I parted my thighs. I stole my arms around him and held on for dear life as he leaned in, as his body curled around mine, until his hips nestled in the cradle of my legs, begging me to yield to him.

  I want this, I realized. Even if it was bad, even if I was evil, even if this was the point of no return, I wanted it here, now, forever.

  “Oh,” Carter said as my legs locked around his waist. “Oh, yes. Aylen...”

  Then he was kissing me and there were no more words. His lips moved on mine.

  For a moment I stilled and struggled with myself. Should I let him have this power over me? Was this wise? Should I let my heart become vulnerable so soon after breaking free of my prison?

  But then his tongue escaped his mouth, flickered against the seam of my lips. All objections turned blinding white and faded away, burning into nothingness like a scrap of paper on a bonfire, and I groaned and let him take over.

  Bliss invaded my brain. My whole life seemed to flash before my eyes as Carter covered me in kisses, touching me in secret places that had only ever known my own hands, and that had never felt so good when it was just my fingers.

  Stroking my tongue with his, Carter moved his hands down the back of my skull, skating over the sensitive skin at the nape of my neck. Beneath him I shivered and moaned, the moan echoing back to me in a deep rumble from his chest.

  I felt it. I felt all of it. His bare skin burned through the thin cotton of my tank top. He was wearing only shorts to bed, and the cotton rubbed against the insides of my thighs, sending little sparks up and down my legs. I jerked and bucked as he let his fingertips play with the small hairs at the base of my skull. Breaking away from our kiss I squirmed away from his hands, but doing so just brought us into more intense contact. My breasts, free and unbound inside my borrowed pajamas, pressed against his broad, hard chest, and I melted at the unequivocally erotic touch.

  There was nothing innocent about this. I couldn’t claim that I was drunk, except maybe on my newfound freedom. I wanted everything Carter could give me, and I found I wanted to give it back to him, even though I didn’t know how, or even what it was.

  Fortunately for me, Carter seemed content to kiss me, to taste the inside of my mouth. His hands roamed down my neck to my shoulders where they curled and held me fast. I clung to him, certain I would drown if I let go. The bed was an ocean, and Carter was my life-preserver. There was nothing I could do but hold on.

  Suddenly, without warning, Carter let go of my shoulders and ran his hands down my back. Again I arched into him, nearly levitating off the bed, and he laughed as he broke away from our kiss.

  “You’re so responsive,” he whispered to me. I heard his voice hoarse in the dark, thick with some emotion I couldn’t put a name to.

  “Is...is that a good thing?” I asked, and I heard the same thickness in my own throat.

  He chuckled again. “A very good thing. Have I told you lately how glad I am that you escaped?”

  “Fairly recently,” I replied.

  I felt him shake his head. “Remember that I am, then. You weren’t meant to be chained up. You should always be free. You wear freedom quite well.”

  I opened my mouth to thank him, but then his mouth was on my shoulder, on the meaty joining between my throat and my arm, and I gave a little squeal as he bit down. At the same time his hands found my hips and scooped me up, pulling me against him, and again that hardness pushed against me.

  All of a sudden I realized what it was and I gasped, partly in shock and partly in fear. I wasn’t completely ignorant of human anatomy—I’d spent the better part of my childhood changing diapers on an endless stream of babies, and many of those babies were little boys.

  Is that his...? I could hardly think the word. The word was naughty, disgusting, wrong. We’d always used euphemisms after we’d moved into the compound, but I’d learned the proper words before we left home.

  My face burned as Carter shifted and adjusted, and the hardness of him pushed into me, probing, seeking, needing...

  Between my legs came a rush of heat, a gush of wetness, and I jumped and squeaked, freezing up.

  Carter stopped immediately, his teeth releasing me. “What’s wrong?” he asked. His breathing was heavy and ragged, as though he’d just run a mile.

  I shook my head. “I...I don’t know what’s happening to me,” I whispered. I felt hot and cold at the same time. I didn’t know if I wanted to stop, or to keep going.

  Then Carter began to pull away and I had my answer. My arms around him tightened. “Don’t!” I cried.

  He stilled. “What happened that scared you?” he asked me gently.

  I bit my lip. Doing it was one thing. Talking about it? Even worse. My cheeks were on fire. “I felt like...like I got wet. Down...um, down there.”

  In my arms, Carter relaxed, and when he relaxed so did I. My breath came easily again. “I see,” he said. “That’s totally normal.”

  “It is?”

  He leaned in and put his forehead against mine. We were so close, tangled in his sheets, and I wanted to pull him closer, somehow. Get rid of these clothes between us, get rid of the air. No...even closer than that, though I didn’t know how...

  “It’s normal. In fact, it’s a good thing. A very good thing. It’s for...you know. For sex.”

  I nodded, still uncertain.

  He took a deep breath, his chest moving across my nipples, and my body rippled and melted at the contact, the blood thundering so loudly in my ears that I almost missed his next question. “What do you know about sex?”

  I gave a shaking laugh. “It’s bad?”

  “No,” he breathed. “Not with me.”

  Then his body undulated against mine and the hardness of him pushed against the wet little hollow between my legs, and I swooned, eyes rolling. I heard myself cry out above the sound of blood in my head.

  “Sex is beautiful,” he said as he rolled his hips into mine again, and he hit something at just the right angle that had me thrashing underneath him. “You are beautiful.”

  I could hardly process what he was saying. Waves of pleasure rammed into me, eroding away my thoughts, my rational mind. Everything dissolved beneath him, and I clung harder, my nails digging into the bare skin of his back.

  “That’s right,” he murmured. “Just let go. Enjoy it.”

  I sobbed as his hands found the hem of my tank top. I knew what he was doing, but I couldn’t have stopped him for the world. Slowly he inched the cotton up over my waist, over my stomach. Cool air hit my heated skin, bringing out goosebumps, and then Carter bent down, kissing me with lips that were even hotter than my body. I realized suddenly that he was as affected as I was by what we were doing. He was holding back because of me, because he cared about me, because he respected me. He didn’t want to scare me, to hurt me. He didn’t want me unless I wanted him.

  It had never quite occurred to me that a man could care about what a woman wanted. Now that it did, I wondered why it had taken me so long to see it.

  Then he inched the tank top up over the underside of my breasts, and when the fabric caught my tight and aching nipples he moved in. His nose nudged against the soft, exposed swell of skin, and I wanted to cry.

  “More, Carter,” I begged him. “More, please.”

  He chuckled, but it was rough and unsteady. He wanted this, too. We both wanted this...this pleasure. This burning. This all-consuming thing. How could this be bad? “Of course, Aylen. Anything you want. Your wish is my command.”

  Oh, I thought. Oh, god.

  I writhed as the tip of his tongue touched the underside of first one breast, and then the other. Slowly, agonizingly, he pushed the tank top up, still caught on my nipples, until at last my breasts popped free, bouncing into his face. Before I could be embarrassed, or even knew what was happening, his mouth was open, around my nipple, around my breast, sucking it deep into the cavern of his mouth, and I came apart in his arms.

  “Carter, Carter, Carter,” I begged, not knowing what it was I was begging him for. He groaned again, the sound vibrating through me, and I bucked and pushed against his body, wild and free and needing him more than I had ever needed anything. More than food, more than water, more than air.

  More than freedom.

  The thought flashed across my mind and then it was gone, but I knew it was true. I wanted to be free, didn’t want to lean on Carter—but right now I needed him. He was a need, not a want, and I was ready to surrender everything to him.

  “Please, Carter,” I whispered, my voice harsh and needy. “Please, let’s...please, do it.”

  But to my despair, he drew back, gave my nipple one last small bite, and then let go.

  “No,” he said. “Not yet. You don’t know what you’re asking me...”

  “I need it,” I gasped without meaning to. “I...please, I’m going to die without it...”

  He drew back a little further despite my nails digging into the skin of his back. “Aylen, you might not know this, but that is the biggest compliment you could ever give me,” he said, and I heard the smile in his voice. Then he sighed, a shaky thing. “But I can’t.”

  “No, please, don’t say that—”

  He kissed me, long and hard, and when he broke away I was too breathless to speak.

  “I didn’t say I wouldn’t make you feel good,” he murmured to me. “Just that we should wait on doing the deed.”

  I swallowed. “What do you mean, feel good?”

  “Hmm,” he said, pretending to think. “Do you trust me?”

  I answered without hesitation. “Yes.”

  He kissed me then, on the mouth, very softly. “I can make you feel very good,” he whispered when he broke away. “I can use my hands...or my mouth.”

  His breath ghosted against my face, hot and heady. “Use your hands or your mouth to do what?” I asked.

  Slowly he slid a hand down my body, down my ribs, into the dip of my waist, and then down the inside of my thigh. When I realized where he was going it was too late to stop him.

  Good thing I wouldn’t have stopped him for the world.

  I did jump when his fingers dipped into the space between my legs. Rough guitarist fingertips scraped over places I hadn’t even known existed. I gasped and arched into his hand.

  “Here,” he said over the sound of my desire. “I can use my hands, or my mouth...here.” And he flicked his thumb over a tiny, burning spot, and my body leaped out of my control as though he had put a thousand volts through me. A cry escaped me. I knew, in the back of my head, that I could probably be heard in the other parts of the house, but in the heat of the moment I couldn’t bring myself to care.

  “Carter!” My hips bucked against his hand, and his breathing grew harder and harder.

  “God, Aylen, you’re so hot,” he groaned. “You’re so ready. Just...let me touch you...”

  “Mouth.” The word was past my lips before I had time to think it.

  Above me, Carter stilled. “What?”

  “I want you to use your mouth,” I said. I didn’t know what it would feel like, but I loved his mouth. I loved the warmth of his lips, the tenderness of his tongue, the playful sharpness of his teeth. All those things...down there...I had to have it. I had to find out what it was like. I needed it.

  Carter seemed hardly able to believe his good fortune. “You’ll let me taste you?” he said.

  My throat closed with desire and anticipation, and I nodded.

  He didn’t need any more encouragement.

  With deft hands he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of my pajama shorts and slid them—and my panties—down my legs. He shifted, maneuvering me until he was able to remove the scraps of fabric. My tank top was still ruched up around my armpits, so I took the opportunity to take it off. Then I realized that I was totally naked.

  I froze, wondering what had possessed me to do such a thing, but then in the dimness I saw Carter’s eyes glint with desire.

  “You are so beautiful,” he sighed. Reaching out, he ran his rough, calloused fingers over my throat, down my chest, catching and cupping my breasts before skating against my stomach and finally coming to rest at my hips. He knelt between my legs, his burning warm hands covering my chilling skin. “Beautiful,” he repeated.

  Reaching back, he drew the blankets up over himself, wrapping their edges around under his chin so that he covered most of me, but left himself some breathing room and fresh air. Swiftly, deftly, he planted kisses down my belly, stopping at my navel to dip his tongue in and swirl it around, leaving me with the sudden, steadfast conviction that the mouth had been the right way to go. Then he trailed more kisses, lower, lower, until he reached the tuft of hair at the apex of my thighs.

  A shudder ran through me as I felt his breath drift over my most secret place, the place I hardly ever touched myself except to clean, even though I wasn’t even supposed to do that. I began to shiver with nerves and need.

  “Shh,” he said, running his hands up my body again, warming me. “Shh.”

  I took a deep breath and relaxed.

  Then Carter opened his mouth, bent his head, and took away my innocence with one long, slow, hot lick from the lowest part of that burning hollow straight up to the tight little aching bud at the top.

  Innocence lost. Good riddance.

  I cried out and bucked against his face, and he laughed, his hands coming back to my stomach to hold me down as he licked me again, slowly. I ground against his tongue, my voice mewling my need to anyone who would listen. Yes, and please, and yes, and please, and yes and yes and yes...

  My fingers tangled in his long dark hair, my nails catching against the jewelry he wore in his ears. My body squirmed and moved of its own volition as Carter assaulted me with his mouth, with his tongue and teeth and lips. First he would dip his tongue into the hollow, then he would drag it up to the tight little nub where he would flick it, kiss it, bite it, and all the while I gasped and cried out, my hands holding him fast against me, wantonly, freely, suddenly and totally his.

  My eyes crossed. My vision blurred. Oh god, I thought over and over again, the closest I’d ever truly come to praying in my entire life. Oh god, oh god, oh god, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop...

  I would have let him do anything to me. Anything at all. But Carter was not the sort of man I was used to. He was a true man, a real man, who would never have touched me in a way I didn’t want him to. His big, rough hands scraped up and down my body, cupping my buttocks, pulling me harder against his greedy mouth, and I writhed and moaned and let him.

  “Yes,” I heard myself saying as he started to lick and suckle the little nub in earnest. “Yes, yes, yes...” My belly tightened, and I felt myself standing on the edge, the precipice of something amazing, something wonderful, something transcendent. Something more valuable than life. Something that I’d spent years searching for.

  One of Carter’s hands slipped over the swell of my butt, his fingers running up the crease between my thigh and the soft, tender part of me on which he feasted. I knew what he was going to do, and I didn’t stop him. I knew it was the only way. The only way to get what I needed.

  “Carter,” I moaned, and then the very tip of his string-calloused finger slid inside me—not much, not far—but far enough. His tongue lapped and fluttered, and then his finger began to swirl just inside me, in a little circle, and then I exploded.

  My eyes closed. My back arched. Every nerve lit up like a firework. I choked, stuffed my hand in my mouth, bit down, but it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t enough. I screamed, and it came out ragged and wordless and so, so right.

  For what seemed like forever, Carter lapped at me, drawing out the pleasure, the pleasure so intense it felt like pain, like drowning, like dying, and I wanted more and more and more. It lasted so long, and yet not long enough—as soon as it began to recede I wanted more...no, I needed more.

  “Carter,” I moaned. “Carter, I need more, do more to me, I need more...”

  “More of this?” he asked. I felt his lips curve into a smile as he gave me another swift lick, and my body jumped like a live wire.

  But I thrashed, shaking my head. “No,” I said. “No, more. You. I need you...”

  “Oh god,” he said. “Aylen...”

  His mouth retreated, his fingers pulled back, and then he was on top of me again, his mouth on mine, and I could taste myself in his hungry kiss.

  It was sweet.

  Then, to my infinite despair, he pulled back. The burning hard length of him pressed against the place he had just licked into oblivion, but I could see his face contorted in something akin to pain.

  “No,” he gasped. “No, someone has to be smart in this situation...”

  A breathless laugh escaped me. “And you think you’re going to be the smart one?” I rolled my hips against his and he groaned.

  “For a virgin,” he said, “you sure do know what to do to make a man go crazy.”

  Despite myself, I felt a flush of satisfaction. I nudged him again, hoping to persuade him to give up, to give me what I knew in my soul I wanted—what I knew I needed.

  But Carter wouldn’t have been Carter if he didn’t care what damage he was doing. To my despair, he rolled off me, and then the cool air came rushing back in. Reaching down, I pulled the covers around myself, and they slid against my naked skin.

  The sensation was enough to ground me, and my heated head began to cool.

  Holy Hell, I thought. What just happened?

  But I didn’t think about it too hard. The tension had abandoned my body and I was already feeling sleepy.

  “Are you okay?” Carter asked me.

  I couldn’t keep the stupid smile from my face. “Is that was sex is like?”

  “I think sex is better. I hope.”

 

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