Lions elephants and lies, p.1
Lions, Elephants, and Lies, page 1
The Magnificent Mulligans: Lions, Elephants, and Lies
© 2023 Bill Myers. All rights reserved.
A Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188
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ISBN 978-1-64607-114-2
ISBN 978-1-68428-559-4 (ePub); ISBN 978-1-68428-560-0 (Kindle); ISBN 978-1-68428-558-7 (Apple)
Build: 2023-05-01 14:51:08 EPUB 3.0
“The LORD detests lying lips,
but he delights in people who are trustworthy.”
—PROVERBS 12:22, NIV
Contents
Chapter 1: Just for Starters
Chapter 2: The Plan Hatches
Chapter 3: The Lie Begins
Chapter 4: It’s Spiderman!
Chapter 5: Complications
Chapter 6: Dad to the Rescue
Chapter 7: Road Trip
Chapter 8: Night Visitors
Chapter 9: Major Misadventure
Chapter 10: Major Misadventure Times Two
Chapter 11: Things Get Worse
Chapter 12: And Worser . . .
Chapter 13: And Worsest
Chapter 14: Okay, One More Worst
Chapter 15: Seriously Getting Serious
Chapter 16: Loads of Lies
Chapter 17: The Truth Surfaces
Chapter 18: More Truth
Chapter 19: Joining Forces!
Chapter 20: Wrapping Up
Thoughts and Questions
1
Just for Starters
“YOU AIN’T NERVOUS, ARE YOU?”
“Me?” Lisa half swallowed, half squeaked. “What’s to be nervous about? Flying six miles above the earth in a metal tube at five hundred miles per hour?”
Nick chuckled. “Yeah, first time flying can be a little crazy. But not if you’re a seasoned pro.”
“Like you, I suppose,” she said.
“Of course.” Nick gave a little yawn to prove his point.
Dad sat in the middle seat and turned to speak to Nick at the window seat. “You’ve done a lot of flying?”
“Sure,” Nick said. “That time I flew from New York to start living with you all.”
“And now you’re a pro?” Lisa said.
“Well, yeah. With my superior intelligence and quick ability to adapt, you bet.”
If Lisa rolled her eyes any harder, they would have stuck in the back of her head.
Nick leaned over Dad and waved to the passing flight attendant. “Ma’am?” he said. She came to a stop. “Can you get my little friend here some milk?”
“Nick,” Lisa whispered. “I’m fine.”
He ignored her and said to the attendant, “First time flyers—they can be such rookies.”
“Nick—”
“Trust me,” he said. “It calms the nerves, helps settle the queasy stomach.”
“My stomach isn’t—”
He turned back to the attendant, “Oh, and could I have another Diet Coke. It’s still free, right?”
The attendant nodded. “One milk, and . . .” with a patient breath, she added, “another Diet Coke.”
“And lighter on the ice this time.” Looking toward Lisa, he explained, “Less ice means more soda. Another little tip I’m happy to share.”
Lisa slumped into her seat and sighed. It was going to be a long trip, and not just because they were going to Africa.
Africa? “Why are they going to Africa?” you ask. And you are asking, right? (If not, this next paragraph is going to be real boring.)
Last week Dad got a call from the Botswana Wild Game Reserve. A newborn elephant’s mother had died, and the baby elephant was so heartbroken that he wouldn’t eat, drink, or do anything else to survive. Because we Mulligans have a reputation for helping animals, and because we solved a similar problem with Gus, our own young elephant, the Botswana staff called us. And since Mom and Dad have this policy to always say yes to folks, they agreed. Of course, everyone—including a certain cute chimpanzee (that’s me!)—wanted to go along. But because Lisa has this cool way with animals, and because Nick is . . . well, Nick, they were the two who got to fly over there with Dad.
“Here you go,” the attendant said, handing Lisa the small carton of milk and leaning over to hand Nick a Diet Coke.
“Great,” he said. “And do you have any more pretzels?”
“Nick,” Dad warned.
“Hey, I’m a growing boy.”
“In both directions,” Lisa said.
He looked down at his gut and immediately sucked it in.
Dad continued, “You’ve been eating junk food ever since we got on the plane.”
“I’m fine,” Nick said. He turned back to the attendant. “How about a couple more packs of peanuts?”
Before she could answer, the airplane gave a little
LURCH
“What was that?” Lisa asked in alarm.
The attendant smiled. “Just a little turbulence. Nothing to worry—”
She was interrupted by another and much bigger
LURCH
Suddenly, the overhead “Fasten Seat Belt” light came on.
“Dad . . .” Lisa said.
“We’ll be fine,” Dad said calmly. (He might have been more convincing if the flight attendant hadn’t just dashed to her own seat to buckle in.)
And then, just to keep things interesting, the plane started to
BOUNCE . . . BOUNCE
and
BUCK
so much that Nick nearly spilled his soda.
“Whoa, that was close,” he said as he took a big sip so he wouldn’t lose any of the precious liquid.
“Are we going to be okay?” Lisa asked. There was no hiding the quaver in her voice as she reached for her seat belt.
“Sure we will,” Nick said. “Nothing to worry about.” But somehow he didn’t sound quite as convincing as before. He turned to Dad who was fumbling for his own seat belt. “Right, Dad?”
Even though Dad is really Nick’s uncle (long story that I’ll bore you with some other time), he now calls him Dad like the rest of us.
BOUNCE . . . LURCH . . . BOUNCE
“Dad?”
BUCK . . . BUCK . . . BOUNCE
“Daaaaad? Is everything okay?”
LURCH . . . BOUNCE . . . LURCH
Things were a lot quieter in Mom’s car as we all headed for school.
Not that I go to school.
(Not that I haven’t tried.)
But the school officials are really prejudiced against so-called “nonhumans.” And don’t get me started on their dress code. They kept demanding I take off my fur coat, which as you might have guessed, I’m quite attached to.
Anyway, with Dad gone, Mom was pulling double duty, and we were all packed into her SUV tighter than pickles in a pickle jar.
In the far back, the twins, Jessica and Janelle, were carrying on a secret conversation that I’ll tell you about later. In the next seat up sat Hector, the ten-year-old tough guy from Colombia. Tough except when it came to little Julie and Alan, the baby who sat in the car seat beside him. Around those two, Mr. Tough-as-Nails always became Mr. Jell-O-Pudding.
And up front sat me and my best pal, Stephie. Me because Mom needed someone mature and intelligent to keep her company and Stephie because my friend was having a hard time not going to Africa with Dad.
“I never get to do anything,” she grumbled.
Mom smiled. “I can give you a few more chores if that helps.”
“Very funny. I mean important stuff, like helping with the animals.”
“You’ve got Winona.”
I leaned against Stephie, batting my eyes and throwing in a little
OO-oo Ah-ah EE-ee
Unfortunately, that only earned me a little scratch behind the ears—not the banana I was hoping for, which I’d seen packed in her lunch bag. But that’s okay. School was still nine minutes away. I had plenty of time to work my animal charm on her.
“It’s my autism, isn’t it?” Stephie complained. “You’re afraid to give me responsibility because you don’t think I can handle it.”
“Sweetheart . . .”
Stephie bit her lip and looked out the window. Big tears welled up in her eyes.
Of course, then Mom went into Mom Mode—you know, saying how she and Dad loved Stephie just as she was, along with all the other stuff they teach you to say in Mom School. And then she added, “You know, with Lisa gone, I bet Janelle could use some help reintroducing the lion cub back to Golda, his mother.”
Stephie lit up. “Could I?”
Mom grinned. “Fine with me if it’s fine with Janelle.” Glancing into the mirror she called, “That okay with you, Janelle?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Janelle said as she continued listening to Jessica’s plan. (I’ll tell you about this soon, I promise.)
And me? I reached up and gave Stephie’s cheek a big victory
SMOOCH!
(I told you I had charm)
and gave another
OO-oo Ah-ah EE-ee
for good measure—all the time keeping my eye on her lunch sack. One minute had already passed. But I still had eight to go.
It took half an hour for the plane to end its imitation of a roller coaster.
Dad glanced down to Lisa. “How you doing, kiddo?”
She nodded, her voice still a little shaky. “I’m good,” she said.
Turning to Nick, he asked, “And you?”
But Nick wasn’t talking. I guess it’s hard to talk when pretzels, peanuts, and Diet Cokes are trying to make a repeat appearance in your mouth.
“You don’t look so good,” Dad said.
“I . . . (swallow) um . . .” (swallow, swallow)
“You’re white as a sheet.”
“Um . . .” (swallow, swallow)
“Here.” Dad dug into the seat pocket and pulled out an air sickness bag.
Nick shook his head.
“You sure?”
“Those things are for wimps. I’m (swallow) fine.”
“If you say so.”
“Yeah, I—” A strange look came over Nick’s face. Without a word, he unbuckled his seat belt and stood up.
“Nick!” Lisa complained. “What are you—”
“Restroom!” he blurted as he crawled over Dad and then Lisa.
“Doesn’t exactly look ‘fine’ to me,” Dad said.
Once he was standing in the aisle, Nick patted his hair into place and calmly replied, “As I said, I’m perfectly—”
Suddenly, his eyes widened. Throwing both hands over his mouth, he made a mad dash for the restroom.
I’d like to say that he made it in time. I’d like to say that, but I can’t. Instead, all I can say is
GROSS!
2
The Plan Hatches
“YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS,” JANELLE WHISPERED as they headed down the middle school hallway.
“Why not?” Jessica said. “We’re identical twins. Well, except for your glasses. But Mrs. Crawly won’t know the difference.”
“You really want me to go into your English class and do the spelling bee for you?” Janelle said.
“You’re a brainiac. That’s why they advanced you up a grade higher than me. You can do this bee in your sleep.”
“I don’t know.”
“You be me and I’ll be you,” Jessica said. “Watch this.” She grabbed Janelle’s glasses and put them on. “Hi, my name is Janelle, and I’m so smart that I know the square root of 119 is . . . is . . .”
“10.9089,” Janelle said. “When rounded up to the nearest fourth decimal.”
“See,” Jessica said. “A natural-born genius. Though you didn’t hear that from me. I am, of course, still your sister.”
“Of course,” Janelle said. “What do I get out of the deal?”
“What do you want?”
Janelle frowned in thought. “Well, I hate gym class,” she said. “Everyone makes fun of me.”
“Because you’re such a chicken—afraid of everything,” Jessica said.
“Well, there is that.”
“And you’re so clumsy, you trip over your own shadow.”
“And that.”
“And you don’t even know how to—”
“Okay, I get it,” Janelle said.
“So . . . I’ll take gym class for you. They’re at the same time.”
“You mean trade places?” Janelle asked.
“Exactly. You show everyone in English how smart I am, while I amaze everyone in your gym class so they’ll stop teasing you.”
Janelle frowned harder, trying to think of an excuse. “What about my glasses? I can’t see without my—”
“So you trip over a desk or two. Big deal.”
“It’s just not right.”
Jessica sighed. “Why are you always such a coward?”
“I hate doing wrong,” Janelle said.
“So just pretend it’s right.”
“But it’s actually wrong.”
“You’re right.”
“I’m right?”
“Exactly! See how easy it is to pretend?”
“Jess, that’s not how it works.”
Jessica grinned. “You ever think about all those germs that creep around on the locker room floor?” she asked.
Janelle gave a shiver. As a world-class germophobe, the thought creeped her out. “Jess, don’t—”
“And after gym class, as you’re standing there in your bare feet, and you can feel them crawling right up your leg . . .”
“Jess—”
“Then up your body and onto your face.”
“Jessica.”
“And before you know it, they’re climbing right inside your nose and—”
“Stop it!”
Jessica smiled. “So we have a deal?”
“I don’t . . .”
“Well, if it isn’t the mutant Mulligans,” a girl’s voice called out.
The twins turned to see Chloe and her clones approach. Pretty, rich, and popular, Chloe was the snobbiest girl in school. Seriously, she walks with her nose so high in the air, folks wonder why it doesn’t scrape the ceiling. And did I mention pretty? Anyway, because Jessica and Janelle refuse to join Chloe’s wannabe fan club, they’re at the top of her hit list.
Turning to Janelle, Chloe said, “So, Jessica, are you ready to get totally crushed in today’s spelling bee?”
“I’m not Jessica,” Janelle said. She started to push up her glasses then realized her sister was still wearing them.
“Right,” Chloe snickered. “How stupid do you think I am?”
“How many ways are there?” Jessica said, pushing Janelle’s glasses up on her nose.
Chloe glared at Janelle. “I’m going to stomp you so hard, you won’t even remember how to spell ‘cat.’” Her followers giggled. “And just so you know, it’s spelled with a ‘c’ not a ‘k.’”
More giggles as Chloe flipped aside her perfect hair and headed down the hall. Her fan club turned to follow, flipping aside their own perfect hair.
Jessica leaned to Janelle and whispered, “See how easy it is? Nobody will ever know.”
Chloe called back over her shoulder, “Oh, and Janelle? Congratulations on making it all the way to school without falling down.”
Janelle bit her lip, but Chloe wasn’t finished. “But be careful on those stairs. Raising one foot above the other can really get confusing.”
As the Chloe fan club sauntered down the hall, Jessica saw Janelle’s face grow hot with anger. She had Janelle just where she wanted her. “So what do you say? We put Chloe in her place, and I show your gym class you’re a super jock?”
Janelle watched Chloe disappear around a corner.
“Well?”
Once again, Janelle reached to push up her glasses that were no longer there. Then, ever so slowly, Janelle began to nod. “Alright,” she said. “But just this once.”
“Absolutely!” Jessica said. She stuck out her hand to shake. “Just this once . . . Jessica.”
“Wow, that’s a lot of luggage for a little girl,” Dr. Mooketsi joked. Dr. Mooketsi is the doctor from the Botswana Wild Game Reserve. He finished loading the van and helped Lisa inside with Nick and Dad.
“Actually,” Dad said, “most of the stuff belongs to Nick.”
“He likes variety,” Lisa said. “Comes in handy with all the selfies he takes.”
Instead of a witty comeback, Nick stayed slumped in the seat, looking whiter than frost on a snowbank in the middle of an Antarctic snowstorm. (Translation: He was still pale.)
