Cissy half smiled. ‘I’d love a hot bath, you know, with scented candles and tons of bubbles,’ she said, enjoying the fantasy.

  ‘Yeah,’ Brenda, said, brushing her hair and pulling on her pyjama bottoms. ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to lie in bed and plan a nice day out tomorrow? Perhaps we could go for a drive in the country or down the coast?’ She inhaled. ‘I can nearly smell the sea air. Can you?’

  Bella sniffed. ‘Oh yes,’ she said. ‘I can smell it. Where will we go?’

  Bella knew what Brenda was trying to do – she was distracting Cissy from the fact the lights were about to be switched off.

  ‘What do you say, Cissy?’ Brenda asked. ‘Where do you want to go?’

  Cissy was quiet for a moment and Bella wondered if she would even engage in the harmless nonsense.

  ‘I’d love to go down to the beach in Ayr. It’s where I went to as a wee girl with my ma and da. Before . . . well, before they died. We would go for the day and spend all our time on the beach, and then go for a fish tea and a walk to see the sun going down. They were happy days. I wish I could go back . . .’ Her voice trailed off.

  Suddenly they were plunged into darkness and Bella couldn’t even see her hand in front of her face. But she knew her eyes would adjust. They could hear the shouts from neighbouring cells of ‘fuck you!’ and ‘put the lights on!’. Then she heard the sound of footsteps outside and the prison officers banging on the doors of the women who were yelling abuse and obscenities at them.

  ‘You okay, Cissy?’ Bella said from the top bunk. She eased herself up on her elbow, and her eyes adjusted so she could see Brenda lying on the single bed, her hands behind her head and her eyes open. Cissy didn’t answer. Bella hoped she’d fallen asleep. It had been a long, traumatic day.

  They stayed in the silence for a long time and Bella could feel her eyes growing heavy. But every time she felt like she was drifting off, she saw the image of her son in the school playground that afternoon when she was secretly watching him, yearning to feel the warmth of his cheek against hers. But now, with everything that had happened, any chance of that seemed further and further away. She swallowed hard. Tears stung the corners of her eyes and then began to trickle down her cheeks. She held her breath so nobody would hear her sniffing. Then she must have dropped off, because she was awakened by Cissy’s whimpering and groaning.

  ‘Help!’ she cried out. ‘Please. Let me out. Please. I’ll not do it again. I promise. Please. It’s cold in here.’

  Bella opened her eyes and sat up quickly on the bed. She glanced across but Brenda was fast asleep.

  ‘Cissy,’ she whispered. ‘Shh, darlin’. You’re just having a bad dream.’

  ‘Let me out. Please. I promise,’ Cissy wailed.

  Bella threw the duvet back and climbed down the ladder. In the darkness she could see Cissy curled up in a ball, weeping and trembling.

  ‘It’s okay, Cissy,’ she said, lying beside her. ‘You’re going to be okay. I promise. It’s just a dream. I’m here.’

  ‘You won’t leave me?’ Cissy whimpered.

  ‘No,’ Bella said. ‘Never.’

  She could see Cissy’s eyes wide open and the fear in them. She snuggled up close to her and stroked her hair.

  ‘You’ll be all right, Cissy,’ she said. ‘We’ll get out of here, and we’ll be fine.’

  She lay beside Cissy until she heard her breathing slow down and her sobs subside. We have to get through this, Bella told herself as she listened to Brenda’s gentle snores.

  In the morning, they woke to the sounds of people moving around in the corridors, voices, and the clunk of each door being electronically opened. Brenda sat up on her bed and sniffed, scratching her head, then she stopped as she noticed Bella and Cissy beginning to wake up in the same bed.

  ‘You a couple?’ Brenda asked, yawning.

  ‘No,’ Bella said, sitting up, shooting an amused glance at Brenda. ‘We’ve been friends for years. Cissy is a bit overwhelmed by it all – by everything that’s happened. She was upset last night. She’s got a phobia about being locked in and she hates the dark – it’s a throwback to childhood trauma in the orphanage.’ She paused, grimacing. ‘She had a hard time as a little girl.’

  Brenda shook her head.

  ‘That’s a shame,’ Brenda said. ‘You need to look after her in here. I’ll help you. You’re on remand, ain’t you?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Bella said. ‘We didn’t do anything. We were set up. Our lawyer suggested yesterday we should think about pleading guilty, instead of going to trial, because if we lost, we could get years in jail.’

  Brenda nodded. ‘Yeah. It might be something to think about. I pled guilty. I could have gone all the way, and dragged a lot of powerful people into the trial, but my lawyer felt it was too risky. So, I pled to lesser charges. It worked for me.’

  ‘What about your business?’

  Brenda shook her head. ‘The bad guys moved in on it as soon as I was gone. They’ll be having trafficked girls and all sorts of shit in there now. It wasn’t like that when I ran it. It was a respectable joint – well, kind of.’ Brenda stood up and picked up a towel from the top of her bedside cabinet. ‘Come on. Get yourselves moving, girls. We’ve got to go for a shower then breakfast.’ She slipped her feet into sandals.

  Bella got up and pulled on her sweatshirt, glancing down at Cissy, who was dragging herself out of bed, her eyes puffy.

  ‘You all right, Cis?’

  Cissy nodded.

  ‘You were crying last night. You must’ve been having bad dreams. But you fell asleep eventually once I cuddled into you. That’s the first night over, love. We’ll soon get used to it in here. I promise.’

  ‘Don’t have much option, do we?’ Cissy said, pulling on her trainers.

  ‘No,’ Bella said.

  ‘Let’s go,’ Brenda said, pulling the door open, then she spoke over her shoulder. ‘By the way, it’s communal showers in here, so in and out as quick as you can. If you hang around for long, someone might think you’re looking for company.’

  Bella glanced at Cissy, and they both smiled.

  ‘Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.’

  In the canteen, Brenda showed them the set-up, and they collected their trays and waited in line.

  ‘The grub’s not too bad,’ she said, looking at the various trays of eggs, sausages, bacon and beans, and breakfast cereal.

  Bella looked at Cissy and shrugged.

  ‘Yeah, all of that’ll do me,’ she said. ‘I’m starving.’

  They pushed their plates over as the women serving the food lumped scrambled eggs and beans onto them, with slices of toast and bacon. Then they crossed the room which was filling up with other women, and sat at one of the bigger tables.

  ‘Hi, girls.’ They looked up from their plates as Fran, the girl who’d been on the bus with them from court, came bounding across with her tray. ‘Settling in? Mind if I sit?’ she said, sitting before anyone could answer.

  ‘All right, Brenda?’

  ‘Yeah. You, Fran? Didn’t expect to see you back so soon,’ Brenda said, rolling her eyes.

  ‘Well, it’ll not be for long, that’s for sure.’ She turned to Bella and Cissy. ‘You all right? You got jobs yet?’

  ‘No,’ Bella said. She didn’t need this much energy round the table at this time of the morning. ‘We’ll be told this morning.’ She looked from Brenda to Fran. ‘I don’t suppose we get a choice, do we?’

  ‘No,’ Brenda said. ‘I’m in the laundry. It’s not bad. The chat’s good among the girls, but it’s hard work.’

  ‘I wouldn’t mind some clerical kind of thing. I’m quite good on the internet,’ Cissy said.

  Brenda laughed.

  ‘In that case they’ll not let you near a computer. They’re always watching for people making connections on the outside, you know, keeping their dealings going on while they’re inside.’

  ‘Really?’ Cissy said. ‘What are most people in for? Are a lot of them in for dealing drugs?’

  ‘Some of them,’ Brenda said. ‘But a lot of the girls in here shouldn’t be in prison in the first place. There are addicts and mental health issues all over the place. Lots of poor souls really, and they’re in and out all the time mostly because of their addictions.’

  ‘And a few killers,’ Fran added enthusiastically.

  She nodded in the direction of a girl a few tables away.

  ‘You see her? She set fire to her house with her children inside, because her man was given custody. I mean, fuck’s sake!’

  ‘And her over there,’ she said. ‘Her with the short hair – Tanya – stabbed her girlfriend to death for having a fling with another woman. Off her head, she is. But she’s dangerous. So just keep away from her.’

  ‘What about you, Fran?’ Cissy asked. ‘What are you in for?’

  Fran waited a moment before she answered, not making eye contact with anyone. ‘I was caught with drugs at the airport. I was coming in to Manchester Airport from Morocco.’ She paused. ‘I’d done a couple of runs before. Made good money. When I got caught, I told them that I’d met some guy who I thought was really nice – a Brit – and he asked me to drop this bag at his mother’s address when I got home. Gave me an address and everything. Said she wasn’t well and she needed this medication.’ She shrugged. ‘They didn’t believe me.’

  ‘It was a bit naive, Fran, though, wasn’t it?’ Brenda said, with the tone of a schoolteacher reprimanding an errant pupil.

  ‘Yeah, well, I needed the money. I thought it would be okay. But I’ve escaped twice now. I can’t be staying here. I’ve got ADHD.’

  ‘Who told you that?’ Brenda asked.

  ‘The shrink. He said I’ve got that and I’m also bipolar. I’m up and down all the time. I suppose he’s right. I’ve been like that all my life, maybe that’s why I’m always getting into trouble.’

  ‘When you due out, Fran?’ Bella asked.

  ‘Officially another two years,’ she said. ‘But fuck that. I’m not staying here that long.’

  Nobody answered, and Bella was thinking this girl probably shouldn’t be in here. She clearly had a mental health condition and being cooped up in prison was making it worse.

  They all looked up as a prison officer approached the table.

  ‘Right, Bella and Cissy. You okay? Enjoying your stay?’ she asked as though she meant it.

  They didn’t answer.

  ‘Right,’ she went on. ‘Jobs. Everyone works in here, as I’m sure you know. So, you two have been assigned to the kitchen. How do you feel about that? Do you know your way around a kitchen, how to work the cookers and stuff?’

  They both nodded.

  ‘Good. You start tomorrow. You’ll be up an hour before anyone else, so you’ll get your showers and breakfast before they all come in. Your cell door will pop open at six thirty a.m. and the cell lights will come on.’

  Bella said nothing because she didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She just glanced at Cissy. The guard walked away.

  ‘That’s not a bad gig,’ Brenda said. ‘You’ll be able to eat as soon as the food’s cooked. It’ll be just like home – minus the croissants.’

  She grinned, and for all the shit that was going on around them, Bella and Cissy smiled back.

  They hadn’t noticed the shadow of the bulky figure coming across to their table until she spoke.

  ‘You talking about me, freakshow?’ It was Tanya. And she had a twisted, angry look on her face. It wasn’t a question, and she was glaring straight at Fran, who looked up from the mug of tea she had at her lips.

  ‘What’re you talking about, fatso?’

  Cissy glanced at Bella, who kept her face straight.

  ‘You were talking about me. I saw you. Talking and looking over.’

  ‘I wasn’t.’

  ‘You fucking were.’

  ‘Fuck off, Tanya.’

  It happened in a flash. Tanya lashed out and punched Fran full in the face, blood suddenly bubbling out of her nose.

  Before anyone could stop her, Fran picked up her plate of scrambled eggs and beans and threw it in Tanya’s face. Then all hell broke loose. Face dripping with beans, Tanya threw herself on Fran, knocking her to the ground and landing on top of her. A couple of the other girls gathered, laughing at the floor show, Fran kicking and screaming and Tanya punching her face. Then the guards came and piled in, dragging Tanya back, her face smeared with food, and Fran’s smeared with blood. Fran was crying and screaming and looking like she’d lost control. Bella helped her up. But she was still screaming, eyes blazing, as the guards frogmarched her and Tanya out in opposite directions.

  Bella looked at Cissy and pushed out a sigh. She knew they couldn’t survive a possible seven- or eight-year sentence if found guilty. In three years, they might be out in eighteen months. And maybe they’d still be the people they were. But a long sentence, God only knew what would happen to them.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  It was beginning to feel like their old life on the Costa del Sol had actually happened to other people, not them, Bella thought. Bella had told Cissy they just had to knuckle down and get on with it because it wasn’t forever. The initial dust-up with the girl who’d tripped Cissy up had died down, and Bella wasn’t sure if it was because she had stood up to the woman, or because Brenda had acted as some kind of go-between, trying to keep the peace between rival factions. She seemed to have gained a level of respect among the prisoners because she was one of the few older hands in the jail and was liked by everyone. Bella was glad they had become friends. As the months stretched on, Bella and Cissy had talked about the run-up to their trial and how they would cope if they were handed down a long stretch. But they’d not contacted the lawyer to look at a plea bargain.

  They could hardly take in how much they’d lost. Cissy was still sobbing through the nights and Bella had to get out of bed and lie beside her, the way she used to do with her son in what now seemed like a lifetime ago. She thought of him constantly, fought back the tears every day and threw herself into her job in the kitchen.

  One morning, when they’d finished the breakfast routine of helping the cooks and serving up the food, Bella was surprised to be approached by one of the guards.

  ‘You’ve got a visitor today, Bella,’ she said. ‘Straight after lunch. So get yourself up there in plenty of time.’

  Bella looked at her in disbelief. Billy. It had to be. Christ. Had he really come all the way from the Costa to confront her? Fuck him. She would refuse to see him.

  ‘Don’t you want to know who it is?’ the guard asked.

  Bella looked at her, inhaled, and tried to keep calm.

  ‘Yeah. Who is it?’

  The guard looked at the clipboard she was holding, scrolled down, then spoke. ‘It’s a Mrs Carole Prentice.’

  Bella’s stomach turned over. ‘Carole Prentice?’

  ‘Yeah. She says she’s a relative.’

  Bella cleared her throat.

  ‘Yes, I’ll see her,’ she said.

  She could feel her heart quicken. Carole Prentice. Her mother-in-law. The woman who had taken her son one afternoon when Bella was wasted, and never returned him. Carole had been awarded custody, and the courts had denied Bella any access to him because they declared she was a danger to the boy and incapable of looking after him. Bella had been told this by her lawyer at the time, but she was still so drunk that she couldn’t take it in. But she vowed to get sober, which she did after six long months of rehab and with much determination to get her son back. He was only six years old then and she knew he would be heartbroken and asking about her all the time, because he had felt a loyalty to her that she could see through the times of lucidity when she wasn’t drunk, and in the way he clung to her even when she was.

  She knew she wasn’t a good mother when she was drunk. Her boy had supported her even when he’d found her passed out on the floor, and got himself dressed for school and helped in every way he could because she was his mum and he loved her.

  After Johnny was murdered outside one of his own bars, Bella hadn’t been able to cope, and her life had spiralled out of control. She discovered that Johnny had been up to his neck in drug debts, and when she told his parents they’d refused to believe it and blamed her for spending his money. They cut her out of everything. She drank more and became a drug mule for gangsters to pay back the money Johnny owed. She couldn’t tell anyone. The dealers told her they owned her now and threatened to kill her son if she didn’t do what she was told. They even sent her out as a prostitute and beat her up when she didn’t turn up for the punter. Then one night when she came home, her son was gone, taken by her in-laws, who told her they had already been awarded interim custody because she was a drunk and neglected her boy. She knew she daren’t go to court or she would lose him forever, and she promised herself that one day she would come back. But her misery didn’t end there.

  One night she was so drunk and depressed that she threw herself into the River Thames. She would’ve died if she hadn’t been rescued. It was after that that she met Billy Dalton. He gave her a job and a leg-up, and no matter what he was now, she would never forget him for that, and she would forgive him for any of his dalliances with other women. Bella’s goal in life was to be in a position to finally go and get her son back. He would be nearly ten now, yet she knew so little about him. She’d hired a private detective to look for him and found the school he attended, and where he lived with his grandparents. She’d once even taken a trip to the school and sat in the back of a blacked-out car and watched him coming out of school, a popular kid, joking with mates. He was beautiful, like his father. He’d got into his gran’s waiting car and was driven away, and that was the last she saw of him. It tore her up so much she almost went back on the booze, but she knew that if she did that, she would never see him again. Bella managed her grief, because that was what it was like, grieving for someone while they were still alive, and sometimes it felt it wouldn’t have been any worse if he was gone completely. She managed her misery, and would get through it, and one day . . . one day . . .

  His grandmother was the wife of a wealthy gangster in Manchester. She loved Matthew and lavished him with toys and trips, and every time Carole had turned up to see him, Bella had tried desperately to stay sober that day, but Carole could always see through her. She warned her that one day she would take Matthew for good because this was no life for him, and it was no good for him to be growing up with a drunk for a mum. When she took him, she promised at first it would only be for a couple of weeks, but Carole had planned it all along, and the social workers had already been set up. Before Bella knew it, Matthew was gone. Social workers came to her house when she was drunk, and had been for three days, and all that did was confirm everything they had been told.

 

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