The naughty chocolatier, p.23
The Naughty Chocolatier, page 23
A warm thumb swiped at drying tears as I concentrated on breathing. Ellis held me close, the consistent cadence of his heartbeat soothing my aching soul. He sighed, as if a tightly wound knot between us slowly unraveled. Only then did I look up to see the remnants of tears on his cheeks.
I loosened my grip on his shirt. Reaching up, I cradled his face. No words needed to be spoken. We’d bonded in a way I didn’t think either of us had expected and yet we’d needed. Eventually his solemn expression broke, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he leaned over and kissed my forehead.
“I’m sorry,” I said when he pulled me into hug. “I didn’t mean to fall apart like that.”
“You’re soft-hearted,” he replied, the rumble of his voice echoing through my body. “I need a soft-hearted woman in my life.”
I drew back, just enough to be able to look him in the eye, “Just because I’m soft-hearted doesn’t mean you can take advantage.”
“Believe me. I know that all too well. Soft-hearted people are some of the strongest people in the world. Though soft-hearted probably isn’t the best description.”
I drew circles on his arm until he wrapped his larger hands around mine crossing my arms. It was an endearing gesture, a hug from behind. “Compassionate?”
“Yes. I think that’s what it is. This world has so little left. I’m glad I’ve found you.”
“You say that now. Until I start to work your nerves.” My watch buzzed. Medicine time. I expected Ellis to release my arms so I could dismiss the alarm. Instead, he held me that much closer. “Ellis?” I asked, concerned when his grip tightened. His breathing grew deeper, heavier, and more intent. Instead of pulling away I ignored the vibrating and allowed him to hold me close as he processed his thoughts.
The moment passed quickly, the buzzing ending after its two-minute interval. Ellis granted my reprieve allowing me to climb from the couch.
“I’ll be right back.”
He offered a smile and shifted from the stretched-out position to sitting upright. He didn’t move to stand though as his hands worked to gather his locs and tie them back. I gave him one last quick glance over my shoulder before descending the stairs to the lower level.
Instead of gathering one of the pre-made packs of meds from the nightstand, I opted to gather the pills directly from the bottles. I needed to check my stash anyway, a refill due in the next couple of weeks. I also added a reminder in my phone to setup a follow-up appointment. I’d yet to find a doctor in Atlanta since the move and would have to make a trip north in the coming weeks to avoid too much of a hassle.
Bloodshot eyes stared back at me in the mirror, the tell-tale sign of ugly crying. I looked a hot mess. Yet, I felt light as a feather. Purging pent up emotion did that to the soul and I needed to be free. To feel safe enough with someone to be vulnerable. For the first time in a long time, I felt I’d found that person.
Still, I vowed to remain cautious. My relationship with Daniel started with a level of comfort I hadn’t known and look how that turned out. No, I’d remain vigilant, giving some of myself but keeping an eye out for red flags on the horizon before falling hopelessly down the love abyss.
Three pills popped and a warm rag to wipe away the remnants of my emotional submission, I ascended the stairs to find Ellis at the island, a piece of Yaddi’s aloe vera plant in hand as he scooped the contents out with a spoon.
Our eyes locked. “Come, let me get a look at those burns.”
I’d forgotten all about them between the shock of his words and the bursting of the damn around my emotions. I studied the welts on my arm as I crossed the kitchen. He took considerable care rubbing each of the four areas with contents of the cold spoon slathered in aloe.
“That feels wonderful.”
“Nature’s healer.”
I reached around him plucking a snack sized zipper topped bag from one of the drawers. I held it out and he slid the remainder of the plant and the gel he’d collected into the bag before placing it on a shelf in the fridge.
“Now where were we?” He asked, his hand gesturing to the half-completed cakes.
We worked in unison, him handing the appropriate ingredients when I requested them. I could have dumped everything in at once and used the electric mixer, but I needed the process of mixing by hand as a distraction to keep from crawling back into his arms. I desired to be close to Ellis, to curl up with him until the sun set then make love until sunrise. But I also didn’t want to get lost in the shared physical passion. There was still more I wanted to learn about his past and things I needed to share about mine.
With the lost time from my breakdown, the sun’s descent met us by the time we popped the cakes into the oven. It wasn’t late per se, sixish by the clock on the microwave. Still, night crept in, the solar lamps lining the pool bursting to life with the escape of the last light of day. “How about a dip while these bake?”
“Are you trying to get me out of my clothes?” Ellis chided, behind a devilish grin.
“Why,” I feigned my most Southern-belle accent possible, “I’d never.” I dashed for the stairs, bits of clothing flying off in my wake as I made a b-line for the heated pool. Not that it needed to be heated at this point. End of November or not the upside to the south was the surprise warm evening and tonight Mother Nature blessed us with balmy high sixties.
I dove in the deep end making a lap reminiscing on how much I’d missed warm winter nights during the last few years above the Mason Dixon. While I enjoyed my indoor heated pool at my former home, there was nothing like swimming beneath the stars. Ellis soon joined me, though he eased in instead of diving in headfirst.
“Perfect temperature,” he commented going all the way under before reemerging behind me.
“It has some sort of regulator on it. I checked it before I came back upstairs.”
“Does it run all the time. I mean,” he backstroked away resting on the side of the pool where he could stand on the bottom, “isn’t that a waste of energy?”
“Solar. The whole freaking house is. She even has a cistern system even though the house is hooked up to the city water. The people who lived here before she bought the place had all kinds of nifty apocalyptic, off the grid systems installed. When the house was built, it was on well water. The first thing Yaddi did was cap it off when she found out city hookups were available.”
“Bet that wasn’t cheap.”
I relaxed floating in the warm salt water. “Look around. Money only half registers for Yaddi. I think the house is actually paid off. She’s good at what she does but she manages her finances like she still living in that house in the trap.”
“Interesting. What about you?” He swam away from the wall making a round across the pool before settling on floating next to me. “Have you figured out what’s next on your life path?”
“I have a few ideas. Of course, I want to make sure Charity is up to speed before I make any sudden moves. I promised you that much.”
“I hope you don’t feel obligated. I can train her.”
“I want to. I like Charity and she seems more than capable. I think she’ll pick up everything quickly.”
“She will. I should have offered her the position in the first place. I mean, after Linda left. Besides it’s not all foreign to her. She helped a lot while I was,” he paused.
I assumed he didn’t want to upset me, so I finished the statement myself. “Indisposed?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what I would have done without she and Yusef. Between the two, Angelo’s continued to run smoothly until I returned. They kept me up to speed but didn’t rush my recovery. I was able to heal at my own pace both physically and mentally.”
“Do you think you’ve healed? I mean entirely?”
“I won’t ever be the man I was before the accident. I can’t get any of that back. But I can continue to build forward. It still hurts to think about Devon sometimes though.”
“That was your son’s name?”
“Yeah. He was such a vibrant kid. He loved soccer. We’d spend hours early in the morning before I had to go to work, or he had to go to school going over drills. He was good at it too. His coaches even said so.”
“I hate he was stolen from you.”
Ellis’s fingers tightened around mine, “Me too. I suppose the silver lining in all of this is you being sent to me.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I chose to focus on the feel of his fingers against mine. The sense of weightlessness as I concentrated on letting my body relax so I could continue to float in utter contentment with my man beneath the twinkling of the stars. Crickets, nature’s nighttime musicians, filled the silence with their melodies as a light breeze rustled the last of the leaves clinging to the trees.
“Do you want children?”
The question startled me out of my musings bringing me back to the present. I shrugged, which shifted my weight enough that I had to adjust to keep my head from going under. The spell of relaxation broken, I encouraged Ellis to follow me to the edge of the pool where I effortlessly lifted myself up to perch on the edge and immediately regretted it as the concrete scraped my bare bottom. I quickly dropped back into the water wading over to the stairs to properly climb out.
Ellis followed a step behind accepting the towel I held out to him and wrapping it around his waist. I hated to lose the view, but I didn’t want to have this conversation in the buff in case he got any ideas. Besides, I needed to check the other ‘cakes.’
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I appreciated Ellis not pressing for an immediate answer as we set the cakes to cool and made dinner. I pondered the question while we worked, music from the television filling the silence as we danced around one another in the confines of the kitchen. Did I still want children?
We gathered the plates. Ellis tucked a bottle of Bellini peach under his arm. He managed two wine glasses between his fingers while balancing plates on the same arm.
“Show off,” I said plucking the covered tray of confections he’d brought for dessert.
“It took me years to master this. I’ll take room temperature plates over steaming hot ones fresh from the kitchen any day.”
A thought caught me and before considering it any further I blurted out, “wait, is that why the wait staff always wear long sleeves?” He only shook his head in disbelief. “Well duh.”
I retrieved the blanket from one of the lawn chairs, a discard from a couple of days earlier when I’d performed another burning bowl and convening with the ancestors ritual. Luckily it remained dry thanks to the rain holding off until the coming days. We’d enjoy this last night before showers graced our doorstep.
With the citronella torches lit around the area we laid, we dug into dinner. I toyed with the mushrooms in my salad, mind distracted, contemplating the answer to the question about children.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
I took a long sip of wine watching him over the rim of the narrow glass. “I don’t know.”
His fork froze midair, brow furrowing as he watched me. “You don’t know what?”
“The answer to your question.” I looked away, my gaze intent on the plate instead of the man sitting next to me, “About children. I don’t know.”
Understanding, he ate the fork full of food dabbing the remnants of the homemade salad dressing from his lips before speaking. “You don’t know the answer to the question?”
“I don’t know if I want children. I mean, I hadn’t even thought about it.”
“You’ve never tried?”
“I haven’t tried not to, if that’s what you’re getting at. I guess I’ve always been in the camp of if it's meant to be it will. And if not, well, it is what it is.”
“But you’ve never actively tried to have a family?”
“No, I wasn’t out sowing my wild oats at any point in my life with the specific intent to procreate.” I wanted to retract the jab immediately after the last word tumbled recklessly from my mouth. While I meant what I said, the delivery cut deep even to my own ears. “Sorry. That didn’t come out right.”
“Your truth is your truth. I hope you don’t think I was implying that you were,” he chewed on his bottom lip, searching for the right word.
I rescued him from the torture, “I understood. I actually don’t know why that touched a nerve.”
“Regret?”
“Possibly. But I also look at the world today and,” my heart grew heavy, I both appreciated the wonderful life I’d lived thus far while still feeling for those on the other end of the spectrum trying to keep a roof over their head or having to decide between food and medicine. ‘I don’t know. I mean, I think I would have been a great mother. And under the circumstances my kids would have had a stable home.”
“You mean up until it all fell apart?”
That snapped me back to reality sending me down the path of would’ve, could’ve, and what might have been. I sighed heavily as I stared out over the still water of the pond.
“Don’t get me wrong, neither of us is a spring chicken. But we don’t exactly have one foot in the grave either. Plenty of couples our age are just embarking on the journey of starting a family. Especially for women. If it something you think you still want, it's not exactly a lost cause.”
His response caught me of guard. Surely, he wasn’t thinking of having another child now. “Is that a deal breaker for you?”
“What?”
“Kids.”
“No. Like you said, if it is meant to be it will be. And if not, there are plenty of children looking for good homes with people who can love, care, and guide them.”
“You’ve considered adoption then?” I finished my salad, turning to the next course on the plate. I fought the urge to skip straight to dessert though the scents of the decadent chocolate truffles tugged at my senses.
“I have. Even as a single parent. I’d choose an older child though. Everyone wants babies and while I’d be open to doing the diaper and sleepless nights thing with my own children, I think I could offer a better opportunity to an older child who might be overlooked because, again, everyone wants babies.” He turned to me, all serious as if my answer to the next question determined if our relationship fizzled out right now. “Would that be a deal breaker for you?”
Instead of beating around the bush or taking too much time to think, I listened to my gut. “No, children either way aren’t a deal breaker for me. If anything, I think I can look back at my life, the freedoms I’ve had from financial stability to traveling the world and be okay with the shift to motherhood.”
“Could you see having a family with me?”
“Is there a reason you’re asking me these questions? I mean, I know, if I want to have a baby my clock is winding down and all.”
“I’m not trying to rush anything. But I also don’t want to waste time. Yours or mine. I don’t have my heart set on a family,”
“Been there done that huh?”
“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong I do want to settle down. Get married again if, or when, I find the right person. Children are an open topic but if you were dead set on having babies and wanted to start right now, I’d definitely have to reconsider.”
My fingers found his, my eyes never wavering from his. “I’m open to it either way. And I’m in no rush. Should we reach that threshold, we’ll let the chips fall where they may.” I leaned in for a kiss to seal the deal. “Agreed?”
With a quick peck on the lips, Ellis responded, “agreed.”
“Speaking of settling down...” I waited for Ellis to give me his full attention again.
“Uh oh. That doesn’t sound good.”
I plopped a shrimp into my mouth chewing slowly, devilishly watching the tension growing beneath his gaze. I eventually granted him a reprieve. “Are you dead set on city living.”
“Oh heaven’s no. The condo was a quick compromise. The market was good. It was a place I knew I could flip with minimal upgrades. It was affordable. Convenient to the restaurant and therapy. Since I needed someone to stay with me Yusef and Charity tag-teamed and it was perfect for everyone. After all that happened, I, well I just couldn’t go back to that house.”
“Family comes in many forms. Biology is not a requirement. Those two are definitely family.”
“Agreed. What about you? Do you love the flashing lights of the city?”
“Hard pass. I’m a country girl. Or citified country if you will. As much as I love this place, this is a little far away from civilization even for me.” Leaves rustled to their right, the glowing eyes of a ground foraging critter flashing in the glow of the moonlight as it moved along the line of the trees. “I do need greenery in my life. I miss my gardens immensely. I’ve been looking for a place closer to the city that still has a decent amount of land. But I’m not going to pay an arm and a leg for it. I need another project, something to occupy my time when I’m done at Angelo’s.”
“You don’t have to be done. You are more than welcome to stay.”
“No. I do.”
We lightened the conversation for the rest of our picnic by the pond, sticking to safer topics like our most embarrassing childhood moments and most beloved holiday experiences. By the time we finished dinner and dessert the temperature waned. Even the crickets retreated, the silence in our slice of paradise unnerving.
I stretched rolling the tension from my neck and flexing my fingers to get the circulation going again. I’d been on my side too long, but I hadn’t been able to look away from the man meticulously splitting each chocolate truffle before feeding it to me. I’d sucked on his fingers in the process, and we’d stolen kisses, feigning the need to remove a rogue drop of chocolate from the lips of the other.
Eventually, we returned to the house, packing the cakes away in separate tins and tucking them into the pantry for safe keeping until the party.
