Shaken, p.18

Shaken, page 18

 part  #3 of  Conflicted Encounters Series

 

Shaken
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  Thanking about Scarlett with someone else made my chest tighten. I couldn't stand the thought of another guy touching her now that I knew what she felt like. I knew this was only temporary, but until I said it was over, she was mine. I was going to be selfish for a little longer.

  I heard the gravel crunching under tires and went to look out the window. Scarlett's Mustang was pulling up in front of the house and I jogged down the steps to meet her in the entryway. She didn’t bother to knock and looked surprised to see me waiting for her.

  "Hey," she said softly. I sensed some hesitation and something that I thought was guilt in her voice.

  "Hey. You okay?" Something seemed off and my pulse quickened.

  "Yeah," she said with a nod. "I just needed to talk to you."

  Scarlett walked into my kitchen and pulled out a bottle of water. She was nibbling on her lip and avoided eye contact with me. Something was bothering her and I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear what. If she was on the verge of making a confession, what would it be?

  What if she slipped last night and slept with someone else? My jaw clenched as I stiffly joined her to the kitchen. Thoughts of what she was going to say and questions to my reaction to what she hasn't said haunted me.

  Deep brown eyes connected with mine. They were clear and reminded me of the coffee she loved so much. I could almost see the little girl I befriended and protected for most of my life. I saw the fear, worry, and confusion in them. As we progressed with our deal, she'd lost the ability to hide from me.

  "I'm sorry, Logan," she started and I held my breath. "I thought I could drop it, that it didn't matter, but I was wrong. I need to know."

  "Know what, love?" I asked, coming closer to her, some of my fear easing.

  "Who is the woman that is showing up? Who is the girl that keeps calling you and why won't you tell me?"

  I swallowed loudly and it seemed like it echoed in my lonely kitchen.

  "I came here that night asking for no more secrets. I know how private you can be, and I tried to respect that, but I can't anymore," she rushed. "It drives me crazy thinking about the possibilities."

  Although I knew this moment was coming, I wasn't prepared with an explanation.

  "I need to know or I can't keep doing this with you," she admitted. "I'm not hiding anything from you anymore. You striped away every layer I worked so hard to put up. I can't stand thinking you didn't crack at least a little bit for me."

  "She's my sister," I blurted out, unable to see the pained look on her face anymore. In hiding the truth, I was basically lying to her. How could I expect Scarlett to give nothing but the truth and stop lying to herself and others when I couldn't do the same for her?

  "I didn't know you had any siblings," she whispered. A mixture of confusion, relief, and concentration washed over her pretty face. Her shoulders sagged and her eyebrows pulled together as she looked to me for answers.

  "I didn't either. She showed up recently, claiming we have the same mother," I mumbled.

  "But you haven't seen your mom since you moved here," Scarlett thought out loud. She was trying to work out the puzzle in her mind.

  "I guess she was pregnant when she ditched me. Met up with some dude and stayed with him for a while before getting bored of her other kid, too."

  "She just abandoned her, too?"

  I nodded.

  "But she must be, what? Sixteen? Seventeen?"

  I nodded.

  Scarlett started to pace the tiled floor. She ran her fingers through her long hair as she nibbled on her lip and paced. I took a chair at the table, waiting for her to process all of it. She would have more questions, so I waited.

  "You sent her away," she finally said. It wasn’t a question. It was an accusation. "Why?"

  This was why I didn't want to tell her. Scarlett only let few people in, but once you're in, you had all the love in the world. She was fiercely protective and loving, despite her cold front. The girl in biker boots with a mouth of a sailor couldn't stand to let someone suffer or be in need.

  "I don't know if I believe her," I told her. "She showed up out of nowhere claiming to be looking for me and Grams."

  "Why would she lie?"

  "Grams left a lot of money and a lot of land when she passed. The house, the truck, and the largest plot of land in the town. If it's her Grams, too, she will want her share."

  Scarlett stared at me in disbelief. This was what I had been avoiding. The disappointment in her eyes cut through and gutted me. I closed my eyes to keep it from burning me alive.

  She didn’t understand. Scarlett had Ryder since the moment of conception. All of her life she'd had someone there to hold her hand. Neither one of the twins knew what is like to be alone. Ryder and Scarlett would always have each other and didn’t know what it was like to be without the other.

  The twins shared a bond stronger than anything I had ever seen before. At times, I swore they could read each other's minds. Scarlett stared at me, surprised I could turn away my own sister. She was shocked that I didn't welcome her in, arms wide open, with an ask questions later kind of greeting. This judgment was coming from someone who would do anything for their sibling because it's second nature to them.

  "What's her name?" she asked.

  Oh no. It's like naming the farm animals. Once you name them, you're too attached. I shook my head at her in refusal, but her fist slammed down on the counter.

  "Peyton."

  "Does Peyton have any proof for your over-cynical ass?"

  I smirked because that was a description usually reserved for her. Scarlett's eyes narrowed and I knew she’d read my mind.

  "I don't want a sister, Scarlett," I told her in a firm voice as I stood from the chair. "She had the mother that left me here without a goodbye, without ever calling to check on me, without a second thought. Peyton ran away and thought she would find some money in it. I'm not stupid."

  "Maybe you're wrong," Scarlett argued. "Have you heard her out?"

  "No. Now I answered your questions. You know who the mystery woman is. Now, tell me, why did you need to know so damn bad?"

  Scarlett's eyes widened and I grinned. "Were you jealous?"

  “Yes,” she said simply.

  I closed the gap between us and took her mouth with mine. "Because we made a deal?” I asked against her lips.

  "No. That is not why."

  That was all I needed to hear in order to lift her off the ground and carry her upstairs. Our lips stayed connected the entire time I stumbled in the dark toward my bedroom. Her fingers locked in my hair and I could finally breath again with her scent in the air.

  I kicked open the bedroom door and laid her back. I broke out of her hold just long enough to flick the light switch. Light filled the room and illuminated the girl sprawled out on my bed. Her dark hair covered the sheets and her scent was again taking over my own. It was finally right.

  Slowly, I crawled over her, taking her kisses slow and gently. I savored the taste of her because minutes ago, I thought she was walking away and I would never have it again. I made sure to touch every inch of her skin because I would hate myself if I ever missed a spot.

  It's funny how when something is taken away, you finally appreciate what you have. When I thought Scarlett was here to break it off, or confess something unforgivable, I thought of how much I would miss her. The idea of never kissing or touching her again and all the things we had yet to do sucked the air of me.

  In the bright light of my bedroom, I made good use of my time. I memorized every tattoo, every sound, and all the colors streaked in her hair. When she walked away from this, I didn't want to have regrets. I took her slowly and unlike I ever have been with anyone before.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Scarlett

  It had been almost a week since I confronted Logan. After the camping trip, the doubt had been too much to bear. The glassy look in the girl’s eyes haunted every good memory we made. I had to know who she was and what she wanted from him.

  I knew Logan had a past, everyone does. I most definitely do. I wasn’t as clueless to think he was a saint but I thought he turned down women so that we could continue this game. The fact that she was so insistent was what made me nervous.

  I didn't know if I felt any better knowing the truth. Logan had a little sister out there, begging to connect with him. Logan never spoke about what his life was like before he moved here. To be his friend, you needed to know you didn't ask and he wouldn't discuss it. It was like nothing existed before that time.

  At least knowing eased the tension I felt. When threatened with losing me, he caved and told me what I needed to know. Part of me melted that I was able to break through. Logan wasn't willing to let me go or end this arrangement we had. Whatever the hell it was.

  Our kisses were different that night. They were laced with desperation, tenderness and a devotion that was unlike anything I had before. Where every time together had been passionate, exciting and mind-blowing, this was refined and somehow more. More than just sex. More than just a game.

  I had no idea what it meant but I knew it meant something. When Logan was satisfied that I learned all I was supposed to, what would happen? Did we go back to way things were before? My stomach rolled when I imagined being nothing more than his friend and only seeing him on family dinner nights. That wouldn't do.

  To keep myself busy, I sketched in my room. I was in a butterfly phase, drawing them over and over again. Cosmo was roaming my room freely as we listened to music. The butterflies reminded of the feelings that only Logan had been able to stir inside me. After hours of agonizing why that was, I figured it out.

  I don't have any freaking idea how it happened but I, Scarlett Brooks, started falling for Logan King.

  Wow. Never saw that coming.

  Although it was a Friday night, I was used to staying in now. Going out no longer held the excitement it used to. I often wondered what I thought I was gaining. Logan was right when he said I didn't do it for the sex. I was so mad when he said that but I see now how right he was.

  Other men didn’t make me feel how Logan could. Not once did I scream like he could make me. Living off the hunt and the power I felt when someone wanted me was only getting me so far. It was shallow existence. I was just blissfully unaware of that before now.

  I looked up when a soft knock sounded at my door. Kallie poked her head in.

  "Those are great," she said, looking down at my drawings.

  "Thanks," I said. I waited patiently while she played fetch with Cosmo. She had something on her mind, I could tell.

  "What is going on with you and Logan?"

  "Finally," I laughed. "I can't believe you waited this long to ask!"

  "I was hoping you would just tell me, bitch," she teased and tossed the wooden bead that Cosmo was chasing at my head. It bounced off my forehead and he caught it when it rolled back to the floor.

  When my laughing subsided, I answered. "I have no idea."

  Kallie looked at me in confusion and I put my face in my hands. I couldn't explain it to myself, let alone anyone else. I got the strange feeling I was transported back to ninth grade and I had my first crush.

  "Is this just sex?" she asked.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know what it is. But Ryder would be pissed.”

  "Ryder doesn't like it when guys that aren't good enough take advantage of his sister."

  I nodded in understanding. My twin would be furious if he found we were in it for just the sex. I wanted to be able to tell him it was more than that, but I wasn't sure if it would be a lie. Ryder would see through any bullshit I tried to feed him.

  "Just don't say anything, please."

  "Scarlett, I love you," she told me. "But I love him. I won't lie to him either. Figure out your mess."

  She winked and left me with my thoughts. The way I saw it, I had two options. End this fling we were having, or prove that we had something worth the fight that might ensue. I wasn't ready to stop but I also wasn't ready to tell my brother.

  With the death of my father, I wanted to eliminate having secrets or lies. My dad passed hiding is illness from me. Things would have been different had I known his time was limited. Was it right to only connect with him because he was dying? Probably not, but his death wouldn't have brought so much guilt had I seen him before he died.

  Logan didn't have any family to cling to. I had my other half and my mom still. Now I even had Kallie because I was pretty sure she wasn't going anywhere. I think never having someone force their way in caused him to block everyone else out. Maybe I was getting inside of him just as much as he was me.

  Those thoughts all lead me to do something I wasn't proud of. I used the key hidden under the rock by the steps to let myself into Logan’s house. As far as I knew, only I knew about the secret key. Logan had texted he was at the lounge working security and I should stop by. I told him maybe but had something to do before.

  That something was sneaking around in the dark house with a flashlight like I was Nancy Drew. I wore a black hoodie over my head and tiptoed up across the hardwood floors. It didn't matter that you couldn't see the nearest house from Logan's property. I could set off an alarm and no one would even hear it. I was in stealth mode and determined to find all the clues.

  I just needed her full name. I doubted Peyton had the same last name as Logan since they didn't share the same father. If I could get a name, Kallie had a private investigator that her family's business relied on. She once used him to look up my ex-fiancé. The P.I. was approached by the FBI and wasn't able to alert us of his real identity until after Adam was arrested. By then, I was humiliated and heartbroken.

  Despite opening every drawer and cabinet in the kitchen, I turned up nothing. I thought I was being foolish when I opened the coat closet by the front door, but I found the box that was on his porch the night I showed up confessing all my secrets. I used my car keys to open it; it was full of photographs.

  My cell phone lit up the pictures. I never met Logan's mom, but this woman was obviously her. She had the same silver-blue eyes that he did. He had her full lips, too. A little girl with golden curls was in her arms. My heart broke seeing how happy this mom looked. It was hard picturing her just dropping off a child, never to look back.

  I found more photos of the little girl. The golden curls and light eyes. When she smiled, I saw the resemblance. The longer I looked, the more I recognized the girl from the porch. This was her proof that they shared a mother, if you could call her that. Logan never even looked at these.

  My heart ached for the young girl that was left abandoned and alone. A heartless woman gave birth to two kids and cared only for herself. When a son became inconvenient, she dropped him off, never to return. When she wanted a child, she got a new one. Only kids tend to take work and effort. This bitch wasn't up for the challenge.

  I rummaged through the box, finding no information on her identity. I only found more photos of her, the mother, and a man that was most likely Peyton's dad. Two people were suffering from the same thing; they could find comfort and support in each other.

  I took the box with me while I climbed the stairs. The old farmhouse wasn't unlike most of the other homes in town. Full of history, lead paint, and creaking wood. Most houses had hallways not unlike this one. Only theirs were lined with family portraits. The walls I walked by were bare.

  I let myself into Logan's office where his computer screen casted a dim light in the room. I pushed down the guilt I felt for invading his privacy. I wanted to help him and in the end, he would thank me. I hoped.

  My family was broken and tore apart from an affair and secrets. Town gossip dragged us through the mud and my mom was never the same afterward. One thing that never changed was Ryder and I. There was a time that I was all he had. I loved him and couldn't imagine life without him by my side.

  I wanted Logan to have that love. He deserved to have the unconditional support that his own parents never offered him. I opened several screens and clicked away, hoping in the end I could give Logan a sibling that he would always have. He didn't know the bond and love he was passing up by casting this teenager out in the cold.

  When his email and notes didn't pull up any information on the girl, I grew discouraged. The desktop was full of articles and I doubted it would be in those. I sighed and slumped in the chair. I hoped to be able to give him some proof that Peyton wasn't lying because I knew he wouldn't just take a stranger's word for it.

  In desperation, I started to open the folders. I smiled at the familiar titles. Logan didn't know I read every single word he published. No matter how simple, stupid or pointless they were, I read them. He had a way with words that I couldn't help but devour every letter he typed.

  An untitled document popped up and hope flooded my chest. I clicked it open, hoping to find everything I was looking for. I skimmed the words, my heart pumping and dropping in my chest with every sentence. This wasn't what I was looking for.

  Breaking A Bad Girl's Shell.

  Tears welled in my eyes as they refused to look away from the screen. I took in every word, breaking my heart a little more the longer I sat there. This was a glimpse into how Logan really thought of me. I was reckless, dangerous and on a path to self-destruction according to him.

  One morning, she would wake up with regret. Her rash decisions made only to make her self feel better would have put her in a place she didn't want to be. No longer wanted, trusted or needed; the bad girl would wind up alone.

  Alone.

  That's how I felt when his words wrapped around me. They told a story of a broken little girl crying out for attention. An experiment designed to help her see the error of her ways and change her life. Plans were sketched out to teach the little slut a lesson with the goal that she would keep her legs closed.

  1. You can abstain from sex.

  Logan said those words to me. I rolled the dice and agreed to follow his rules. I didn't fool around with anyone since then. He wrote to strangers that it would be the hardest part for me.

 

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