Dating a demon mom, p.1
Dating a Demon Mom, page 1
DATING A DEMON MOM
JA ARMSTRONG
BUMBLING BARD CREATIONS
Copyright © 2021 by Bumbling Bard Creations
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or
mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without
written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book
review.
CONTENTS
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Epilogue
C H A P T E R O N E
SO, HERE’S THE THING, MY MOM IS A DEMON. NOT LIKE SHE
has horns or anything. Well, she does, but she only shows
them on special occasions. The thing is, she really needs a
date. But how do you find your demon mom someone to love?
It’s not like I can place a personal ad. My brother, Jax, he’s
seven, he tried to set our mom up with his second-grade
teacher. That was a disaster. Jax doesn’t understand that
humans don’t believe in demons. No matter how many times
we tell him, he keeps trying to get Miss Dyer to date our mom.
Me? I’d like to find her a nice werewolf, or maybe a vampire.
There must be someone for mom in our neighborhood. We
can’t be the only demon family living in Cozyville.
Mom says she was tired of the same old thing in
Fearstown. Fearstown was loaded with eligible witches and
monsters. Every kind you can imagine! Mom even dated a
three-headed lizard demon for a few weeks. She was nice
enough. But mom said she was sure there were three stomachs
that went with those heads. Groceries would cost a fortune!
That’s when Grandma told her there was a job in Cozyville
running the historical society. Mom couldn’t wait to start. She
found this cool old mansion and moved us in a week later. I
like it here, but humans are a little strange. I don’t know why
they think monsters and demons are bad. We come from
different places. Places where horns and heads, scales, and
spells are just your everyday occurrence. Although, the three-
headed thing kind of unnerved me. I never knew who I was
supposed to be talking to!
Now, here we are in this little town. Mom calls it quaint. I
guess. The people are nice, and I really like the pizza. I know
my mom loves us, but she’s lonely. I need a plan. Or a sign.
“NOW, what are you three doing in my kitchen? Conspiring?”
Three heads popped to attention.
“Uh-huh. We are not ordering pizza again tonight.”
“Mom.”
“Jax. No. Pizza.”
The doorbell blared through the house.
“Don’t tell me you ordered a pizza without asking?” Amy
asked.
Three heads shook back and forth.
“Uh-huh. I guess I’ll see who that is.”
“Jax!” Lucilla scolded her brother.
“I didn’t do anything,” he said.
“That better not be Miss Dyer.”
“Miss Dyer wouldn’t ring our doorbell,” Jax said.
“She might if you keep insisting Mom has horns,” Lucilla
replied.
Jax sipped his juice and shrugged. “She does.”
“Jax!”
Elisha giggled.
“Don’t encourage him,” Lucilla told her little sister.
“Maybe we should call Lydia,” Jax said.
“Mom isn’t into more than one head,” Lucilla said.
Jax shrugged again.
“Maybe Mom could date that lady where we get the
pizza,” Elisha offered.
“I don’t think she’s mom’s type.”
“You mean cause she’s blonde?” Jax asked.
“Nah. I mean, because she’s human,” Lucilla replied.
Jax and Elisha looked at each other and shrugged again.
AMY OPENED the front door and smiled at the green-eyed
blonde woman standing on her stoop. “Can I help you?”
“I don’t know if you should ask that question the first time
we meet,” the woman replied.
Amy tipped her head.
“Oh, sorry. Hope. Hope Crestwell.” Hope turned and
pointed down the street. “I live down the street.”
“Ah. Amy. Amy Prisca.” Amy sensed a presence behind
her. “And if I’m not mistaken, three little monsters are hiding
behind that wall to see who you are.”
“Monsters?” Hope asked.
“Lucilla?” Amy called.
Lucilla stepped out with Jax and Elisha behind her. “Hi.”
Hope smiled at the threesome. “Kids are much scarier than
monsters,” she said lightly.
Amy laughed.
“Listen, I didn’t mean to disturb your dinner or anything.
If you were eating dinner. Which maybe you were.”
“Mom said no pizza tonight,” Elisha told the woman.
“You can’t exist solely on pizza,” Amy said.
Jax shrugged. “Maybe you can,” he said.
“Pizza is a weakness for me, too,” Hope offered. She
turned back to Amy. “Listen, I just wanted to come over to
invite you to my annual Halloween party.”
“Halloween party?” Amy questioned.
“Yeah. You know, people get dressed up, eat junk food,
watch scary movies, all that stuff. Actually, we don’t watch
scary movies because of the kids. More like we listen to
Monster Mash and eat junk food,” Hope explained.
“I see.”
“I mean, you don’t have to come. Most of the neighbors
do, though. I thought it might be a good way for you to—you
know, get to know folks.”
“And what does one bring to this Halloween party?” Amy
asked.
“If you really want to bring something, I always seem to
run out of apples.”
“Apples?” Amy questioned.
“You know, for the bobbing contest.” Hope saw a flicker
of confusion in Amy’s eyes. “No way! You’ve never bobbed
for apples?”
Amy shook her head.
“It’s an annual thing. You put them in water and then you
try to get them with your teeth. Sometimes, blindfolded. That
makes it even harder.”
“I see.”
“Well, if you come, I’ll be sure to teach you,” Hope said.
“Apples?” Amy asked.
Hope grinned.
“And this party is on All Hallows Eve?” Amy tried to
understand.
“Actually, it’s on Saturday. Two days before Halloween.
The kids like to Trick or Treat. So, I do it early every year.
That way they get to wear their costumes more than once.”
“I see.”
“Hey, no pressure,” Hope said. She glanced over at the
three children who’d edged a bit closer. “But the kids might
have fun. You might, too. People here are pretty nice once you
get to know them.”
Amy smiled. “We would love to come, and bring apples,
of course.”
“Oh. Great!” Hope fished in her jacket and pulled out an
invitation. “All the information is on there. If you need
anything—You know, like directions to any place or anything
like that, my number is on there. Or you can always knock on
my door.” She pointed to her house again. “If I’m there, I’ll
answer.”
“Would you like to come in?” Amy asked.
“Huh?”
“Well, since you were kind enough to invite us to your
home, it seems appropriate for me to invite you to share a
pizza with us.”
Jax pumped his fist in the air.
“Pizza, huh?” Hope asked.
“Unless you are allergic to pizza,” Amy said.
“No. I don’t really like anchovies, though,” Hope said.
“Slimy little bastards,” she mumbled.
Amy laughed. “Ah, yes, the furry fish. They put those on
pizza?”
“They shouldn’t,” Hope said. “I’d love to share a pizza.
What kind?”
“There are kinds?” Jax asked as Amy led Hope inside.
“Sure. Buffalo, pepperoni, meat, barbecue, even potato.”
“All we’ve had is cheese,” Elisha explained.
“Seriously?” Hope asked.
Three children nodded.
“Since you seem to be an expert,” Amy said. “Why don’t
you choose one for us?”
“I don’t want to get something you don’t like,” Hope
replied.
“Trust me. These three will eat just about anything. ”
“Not tuna,” Lucilla said. She stuck out her tongue. “They
had that on bread at school. Gross!”
<
HOPE IS FUNNY. Most humans are a little strange. I don’t know
who would want to eat tuna! Hope said she doesn’t like it
either. That’s good. One box checked off my list. Mom
laughed a lot with Hope tonight. And I think she’s interested in
learning about this human bobbing ritual. Humans are weird. I
like apples, but I don’t really understand why people give
them to teachers or want to catch them with their teeth. It’s not
like they can run away or anything. Back in Fearsville, we
gave our instructors Kordji candy. Kordji is kind of like
crickets but less chewy. To tell you the truth, I liked the
buffalo pizza better than Kordji candy. Hope laughed when I
asked about putting buffalo on pizza and explained it’s not
really buffalo. Why would anyone call chicken a buffalo? That
makes no sense at all. See? Humans are weird. That’s like
calling Kordji a kangaroo or something.
Mom says we’ll have to get costumes for Halloween. Jax
told her she should just show her horns. For once, I think he’s
right. I’ve seen pictures of the demon costumes people wear.
Who has satin horns? That’s just stupid. And no demon could
fit her hooves into nylon stockings. Where do people come up
with this stuff? I need to think of a way to get Mom and Hope
together before this party. Maybe Grandma will have an idea.
“YOU REALLY LOVE THOSE OLD BOOKS,” Carol observed.
Amy looked up from her reading and grinned. “The history
of this place is fascinating.”
“I suppose it is.”
“It’s also sad,” Amy said.
“Sad?”
“Yes. Throwing people in jails for being witches. They
weren’t even witches. Sometimes, I don’t understand people.”
“Yeah, well, nowadays people love the idea that witches
could be real,” Carol said.
“And you don’t think there are real witches?”
“I don’t know. If you mean witches who can perform
magic, no.”
Amy nodded. She looked up when the door opened.
“Hi, Carol.”
“Hope?” Amy asked.
“Amy?” Hope countered.
“You two know each other?” Carol asked.
“We’re neighbors,” Hope explained.
“Yes, I know. I didn’t realize you’d already met.”
“Hope stopped by the other day to invite us to her
Halloween party,” Amy explained.
“Of course! Yeah. That’s a must,” Carol said.
“Is it?” Amy asked.
“It is. I should warn you,” Carol continued.
“Warn me?” Amy asked. “Is there danger at this party?”
“Only to your ego if you try to challenge Hope during her
apple bobbing contest,” Carol replied.
Hope’s eyes rolled back into their sockets. “I’m not that
competitive. I have a technique. That’s all.”
Amy’s lips pursed with amusement.
“What?” Hope asked. “I do! I spent thirty years mastering
it.”
“That many years?” Amy asked.
“Yes. That many years,” Hope said. “I lost my first contest
to my brother, Alec when I was five. It was humiliating.”
“And she swore she’d never let him win again,” Carol said
with a chuckle.
“And, did he? Did Alec ever win again?” Amy asked.
“For the next five years,” Hope grumbled. “But by the
time I reached ten, he couldn’t beat me. My mom could,
though. So, I just kept honing my—”
“Technique?” Amy teased.
“Yes.”
Carol looked back and forth between the two women. She
went to school with Hope. There was a distinct sparkle in her
friend’s eyes when Hope looked at Amy. “Interesting,” Carol
thought.
“Something tells me you didn’t come here to talk about
apples,” Amy said.
“No. I came to meet the new director,” Hope replied.
“Did you?” Amy asked.
“I did. Hey. Wait a minute. Don’t tell me.”
Amy stood and held out her hand. “Nice to meet you, Ms.
Crestwell.”
“You’re the new director,” Hope said.
“That’s what the sign on my office door says.”
Hope looked at Carol. “How come you didn’t tell me Amy
was your new boss?”
“Uh. How was I supposed to know you knew Amy?”
“Not the point,” Hope said.
Carol grinned. “I didn’t know you made a habit of showing
up on stranger’s doorsteps to invite them to your party,” she
quipped.
“Amy’s not strange,” Hope said.
Amy giggled.
“I mean, Amy’s not a stranger! She’s a neighbor.”
“Oh, right,” Carol said. “Well, I’ll leave you two neighbors
to it—whatever it is.” Carol tried not to laugh at the blush
creeping up Hope’s neck. “I’m going to head out for a coffee.
Can I bring you one?” she asked Amy.
“No, thank you. Too much caffeine makes me—”
“Jittery?” Hope guessed.
“No. Tired. It’s genetic,” Amy said.
“Well, I’ll see you in a bit,” Carol said. “Hope,” she
addressed her friend. “Don’t do anything to make my new
boss grumpy.” She winked and skipped out the door.
“I’ll go out on a limb and assume you and Carol are
friends.”
“We grew up together,” Hope said.
“I see. Not that I’m unhappy to see you,” Amy admitted.
“Why am I seeing you?”
“Oh! Geez. I forgot. I thought I should meet the new—
well, you.”
Amy smirked.
“I mean—Oh, shit.”
“Hope?”
“Sorry. I’m supervising the dig at the old chapel.”
“Ahh—Hope Crestwell is the Dr. Crestwell.”
“You make it sound a lot more exciting than it is. Not that I
mind.”
Amy’s eyes brightened with amusement. Hope was
adorable. For a human. Or maybe for anyone. “An
archeologist,” Amy said. “You didn’t share that tidbit over
pizza.”
“Yeah, well, you didn’t tell me you were the new director,
either. We were too busy listening to your kids talk about food
and demons. What is it with that?”
“What do you mean?” Amy asked.
“They act like they never had pizza before. Did you have
them on a special diet or something?”
Or something. “No. We lived with my mother for a long
time. She’s a bit—Traditional.”
“Ah, I get it,” Hope said.
“You find my children’s fascination with pizza more
interesting than their talk about demons and monsters?”
Hope lifted her hands. “I don’t really believe in demons
and monsters.”
“No?”
“You mean like with horns?” Hope asked.
Amy nodded.
“Well, that wouldn’t be as strange as some people might
think. I just don’t believe in evil. Not inherent evil.”
“Really?”
“No. Why? Is that strange?”
“No,” Amy answered. “It’s interesting.”
“Mm. I don’t know. Anyone who studies history ought to
know that good and evil are choices. Maybe there were
gorgons and unicorns long ago. I haven’t unearthed anything
to convince me they were real, but people didn’t know
dinosaurs were real for a long time, either. Kind of seems like
nothing is real to people unless they can see it.”
“And you?”
“I don’t think we can see everything,” Hope said. “That’s
probably why I like to dig.” She laughed. “I like to discover
things no one has seen before.”
“Then you picked the right profession,” Amy said.
“What about you? Don’t get me wrong. Cozyville has an
interesting history. Why move here from—wherever you
moved from, to run this place?”
“Fearstown isn’t more interesting than here,” Amy said.
“Fearstown? Is that a real place?”
