Murder and mahjong, p.16
Murder and Mahjong, page 16
part #1 of (Divine Place Cozy Mystery Series
“I’ll do home visits as well,” Rosie said. “Some seers have an office, but I’ve always preferred a home environment.”
“She has a dedicated space,” Cole said. He leaned his head toward another room to the left of the kitchen.
“I assume the cat will be joining us,” Rosie said.
My head bobbed up and down. This whole enterprise was useless without Mischief. She was my ticket home.
A cuckoo clock sounded and I jumped, prompting a laugh from the demigoddess. “No need to be anxious here, my dear. This is a safe space.”
Safe from what?
“Is it true that no one knows how you ended up here?” Rosie asked.
I held up my hands in a helpless gesture. “Apparently. And I don’t know either.”
“Maybe she’s fallen afoul of a supernatural without realizing it,” Cole offered.
Rosie scrutinized me. “It’s certainly possible. They don’t always declare themselves to humans, though how she would’ve been banished to Divine Place is curious.”
“I guess you never had to worry about getting on the wrong side of the gods,” I said. “Not with Apollo for a dad and the benefit of foresight.”
“The gods,” she said with a dismissive huff. “They rewarded what they deemed to be honorable behavior and punished those who defied or dishonored them.”
“That sounds reasonable,” I said. Not that I was a fan of authority figures. I was a natural contrarian, as my father used to tell me.
“Reasonable?” She barked a short laugh. “More like ridiculous. The gods were as fallible as everybody else. They had no business rewarding or punishing, not when they would punish others for bad behavior that they themselves engaged in.”
“True. I hate hypocrites,” I said. “What I really want to know is how Mischief found me here. I died and woke up here, but she’s very much alive and somehow tracked me down.”
“Fascinating.” Rosie sighed at the sight of Mischief lapping up the last of the milk. “I’d forgotten how much I adore cats.”
“You don’t see the witches’ familiars?” I asked.
“Not often enough.” Rosie retrieved the empty saucer and placed it in the sink.
“Eloise would like to communicate with Mischief somehow, to be able to ask questions about how the cat arrived here safely,” Cole said.
“And presumably how Eloise arrived here as well.”
“I know how I got here. I died and woke up on top of Zeus in the middle of a cricket field.”
Rosie crooked a finger. “Why don’t you follow me and we’ll see whether we can unite your mind with that of your feline companion?”
I held up a hand. “Whoa. As long as there’s no Frankenstein business involved.”
“No, no,” she assured me. “My method is purely on a psychic level.”
I followed her into the study and she switched on a lamp in the shape of seashell. The space was as cozy and cluttered as the rest of the house. There were framed pictures on the wall, including one of a chariot with the glare of the sun behind it.
Rosie motioned to a chunky wicker chair on the other side of the round bistro table. “Have a seat. Mischief can sit on your lap.”
I relaxed against the chair. “Should I leave my eyes open?”
“It’s not a massage,” she said.
“Right.” I looked down at Mischief. “This won’t hurt a bit.”
“She’ll be fine.” The demigoddess reached forward and stroked Mischief’s head as the cat lovingly licked her hand. Traitor.
Cole made himself scarce by planting himself against the wall in the corner.
“Are you going to use some kind of spell?” I asked, remembering Mitzi’s botched attempt.
“No, I don’t use magic,” Rosie said. She removed her glasses and set them on the table between us. “Cole, would you be a dear and bring over the antibacterial wipes? They’re right there on the console table.”
“And here I thought you were going to ask for a crystal ball,” I said, as Cole placed the packet of wipes on the bistro table.
“Not for this,” Rosie said. “I’ll act as the conduit, which is why I asked for the wipes.” She plucked a cloth from the packet and wiped her hands before inclining her head. “Your turn.”
“Are you a germaphobe?” I asked. I took a cloth and wiped my hands off. I quickly rolled it into a ball and chucked in the nearby wastebasket. “Score!”
“Nice shot,” Cole said.
“I’m not a germaphobe,” Rosie objected. “It’s just that you’re human and neither of you belongs here so I’d rather not take any chances.”
I scowled. “What? We’re like aliens that might bring deadly microbes to your peaceful planet and wipe out the population?”
“That happened in my lifetime,” Cole said. “Well, not aliens, but the plague.”
“I can assure you that I do not carry the plague.” Now I was miffed. Did I look like I hung out in sewers with rats?
Rosie folded her hands in front of her. “The cat’s paws too, please.”
I gaped at her in disbelief. “You’ve been petting her like you’ve never seen a cat before and now you want her wiped down? I hate to break it to you, but the damage has been done.”
Rosie continued to stare at me in stony silence until I wiped down Mischief’s paws. I muttered a string of curse words under my breath and hoped that the cat didn’t decide to claw me in protest. She may have been on her best behavior right now, but I was the only one in the room that ever risked her life to coax Mischief into a carrier to take her to the vet.
Once the deed was done, Rosie stretched her hands toward us. “I need your right hand, Eloise, and Mischief’s left paw. Then you hold her right paw with your free hand.”
Mischief obliged by putting her front paws on the table. Clever cat.
“Don’t mind me,” Rosie continued. “I’m going to hum. It’s how I center myself. I need you both to stay quiet and concentrate.”
I secretly wondered what Mischief would concentrate on. Catnip? The fish blanket she left behind? Only when I felt a pinch in my head did I stop the needless speculation.
Eloise? a voice echoed in my head.
Rosie? I closed my eyes and listened intently.
No, it’s Mischief.
I paused. That’s what you sound like? Weird. I thought your voice would be scratchier.
You’re confusing it with my tongue.
I can’t believe you followed me here, I said. What happened? I don’t remember much.
Do you remember the snake?
Sort of. I remember trying to hit it with a baseball bat when it attacked me. How did a snake even get in my house?
I tried to help you fight, Mischief said. When it bit you, I ran and hid. By the time I came back to check on you, you were on the floor unconscious.
You mean dead. My chest ached. For some reason, talking to Mischief about my death made it more real.
I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, Mischief said.
How did you know to come here? This place is filled with gods and supernaturals. I shouldn’t even be here.
It was like a laser pointer shining in the direction I needed to go. I kept following it and lost track of time and space. I went through what seemed like an endless forest and up a huge hill—until I reached a multi-colored bridge that disappeared into the mist.
The Rainbow Bridge is a real thing? It didn’t seem possible and, yet, nothing that had happened in recent memory seemed possible either.
I felt pulled in a certain direction, Mischief continued. So I kept going, no matter what I encountered, until I arrived on the edge of the village.
I fell from the sky, I said. I landed on Zeus, but he was already dead. I’m trying to prove I didn’t kill him though.
Now you’ve lost me.
I ignored her. Do you think you could retrace your steps?
You want me to go back home?
I was pretty sure that no one could hear me except Mischief, so I went for it. I want both of us to go back home.
Forgive me for saying so, but you seem happier here than I’ve seen you in a long time.
I’m dead, Mischief. There’s nothing happy about that.
Mischief was quiet for a moment. I’m not sure if I can, but I’m willing to try if that’s what you want.
I don’t want to be dead, I whimpered. I want to go home.
I felt another pinch and knew the connection had been broken. I fixed my gaze on Rosie. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she’d been privy to our conversation. Although she didn’t try to dissuade me from my escape plans, I sensed her unease.
“I’m not obliged to report what I know,” she said, vaguely enough to prevent Cole from understanding. “You should know that the snake that bit you was no ordinary earthly creature. It was supernatural.”
“A supernatural snake?” I cast a quick glance at Cole. “Is that a thing?”
She closed her eyes, as though viewing the attack behind her eyelids. “I saw it in a vision. The snake was a person transformed by magic. You died a supernatural death, Eloise.”
“That still doesn’t explain how she ended up here,” Cole said. “Humans die a supernatural death every day, but Divine Place isn’t where they go.”
Rosie’s eyes snapped open. “But that could be the reason the glitch happened,” she said. “If Eloise had been killed by a real snake, she probably would’ve gone to the right place.”
“Who was the snake?” I asked. “Can you tell me a name?”
“Mischief knows,” Rosie said. “The answer is in her memories.”
I poked the cat’s side. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“She’s protective of you,” Rosie answered for the cat. “Mischief knows the truth will hurt you.”
“I knew the snake?” I asked. Magic and supernatural occurrences in Chipping Cheddar, Maryland? Who would’ve thought it?
“She lived next door,” Rosie said.
I choked on my saliva. “Mrs. Langley?” She couldn’t be serious. I mean, we didn’t get along and I ruined her azaleas, but I wouldn’t have expected her to retaliate with a deadly bite.
“I can tell you that your death was an accident, Eloise. She didn’t intend to kill you. She was confused in her snake form and was trying to defend herself.”
“So was I,” I whispered.
“I’m so sorry,” Cole said. “This is a terrible story.”
“No kidding,” I said. “My cat learned English on Duolingo just now so that she could also be appalled by this story.” My heart beat swiftly and I wanted nothing more than to down enough alcohol to forget this entire revelation.
“We should tell the HOA about this,” Cole said.
I swiveled to face him. “Why?”
“Because they can add it to their report. Any information related to your death might eventually help us figure out why you’re here.”
“And then they can send me to some other place for human losers,” I muttered. I had to imagine that afterlife was not as cool as this one. I pictured endless strip malls and fast food places with perpetually long lines and limited parking. I had to try to get back home. If Mischief could find the right path, then maybe I’d get a second chance on earth.
Cole seemed to sense my angst. “Let’s not worry about it right now,” he said.
My expression crumpled. “Too late.”
Chapter Fifteen
I spent half the night throwing off the covers and pulling them back on again, depending on the state of my hot flashes. I’d be taking that sip of Tundra as soon as I had my breakfast. My one consolation was the sight of Mischief purring beside me. I didn’t even care that she’d pushed me to the edge of the large bed. It reminded me of home and our former lives—lives that I hoped to reclaim soon. Now that I knew there was a chance I could escape Divine Place, I couldn’t stop my brain from formulating a plan.
The cat meowed at me when she noticed that I was awake. Hesitantly I reached out a hand to pet her. There was usually a fifty-fifty chance that she’d nip me. I assumed the odds were the same in the afterlife.
“I think we should go tonight,” I said. We’d be less likely to be seen traveling under the cloak of darkness.
Mischief bit my hand.
“Ouch! Is that a yes or a no?” I pulled my hand out of reach. “Wait. Don’t answer that.”
“Eloise?” Cole’s voice drifted into the bedroom.
I ripped off the covers and leaped out of bed. What was Cole doing here so early in the morning?
“Eloise?” His voice was louder now. Crap. He was headed my way. As I opened my mouth to reply, he burst into the room.
A scream involuntarily left me and I grabbed a pillow to hide my shortie pajamas.
Cole sighed with relief. “You’re okay.”
“Of course I’m okay. What makes you think I’m not?”
“Because it’s lunchtime and I called your disc five times but you didn’t answer. I was worried that maybe something happened to you.”
“You were worried about me?” Wow. No one ever worried about me.
Cole frowned when he spotted the shopping bags on the floor. “You haven’t emptied those yet?”
I shot a guilty look in their direction. “What can I say? I’m lazy.”
“You’re a lot of things, Eloise, but lazy doesn’t seem to be one of them.”
I hugged myself. “I don’t think I should unpack until I know that I’m sticking around. The odds aren’t good.”
“Because you might get transferred to human purgatory?”
“Or obliterated,” I said. “It seems silly to waste my time until I know.” Until I know whether my escape plan is successful, that is.
Cole said nothing for a long moment.
“Good news though,” I said, adopting a cheery tone. “I found a whole bunch of wine that Ariadne left behind. I don’t know how I missed it the first time around. There are a few crates of red, which happens to be my fave.” I stopped talking for a moment, an idea shoving its way through my thoughts. “Hey, do you think it’s possible we missed something at Zeus’s house?” That place was palatial, much bigger than mine. If I could miss crates of wine here, we could certainly have missed a vital clue over at Casa de Thunder.
Cole motioned to the pillow still blocking my body. “Is this what humans mean by pillow talk?”
I laughed. “No. This is me preserving my modesty.”
He turned around to face the door. “I like your idea. Why don’t you get dressed and we’ll ride over there?”
I tossed the pillow aside and rummaged through the nearest shopping bag for clothes. “Call Donna while I’m changing and ask her to meet us there.”
“Why?”
“I bet she knows some of his hiding spots.”
“What makes you think he has hiding spots?” he asked.
My mouth dropped open. “You’re joking, right? Chocolate. Porn. Jewelry. Everybody has a hiding spot for something.”
“It doesn’t mean we’d find a clue to his killer there.”
“It doesn’t mean we won’t either. It’s worth a try.”
“I’ll follow your lead, marshal.” He left the bedroom and I scrambled to make myself presentable.
“I’ll leave you food and water,” I told Mischief. “Make sure you eat while I’m out because I don’t know how long our journey into the unknown is going to take.”
Mischief stayed on the bed and swished her tail in response.
Cole waited for me in the kitchen and we drove to Zeus’s house in my golf cart. When we arrived, Donna was already seated between the statues of Zeus waiting for us.
“You didn’t want to wait inside and get out of this humidity?” I asked. Today seemed particularly brutal. Hopefully the afternoon downpour would wash it away.
“I couldn’t bring myself to go in there alone,” Donna admitted.
“If you’re not up for this, we can manage the search without you,” Cole said gently.
“Just tell us which rooms have the nooks and crannies,” I said.
Donna glanced at the house. “I’m not sure I know them all. Zeus was very secretive. Years of harassment by Hera made him paranoid.”
“Shocker. That goddess is the epitome of a crazy ex-girlfriend, and I say that as someone who was given that moniker multiple times.” That being said, Hera’s paranoia had been justified.
“Whatever you want to do is fine with us,” Cole said. “Take your time. We’re not in a hurry.”
“Speak for yourself,” I said. “I have a date with a nap later.” And an escape route.
Cole turned to me in disbelief. “You just woke up.”
“I didn’t sleep well. I’m exhausted from exhaustion.”
Donna smiled. “I don’t have anything on my schedule until piano later this evening.”
“Ooh, that sounds interesting,” I said.
“You’re welcome to join me,” Donna said. “I reserve a room in the music building, so I’m usually alone.”
“Music isn’t popular?”
Donna offered a rueful smile. “No one wants to play music with me for fear of getting on Hera’s bad side.”
“I’m not afraid,” I said. “I’m already on her bad side.” I also didn’t play any instruments, but I wasn’t opposed to banging on the keys with abandon anyway.
Donna tossed her red hair over her shoulder and lifted her chin. “I’m ready. Let’s go in together.”
As we approached the welcome mat, the front door burst open and a large figure bolted from the house. He nearly knocked us over as he pushed between us and kept running. Before I could even yell the way I normally did at people who jostled me on a busy sidewalk, Donna sprang into action. Her body shimmered until it was transparent and she whooshed toward the figure, toppling him to the ground with a strong blast of air. As tempted as I was to yell ‘girl power,’ I didn’t want to sound like a boomer.
I gaped at the familiar god on the ground. “Perun?”
The Slavic god of thunder rolled onto his back and blocked his face with his hands. “Don’t obliterate me,” came his muffled reply.
Donna morphed back into her female body and climbed to her feet, dusting off her hands. “What are you doing in Zeus’s house? You have no business here.”
