The wrong idea, p.12
The Wrong Idea, page 12
Zeus and Odin came out with the manager, loaded down with bags. “What’s going on?”
“Respiratory distress,” Thor said. “Paramedics on the way.”
“What?” Odin barked.
“Okay. We have to leave now,” Zeus said.
But Thor was pumping on the guy’s chest. “I can’t,” he said.
“Okay, then,” Zeus said evenly. I was shocked at his calm. “Does anybody else here have medical training?” Zeus asked the crowd on the floor.
Nobody had any.
“We have to go,” Odin said.
“I can’t leave him,” Thor said. The man was breathing again, but he seemed very ill. He needed Thor.
“Nobody else? No medical training?” Zeus barked.
One of the tellers raised his hand. “There’s a nurse practitioner at Valu-Marque across the street. There’s a Zip Clinic there.”
“Can a nurse practitioner take over for you, Thor?” Zeus asked. “Would that be acceptable to you?”
“Yup,” Thor said. “A nurse practitioner can do this for sure.”
Zeus strolled up to me and took my machine gun. “Go get the supermarket nurse, Ice.”
“I have to go out there? By myself? What if…what if…” Doomsday scenarios began to crowd my mind.
Zeus lowered his voice. “You’re okay, the five-oh isn’t here yet. If we have to make a hot exit, you get lost and call us. No matter what happens, we’ll fix it. Your safeword means trouble. That’s our alert.” He watched me levelly, a mountain of strength and calm. “We’re good. We can handle paramedics.”
“So, I just ask the nurse to uh…to come over here…”
“You need to go in there with a little bit of Odin in you, got it?” he continued. “A little bit Odin and a little bit you. Hear me?” Zeus’s gravity centered me. “You can do it. You have nerve and sass. Nobody’s more suited.”
I nodded. He thought I could do it. It meant everything. And right then, I saw him anew. I saw him as the gifted commander he’d once been.
A little bit Odin. Meaning a little bit scary-bossy. I shoved my gun in my waistband, covered it with my vest and went out, pulling off my mask. I had a blonde, long-haired wig and a beauty mark; it would have to be disguise enough. I ran across the street and slowed when I hit the parking lot. Blood racing, I strolled through the doors.
The environment of the supermarket felt eerily every day-ish, all cheerful lights and muzak. A voice on the loudspeaker alerted me to cinnamon bread being on sale. Carts’ wheels squealed. I spotted the Zip Clinic right up front and walked over.
A younger woman was sitting on a stool at the counter. “I’m next,” she said.
“Medical emergency.” I walked in.
Inside, a fifty-something woman in a white jacket with short, reddish hair and dangly earrings stood up from a chair. “You can’t just come in here.” The nurse. The man in the other chair looked up at me, outraged.
“Medical emergency,” I said.
“This isn’t an ER,” the nurse said.
I felt wild. Desperate. I yanked the man up from the chair. “You have to let me talk to her! You just have to, okay?” He looked bewildered as I pushed him out the door. I think it was my intensity that made him go along with me. Or maybe the wig of wildness.
I closed the door, took out my gun, and pointed it at her with a shaking hand.
The woman’s jaw dropped.
A little bit Odin, I thought.
“You can have anything,” she said.
“There’s a bank customer in respiratory distress across the street. You’re gonna come across the street and deal with him.”
“What?” She just stared at the gun. “I can’t just…”
“Get your stuff, or I shoot!”
She just stared at me.
What would Odin do? He’d break something, that’s what he’d do. I looked for something to break…but I didn’t want to make an alarming sound for the people outside! I swiped a folder off the desk and papers slid across the floor. “Now!”
She looked frozen.
“You want to be on the ten o’clock news for being dead? Or do you want to be on there for being a hero? ’Cause that’s your choice now. Get your shit for respiratory distress.”
She was still frozen.
I got right into her face and did my best Odin growl. “I am a stone-cold killer and I will shoot this gun right in your pretty face!” I thought the compliment might soften things, but when I heard myself say it, not so much. “Do it!”
Her lip quivered. “Please, no!”
I grabbed a bag and put it over my gun. “Get your breathing stuff or that guy across the street won’t be the only one who needs it!”
She sprang into action, grabbing a large Tupperware box.
“Go. Eyes forward,” I said in the scariest voice I could muster. “And if you signal anyone, I’ll see it and I will so shoot you. I see all! I am a fucking cyclops!”
She grabbed a box of latex gloves while I remembered a cyclops only has one eye.
“Also, I’m a satellite, watching from every direction. The point is, you better act natural.” I opened the door and we headed out.
“Be right back,” she chirped to the man and the woman waiting. We beelined out as a pair, down the parking lot, and across the street. I felt like a total asshole.
The bank was still dark. I pushed open the bank door and ushered her in. She went to the man’s side. Thor turned to her and started talking. She pulled something out of her box. They were working together now.
Sirens sounded in the distance.
Cops? Was this it?
My blood raced.
“Thor,” Zeus said.
The sirens grew louder.
Everything seemed to move in slow motion.
“One sec.” Thor ripped open a pack. The nurse took over the pumping. I couldn’t see what else they were doing.
“No more time,” Zeus said.
My heart pounded.
Thor stood. We walked out of the bank slowly. The street looked normal, but the ambulance was down at the end. There were more sirens now, coming from the other side, it sounded like.
“Crap. Cops,” Zeus said, pulling off his mask. We all followed suit, pulling off our masks as discreetly as possible. “Easy, everyone. In calmly.”
We opened the doors and slid in with our bags, Thor and me in the back, Zeus and Odin in front.
“Let’s get out of here!” I said.
“It’s okay, we’re good,” Zeus said. “Down, everyone. Hide.”
Thor and I huddled down so that nobody from outside could see us. Up front, Odin did the same. My pulse drummed in my ears.
Zeus started up the engine and pulled out just as the windows lit up red. I couldn’t believe how slowly he was going.
A siren blasted—it sounded like it was right next to us.
“Fuck,” Zeus said.
“We okay?” Thor asked.
“Not yet,” Zeus said.
“I couldn’t leave him,” Thor grated. He sounded so strong about it. He couldn’t leave the man.
I wondered if he would be in trouble now for real. He had nearly messed up our escape. He stared at the seatback. He looked determined and also, strong. Resolute.
And strangely, calmer. That weird energy I’d been feeling off of him all week was gone. What had changed? Was it having the chance to act like the doctor he was after so much time? Was that it?
I thought about the reckless joyride Thor had taken me on during those early days, and him wanting to shoot down the dolphin sculpture, and getting Zeus riled up at the massage place. Pushing against the confines of the group. Was that Thor, pushing against the limits of our life?
I studied him harder, and I caught another hit of that new serenity in him, and when he looked up with that cool blue gaze, I knew that was it. Being a healer was a deep part of his identity, and he’d been cut off from it for way too long,
“I know. I get it. You had to help him,” Zeus said from up front. “I understand.”
Thor nodded.
“Steady,” Odin said. The sirens sounded louder, and the windows flashed a brighter red, flashing on and on. I thought about a hot exit, which meant exactly what you might imagine—going out with guns blazing.
It was definitely cooler to talk about a hot exit while you were lounging in your hotel suite eating bon-bons than when you were riding in an SUV loaded with guns and money while cops prowled the streets around you.
Thor reached out and took my hand and squeezed it.
I squeezed back. “What’s up, doc?” I said.
He rolled his eyes but didn’t let go of my hand. I was glad for that. I needed that contact with him just then.
We held hands like dorks there in the back seat, gripping onto each other for a very tense five minutes as the vehicle crawled through the streets.
And then another five minutes. More time passed. We turned again. Again.
“Unmarked car on our tail,” Zeus growled.
Thor muttered a curse under his breath. I closed my eyes.
“Odin, can you do something with the traffic lights?” he asked.
“Not from down here. I’m plotting a route, though,” Odin said.
The sirens were sounding fainter.
“This guy tailing us, he’s suspicious,” Zeus said. “Getting more so. Really looking at us.”
“He’s probably just seeing what we’ll do,” Odin said from his crouched position in the front.
“He’s going to pull us over,” Zeus said. “He sees these kilts and we’re done.”
“Sorry,” I said.
“The kilts fucking rocked,” Zeus said.
Make a U-turn at the next light,” Odin said, monitoring the situation from his super-military maps app, no doubt. “If he follows, we run, and I’ve got a route.”
I felt queasy as the hulking vehicle swung around.
“Is he following?” Odin asked.
“Yup,” Zeus said.
Crap. My blood raced. Was this it?
“Step on it,” Odin said. “You’ll take a sharp left on Oak.”
“Wait,” Zeus said.
“Do it,” Odin barked.
“He put on his signal,” Zeus said.
“Don’t chance it,” Odin warned. “It could be a fake-out. He wants us past Oak.”
I held my breath. The seconds stretched.
“Zeus,” Odin warned.
“He’s turning,” Zeus said.
“You sure?” Odin asked.
“Yes!” Zeus hissed out a breath. “We’re good.”
I heaved out a sigh of relief.
We had to stay down for a long time after, but when Zeus finally gave the A-okay to sit up, I threw myself at Thor and hugged him. “We’re okay,” I said.
He held me tight, pressed his face onto my shoulder. “We’re okay,” he whispered. And then, to the group, he said, “I’m sorry.”
“We can’t take you anywhere, can we, Thor?” Zeus joked from the front. But it was one of those tiny-bit-of-truth jokes.
“He would’ve died,” Thor said.
“I know.” Zeus eyed Thor in the rearview mirror. He lowered his voice like he did when he was talking really seriously. ““We’re a family now. You know what family means? We get to mess things up and be messed up, and we still belong together. You won’t be rid of us, even if you act like the biggest screw-up in the world. And vice versa. We’re all stuck in this thing, and I know you’ve felt restless, like this isn’t the life you set out for yourself. But you know what? There are no rules to what we have to be. You had to save that guy. It was the most important thing to you right then, so you know what? It was the most important goddamn thing to me, too.”
“And me,” Odin said.
“Me, too,” I said. “It needed to happen.”
Thor nodded, taking it in.
“The God Pack should never be a prison or an authority,” Zeus said. “We’re a creative fire supporting each other to be whatever the fuck.”
Odin grunted in assent. “Yeah, we’re a creative fucking-g ferment.”
“Yeah. A creative ferment. Okay?” Zeus said.
“I got you,” Thor said.
I nodded, unsure what ferment meant when used as a noun, but it wasn’t the kind of moment where you wanted to pull out your phone.
“And you know what else?” Zeus asked. “We’re going to find some more doctoring opportunities for you, and that’s final. And I don’t mean patching bullet wounds for jackasses who get themselves shot. Real doctor stuff.”
“I don’t see how,” Thor said. “I don’t have privileges anywhere.”
“We’ll figure it out,” Zeus barked. “We’re getting you doctoring again, got it?”
“Thank you,” Thor said. “Thank you.” He definitely seemed calmer. More settled. He’d needed to express himself as a doctor the same way I’d needed to bust off of that farm and challenge myself, find the edge of myself.
I thought about the way Zeus had seemed to peer into my soul back in the army surplus and vintage store. I had a new sense of him, of all my guys. We made each other more whole, I realized.
“Even so, it wasn’t fair to you all,” Thor said.
“It’s not about fairness,” Odin said. “It’s about family.”
Maybe it was my highly emotional state, but tears stung my eyes. There were no limits to what we would do for each other.
I looked over at Thor. I don’t know how Zeus thought he could get him doctoring again, but together, we could do anything.
I leaned up and half hugged Zeus—as much as you could from the back seat while a guy was driving, anyway.
He ruffled my hair, like it was all so casual, but the tenderness in his eyes tore a hole in my heart.
I moved over to sort-of-hug Odin, clutching as much of his chest as I could reach, and then I kissed his shoulder.
“Goddess,” he said, like it was a little bit unnecessary, but he rested his arm over mine and squeezed me back—hard—like he needed it as much as I did.
We were okay for now.
Zeus said, “Odin, tell me every fucking camera in that supermarket was off, or else Ice is everywhere on TV tonight.”
I’d almost forgotten. I had gone into that supermarket with my mask off.
“I took their cameras offline, too, like you said,” Odin said. “Unless one of the shoppers was filming.”
“Yikes,” I said.
“Why would they?” he said. “From the sounds of it, you were cool as a cucumber.”
“I was a fucking cyclops,” I said. “A cyclops in a satellite.”
“Umm…yay?” Thor said.
“So, is the guy gonna be okay?” Odin asked.
“I think so,” Thor said. “He was stabilized. That nurse knew her shit.”
“You needed to help him. We needed you to do that,” Zeus said. “Case closed.”
Odin was rooting through one of the bags. He pulled out a bundle of money. “Dye packs.” He tossed them out the window.
Luckily, we still had a ton of money left. A ton!
“That was—” I put my hand over my thundering heart. “Oh my god—we did it!”
Odin smirked. “Anybody can rob a bank when the robbery runs smoothly. What sets us apart is that we can handle the complications. And if it had come to a hot exit, we would’ve handled that, too, because we have the tactical advantage in every way, not to mention the motherfucking-g balls to pull it off.”
I smiled, loving Odin and his bank-robbing prowess. They all seemed to be looking at me, waiting for me to add something. I sat back and crossed my legs. “The Giraffes obviously don’t know shit about us. We kick ass, and always will!”
“Hell yeah,” Zeus said.
I chuckled. “And when they see we knocked over a bank in kilts, they are going to shit.”
“So is Agent Denko,” Odin said. “Denko will shit.”
“You think he’ll know it was us?” I asked.
“Defo,” Odin said. “Especially with Thor’s stunt. But with no new images? We’re fine.”
For now—that was the unsaid part of it.
Would their mortal enemies ever let them just live? Would they ever let them just be? Right then, I realized, if I could have any wish, it would be that—for my guys to live in peace. Never to have to look over their shoulders. They didn’t seem to care about that as a goal, but it was officially my goal, now.
“You wish we were dead, motherfuckers,” Zeus said. “That goes on the tattoo.”
I groaned.
“Let’s do it,” Zeus said. “Another tattoo!”
“Where to, now?” I asked. I was feeling starved and wired and exhausted, and even a little horny.
“Home, goddess,” Thor said. “Home.”
For a second, I imagined the farm, but of course that wasn't possible. My thoughts flew to my sisters as they had so often since the decision to kill Melinda. I whispered a little prayer out to the universe for them to heal quickly from the loss of me. For them to stun everybody with the power of their optimism and embrace of life. For them to know, somewhere deep inside their hearts, that everything was okay.
No, I wouldn’t be going back to that farm anytime soon. It was their home they meant. The hideout they’d told me so much about.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “What if they’re watching it?”
“We're reasonably sure that ZOX doesn't know about this one. Our surveillance guy, Manning—the one you met at Guvvey’s? He checked it out,” Zeus said.
I nodded. “The weird brocade jacket guy with the one-man pondering show?”
“He’s weird, but one of the best,” Zeus said.
“ZOX will think we’ve blown town,” Odin said. “Just wait.”
A small grin crept onto Thor's face. “Right, because what would be more ridiculous then staying in town after such an ostentatious robbery? And doing one that’s even wilder?”
“Right?” Odin said. “And anyway, I have somebody scattering breadcrumbs out in Maine. That will keep them busy for a while.”
“Maine would be a logical place to go. Seashore?” I asked.
“Of course,” Odin said. “You know how we like a lot of escape routes.”
“Home, then,” Zeus said.
