The arrow garden, p.1
The Arrow Garden, page 1
THE ARROW GARDEN
First published in Great Britain in 2023 by Aderyn Press
Gweledfa, Felindre, Swansea, Wales, SA5 7NA
www.aderynpress.com
Copyright © 2023 Andrew J King
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The moral right of the author has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the publisher of this book.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978-1-9163986-4-1
eISBN 978-1-9163986-5-8
Cover design: Kari Brownlie
Text design: Elaine Sharples
Printed in Great Britain by 4edge Ltd
In memory of Anne
1933 – 2022
Mother, teacher, supporter and astute critic
The Void
There is a moment when the arrow stands in the target. And there is a moment, just before that, when it does not. No matter how I stare, I can never catch the instant of its arrival.
If I look towards the archer, I can just see the brief flash of movement as it leaves the bow. The eye can track its flight, but often arrives at the target to find the arrow already planted, as if it had grown there.
A camera, perhaps, could resolve the uncertainty between the note of the bowstring and the percussion of the target. The image might reveal a flying stick, naked and exposed, quivering with all the chances of its flight. Even a bursting of the paper as it pierced the target. But would that satisfy? After all, if it was a fair shot, then it already stands in the target. And no camera can ever capture the moment between there and not there.
But there must be something in the void, in the moment between moments. For everything else, forwards and backwards, grows out of that.
1 Ashibumi
The archer takes up position at the shooting line, feet braced well apart, establishing the foundations of the shot.
‘Of course, you’ve never met my aunt.’
Hiroshi’s English was impeccable. Probably because it was patched together from textbook phrases like ‘Hiroshi’s English was impeccable’ or ‘Of course, you’ve never met my aunt’. Of course I’d never met his aunt. Weeks squashed together in an attic office and this was the first time he’d admitted to having any sort of personal life, never mind an actual living relative.
‘Quite a character. A very nice person…’
‘Eh?’
‘… although, as a matter of fact, she had some odd ways.’
He didn’t seem to register my puzzled silence.
‘We felt it might be because of her experiences in the Pacific War. She lost all her family, except for my father.’
I admit, I was struggling. Thirty seconds before, we had been deep in the minutiae of translation, wrestling the maintenance schedule for a medical waste incinerator out of Japanese and into English.
‘She was almost killed herself. A real survivor. She never spoke about it, certainly not to us children.’
In the middle of a section entitled ‘Schedule of Monthly Inspections’, he’d pushed back his chair, put his glasses down on the desk and come out with this … stuff.
‘To my sister and I she was just Auntie Mie. She bought us little treats: shaved ice with syrup in the summer, cakes in the winter, presents on our birthdays. She never married, but apart from that she lived a perfectly normal life, most of the time.’
The yellow stained fingertips strayed upward toward his mouth, but finding no cigarette, settled on his tie instead and unnecessarily re-arranged it.
‘She could be very … determined.’
He paused, as if waiting for something.
‘But quite humorous also, more … uninhibited than most people.’
Again, a pause, during which it dawned on me that what he was waiting for, was me.
‘Sounds fun!’ I said and immediately regretted it.
‘Yes! My sister and I adored her! But the presents were a little odd.’
His tone became confidential.
‘At first she would just buy us the usual little toys. But as we got older, she started giving us things that were rather… strange.’
Our desks stood side by side, facing the low wall under the slope of the attic roof, his to the right of mine. I sensed he was looking at me. Waiting for me to say something like: ‘Oh? What sort of strange things?’ I cleared my throat and pointed out, as tactfully as I could, that we had a minor deadline to meet. He gave a grunt, snapped his glasses back on and twenty seconds later we were once more tussling over the correct usage of ‘air filter retention ring’ and ‘flexible drive-belt tensioner’.
At first, I congratulated myself on having steered our relationship back onto professional ground. As the morning wore on, I began to suspect my satisfaction had been premature. There was an atmosphere. By lunchtime, I was desperate to get out of the office.
From where she stands, some of the houses look almost untouched. Here, in the suburbs nearer the edge of the city, it had not been one single, terrible firestorm, but many smaller blazes caused by embers flying on the hot wind. The still leafless ginkgo on the corner seems unhurt, though many other trees are dreadfully scorched. The neighbourhood is still recognisable. But it is not the same place changed, as after a snowfall. It is the corpse of the place she once knew. Wherever its angry and tormented spirit roams, it is not here.
A sheet of paper, tied to the ginkgo’s trunk, is rattling softly in the fitful wind. A list of the dead. The local fire-watch have already taken what remained of the bodies to the temple, where they will be laid in the courtyard with hundreds of others. She ought to follow them. There are rites she should attend. They never set much store by such things in life. And she cannot face more burning.
At the end of the street, a thin boy in a police uniform that is too big for him clutches a bamboo stave. His face looks as if it has never smiled and never could. He sees her and fidgets, but does nothing as she enters the charred gate.
In the ruined garden a stand of arrow bamboo droops under the weight of fine grey ash that stirs and fumes like smoke as she brushes by. An unfamiliar silence. No trickle of water falling into the little stone cistern. She reaches out for the bamboo dipper, also grey with ash, laid across its cracked and blackened edge. Her hand closes on nothing but a soft, crunching texture, a grey powder that sifts away between her fingers. She looks at her hand, bewildered, as if it were unaccountably covered in blood. It had not been the dipper at all, but only its charred ghost. She reaches down into the darkness of the once brimming cistern. Groping desperately for something real, something that is not a phantom of fire. Somewhere near the bottom, she feels water, but so tepid it might be blood. Something bumps against her hand. She snatches it back and peers nervously in. A small green frog, its nose just breaking the surface. ‘Just a little please!’ she whispers and, cupping her hand, dips it carefully in.
Descending into the hushed corporate regions of the lower floors, I could hear Hiroshi starting to follow me down. His tread on the uncarpeted wooden attic stairs was slower, probably because he was rolling a cigarette. Going for a smoke I guessed, in the dank, derelict little pit of a garden behind the eighteenth-century townhouse in which we worked. I crossed reception, slipped out of the nineteenth-century glass shop front with its recessed door and turned left.
I needed to walk and to think. Bristol is good for that. Always a sense of something going on, rarely crowded enough to overwhelm and if you need peace and quiet, it’s usually just around the next corner. In the relaxed bustle of the suburban street, my thoughts began to flow.
‘Of course, you’ve never met my aunt’ is a conventional opening, the redundant statement of a fact known to both parties. It isn’t meant to sound like an exclamation. All too easy, I knew, to be fluent, but still get things like that wrong. And yet, his statement about the presents had been finely calibrated in both content and tone, to pique curiosity.
Grabbing my usual sandwich and juice in the corner shop, I turned left again, up a street between the old houses, so steep I had to concentrate to keep my balance on the worn, uneven flagstones.
Was it cultural? My kind of work usually needed a team of two: a native speaker who would hash out a rough English draft and me. My job was to put the ‘technical’ into ‘technical translation’ and something resembling actual English into ‘English Language Version’. The native speakers came and went, depending on the contract. I’d got on pretty well with most of them. There hadn’t been that many arguments and none of them had tried to talk about their aunts.
I crossed the back-road at the top of the street, climbed the short flight of stone steps sunk into the steep, walled bank on the opposite side and stepped out onto the broad green flanks of Brandon Hill. A city park for nearly four hundred years, the lower slopes seemed to hold memories of open fields: thick meadow-grass, old lone trees, an overgrown wildlife reserve with a pond and, running part way up the hill, what I took to be the remnant of an ancient hedgerow. A lunchtime escape from mental overload and a handy evening short cut home. After a few lunch-hours spent exploring the place, I had settled on a habitual route: a more or less direct line from the little flight of stone steps, to just below the tower on the summit of the hil
I had always tried to get in early on the first day of a new contract. Clear the decks and prepare. The morning of Hiroshi’s arrival, the smell of stale tobacco and citrus aftershave drifting down from the open office door told me I’d been beaten to the draw. Entering the small attic room braced for a greeting, I had been confronted instead with the back of a blue business suit. The hand I had been expecting to shake was resting on what would be his chair, the one nearest the door. The calendar tacked to the wall behind the desk was getting all his attention, as if he wasn’t sure he had the right day. His turn caught me off-guard. Hastily dropping my gaze, I took a breath, carefully looked up again and did that artificial smile that means my eyes are closed as we shake.
‘Hiroshi… Hiroshi Tanaka?’
The tone. As if he were not announcing, but confirming his name.
‘Gareth,’ I said.
‘Yes! Gareth! Pleased to meet you at last!’ Tone again: as if we were already, somehow, acquainted. A little formal too. Most people call me Gary, even when they know I hate it. The pronunciation wasn’t bad either. He must have been practising.
‘It feels like greeting a member of the family!’
Maybe he missed my confused expression, because he was already glancing round the little room.
‘I’m glad you transferred here. It seems much more interesting than that other place.’
I came to a stop in the middle of the slope, staring thoughtfully at my own feet. Had my CV been passed around at some meeting I hadn’t been invited to? It had been just like the peculiar ‘aunt’ conversation. Undue familiarity, combined with disarming deference. Maybe he just wanted to practise his English conversation. Medical waste disposal machinery has its fascinations, but the vocabulary isn’t much for everyday social interaction.
Glancing up at the summit tower to check my bearings, I went back to keeping my head down and putting one foot in front of the other.
She stands at last, alone, in the empty ruin of her parents’ house. In a corner, some collapsed remains of her father’s library. Wiping her wet hand on her skirt, she stoops to pick up a small, slim book. Soft, dark blue paper covers, embossed with a faint pattern of chrysanthemums. It is smudged with ash. The white threads that bind it have broken and begun to unravel. Holding it carefully, she turns the pages, feeling the movement, seeing the thinly inked, ash-grey characters spin past her fingers. But then she stops. Turns back a few pages, a few more, carefully separates two.
A hot wine burns in her empty throat. She is the bright-faced child, who once knelt here, not as now, under the open sky, but when this was a dark, old space, boxed in by plaster and polished wood. Watching his steady hand hold the smooth, muscular, brown bamboo stem of the brush elegantly vertical. Watching as its tip lightly, laughingly, tickles over the paper, creating the little boy, his cane and the recalcitrant, grumpy ox throwing a resentful glance over his shoulder as he gallops heavily away.
All for her delighted eyes and hers alone. She can hear the soft click as he puts the brush down on its porcelain rest in the shape of five tiny mountains. The whistle of his brown silk haori jacket as he pulls his sleeves back down. His voice, deep and warm, like the brown handle of the brush, as he begins to tell her, very softly and precisely, the story of the Boy and his Ox.
Tears that sting like smoke. Choking down a pain in her throat.
That time in the evening when Father would stretch and yawn and say: ‘That’s enough! No more politics!’ When the last of the loud grown-up talk had gone out of the door and down the street. When the family had eaten. When the house was quiet. Sometimes she would hear, from under her coverlet, low adult voices and the closing of the door of Father’s study.
She had learned that if she got out of bed at those times, to ask for a drink of water, or to complain that she could not sleep, or was frightened of the thunder, she would sometimes, just occasionally, be allowed in to sit next to that after-supper-Father, leaning against his warmth as he sipped from a tiny square wooden measure of sake and read poetry. Sometimes he would read fragments aloud for her and sometimes she would ask questions, very softly, so as not to disturb the moths sitting near the lamp. And sometimes he would answer and sometimes his answers became stories. And as he talked, his words were not grey like the adults’ daytime, politics-and-business talk, but colourful, like old prints. And like the prints, his talk was full of incomprehensible but fascinating things and among them, every now and then, something she could recognise, like a frog peeping out from under a leaf in the green, wet garden.
Had he read to her from this book? She could only remember the little drawing, the warmth of his body and the glow of the bronze-brown silk in the lamplight. How did it begin, the story that went with this picture? Only the drawing, the room, the lamp, the silk, his presence, remain in memory. The words had come and gone, like music. Or like smoke.
The small wood that hems the skirt of the hill was dropping behind me as I steadily climbed, as was the grandly titled ‘Wildlife Reserve’ – in reality a small thicket of bushes and brambles with a dank pond lurking in the middle. Having once studied its colourful but mossy information board, I had never gone that way again.
‘I’ll not have you turning into a nature freak. You’re a freak of nature as it is.’
My father is standing over me. In front of us is a low shelf. On it are arranged a few pinecones, the skull of a small bird, some magazine clippings and a book about nature. I am holding a waste bin. His big red hand sweeps steadily along and everything cascades into the bin.
He escorts me outside, where I have to tip the contents into the household rubbish. Back in my room I stare at the empty shelf, trying to understand what it means. He had seemed so pleased with his play on words.
After Nature is thrown away, I learn to be interested in things small and easily hidden in pockets. When those are discovered, I turn to things that can be hoarded entirely in the mind, like the names of colours on paint charts, or the different patterns of car tyres. I live a life no one else sees.
It had been the office military historian who had burst my pastoral bubble about the ‘ancient hedgerow’, explaining in exhaustive detail, its origin and role as part of the English Civil War defences of Bristol. That was the problem with open-plan offices: no proper defences.
From the height I had now reached, the roof-line of a modern business block begins to be visible. It’s just a few doors up from the agency on the opposite side of the street. In there, as a faceless drone in an airless open-plan hive, I had helped churn out product manuals, sales literature and training materials for a big engineering multinational. The work was repetitive and the 90s economic situation hadn’t been doing much for office morale either. New projects were fought over like meat thrown into a tiger cage. My last memories of the place were of a Christmas-decorated snake-pit of seething resentments. I let myself get caught up in petty office wars. I said things I should not have said.
On a particularly damp and depressing Friday evening just after New Year, I was standing in my flat, staring glumly down into the street, when I realised a man on the opposite pavement was staring back at me. In a long-practised reflex, I squeezed my eyes shut, then scrabbled in panic for the curtain cords. Even so, after-images remained in memory: a cigarette, a beige raincoat, a dark blue cap, and a small notebook in his hand. A few days later, I saw in the distance what I thought was the same man, standing in the park with his notebook, turning it this way and that and looking about him, as if orienting a map.
On this admittedly rather slender evidence I decided that management had set a private investigator onto me. I got rather angry. I always turned my work in complete, accurate and on time. What if I did sometimes linger in the park at lunchtimes, or knock off a few minutes early for the weekend?
I had sat down at my keyboard ready to rip out some heavy-duty sarcasm, when it suddenly washed over me that, even if it wasn’t paranoia, I’d had enough of the place and its toxic attitudes. I cleared my desk, wrote a terse resignation letter and dropped it on the floor outside the ‘Executive Suite’ on my way out.
