Berserk, p.14
Berserk, page 14
I’ve been to school every day and have been keeping my head down. I can’t be arsed to make the teachers want to kill me. I must be depressed or something. It’s definitely not normal Chas behaviour. I’m even doing my school work. I’m right into my CDT coursework, making a camping bed which folds flat for easy transport out of cardboard. (I’ve never been camping in my life and if I did I wouldn’t take a bed, but my teacher seemed to think it was a good idea) and I’ve handed in loads of maths coursework.
I keep having these flirty little conversations with Lexi at lunch times and I’ve walked her home every day. Connor asked me if we were going out and I just gave him a grin.
I’ve not seen Lenny Darling at all in the last week. I think Mum’s keeping him out of my way so I don’t put him off her. My spies tell me they go to one of three places: Harold’s restaurant in town, the Gilded Lady pub on the posh side of town, and the bowling alley by the supermarket. I have to admit that my mum is happier than she’s been for years. She even told Gran to leave her alone when Gran was going on about how Mum’s new hairdo made her look like a tart. Mum deserved a slap on the back for that, but I have my own arrangements for getting on with Gran and I don’t want to mess them up.
I still haven’t told any of my mates about Lenny. As soon as word gets out about his past, it might make things bad for my family. There used to be this old bloke living next door to Dolores and Michael, and the rumour spread that he used to be a Nazi. Anyway, this bloke got so much graffiti and dog turds through the letterbox, he ended up moving away. He had a funny accent, and I know he came from Germany because Michael told me. But Michael also said this bloke had been evacuated during the war because he was a Jew and everyone didn’t know what they were talking about. You have to keep yourself to yourself round here because it feels like everyone is looking for something to pin on you.
Gran won’t let me out of the door until she’s made me eat a bowl of Rice Krispies and given me a Penguin for just before the exam. I feel like a little kid.
“My grandson is sitting his maths exam,” she says to herself in the hall mirror.
She’s mad, that woman.
Everyone is already sitting down when I get to the sports hall. And Fuller himself is there.
“Skin of your teeth, boy, skin of your teeth,” he says. But then he pats my shoulder. “Good luck, remember to have a go at all the questions. You shouldn’t find them a problem.”
I wasn’t nervous until then. But now that I’m sitting at my desk behind Patsy Jones the room is dead quiet and I feel queasy. God! What is happening to me? Imagine, Chas Parsons getting worried over an exam.
“Turn over the page,” says Fuller, and a massive rustling fills the room. I look at the blank sheet of paper in front of me. People all around are scribbling already.
Clear your head, I tell myself. This is important. I imagine the look on Gran’s face when I tell her I’ve passed my maths exam.
I turn over the page.
So, it’s eight in the evening. I’ve got seven days until my date with Lexi, and, according to Gran, Lenny is coming to pick up Mum in five minutes. I’ve only seen him twice since I got released. Both times he was sat in his car, waiting for Mum. Hopefully he’ll do the same tonight but even so, I lurk around upstairs, fiddling with Gran’s china ornaments and flicking the curtains, just in case he decides to come in. Mum is bustling round downstairs getting ready. She’s left a wet towel on the bathroom floor. I pick it up and fold it over the radiator so Gran won’t have a go at her. I hear the gate hinges squeak and footsteps on the path. He must have walked or I would have heard his car. I move back the curtain ever so slightly to look at him.
He’s wearing a denim jacket and a black T-shirt and jeans, and he’s twisted his few straggles of hair into a wormy ponytail. With his pale skin and bony face he looks like he’s just crawled out of a body bag.
As I watch, he puts his cloth man-bag on the path and stretches. Then he does a series of funny moves; lunging forward and holding out his arms, then standing dead straight with his hands clasped. I shake my head. My dad wasn’t exactly a model citizen, he drank too much and was a bit trigger happy with his fists, but at least he didn’t do aerobics in the garden like a nutter.
“Dickhead,” I mutter.
Lenny abruptly stops his crazy moves. He looks up at the window. I skip back, but he aims this horrible grin right up at me. He can’t see through the nets, can he? To my relief he turns away and examines the flowers. Gran hates gardening, but she has to have a better front than Dolores, so it’s rammed with big purple, white and yellow flowers and, thanks to Michael, the grass is cut shorter than a Borstal barber’s. Lenny curls his hand round a big white flower head and he yanks it off, just like that. He looks back at my window and shreds the petals one by one, letting them flutter to the ground through his fingers.
Who the hell does he think he is? If Devil did something like that, I wouldn’t think anything of it. Devil does what he likes. But Lenny Darling is an adult. And adults don’t go ripping up flowers in grannies’ gardens.
I force open the window.
“What did you do that for?” I yell.
“It needed d-dead heading,” he replies in his whispery voice. “Lots of things do round here. I rather approve of culling as an ethos.”
I don’t know what to say to that so I don’t say anything.
“What happened to your finger?” calls Lenny.
I freeze.
“I noticed it the other day. Did you have an accident in prison?”
I don’t know why I said what I did next. I think I was trying to shock him.
“My mate cut it off,” I say. “He’s still got it, as far as I know.”
“What?” Lenny’s face drops. “Someone did that to you on purpose?”
“Not exactly, we were messing around,” I say. “It was collateral damage.”
“Are you sure?” asks Lenny. He looks genuinely interested. “Are you being terrorized by someone, Chas?”
I grunt. “It was an accident. Devil’s hand slipped.” I’m not convinced this is true, but it’s got nothing to do with Lenny.
“I hope you’ve had it seen to.”
“Don’t tell Mum,” I say. “It will only freak her out.”
Lenny grins at me. It’s not nice. I decide to terminate the conversation and I slam down the window. I wait in my room until he’s gone.
E i g h t e e n
It’s Friday at last. I’m dead early, but she said don’t be late. So I’m hanging around like a right muppet watching all these people pile out of the Odeon. It’s been a hot day and it hasn’t cooled down yet. I’ve had a shower, shaved (not that I really need to) and I got Gran to iron my best shirt and trousers. I had a haircut yesterday; I went where I always go, the barber’s next to the courts, A Close Shave. It was weird, the last time I was there was before I got sent down for nicking the jug. Me and Devil were still hanging out all the time and I was writing letters to Lenny Darling – who was still safely locked up in US maximum security. How things change. Anyway, the barber was the same bloke as always, but this time he cut my hair much shorter than usual. There’s all this space above my ears before my hair starts. I look bloody stupid sideways on. I look all right from the front. But I keep pretending to scratch my ear to hide the sides.
I text Connor Blacker just for something to do.
goin out wiv lexi bet u wish u were me
I wander a little way down the street, looking in the shop windows but not really seeing anything. I’m nervous. Even though I left the shower till the last possible moment I stink of sweat.
Me and Lexi hang out all the time, but, apart from walking home from school, we’re usually part of a group. She’s always with her mates and I’m definitely one of the lads. Tonight is different.
I watch the traffic and the people. I check my mobile about every thirty seconds in case I’ve missed any messages. It wouldn’t take much for me to belt home. I hate all this waiting.
Nothing has changed in the town centre for years. It’s the same shops (except there’s a baker’s where the TV rental place used to be) the same bloke-on-a horse statue in the high street, even the same faces, only older and uglier every day. The only decent thing in this town is Lexi Juby. I’m going to leave as soon as I have an alternative. My dream job is to be a rally car driver. But that’s not likely to happen. I watch an aeroplane cross the sky. I could be an air steward. I’d get to fly all round the world with lots of beautiful women. Only it is a bit of a gay job for a bloke. I pause at the travel agents’ window. I saw this programme on TV a while ago about this place in Greece or somewhere where all the women get drunk and are pretty wild. That’s when I decided I wanted to be a holiday rep even though I’ve never been abroad. I’ve only been to the beach once, and that was when I was eight years old with Guy and Midge, my ex-foster parents.
I’m reading all the holiday prices.
Gran Canaria
2 weeks £209
Malaga
1 week (half board) £220
Malta
1 week £130
I suddenly get the urge to go somewhere. But I’m never going to have that sort of money, am I? All I get is twenty quid a week off Gran.
I’m standing there for ages, killing time and trying to stop myself watching the clock. I can’t stand it. I check my mobile. 20:05.
She’s not coming. She’s stood me up. I bet she and Debs are all laughing themselves sick somewhere. Oh man. I bet they’re all spying on me and laughing at my haircut. Maybe that’s it. Maybe she took one look at my haircut and legged it off.
“Chas.”
I spin round. I am half hoping it’s Lexi but I know it isn’t, because the voice is lisping and creepily soft. I nearly fall off the pavement when I find myself face to face with Lenny Darling.
“Waiting for someone?” asks Lenny. “Devlin Juby maybe? Your mother said you used to spend a lot of time together. Sounds like trouble. Or maybe you’re waiting for your g-girlfriend.”
Don’t let this be happening. I breathe out. Lexi will be here any minute.
“Relax, I’m not going to kill you,” says Lenny.
“What?”
“I’m being humorous,” says Lenny and he cracks his skull-face into what is supposed to be a smile.
“No you’re not,” I mutter. I look frantically round for an escape route. But if I leave now, there’s a chance I might miss her.
“Chas,” Lenny shakes his head, “why should you be scared of me? I know I don’t look like much at the moment, but neither would you if you’d spent the last ten years underground and in mortal dread for your life.”
“I’m not scared of you,” I lie.
Lenny smiles. He’s wearing a suit. It’s cream coloured and he’s wearing a sky blue shirt underneath which is open at the neck so his pale chest pokes out.
“I’m surprised and grateful that you haven’t yet divulged my unfortunate history to the entire town,” says Lenny. “It makes me think better of you. I want people to get to know me as a p-person first.” He puts a hand on my shoulder and I nearly wet myself. “Do you remember that eloquent question Did you mean to m-murder that kid? in your first letter? I thought to myself, here I have someone with startling bluntness. Some might say, damningly rude. What do you think?”
“Whatever,” I say. I don’t like thinking that I’m helping him out by not saying anything. I’m only keeping quiet for Mum’s sake.
“I’m off to see your mum now; she’s quite an original, isn’t she?” Lenny winks at me and I get a nasty prickling down my neck. “She’s cooking something for me.”
“Leave her alone,” I say suddenly. “She’s not your type and she’s not well.” I stare at him as long as I can, which isn’t very long because his eyes are so freaky.
“She’s attractive enough,” he says. “Speaking of which. . .”
I follow his gaze and look over my shoulder.
“Hi Chas, who’s your mate?”
It’s Lexi. She’s actually turned up. She’s looking amazing. Her hair is straight and shiny and she’s got this sparkly green eye make-up on. She’s wearing a pink miniskirt, with all these ruffles, and a white vest.
“I’m Lenny Darling, a friend of the family.” And he goes to shake her hand. “You might want to call me Darling.”
Ugh. What a creep.
“No thanks,” says Lexi.
“Come on,” I say and grab her wrist and try to drag her away. But Lexi isn’t the type to be dragged anywhere.
“A friend of his family?” she asks. “You must be mad.”
“Probably,” says Lenny and smiles. “And you are?”
“Lexi,” she says.
“Of course, Lexi Juby, you’re the sister of the infamous Devil.” He looks at me. “I haven’t m-met him yet.”
“It’s Devlin, actually,” says Lexi.
Lenny is looking at Lexi in a really pervy way. The man’s hitting on my woman now, as well as my mum.
“And I understand you’re young Chas’s girlfriend. What a delightful couple.” His voice is like, really sarky.
“Steady on,” says Lexi. “We’re just mates.”
“Oh?” Lenny pretends to be surprised. “Chas had led me to believe your relationship was rather more, er, i-i-intimate than that.”
Bastard.
“We’ll miss the film,” I say and start walking off. Lexi’ll never speak to me again.
“OK,” nods Lenny. “I get the message. Farewell for now. I’ll see you around, Lexi Juby, sister of Dev-lin. Daughter of. . .?”
“Satan,” says Lexi, giving him her sweetest smile.
I put my hand on Lexi’s shoulder and guide her away at a speed. When we are round the corner I realize two things. One: I am actually leading Lexi in a boyfriend kind of way. Two: I can feel the clasp on the strap of her bra. It makes me feel weak.
I remove my hand from her shoulder and grab her hand instead. We walk fast, down the street, past the police station and through the park gates.
I’m sweating again. I don’t know if it’s because I’m holding Lexi’s hand or because I’ve just been face to face with Lenny Darling.
We collapse on the park bench next to the fountain.
“Who’s the creepy bloke?” asks Lexi. “He could do with a block booking at Fast Tan.”
“He’s my mum’s boyfriend,” I say.
“Gross,” says Lexi and she smiles at me. “Why did you freak out? You’re usually Mr Cool.”
“It’s complicated,” I say. I’m dying to tell her about him, but for Mum’s sake I keep quiet.
“You can trust me,” says Lexi. She takes a can of Coke from her bag, opens it and offers it to me. It’s still cold. Only Lexi Juby could have a freezing cold can of Coke in her bag on a boiling June evening.
I drink half the can before giving it back. I feel better. She hasn’t freaked out about me telling Lenny she was my girlfriend.
“He’s not good enough for my mum,” I say.
“No one likes the idea of their parents having relationships,” says Lexi. She stretches out her long, brown legs. “It’s psychological.”
I fiddle with my phone and Lexi changes the subject.
“Devlin’s been asking after you,” she says. “He came home yesterday. Have you two fallen out? He’s being weirder than usual.”
Oh no, Devil’s on the loose again. I hate to say it, but I felt much more relaxed knowing he wasn’t around. Now I’m nervous. He could be anywhere.
“We had a disagreement,” I say. “It can get pretty intense when you’re locked up together.”
“I’d have killed him,” says Lexi.
“I had a go,” I say and we both laugh.
We’re chatting and hanging out in the park and before I know it, two hours have passed. I can’t believe it, time hasn’t gone this quickly since, I don’t know, since before I got sent to Bevanport. Lexi tells me about Devil and how he’s got a massive bruise on his face and hasn’t eaten a thing since he’s got home. It’s hard for me to feel sorry for him. We talk about all sorts of other stuff: mostly to do with school, but every now and then she starts going on about the war or something and I have to pretend I know what she’s on about.
“You look sad, what’s s’matter?” asks Lexi, drawing her feet up on the bench and resting her chin on her gorgeous bare knees. “Are you worrying about your exams?”
“Exams are no sweat,” I lie. I wasn’t aware that I looked sad. I thought I was having the time of my life.
“I hate them,” she says. “I have to pass enough to get into college. I’m going to be a psychologist.”
“What’s that?” Though really I am more interested in whether I am going to kiss her. We are on a date after all. Dates are for kissing. Lexi must know that.
“It’s studying human behaviour,” says Lexi. “Working out why we behave like we do. It’s usually related to childhood.”
I think I’d better kiss her in the next few minutes. Just a quick one to start, then a proper snog. I run my tongue along the roof of my mouth.
“Like, Devlin, my dear brother. Imagine being called ‘Devil’ by absolutely everyone since before you could even walk. He never had a chance. He’s got a lot to live up to.”
This is such a bizarre idea I momentarily forget about kissing.
“Hang on, you’re saying Devil, I mean Devlin, is a nutter because of his name?” This psychology stuff seems a bit far-fetched to me.
“Partly,” says Lexi, scratching her arm. “If I ever have kids I’m going to give them the most mainstream, boring names I can think of. It means they can be who they want.”
She’s lost me there. Maybe I should put my arm round her before I kiss her. I don’t want to scare her off.
“OK, my brother has always been hyperactive and he could have done with a few doses of Ritalin when he was little,” Lexi carries on. “But he also got depressed when my parents split up and my mum left.”
