"It doesn't matter what I believe. Everyone believes in something different. No one knows what happens to you after you die. People who say they do are fooling themselves."

  "But you don't believe in anything."

  "I don't believe in intangible things. Things I can't see or prove. Maybe that's a shortcoming of me as a person, but I've always been like that. I can't believe."

  "I've never seen mountains, but I still believe they exist."

  "Then you have something I don't. Faith, maybe. A lot of people think having faith's a gift. You're lucky."

  Petal yawned. "Why does having faith make me lucky?"

  "People worry about the unknown. But if you think you know the unknown, you have less to worry about."

  "So you worry about death a lot then, don't you?"

  "Yeah." Quill slowly stood up from the bed. She yawned too, her eyelids felt heavy. "But that's enough about death. Are you tired? I'm going to get some dinner. Should I turn the lights out for you?"

  Petal nodded.

  Quill picked up Petal's blanket and tucked her in.

  Petal reached out and grabbed her hand before she could leave.

  "Quill?"

  "Yeah?"

  "Don't be afraid of death."

  "I'm not."

  "Yes you are." Petal was still clutching her hand. "I can feel that you are. I can always feel what you're feeling when I touch you. Don't fear it."

  "Okay. I'll try. . .but then you can't think about death either."

  "Okay." Petal let go.

  Quill turned off the lamp, plunging the cabin into darkness.

  Quill walked out of her cabin and across the interior of the ship, slowly weaving her way to the mess. Her stomach rumbled. She brushed her fingers against the companionway walls, tapping the sleek wooden trim.

  When she reached the stairs that led down to the galley, she paused to adjust her bra. It was digging into her breasts, which felt painfully swollen. She reached up the back of her shirt to try and loosen the rear clasps to give her chest more room. As she did, she heard someone quietly say her name.

  Quill poked her head around the stairs, curious as to who was talking about her. The tables in the mess were off to the right of the bottom landing, hidden from view. She couldn't see whoever was talking below, but she could hear their voices. One of the voices sounded like Derrik's. The other voice was much harsher and more unfamiliar - possibly Moz - as he was the only crewmen Derrik socialized with.

  Quill stayed hidden at the top of the stairs, trying to listen in on the muffled conversation. She felt a bit like she had as a child when her parents used to make her go to her room while they argued. She would always sneak out and hide at the top of the stairs, so she could listen to her mother and father yell at each other in the kitchen. Her heart would skip a beat anytime they mentioned her name.

  "Actually, I'd just like to fuck her," the harsher voice cackled. Quill crinkled her nose and listened closer. "But I guess after six weeks at sea I'd fuck anyone. Maybe even you - if you ever took a shower."

  "Well, I'm really tired of that bitch and her prissy attitude," Derrik sniffed in response. "I know she's been messing with my work. Every time I go back to the bridge, I can see that she's gone into the computer and screwed with my numbers. She thinks I'm just some uneducated moron. Well, she's the moron. Every sailor knows you don't go down to the bottom of the Southern Sea unless you have a death wish. This whole sea is cursed. We're in a nightmare."

  "Hopefully Giovanni's good luck then, eh? They say he's been down here before, and he's still breathing.

  "I'd like to dump Giovanni, the bitch, the nomad, and that creepy kid - or whatever she is - over the shipside and get the hell out of here. Sail someplace warm before my nuts freeze solid."

  "Hehehe. You try and ditch King Hanno's mission and he'll cut your nuts off for sure. Probably dip em in gold and hang em up somewhere in his palace."

  "Yeah, well, the King is pretty far away right now - may as well be on the moon. And I don't have Kodzick up my ass anymore, either. . ."

  "So what are you thinking? Got an idea you've been planning?"

  "No." Derrik paused. "Just spit-balling, maybe. This is my ship now. And it's a pretty nice ship. I don't see any reason to waste it by ramming it into an ice shelf. Think of what we could do with this ship. We could make ourselves a mint if we're clever."

  "Then let's ditch this and sail up to Bimany. Lie out on the beach all day, sell this useless polar gear, and get up to our elbows in booze and cheap pussy."

  "You can keep your cheap sluts." Derrik sniggered. "I'd settle for one bottle of good rum and one fine woman."

  "Cut me off a line from your little crystal stash tonight and when we get to Bimany I'll buy you that rum and that woman."

  "What are you doing?"

  Quill almost yelped. She spun around and saw a tired-looking crewman standing next to her, at the top of the stairwell.

  "I - I was about to go get some chow. Just fixing my bra." She grabbed it under her shirt back. "Go ahead of me. I'll be down in a minute."

  "Okay?" The crewman eyed her suspiciously and then descended the stairwell.

  Quill caught her breath. She shook her head, furious at her own carelessness, and then shuffled down the stairs after him.

  Derrik, Moz, and the other crewman were seated at a mess table when Quill entered.

  Quill gave the three men a sheepish smile. She then darted into the galley. She picked up a ladle and poured herself a small cup of chicken soup. She then grabbed a roll of bread, a bit of cheese, and an apple. She did this frantically, shoving the items into her pockets as if she was stealing them, before rushing back toward the stairs, without making eye contact with anyone.

  "Too good to eat with us crewmen?"

  Derrik's eyes burned into Quill's back. She turned around.

  "You aren't a crewman. You're the captain."

  Derrik kicked out a chair.

  "Even more of a reason to take a seat. Come on. Sit down. Eat with us."

  "This food isn't for me." Quill glanced down at the cup of soup. "I already ate dinner, and, for whatever reason, the smell of most food has been making me nauseous. This stuff is for Petal."

  "Is she any better?" Moz leaned forward on the mess table. Half of his face was hidden by a thick, gray hoodie.

  "No. Well, maybe a little bit. Her fever went down and she got back some of her appetite."

  "Good." Derrik nodded. "Tell her she should try and come outside on deck for a little while tomorrow. The fresh air would be good for her – help her lungs clear up. It's no wonder she's been sick all of this time. She's been sitting in the dark. She needs some sunlight to get better."

  "Yeah. I'll tell her that. But I'm dog tired right now. I'm going to get some sleep. I'll see you in the bridge - captain."

  Derrik leaned into Moz and whispered something to him.

  Moz stared up at Quill with a sly smile.

  Quill began to sweat. She hurried up the stairwell.

  Back in the cabin, Petal was deep in a dream. She was lost somewhere at sea, back in her little skiff, drifting aimlessly across the ocean. The water was calm and still. A battle haze of gray smoke hung like a curtain over the water.

  Petal could smell the fumes of burning gasoline and charred wood. She'd arrived on this patch of sea just after a naval battle. She sniffed the foul air and scanned the haze. Several lifeless bodies bobbed up and down in the sea. She focused in on one of the bodies and recognized its Kudu-style clothing. Suddenly, she realized where she was. She was ten again, and had just disobeyed Rho to go search the ocean for survivors.

  This was the place where she'd found Junk floating in the ocean.

  Petal scanned the ocean for Junk. All she could see were dead bodies, the smoke, and a few scattered pieces of debris. The atmosphere was suffocating.

  "Junk! Junk!"

  Petal screamed into the smoke. A trail of bubbles floated up from a sunken ship that was still leaking air, somewhere deep below the water line. A flaming chunk of timber slowly passed by her boat. It glowed like a torch.

  "Junk!"

  Petal screamed until her throat went raw. She couldn't see Junk anywhere. She knew this was where Junk was supposed to be - treading amongst the flotsam. She screamed for her louder and louder.

  "JUNK! JUNK! Where are you? Please come back to me! Where are you?"

  No one answered her shouts. The ocean was deathly silent.

  Petal began to sob. She leaned over the side of her skiff and looked down into the dark water.

  "Junk, please come back to me! Please! I found you a mother, Junk! You always wanted a mother! Please don't leave me! Junk, please! I don't want to be alone! I'm always alone!"

  Petal rested her chin on the side of the skiff. Her tears dripped down into the ocean, becoming lost in the void. She watched their tiny splashes ripple across the wave tops.

  There was something under the surface. At first it looked like a dark, amorphous shape, but then it crystallized into two cobalt-colored orbs – two sky-blue eyes that looked exactly like Petal's.

  Petal watched the eyes rise closer to the surface. They belonged to a man with pale skin and fiery red hair. He seemed to be in a ghostly state between life and death. He continued to drift up, closer toward her. Just before his body broke the surface, Petal saw that he had a small tattoo under his left eyelid.

  "Father?" Petal squeaked. The hair on the back of her neck stood erect.

  The man reached up from the sea. He grabbed onto Petal's shoulders and forcibly dragged her out of her boat and down into the suffocating, blue void.

  - 57 -

  Derrik used all of his body weight to force the starboard hatch open. Giovanni was standing right behind him, bracing himself to go outside. Both men were wearing parkas and thick woolen jackets.

  The wind flooded in through the gap Derrik made between the hatch and the door frame. Within seconds, the pressure ripped the hatch wide open. Derrik was pushed back. The piercing gusts of polar wind grabbed the skin on his face and tried to peel it off. His cheeks and hair started flapping wildly. He staggered forward, hunched over like an old woman, struggling to keep his balance as he crept his way over to the side railing.

  Giovanni followed in Derrik's footsteps, trying to use him as a windbreak. It felt like the wind was going to pick him up and blow him out to sea. He grabbed onto Derrik's jacket to steady his balance.

  "You see it? What is that?"

  Derrik clamped both hands down on the side railing, while looking over his shoulder at Giovanni. He nodded out to the ocean.

  "What?"

  Giovanni couldn't hear a thing over the roaring wind. He could barely open his eyes. The cold gale bit into them, making them tear up and freeze. He huddled next to Derrik.

  "THAT!" Derrik screamed, gesturing madly to the starboard side of the ship.

  Giovanni shielded his eyes with his hands and looked up from the deck.

  A few hundred feet off the starboard side of the ship was a giant wall of yellow ice fog. The fog was five hundred feet high. Its darkness blotted out the polar sun. It stretched all the way from the eastern to the western horizon. The swirling mass of yellow, tan, and white snow that comprised it rumbled with echoes of hidden thunder.

  The huge fog bank seemed to be hovering in place over the polar sea, completely unaffected by the gale-force wind. An intimidating, otherworldly barrier.

  "What the fuck is that?"

  "That is what makes the hidden land a hidden land!"

  "Don't tell me jokes!" Derrik squinted against the ferocious wind. "Tell me what that is!"

  "It's a fog bank! Ice fog!" Giovanni had to shout to be heard. His ears were freezing so he hid his head in his coat. "All winds blow outwards from the polar plateau. Along the way, they pick up bits of snow and ice. The wind must deposit them out here, in this fog bank."

  Both men peered out at the fog. The gargantuan yellow and white clouds swirled and crackled like thunderheads.

  "If it's just ice, then why is it yellow? And why isn't it moving?"

  "I don't know. The color might be from dust mixed in with the snow. The hidden land was bisected by a continental mountain chain before the Flood. There could be mountain peaks out there – being eroded to dust by polar storms. This is good news! We can't be more than a few dozen miles away now."

  "Good news? That's a nightmare! I'm not sailing through that! Can't see anything through that fog. We could go headlong into ice or rocks without knowing it."

  "That's what my last crew said when we got here. We spent weeks waiting for that fog to disperse and it never did. We have no choice but to try and sail through it."

  "No!" Derrik raved. "I'm not doing that!"

  Giovanni watched the fog swirl. A smile crept across his wizened face.

  "It's a leap of faith. You'll never see the hidden land, unless you're willing to risk your life to catch a glimpse of it."

  "Screw that! We'll anchor here and see if it passes."

  "I told you it won't. That fog bank must be permanent. If we wait here, we'll just run out of supplies, and the pack ice will overtake us."

  "We're not going any further until we can see."

  Giovanni shook his head. The wind whistled in his ears.

  "We'll ruin the expedition waiting for that. It won't happen. It's now or never."

  Derrik shivered in the unbearable cold. "I'm not risking this ship and everyone on it by going in blind."

  "Our orders were to-"

  "I don't care what our orders were! My job is to take care of this ship regardless of what King Hanno or that ass Kodzick said. They're not here, so it's my decision. Remember, old man - I'm the captain!"

  ***

  Quill stared out at the polar fog, mesmerized. The billowing cloud of ice and snow was hypnotizing. She saw dozens of fractal patterns swirl across its featureless surface.

  The raging winds that battered the ship earlier in the morning had died down during the afternoon. Quill, Moz, and a few other crewmen had come out on deck during the ensuing lull, to ogle the alien-looking fog.

  Quill was watching it from the stern of the ship, a bit away from the other crewmen. The swirling, yellow clouds reminded her of the grainy, antediluvian images she'd seen of the gas giant - Torfu. She saw what looked like a flash of lightning from deep within the fog and then felt someone tap her on the shoulder.

  Atalai was standing behind her.

  Atalai was pale and disheveled. His normally clean-shaven face now sported a scraggly beard. His nomad cloak was too thin to protect him from the polar winds, so he was draped in bed sheets. The motley dress made him look like a beggar.

  "How are you, Atalai? It's been a long time since I've seen you."

  "I have been meditating down in the hull. Away from all distractions."

  "Any reason for becoming a recluse?"

  "Loneliness originally. Then fear. Then just for the privacy."

  "Well, it's almost over now. The hidden land is just beyond that. . .that." Quill crinkled her nose. "Fog bank."

  "Fog bank. . .yes. . ." Atalai reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumbled cigarette. "Would you like to share this?"

  "Sure."

  Quill snatched the cigarette from Atalai while he rummaged through several layers of clothing, searching for a lighter. After a minute, he found it, and held it up for Quill. She lit the cig and took a few puffs to try and even out the cherry.

  "God, that's stale." Quill coughed. "Here - take it."

  Atalai took an inhumanly long drag on the cigarette while staring out at the fog. He didn't react to the harsh smoke. He said nothing, watching it swirl.

  "Is anything wrong?" Quill asked.

  Atalai went to pass the cigarette back to Quill but she refused it.

  "We shouldn't be here. This sea is cursed. It's evil."

  "You knew we were going here. Why did you come along then? You aren't going to go all 'Lhan' on me, are you?"

  "I just wanted to make things right. Seems so difficult now, but I should have understood what would have to happen."

  "It's a little late to get cold feet. We're only a few miles from land now."

  "A few miles of that," Atalai nodded to the fog. "None of us will make it through that. That is the point of no return. The end of our journey."

  "Our journey ends in the hidden land, Atalai. We're not there yet."

 

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