my hand, hardly talking. I’m glad to see him lighten up.
Feeling a lot better, I grab his hand as we join the others in line. After they take our IDs and stamp our hands, we go inside.
The music is so loud I can feel it in my chest. I laugh with joy, closing my eyes as I just feel the moment. “I missed this!” I scream over the music at Tommy.
“Me too!” he yells back. “Let’s dance!”
“We’re getting drinks first!” I call back before guiding Bash over to the bar. On the top floor, it’s a little less crowded. You can see down to the main part of the club, and it’s packed.
“There’s a lot of people,” Bash shouts after I order us some shots. It’s a quick way to get drunk and something tells me Bash might need that to loosen up.
“It’s Friday night. It’s always this busy on the weekends. One of the best gay clubs around!”
I go to pay, but Bash hands the bartender a hundred dollar bill. “Keep the change!” he tells her.
“Thanks!”
We hold up the shot glasses, clink them together, and down them. He makes a funny face and I laugh.
“Nasty.” He shudders.
“But it does the job.” I laugh.
We take the last few before I grab his hand and pull him toward the stairs. “Let’s dance.”
I love the vibe of this club. It’s so colorful and carefree. Everyone looks so at home and free to be themselves with no judgement.
Pony by Ginuwine starts to play, and I bark out a laugh.
“I know this song!” he shouts, looking adorably excited.
“Then dance with me hot stuff!”
He pulls me into his arms, spinning me around so that my ass grinds against his cock. He holds me close, our bodies moving to the beat.
My heart starts to pound in my chest as he kisses my neck, my eyes fluttering closed. I moan when his now hard cock rubs against me, his hands roaming my body. He better be careful before I beg him to take me here on the dance floor.
The rest of the night, it’s like nothing happened. Bash gets tipsy, and we all take turns dancing with different people.
It’s some of the most fun I’ve had in a while. And being out like this with my boyfriend feels fucking amazing.
But sometimes the universe likes to give you a big dose of reality and I’m about to get mine.
Bash stops dancing, his body going stiff. “What’s wrong?” I ask, my eyes opening. And then I see him. Peter’s standing a few feet away, a guy dancing with him but he’s not paying attention to his date, nope he’s looking right at me and Bash with wide eyes.
“Fuck!” Bash curses.
“It’s okay,” I say, spinning around in his arms. “He won’t say anything.”
“You don’t know that!” Bash snaps at me. My heart breaks as I take in the fear and panic on his face. “I gotta–I gotta go,” he says. He starts to move through the crowd toward the exit.
What the fuck! He is not going to just run out on me. “Bash!” I shout as I race after him. I finally catch up with him outside. “Sebastian!” I shout again. He stops, but he doesn’t face me. “What the fuck was that?”
“I shouldn’t have come,” he says, his shoulders hunching. “It was a mistake.”
“So what if someone from work saw us. Look, I get it, you want to keep things quiet because you’re my boss. But if people know that this is real, that you're my boyfriend, I don’t get how it’s wrong. We can talk to HR, see what they think.”
“No, no one can know,” he says, grabbing my shoulders with a manic look.
Tears fill my eyes as my heart shatters. “I’m a fucking fool,” I say, shaking my head. “I should have known! I should have seen it. The excuse of you being my boss was just a cover-up, wasn’t it?!” I shout, pushing at his chest. “It wasn’t that you didn’t want people to know you were involved with an employee. It’s the fact that you're with a man you didn’t want anyone to find out about.”
“Tanner,” he says my name in a broken way that confirms what I said.
“We’re done,” I say, taking a step back as I try to hold it together like my world isn’t crashing in on me.
“What?” His eyes widen. “No, no, don't say that. You're mine!” he growls.
“But only in the dark, right?” I say, tears spilling down my cheeks. As if the earth feels my pain, the sky opens up, pouring down on us. “I told myself I’d never hide who I am for anyone. I’m gay, Bash. And I’m fucking proud of it. No one, not even someone I love will put me back in the closet I fought so damn hard to get out of. I won’t be your dirty little secret. I deserve someone who loves me and isn’t afraid to show it to not only me but to the world.”
It hurts too much to look at him anymore, so I step around him and start to walk away.
“Tanner,” he says in a pleading tone as he grabs my arm. I yank it out of his hold as I choke back a sob. When I’m free, I run and I don’t stop until I get home.
I’m cold, shivering from the rain, and numb by the time I open my apartment door. I feel like a robot as I strip out of my wet clothes, tossing them to the ground as I make my way to the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I get in, using the hot water to warm me up.
My back meets the tile wall and I slide down to the shower floor. The moment I put my forehead to my knees, I break.
Heavy sobs escape me. Why am I never enough? Why can’t I just be loved?
I thought he was it. I was so fucking sure of it. He made me fall hard for him. Deep down, I knew he would break me, but I kept falling for him until it was too late.
Was I just something to fill in the time before he married some pretty woman and had a bunch of babies, living a life that he hates?
How did I not see it? It’s like I convinced myself he was out, but of course, he wasn’t. That would be too much of a risk for his stupid company.
Well, fuck him, and fuck his money. Fuck all of them. I’m not a game, something to play with until there’s no more use for me.
I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than feel like this. Never again will I open my heart up to someone. How many times am I going to allow myself to be crushed before I realize I’m the fucking fool?
I’m not going to make this mistake again.
Chapter 19
Sebastian
I knew there was a reason why I never wanted to fall in love. The heartbreak from losing that person is fucking unbearable. It feels like someone shoved their hand in my chest, ripped out my heart, and stomped on it.
But I have no one but myself to blame for this. I fucked up. Big time. I let my fear of possibly losing my place in this company hide who I was– who I am. I’m bisexual. I like both men and women. But I’m in love with a man. A man named Tanner Morrow, who I’ve lost.
