Likeable badass, p.26
Likeable Badass, page 26
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Hershfield stresses the importance: Hal Hershfield, Your Future Self: How to Make Tomorrow Better Today (Little, Brown Spark, 2023).
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Dekkers quickly advanced: “Marijn Dekkers,” Wikipedia, March 2, 2023. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marijn_Dekkers.
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Preparing his parting words: Fortune, “Bayer CEO: ‘This Was the Best Lesson Ever,’ ” YouTube, January 5, 2016. www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sz8It_wFRo.
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She started to think: Victoria Pelletier in conversation with the author, May 18, 2023.
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A woman I know: “Mary” in conversation with the author, May 16, 2023.
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“psychologically harmful”: “Mary” in email communication with the author, March 13, 2023.
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Victoria knew: Victoria Pelletier in conversation with the author, May 18, 2023.
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“As much as I love”: Mabel Miguel in conversation with the author, December 11, 2023.
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In one experimental study: Shelley J. Correll, Stephen Benard, and In Paik, “Getting a Job: Is There a Motherhood Penalty?” American Journal of Sociology 112, no. 5 (March 1, 2007): 1297–1338. https://doi.org/10.1086/511799.
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As Amy Schulman points out: Adam Bryant, “Four Executives on Succeeding in Business as a Woman,” New York Times, October 12, 2013.
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8. Teach and Learn
But, at over six feet tall: Margaret A. Neale and Thomas Z. Lys, Getting (More Of) What You Want: How the Secrets of Economics and Psychology Can Help You Negotiate Anything, in Business and in Life (Basic Books, 2015).
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In his popular 2017: Atul Gawande, “Want to Get Great at Something? Get a Coach,” TED2017, April 2017, 16:37. www.ted.com/talks/atul_gawande_want_to_get_great_at_something_get_a_coach?language=en.
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“are your external eyes”: Gawande, “Want to Get Great at Something?” 9:17.
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For example, formal mentoring: Frank Dobbin and Alexandra Kalev, “Why Diversity Programs Fail,” Harvard Business Review, June 12, 2023. https://hbr.org/2016/07/why-diversity-programs-fail.
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However, the majority of women: Stephanie Neal, Jazmine Boatman, and Linda Miller, “Mentoring Women in the Workplace: A Global Study,” DDI, April 9, 2013.www.ddiworld.com/research/mentoring-women-in-the-workplace.
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Further, women report: “Now More than Ever, Men Need to Do More to Support Women,” LeanIn.org, n.d. https://tinyurl.com/3ykmxbzn; Deepali Bagati, “Women of Color in U.S. Law Firms,” Catalyst, 2009. www.catalyst.org.
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three key development needs: Menttium Corporation, “Menttium 2022 Insights,” 2022. https://content.menttium.com/Mktg/2022/Menttium_2022_Insights_White_Paper.pdf.
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“When people think about”: Missy Chicre in conversation with the author, November 3, 2023.
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This advice went against: Felecia Carty in conversation with the author, November 8, 2023.
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However, Kathryn might not: Kathryn Valentine in conversation with the author, November 30, 2023.
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A LinkedIn survey: Emily Jasper and Kristi Hedges, “LinkedIn Report: Women Without a Mentor,” Forbes, October 25, 2011. https://tinyurl.com/3m6kdza8.
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“Anyone who knows more”: Felecia Carty in conversation with the author, November 8, 2023.
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For example, The No Club: Linda Babcock, Brenda Peyser, Lise Vesterlund, and Laurie Weingart, The No Club: Putting a Stop to Women’s Dead-End Work (Simon & Schuster, 2022).
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For that, I’ll hop on: Robin Arzón, Peloton HIIT and Hills Ride [Peloton class], October 21, 2022. www.onepeloton.com.
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As a starting point: Lisa Barrington, “Everyone Needs a Personal Board of Directors,” Forbes, February 20, 2018. https://tinyurl.com/yvnhzvf5.
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“One of my biggest mentors”: Susannah Hutcheson, “How I Became Peloton’s VP of Fitness Programming: Robin Arzón,” USA Today, February 18, 2020. https://tinyurl.com/5a6xydy2.
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“a different lens”: Missy Chicre in conversation with the author, November 3, 2023.
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As Forbes reported: Christine Comaford, “76% of People Think Mentors Are Important, but Only 37% Have One,” Forbes, July 3, 2019. https://tinyurl.com/2p8tpd5t.
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“When I was a lawyer”: Robin Arzón in conversation with the author, November 9, 2023.
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As we develop any skill: Frank Anthony De Phillips, William M. Berliner, and James J. Cribbin, Meaning of Learning and Knowledge (Richard D. Irwin, 1960).
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In addition to building: Lauren Eskreis-Winkler, Ayelet Fishbach, and Angela Duckworth, “Dear Abby: Should I Give Advice or Receive It?,” Psychological Science 29, no. 11 (October 3, 2018): 1797–1806. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797618795472.
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“When you’re actually”: “Robin Arzón Teaches Mental Strength,” MasterClass, n.d. www.masterclass.com/classes/robin-arzon-teaches-mental-strength.
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Over two-thirds of women: Nicole Williams, “INFOGRAPHIC: Women and Mentoring in the U.S.,” LinkedIn (blog), October 25, 2011. www.linkedin.com/blog/member/career/mentoring-women.
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Despite Maggie’s extensive scholarly: “Celebrating Margaret Neal’s Impact at Stanford GSB,” Stanford Graduate School of Business, March 6, 2020. www.gsb.stanford.edu.
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This form of mentorship: Rosalind Chow, “Don’t Just Mentor Women and People of Color. Sponsor Them,” Harvard Business Review, June 30, 2021. https://hbr.org/2021/06/dont-just-mentor-women-and-people-of-color-sponsor-them.
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Conclusion
There’s a phenomenon: Justin Kruger and David Dunning, “Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One’s Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 77, no. 6 (December 1999): 1121–34.
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Index
The page numbers in this index refer to the printed version of the book. Each link will take you to the beginning of the corresponding print page. You may need to scroll forward from that location to find the corresponding reference on your e-reader.
Page numbers in italics refer to charts and tables.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
A
Abrahams, Eden, 113, 116–17, 120–25, 196
Abrams, Stacey, 70–72, 71, 74, 88n, 93–94, 146
Academy Awards, 51–52
Accenture, 165
achievements. See also successes (wins)
aspirations vs., 52
concealing, 73–74, 82
framing, 69
humblebragging and, 74
importance of mentioning, 83
mentoring and, 179
storytelling and, 71, 71, 80, 90–93
“Add, don’t subtract” rule, 41, 44, 83
adjectives, gender bias and, 59
advice
acting counter to, 158
asking for, 188
giving, 29, 114–15, 126
putting on paper, 113–15
advocacy, 165. See also agent; self-advocacy
Adweek, 152
age, 16, 26
agent, 147–48, 152
airline miles analogy, 154–55, 170
airport, use of time and, 115, 144
Allied Signal, 162
alpha dog, 130–33
ambition, 83, 98. See also aspirations; goals
storytelling and, 69–71, 71
Angelou, Maya, 49
apologies
alternatives to, 78–79
superfluous, 79
unnecessary, 77–79, 82, 83–84, 198
Arzón, Robin, 14, 106–8, 184–85, 187–88, 192–93
Asian American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander (AANHPIs) women, 8n
aspirations. See also ambition
achievements vs., 52
professional vs. personal, 167
Assertive-Cold quadrant, 24, 33–34, 36–37
Assertiveness
adding Warmth to, as likeable badass, 11, 22–25, 23, 24, 41, 44, 130, 133–35
apologies and, 78
benefits of, 130–31
choosing seat and, 28
compensatory impression management and, 39–41
default reputation and, 35
defined, 22–23, 23
dominance vs. task cues and, 26n
downplaying Warmth to enhance, 40
eye contact and, 28
humor and, 29
initial judgments and, 33
motherhood penalty and, 168–69
mutual interactions and, 132
nonverbal behaviors and, 131
out-of-office replies and, 88n
self-advocacy and, 132–33
self- vs. other-promotion and, 99
small deposits and, 115, 116
speech styles and, 27, 42
Submissiveness as complement to, 131–32, 134
tradeoff between Warmth and, 129
Assertive-Submissive dimension, 21–25, 23
Assertive-Warm (likeable badass) quadrant, 24, 40
adding behavior on weaker dimension to enhance, 44
asking advice from new mentor and, 188
assessing, and embracing the pain, 200–201
attending to task cues and, 44
bragging vs. humblebragging and, 74
choosing behaviors right for you, 30–32
choosing your seat and, 28
compliments and, 74–76
discretionary activities and, 177
email introductions and, 125
eye contact and, 28
foul language and, 31–32
giving helpful advice and, 114
humor and, 29
humorbragging and, 74
inferences from job and gender and, 33–34
introducing yourself and, 105
mentoring others and, 185, 190
modeling behavior and, 185
offering help and, 29
out-of-office replies and, 88
praise or other-promotion and, 89
relationship between high status and, 32
responses to “How are you?” and, 94–95, 95
saying no and, 183
self-advocacy and, 147
self-deprecation and, 77
self-promotion and, 85
small deposits and, 112–14
smiling and, 30–31
speech rate, response time, and style and, 26–27
storytelling and, 69–71
storytelling audit and, 80
talking about successes and, 74
task cues and, 29–30
value signaled by, 26
volunteering strategically and, 108
audience
storytelling and, 80
understanding, to achieve goal, 199–200
Australia, 9, 154
authenticity
mere exposure and, 106–7
strategic, 53–60, 95
awards
asking for nominations, 53
status and, 16
B
Babcock, Linda, 60
Barrington, Lisa, 184
Bayer AG, 162
Bernard, Sheldon, 121–25
Beyond Thank You, 75n
bios, writing, 90–93, 190
Black women, 70, 104, 165
angry stereotype, 31
discrimination vs., 59
equal pay day and, 8n
microaggressions and, 37
promotions and, 5
referrals and, 138
self-advocacy and, 138–39
self-promotion and, 70–71
tech industry and, 13
