Wed in the outback volum.., p.34
Wed In the Outback, Volume 1, page 34
Her bare breasts shifted with her defiant breath, her small rose-tipped nipples hardening beneath his stare.
‘I’m not taking issue with your...’
He cursed. Could the woman not see what she was doing to him?
‘You could have fooled me.’
He forced his gaze back to hers—blue eyes blazing, wide and wounded. Her lips, still stained from her lipstick, pouting. Lips he didn’t dare get any closer to, and yet he took one step forward.
‘I’m not, Eve.’
One brow lifted. ‘No?’
Another step. ‘I’m taking issue with myself.’
‘For what, exactly?’
‘For wanting to do this...’
And he quit thinking, quit questioning and tugged her to his chest, claimed her gasp with his kiss and kept on striding until she was up against the wall.
‘Tell me to stop and I’ll stop,’ he rasped out.
‘No.’ She hooked her leg around his waist, tugged at the lapels of his jacket to drag him closer. ‘Don’t stop.’
He was in heaven and hell at once. Wanting. Craving. And knowing it was wrong. They needed to talk, they needed to clear the air. ‘We should be talking.’
‘This first, Nate.’
He cupped her breast, rolled his thumb over its pleading centre, felt it pucker beneath his touch and lowered his head to suck it into his mouth. She cried out, her fingers forking through his hair, gripping him to her. All the while his brain screamed at him to quit. But he was done listening to anything but her.
‘I want you,’ she whispered, hitching her leg higher, undulating against him. ‘I only want you.’
Mouth rough, he grazed kisses back up her body, kissed her deeply as he lifted her legs around him and carried her to the bed. He set her down, shucked his jacket, his tie, his shirt. She rose and stripped his belt, unbuttoned his trousers. Fingers trembling, breath uneven. Desperate. Hungry.
She reached inside his pants, gripped his length and he bucked inside her hold.
‘Steady, sweetheart.’ He grabbed her wrist, his thighs trembling as he fought the inevitable. ‘It’s been a while.’
He eased her hand away as he stripped the rest of his clothing and lowered himself to the bed. Encouraging her to lie back as he trailed kisses from her mouth to her breasts, to her stomach, where the wonder of their baby lay...then lower still.
She rocked up as he flicked his tongue over her swollen nub, gripped his head as he circled her, rolling and flicking, letting her every reaction drive his tempo. Letting it feed his own desire too.
‘Please, Nate,’ she panted, ‘I want you.’
He looked up into her eyes, saw the need, the desperation and something else—was it the fear, the vulnerability he’d spied earlier or something else?
He pressed a kiss between her legs and she shifted. ‘Please?’
Helpless to deny her, he moved up her body, swallowed her plea with his kiss as he guided her back into the sheets. He searched her lustful gaze as he eased himself inside her. Fighting for control as her heat surrounded him and her eyes seared him, branded him, made him hers. Not that she could know...
She bit her lip, her whimper making him groan. She was taking him to the brink and there was nothing he could do.
The more she moved, the more he moved with her. Faster, harder, deeper.
He was losing it. Every last remnant of control. His body vibrating and tensing in one.
‘Eve!’ My God, she was beautiful. Stunning. Everything he could ever...
‘Nate, I can’t... Nate...’
‘Let go for me, baby. Let go and I’ll catch you.’
I’ll always catch you.
His own release came with hers, dizzying and thought-obliterating. His guttural growl so loud he feared there’d be questions from the neighbouring residents come morning.
Morning. He didn’t want to think of that now. He didn’t want to think of anything but this moment that had felt so perfect in every way.
His body sagged and he rolled onto his back, gazed up at the ceiling. ‘That was...’
‘Unexpected.’ She finished for him.
‘I was going to say needed, but unexpected works too.’
She touched her left hand to her stomach, the Harrington ring glinting in the lamplight. An outward sign that she was his, but inside...
Eve would only ever belong to herself.
The chemistry between them didn’t change that.
No matter how intense, or perfect, or all-consuming.
It chewed him up inside, a genuine sickness rising that made him want to wretch. He pushed himself to sitting, took a breath so that he could trust his voice. ‘I’m going to freshen up.’
He tugged on his pants and headed to the bathroom, felt her confused gaze on him the whole way. He washed his face twice over, brushed his teeth, and still didn’t know what to do with himself. The sensation was still there, rolling inside him. He gripped the edge of the sink, stared at the face looking back at him. He’d aged a decade in four weeks, the lines in his brow, the shadows beneath his eyes...
It was getting harder and harder to understand what this was between them. Where the line of convenience ended and it all became real.
‘Sorry.’
He spun around. There she was, resting against the door frame. Her hair wild about her shoulders, her eyes soft, smile small. A pale slip thrown over her that ended mid-thigh. And his heart ached for her even as he told it not to.
‘What for?’
‘For embroiling you in this mess.’
He shook his head, stepped towards her but she moved away. She dropped into the chair before the window, brought her knees to her chest.
The sight tore at his heart. She looked so lost.
‘I chose this path, Eve.’
‘But you can’t want it.’
‘The marriage?’
She nodded.
‘You’re wrong, I want it all. The child. A wife. A family. It’s what I’ve always wanted.’
‘I know. You’ve made that clear from the moment I met you, but you can’t want it with me. And you can’t want it in London, not when you came back to make a home here.’
‘I can and I do. And if we have to do that in London...’
‘But your father, your relationship, you’re finally getting what you’ve always wanted.’
‘And I can still have that in London. There’s video calls, we can visit...’
She was shaking her head, refusing to listen. ‘You say that now but...’
‘But what?’
‘You’ll resent me for it eventually.’
‘How can you say that?’
‘How can you not say that? How can you not see it? You deserve a woman who can love you and give you the life you deserve. Not someone like me.’
‘Someone like you?’
‘I’m broken, Nate. You know that. I don’t know how to love. I don’t know how to trust. I don’t know what to trust.’
This woman—so unsure, so lost—was so different from the woman he’d met that first night. She was changing, she was questioning—was there a chance her heart was shifting with the tide?
‘Why don’t you start with trusting your heart, Eve?’
She huffed into her knees. ‘I did that once and trusted my parents unconditionally. What I saw as their deceit broke me.’
‘I thought you’d made peace with the past.’
‘I have,’ she said quietly. ‘But it doesn’t change what it did to me. It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t know how to be a good wife, a good mother...’
‘You just have to be you.’
‘Are you forgetting the riding incident?’
‘No, but you’re not either.’
‘And what if I’m not enough? If I can’t give enough?’
‘The fact you’re even asking that tells me you will.’ He stepped towards her, wanting to pull her into his arms and reassure her. ‘You’ll be the best mother our child could wish for.’
She looked up at him, searched his gaze. ‘I meant for you, Nate. What if I’m not enough for you? My mother and father, they loved one another but she wasn’t enough. In her darkest days, she wasn’t enough and he went elsewhere and I couldn’t bear it if you, if we...’
‘Eve!’ He dropped to his knees, touched his palm to her cheek. ‘I would never betray you.’
The very idea had his gut twisted in knots.
‘It’s easy to say that now when we’ve not been tested.’
Tested? She was testing him right now!
‘I’m not naive, Eve. I know what we’re agreeing to.’
‘Do you, Nate? Truly? A marriage without love...’
‘People marry for a lot less than what we have.’
‘Not you.’
‘And you never wanted marriage in the first place,’ he said, purposely cold, his hand falling to his side. Overly aware that if he said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, it would all be over.
‘No, I didn’t. But then I didn’t want a lot of things that have found me in life.’
She was withdrawing from him, her eyes turning distant.
‘What do you want me to say, Eve? How can I make this right?’
‘You can be honest with me.’
‘I’ve always been honest with you, and I will always be honest with you.’
‘Do you love me?’
His chest contracted around his screaming heart, squeezing tight. Her direct question thwarting his every attempt to stay calm. ‘How can I say I love you when it’s the one emotion you openly run from?’
‘That’s not an answer.’
‘It’s a good enough answer for me.’
‘I wanted a yes or no.’
‘Then no, Eve. I don’t love you.’
Because when it came down to it, how could he love a woman who, as soon as her sabbatical ended, would be too wrapped up in work to notice him? How could he love a woman who by her own lips could never love him back?
She stared back at him, so quiet, so calm, the silence deafening as his heart continued to blare. Then she blew out a breath, looked to the dark outdoors and the moonlight dancing in the gum trees.
‘And I won’t be a hypocrite, Nate.’
‘A what?’
‘I resented my parents for what I saw as the lie they presented to the world, to us... What I saw as their fake love. When all the while, it was nothing of the sort.’
‘What’s that got to do with—?’
Her eyes flashed to his. ‘We’re doing exactly what I accused them of, hated them for. Don’t you see? Presenting a fake front, a fake marriage, a fake love, and I won’t do it.’
‘Even for the sake of our child.’
‘I’m doing this for the sake of our child. I won’t turn our child into me! Have them grow up resenting us for being together for all the wrong reasons, or, worse, perceive us as lying to them. I won’t.’
‘But it doesn’t have to be like that.’
‘Doesn’t it? What about when the distance between us grows because I can’t give you what you need?’
He shook his head, defeat heavy on his shoulders. ‘So that’s it, it’s over and you’re going to move back to London and take my child with you?’
‘No, I’m done selling images, fake or otherwise. I want to make a home here. A new life for myself and our child, one that keeps you in it, whether we get to keep the station or not.’
‘But it’s not the same, it could never be the same. You know that.’
‘I know our child will be happier knowing their parents are living the lives they chose for themselves.’
He stared at her, unwilling to believe this was happening when not minutes before they’d been as close as two people can be.
At least be happy that she’s saying in Australia...
But it wasn’t enough. He wanted her.
‘One day you’ll meet the woman that you were destined to love and you’ll thank me for it.’
‘Thank you?’ he choked out.
‘A child isn’t a reason to marry. And neither is some ancient marriage clause. I release you from your promise, Nate.’ She eased the ring from her finger and placed it in his palm. ‘Find someone who deserves this, someone who loves you as you do them. Find your happiness.’
‘We can be happy together.’
‘Without love?’ She closed his hand around the ring, pressed a kiss to his forehead and rose up, her eyes so sad they crushed him whole. ‘You can’t be happy...and I’m not sure I can either.’
She climbed into bed, pulled the blanket over her, and rolled away. The room far too quiet with the roar inside his head, his heart... He opened his hand, looked down at the ring and sagged into the chair.
What did he do? What did he say? His dreams were slipping through his fingers like grains of sand and he couldn’t catch them. Because he realised in that moment, with absolute certainty, that he was the only liar in this room.
He loved her and he couldn’t tell her.
Damned if he did and damned if he didn’t.
And what kind of cruel twist of fate was that?
CHAPTER TWELVE
EVE DIDN’T SLEEP.
She pretended to sleep, right up until the point that Nate left the room, and then she packed. Sneaking out at the crack of dawn to hitch a ride on the mail plane before anyone could wake up and confront her.
Despite her desire to be strong and accepting of the future she had now chosen, she wasn’t ready to tell anyone that it was over.
It hurt too much. The idea of not marrying Nate, of not being bound together...
So she’d left Rose a note:
Gone to Melbourne to see Ana. I’ll call you later.
Eve x
And fled.
Though this was different from all those years ago when she’d run with no intention of returning. This time she was coming back and she would face it all.
But first, she needed to face the last piece of her painful past—Ana.
A meeting that was long overdue and the only thing that she could think to do that would heal rather than hurt. She should’ve spoken to her half-sister months ago. Done as her sisters had and welcomed her in.
Not pushed her from her mind to tackle what she saw as the more pressing issue of the two—
Issue?
Ana wasn’t an issue. She was her sister. Her blood. Another unbreakable bond.
So here she was, standing on the streets of St Kilda, staring at the front of the sweetest little Hungarian restaurant owned by Ana’s grandparents. She’d tried her home and a neighbour had told her she’d find Ana and her ‘lovely family’ here.
She’d smiled her thanks, asked for directions, and hurried away before a tear could escape. Lovely family. Rose and Tilly had been lovely too. But Eve?
Heaven knew how Ana saw her and she only had herself to blame.
She stepped towards the door and paused. The scent of food had her taste buds tingling, and she could hear the muffled sound of voices and laughter, but the restaurant was closed. They must be preparing for service.
She peered through the glass. Wooden floors, bentwood chairs, crystal chandeliers and prints of an ancient city filled the walls. An eclectic delight—warm and inviting—but what really caught Eve’s attention were the four people sitting around a table in the middle of the room. Four people with love in their eyes and cheer in their voices. Ana and her family.
Eve smiled, the sight warming her even as it labelled her the outsider once more.
At that moment Ana turned, her eyes narrowing and widening just as quick as her chair scraped back and Eve jerked away. She’d intruded on their moment. She should’ve knocked, should’ve messaged, should’ve...
The door swung open. ‘Eve!’
She lifted a weak hand. ‘Hi, Ana.’
‘What are you—why are you—?’ Ana shook her head as her mother came up behind her. Same dark hair, same slight frame, though her eyes were a rich brown. Kind, too.
‘Ana, who is it?’
‘Mum, it’s—this is Eve. Holt’s daughter.’
Now they were both staring at her and she knew she needed to speak up, say something before they thought she was as deranged as she felt. There was so much she wanted to say and she was struggling to latch onto any one thing. The past, the present, the future that was so uncertain. But nothing would come except tears. They streamed down her face and Ana leapt forward, pulling her into her chest.
‘It’s okay, Eve,’ she soothed. ‘It’ll be okay.’
Eve shook her head, wanted to apologise, instead she let them usher her inside. Ana’s mother and grandparents set about bringing her food, water, and some drink they said was good for the nerves. Though Eve couldn’t really taste it. All she was aware of was the love in the room. The love and the care. And she felt relieved.
Relieved to know that all those years where their father had kept Ana out of their lives, her life had been no less rich, because she’d had this.
‘I’m sorry, Ana,’ she managed at last. ‘I should’ve come sooner.’
Ana gave her a shy smile. ‘I’m just relieved that you’re here now...and if it’s not too bad to say, I’m also a little relieved that you can cry. I had my doubts.’
Eve winced and Ana gave her a nudge. ‘I am kidding...well, maybe just a little.’
She gave a choked laugh and Ana wrapped her into another hug. ‘So do you want to tell me why you’re here when you’ve only just got engaged to that sexy hunk of a lawyer?’
And just like that Eve was crying again. Uncaring that she had an audience of four. Six if you counted the two chefs prepping in the open kitchen behind, their curious gazes suggesting they heard more than they ought.
But what did it matter anyway? The story of her failed engagement would hit the press at some stage so she might as well get used to it.
