Charles was so tired by the time he passed through the hotel lobby all he could think about was a hot shower and bed. The day wasn’t unlike the one before it. He’d managed to get through many such days since moving out of his home.

  His brow was creased in a frown as he waited for the elevator. Elizabeth had tried again today to talk to him about his personal life. She’d been hurt by his abrupt refusal. Why didn’t she mind her own damn business? She had a life of her own. Why didn’t she concentrate on driving her husband crazy?

  Talk about a rotten day, he’d even gotten into a disagreement tonight with Dexter after the executive board meeting at the community center. Privately, Dexter had suggested that if Charles went home and made love to his wife, it might improve his disposition considerably. Charles saw red. Only their longstanding friendship had kept Charles from decking the guy. Man! Why didn’t everyone leave him the hell alone?

  His eyes didn’t even linger on the opulence of his surroundings as he let himself into the suite. He was acutely aware that an impersonal professional had remade the bed and tidied the bathroom. Everything would be in its place. There would not have been love or affection involved in the action. Not a single throw pillow was out of place in the living room. Only his clothes hung in the roomy closet, only his toiletries graced the dresser top, and his was the only head that would eventually disturb the pillows on the king-sized bed. In the weeks he’d occupied these rooms, he’d come to detest everything about them.

  As he stripped off his clothes, he purposefully left them in a chair, hoping to add a lived-in feel to the bedroom. He exercised strict control over his thoughts, not permitting them to wander. He’d gotten quite good at it, especially during the daylight hours. It wasn’t until the wee hours of the night that his control would vanish and his hunger would surface. His dreams were full of Diane. When he woke each morning, his arms were as empty as when he’d fallen asleep.

  Charles had just soaped himself when he heard the knock on the outside door. He swore softly, pausing to let the heated spray run over his tired body before shrugging into a burgundy terrycloth robe. His feet were soundless on the thick carpet as he crossed to the door.

  Diane tried not to be thrown by the unrelenting fury burning in his dark eyes. Her heart raced as she drank in the sight of him and her nostrils flared as she inhaled the clean male scent of him. Oh, how she missed him.

  “Hello, Charles. May I come in?”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “So much for small talk,” she said, her voice edged with sarcasm. “I should have called, but I was uncertain of how I’d be received, so I decided not to risk it. May I come inside?”

  He stepped back, keenly aware of her beauty. The pink knit dress complimented the soft curvy lines of her body and the smoothness of her complexion. What had she done to herself? His experienced eye took note of the subtle changes. Her skin seemed to glow with an inner richness. Her thick hair had recently been cut and shaped. Her soft mouth was covered in a luscious rose shade, while her dark, long-lashed eyes seemed larger. There were shadows beneath her eyes which spoke of a recent lack of sleep. She was thinner and even more beautiful than the photograph he carried inside his head.

  Diane’s gaze was equally hungry as it ran over him. His shoulders seemed wider and his waist leaner. He looked as if he’d lost weight. His legs were just as long and well-muscled as she remembered. She forced back tears as she recognized how desperately she needed him in her life. Instead of launching herself into his arms, she nervously inspected the spacious living room. Eventually, she had no choice but to face him. Lifting her chin, she said, “I’d hoped we could talk.”

  “Have a seat. It won’t take me a moment to throw on some clothes.” Charles didn’t bother closing the bedroom door. He pulled on a pair of faded jeans and a white cotton T-shirt. Diane didn’t hear him when he reentered the room. His feet were still bare. He found her standing in front of the window, gazing down at the street far below.

  Why had she listened to Elizabeth? She was wrong to come here. He was still clearly furious with her. He wasn’t ready to hear anything she had to say. Nothing had changed in the weeks they’d been apart Just looking around she could see he had all the comforts of home. The man hardly looked unhappy to her.

  Diane spun around when she heard the fizz of a beverage cap being twisted off. Charles stood at the breakfast bar where a small refrigerator had been built into the base.

  “Sorry, I only have brew. Care for one?” He lifted the narrow-necked bottle to his lips, taking a deep swallow. His eyes never left her face.

  Diane couldn’t fail to miss the way his jeans hugged the masculine lines of his hips and his undershirt stretched over his broad chest. “Nothing for me.” She took a deep breath before she said, “I suppose you’re wondering why I’m here. I owe you an explanation...”

  “You owe me a whole lot more than that!”

  “I never meant to hurt you.”

  “How do you think I felt when I learned that not only did my wife lie to me, but that she had more trust in our best friend than she had in me? How do you think that made me feel?”

  Pure rage and raw emotion poured out of him like an open bloody wound. “Look, your coming here wasn’t such a hot idea. I can’t discuss this calmly. I’m still too damn pissed.” Charles was careful to put the bottle down before he flung it against the door. His hands were shaking. In spite of his fury, in spite of everything, his senses were sizzling with hot, pulsating desire. He was erect and aching with need.

  “Chuck, please, believe... I am truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Never!” Diane said her throat choked with tears. “I was trying to protect myself... not hurt you. I love you.”

  “Don’t! Don’t talk to me about love,” he said slamming his fist down on the top of the bar. With quick strides he was in front of her and jerking her into his empty arms. His mouth settled over hers, hard and insistent. He tasted the salt of her tears; he sampled the sweetness.

  Diane didn’t even consider pulling away. This was where she belonged. Sparks flew as his tongue sponged over her lips, parting them and sliding deep inside to stroke her tongue. His tongue was like velvet, exquisitely rough while being wondrously soft and deliciously wet. She quivered from head to toe, pressing her aching breasts into the muscular wall of his chest as his sensuous assault on her mouth continued.

  Suddenly he tore his mouth away, furious with himself for losing control. His voice was rough with impatience when he said “Go home, Diane. Tonight isn’t the right time.”

  “When is the right time? I haven’t seen you in over a month. Tell me when.” Pride be damned she didn’t have any when it came to this man. He was her heart, and she was dog tired of their separation. “Come home, Chuck. Please.”

  Charles’s hands were deep in his pockets. He rocked back and forth. His sex was thick and uncomfortable pressed against the fly of his jean, throbbing with unfulfilled longing.

  “I said not tonight!”

  “We need to talk.”

  He spoke through tightly clenched teeth. “At the moment, all I can think about is how soft your mouth is and how hard I am.”

  If he thought to shock her, he’d failed. Diane missed him desperately. She hated that he was doing his utmost not to give in to his desire. He’d rather pretend he didn’t have any feelings for her.

  “I’ve missed being with you, too,” she whispered.

  Charles fought the power of his desires. “Sex has never been a problem for us. We’ve always been good between the sheets, Diane. Our difficulties start when both feet hit the floor. You lied to me, damn it!”

  “Stop it! Stop pushing me away. You’re determined to punish me for hurting you. We can’t make things right between us this way!”

  “What will make it right? More lies?”

  “Just listen to what I have to say. Please...” Her eyes were brimming with tears of grief and fear.

  Charles released a rush of air from his lungs before he relaxed his body and moved to an armchair. He sat down, propping one leg over the other as if he’d resigned himself to hearing her out.

  Diane’s stomach twisted into a ball of tension as she tried to sort out her thoughts. When she finally spoke, her voice was only a notch above a whisper, “I’ve been hiding the truth about my life since I was in elementary school. It’s been so long that it has become second nature to me. You have no idea what it was like growing up, being so different from all the other children in school. I wanted so badly to be accepted. I learned early not to tell anyone how we lived. That was my way of coping.”

  “You should have told me the truth.”

  “Yes, I realize that now. I was afraid... afraid you wouldn’t feel the same way about me. I’m sorry, Chucky... so sorry,” she whispered, looking into his dark gaze. She had no way of knowing what he was thinking.

  It was Charles who said, “Tell me what it was like for you.”

  Diane laughed, a raw, pitiful sound. “Lillie never allowed us to call her mother. She was correct. She was never a mother to either one of us.” As the years seemed to slip away, the fear returned. Tears rolled unchecked down her cheek. “Did I tell you how I was with my brother when he died? I couldn’t find her, Chucky. It was awful. I knew how desperately ill he was, and I was so scared...” Diane wasn’t even aware of the tears. “I was the one who took him to the hospital. I was a kid myself. Alone... so alone. Yes, I still resent her for it... I can’t help it. I’ll never forget how it felt to be holding him when he took his last breath.”

  Charles scowled, as he listened with not just his ears, but his heart as well. He couldn’t imagine the kind of despair and fear she’d faced as a youngster. He, too, had lost his mother at an early age, but she had always been a proper mother to him and Elizabeth. They’d never had reason to doubt her love. After she was gone, Aunt Helen was there for them. It was his father and his Uncle Alex who’d taught him what it was to be a man. It was his Aunt Helen who’d taught him how to love and how to trust. Diane had never had an Aunt Helen.

  His heart wrenched as he saw the anguish in her dark, beautiful eyes. He wondered if she was even aware of the stream of tears that rolled down her soft cheeks. She’d faced so much alone, including his rage. That realization tore at his heart. Purposefully, he rose and went quietly over to her. He settled her against his chest She was right... he’d never even come close to walking in her shoes. How could he judge?

  Suddenly he understood why it had taken so long for her to allow him to get close to her. Charles recalled the empty years of loving and wanting this woman. It was a miracle that she had been able to trust anyone with her tender emotions. She had eventually trusted him with her love... trusted him enough to risk marriage.

  “Shush, baby,” he whispered stroking her back. “It’s over. You don’t have to tell me anymore.”

  Diane shook her head. “I need to finish...”

  Charles used the hem of his cotton shirt to dry her face, not certain he could bear to hear more of her suffering.

  “After Danny died, things deteriorated even more between Lillie and me. I was growing up, and it became increasingly difficult for me to feel safe in my own home. My mother was so out of it, caught up in drugs and the men that were necessary to support her habit, that I’m not sure she even knew what I was going through.”

  Diane shuddered. “One night I woke with one of her men in my bed. His hand was over my mouth as he tried to pry open my legs. I was so scared. I couldn’t breathe... I couldn’t think. I fought him. I’m not sure how I got far enough away from him in order to get the baseball bat I kept hidden under my bed. I hit him and kept right on hitting him until he let me go. I remember screaming and screaming until he left the apartment. After locking the door, I ran into my mother’s room, crying hysterically. She was passed out cold on her bed. I’m not sure if it was from the alcohol or the drugs. All I know is that she didn’t move. She would have died that night if I hadn’t called for help.”

  Horrified, Charles held her protectively close, soothingly caressing her shoulders and back. “How old were you?”

  “Sixteen. I couldn’t take it anymore. I left while she was in the hospital. I had to go. I wanted a decent life for myself.”

  “How did you survive on your own? How come you weren’t placed in foster care?”

  “I lied about my age. I took a room at the YWCA and I stayed in school and out of trouble. I used to study during the day and waitress at night. I was very lucky. I was able to get modeling jobs. I looked older. My boss at the diner didn’t know or care how old I was. All he cared about was that I was reliable. He had illegals working for him because he paid in cash. I made enough to keep my room and keep myself in clothes. I had my biggest meal at the diner. I studied or slept whenever it was slow. I saved my tips. I was very careful not to let anyone from school know I was living alone. All my records had my old address until the end of my senior year.”

  “You were lucky to finish high school, but to go on to college! It’s unbelievable. You beat the odds, baby.” He shuddered when he said, “So many bad things could have happened to a teenage girl on her own.”

  “My life turned around when I won that scholarship to Central State. I was always a good student. I worked my tail off to keep my grades up. I just wish Danny could have made it, too. He deserved a decent life.”

  “Yeah, he did.” Charles slowly digested all she’d told him. He’d heard it before, but this time he’d understood... this time he was able to keep his own sense of betrayal out of it.

  “I’m sorry, baby, that you had to go through this. For too many years you’ve had no one to depend on but yourself.”

  “I used to feel sorry for myself because I didn’t have the life you and Heather had growing up. Now I realize that there’s nothing for me to feel sorry about. The experience made me the person I am today. It has made me strong. I learned how to take care of myself.”

  His voice was gruff with emotion when he said, “I’m proud of you, baby.”

  Diane lifted her head until she could look into his eyes. That declaration meant the world to her. It was the first time anyone had ever said those words to her. It filled her heart with sheer joy. “Thank you.”

  “Now, I can fully understand why you never let any man get close to you. You never had a reason to trust men.”

  Looking deep into his dark eyes, she said, “Trust has always been difficult for me. But I’m learning... I swear, honey, I am learning.”

  “Yes, you’ve proved that tonight.”

  “Chuck, the lies I told you weren’t designed to hurt you. You must believe that. I’ve been so scared of anyone finding out about my mother. I tried to bury everything that reminded me of the past. The one reminder that I couldn’t change was my looks. I look like her...” She bit her lip. Her eyes were wide with dismay. “I hate looking like her. I’m not like her... I’m not.”

  “No, you’re not, baby. Her shame is not yours.” He sensed how important his reassurance was to her.

  “I was a coward. That’s why I never told you about Lillie. I couldn’t bear it if you looked at me differently, if you lost respect for me or if you no longer wanted me.” Tears brimmed over and spilled down her cheeks.

  “Don’t...” he said, rocking her until she calmed.

  Diane snuggled even closer, her soft breasts pillowed against his chest, her face buried against his throat. It took all her courage to ask, “Please, can... can... can you ever forgive me?”

  Charles sighed heavily, struggling to focus on anything but her softness. Oh, how he had missed her. He knew they were at a critical point in their relationship. Despite the depth of his feelings for her, he couldn’t just dismiss what she’d done.

  He was silent for so long that Diane, unable to bear the escalating tension, whispered, “Honey?”

  “It isn’t a question of forgiveness,” he said evenly, dropping his hands to his sides and easing away from her.

  He couldn’t think with her in his arms... all he could do was feel. Charles needed a clear head. Although they weren’t touching now, they maintained eye contact.

  “More than anything I want our marriage to work. Hey, I know I’ve contributed to our problems. I’ve made some bad mistakes, too. My jealousy of your past friendship with that guy on the phone was really stupid. It caused a rift between us before we could even establish our married life together.” He paused, absently rubbing the evening stubble on his chin. “Di, I’m sorry about that. It has taken me awhile to get past my jealousy and start using my head. Logically, I knew that if you wanted to be with that guy you’d have stayed in Detroit and never boarded that cruise ship in Miami. Nor would you have put up with me flinging one nasty accusation after another at you when we met aboard the ship.”

  “Chuck...”

  “No, please, let me finish. Only now am I able to recognize the significance of you loving me enough to move beyond the horrors of the past. If your feelings for me weren’t deep, we could have never reached the level of intimacy we have.”

  As Charles sorted through his ambiguous emotions, Diane fought to hold onto her dreams. Because of their feelings for each other, they both had the ability to twist each other into emotional knots.

  When he said, “Di, I need to say this and I especially need for you to really hear me,” her heart started pounding with dread. Instead of continuing, he stood and began pacing. Diane was close to tears once more when he stopped and said “I love you, but what kind of marriage can we have if we don’t have complete faith in each other?”

  “I have faith in you.”

  “Enough to turn to me in the bad times? That’s what I need, Diane. Hell, you think I don’t know I’m the one who rushed you to the altar? It was wrong. We needed more time to get to know each other. We needed to find out what we both wanted from marriage.”

  His voice held so much regret that she gasped his name aloud while fear rose in her throat.

  “We’ve been apart for a while. Perhaps we should take more time so that we can really think this thing through.”

 

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