Home at last, p.31
Home at Last, page 31
Mattie smiled at him warmly. “Sometimes I still see that boy. You were so intense and so eager. You wanted to experience all of Alaska at once.” She took his hand. “I remember when Alex brought you home with him that first time. I thought you were the most handsome boy I'd ever met.” She paused. “I still do; only you're a man now.”
She leaned against him. “Sometimes you still get that dark look in your eyes, and I'm afraid for you.” She stared at the roadway. “If you can't forgive Ray, the anger will get bigger and bigger, and it'll hurt you in ways you cannot understand. I know. I hated people I didn't even know.”
“I'm going to treat him decently. It's just that sometimes the past gets the better of me. And if I talked to him about it, I wouldn't know what to say. I don't want to lie. I'm still mad, and I'm not about to pretend I'm not. You know the Bible verse about gnashing teeth—sometimes I feel like that, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to let go of this.”
“Of course you will. God lives in you, and he makes everything possible.”
“It's not so easy, Mattie. Other things, stupid things, drag on me too.”
“Like what?”
“Well, sometimes I feel like a failure. Everyone around me is content and happy. You're even feeling good about being you. Adam's settled and content. Robert and Celeste aren't even married, but he's got his own place just waiting until he gets back from the war. Nothing's happening for me, us.” He grasped her hand. “I feel like something in me is missing. Otherwise, I'd be able to just forgive and get on with living.”
“Do you think it has anything to do with Ray?”
Luke shrugged.
They started down the driveway, and Jean stepped onto the porch. “I was about to send a search party,” she quipped. “Come on in.” She peeked at the baby as Mattie passed.
“Mattie, there you are,” said Celeste and hugged her. “I'm really sorry about your grandmother.”
“Thank you.” Mattie gazed around the crowded room. It was packed with friends. In the last few years her grandmother hadn't gotten out much, but the people of Palmer hadn't forgotten her. Many had visited her, often bringing something she might need. How could I have thought the people here were unkind?
The kitchen table was laden with food, and the guests were mingling. Affia joined Mattie and Jean. “It was kind of you to have the reception here,” she said. “I know it was a lot of work. Thank you.”
“I wanted to help.” Jean circled an arm around Mattie and the baby. “I was glad to do it.” She gazed down at the infant. “You are a beautiful child.”
“Grandma says...said she looks like Mama.”
“She does, and like you too.”
Her eyes tender, Jessie joined them. She took Affia's hand. “If you need anything, anything at all, you call me. I'm not far.” Her eyes misted. “It always hurts to lose someone we love.” She paused, then held out a book. “This is for you.” Affia accepted the gift. “It's the book Laurel and I have been working on all these years.”
“You finished it? How wonderful!” She ran a hand over the dark blue binding.
“Your mother always wanted the outside to know her Alaska.”
“Thank you. It's a beautiful book.” Affia turned it over, then thumbed through several pages. It contained photographs and pictures of Jessie's paintings. “It's wonderful! Thank you.” She offered it to Mattie.
Taking the book, Mattie examined it. So much of what her grandmother loved and believed in lay within the pages. “It's a wonderful thing you've done. I'll need several copies for my children and their children.” She hugged Jessie and then Laurel, who'd just joined the cluster of women.
“Some of your grandmother's stories are in it,” Laurel said.
“They are?”
“Yes,” Jessie said. “She told them to my husband many years ago. You will also see a couple of pictures of her and yourself when you were just a baby.”
“Me?”
Jessie gently took the book, opened it, and turned to a page with a photograph. “Here's one.” Pointing at a picture of a round-faced native girl, she said, “That's you.”
A mix of joy and sorrow pulsed through Mattie as she looked at the picture of her mother with a child in her arms. A tiny native woman, her grandmother, stood beside them. She and her grandmother had shared many days. Their time together had been a gift.
Luke and Mattie were the only guests still remaining when Ray said, “We'd like you to stay a while so we can talk to you about something.”
“Sure.” Luke cast a questioning glance at Mattie. They sat at the kitchen table while Jean went to fill cups with coffee.
“You need to get off your feet,” Ray told her, taking the cups and the coffeepot. “You sit. I'll take care of this.”
“Yes, sir,” she said with a smile and took a chair beside Luke. Gazing at Mattie, she said, “You look tired, dear.”
“I am, but I know I'm not as tired as my mother. I'm glad her sister's here. It will be good for her to have company.”
Ray set coffee in front of Luke and Mattie, then poured a cup for himself and one for Jean. He set the coffeepot on the stove and returned to the table with the drinks. Lowering himself into a chair, he let out a long, slow breath. “It's been quite a day.” He sipped his coffee, glanced at Jean, then looked at Mattie and Luke. “We asked you to stay for a reason.”
Luke kept his eyes on the big man.
“We've been thinking about the living arrangements over at your mother's, Mattie. You must be real crowded with the baby.”
“The cabin is small, but we've been fine. We can't move into the house. With the baby plus Luke and me, it would be too cramped. It only has two small bedrooms.”
Luke's expression had become wary, and he tapped the floor with his foot. Mattie clasped his hand, hoping to steady him.
“Well, what we were thinking,” Ray continued, “is that we've got more room here than we need, and we'd count it a privilege if you two and the baby would move in with us.” His eyes settled on Luke. “I could use some help, what with hunting season just starting. I've got several trips lined up and won't be here much for a while, and if all the signs prove right, we'll have a good year for trapping. I'll probably need some help on that too. I figured we could split the proceeds.”
“I don't know,” Luke said.
“I was also thinking I could use a hand with the dogs. Brian's a big help, but I remember how good you and Alex were that one year, and I figured that having you around would be good. If you have a mind to, you could work with them, do some training.”
“I don't know that much.”
“You know more than you think. I've seen you with them.”
Jean reached across to Mattie. “Your mother told us that her sister's planning to stay on for a while. That means there isn't possibly enough room for you to move into the house. I'd like to have another woman here with me. I'd like to have a woman's company, and Brian and Susie would love to have you here too.”
Mattie liked the idea of living in a larger house, and she'd always loved Jean. She looked at her husband. “Luke?”
“I'll have to think on it,” he said, pushing away from the table. “Thank you, Ray, for thinking of us.” He grabbed Mattie's coat. “We better get going. It's nearly dark, and we've got quite a walk.”
“I'll drive you,” Ray offered.
“No. That's fine. The weather's good, and I'd like to walk.” Luke pulled his hat down over his ears, then leaned over the table and kissed his mother. “We'll let you know what we decide,” he said and hurried out of the house as if a dog were nipping at his heals.
Mattie tucked the baby into a sling inside her coat, and offering Jean a small smile, followed Luke.
Luke and Mattie were silent for a long while, the only sound the crunch of frozen earth and dry leaves. The cry of an eagle fractured the stillness. Mattie liked the idea of living on the farm. She hoped Luke did too.
Finally she asked him, “What do you think we should do?”
Luke didn't answer right away. With a sigh, he said, “I'd hoped that by this time we'd have our own place.”
“It will happen. We just need to be patient.”
“I know that living with my mother would be more comfortable. We're pretty cramped in that little cabin.” He glanced at Mattie. “What do you want?”
“I love the farm. I always have. I know it won't be easy for you and Ray, but it seems he wants things to be better between you two. Otherwise he wouldn't have asked.”
“I don't know if I could live in the same house with him.”
“Maybe this is a way to make peace between you.”
“By watching him run my father's farm and his house...and being with my mother? I don't know.”
“He said he'll be gone a lot.”
“You want to do it, don't you.”
“Yes. It would be nice.”
Luke stopped at a frozen puddle and slid across. Taking Mattie's hand, he pulled her toward him. “All right. We'll do it. I figure you've got a lot of wisdom in that head of yours.” He kissed her gloved hand, then looked at her with serious eyes. “But it's just until we get our own place.”
Chapter 32
LUKE TURNED OFF THE ROAD AND INTO HIS DRIVEWAY. THE HOUSE LOOKED much like it always had; and in spite of the fact that it wasn't his, it felt like home.
Mattie and I will have our own place some day, he told himself. He just didn't know how he'd make it happen. Work was hard to come by in the valley, and though Luke could get a job in Anchorage, he and Mattie both hated the idea of moving away from Palmer. This was home. He itched to get his hands into soil of his own, to till even rows, to plant and grow vegetables, and to raise strong, healthy livestock.
He stopped the car, and Brian ran out of the barn. He was shouting and waving his arms. His pulse escalating, Luke opened the truck door. “What's wrong?”
“The new Guernsey's trying to calve, but she's havin' trouble. Ray's not here. Can you help?”
“Sure.” Luke strode toward the barn, Brian beside him. “How long she been laboring?”
“I think since this morning.”
Luke stepped through the barn door and into gloom. The odor of hay and manure was familiar, offering a sense of comfort. He headed toward a light at the back of the barn.
His mother stood in a stall beside the Guernsey, stroking the cow's neck and speaking softly to her. She glanced at Luke. “I'm so glad you're back. I was getting worried and wasn't sure what to do.”
Mattie stood at the stall gate, the baby in her arms. Susie leaned against her.
Luke smiled at them both, then turned his attention to the cow. “Brian said she started this morning.”
“Close as I can figure. I came out to check her first thing. She was restless, you know how they are—lying down, then standing up, over and over.” Her brows knit with concern, she continued, “Since this is her first, we don't know how she'll do.”
Luke lit another lantern. “Why is Ray gone? He should be here.” He hung the light on a hook just inside the stall door.
“He had a hunting party to take out. He had to go.”
Luke moved across the stall. The laboring bovine followed him with soulful eyes. He swung open the top half of a Dutch door. Sunlight poured into the enclosure. “That's better.” He turned and faced his mother. “Seems to me, if a man's going to run a farm, he ought to be around when a cow's about to drop its first calf. Dad never would have left.”
“Luke, please. Not now.”
The cow bawled forlornly. “Hey there,” Luke said, approaching cautiously. She stomped a back foot and swished her tail, then turned and faced the corner of the pen. “Everything's all right. You're doin' fine.” He gently ran a hand along her neck and across her withers, then rested it on her abdomen. A few moments later he felt the muscles tighten. The Guernsey pushed, trying to expel her calf. Blasting air from her nostrils, she let out a sick bawl. Luke caressed her side. “We'll have your baby out soon.” The contraction passed. The cow lay down, pushing through another, then stood. She lay down again and stood again. Another spasm gripped her. She pushed, but no calf appeared.
“She's been doing that all morning. I'm really worried. We can't afford to lose her.”
“I'd better take a look and see what's going on.” Keeping his hand on her, Luke walked to the cow's rear end. When he lifted the tail, he could see blood and water but no calf. With the next contraction a small hoof appeared but quickly disappeared again. Something was wrong. Probably a leg's bent back, he thought. He'd have to get it straightened if the calf and cow were going to live. The calf might already be gone. Luke grabbed a rope, hooked it to the cow's halter, and tied her to a corner post. Then he rolled up his sleeves, and resting a shoulder against her hind end, he felt for the calf. The muscles tightened, pressing his arm against her pelvis. Closing his eyes against the pain, he waited for the contraction to pass, then continued his search. He found one front leg, followed it back to the body, and felt for the other. Sure enough, it was bent underneath the calf. He'd have to pull it forward.
Glancing at his mother, he said, “I'm gonna need help.”
“I'll do it,” Brian said. “I'm not a kid anymore.”
“Well, you're right about that.”
“Is she gonna die?” Susie asked.
“No, she's not going to die,” Jean said. “Luke knows what to do.”
Luke met his mother's eyes, then looked at Mattie and Susie. He felt the weight of responsibility mingled with resentment. Ray should be here. The cow and calf were his. This was his farm. “I'll need a short length of rope,” Luke said.
“I'll get it.” Susie ran toward the front of the barn and reappeared a few moments later with a rope. She handed it to Luke.
“Thanks.” Luke tied a slipknot in both ends. “Mom and Brian, I want you to hold her steady. Talk to her and keep her calm.”
“Can I help hold her too?” Susie asked.
“No. You're not big enough. There's no telling what she'll do, and I don't want you getting hurt. Stay there with Mattie.”
The blue in Susie's eyes muted. She was hurt.
“We could use your prayers,” Luke added. “Would you keep praying?”
She nodded and offered a small smile.
“I'm gonna have to snag that back leg and pull it forward.” He glanced at Brian. “I might need your help when it comes time to pull out the calf.” Luke reached in with the rope. The cow bellowed and buffeted Jean and Brian.
Inside her up to his shoulder, Luke searched for the leg that was bent under. When he found it, he struggled to slip the loop over the hoof. A contraction came down on his arm. “That's a strong one,” he said with a groan. “If I can just get this leg forward.” His arm ached. The loop came off before he could tighten it. Trying again, he guided it over the calf's foot and pulled gently. It caught, then held. “Got it.”
“Hold her steady,” he said, pulling gently to reposition the leg forward. When he had it, he secured the second loop over the other hoof. “On the next contraction I'm gonna pull.” He looked at his mother and Brian. “Take care she doesn't knock you by swinging her head.”
“We're fine,” Jean said, gripping the halter tightly.
“Hey, Brian, can you pull while I work with the calf?”
“Sure.” He grabbed the rope.
The cow bellowed and stomped her back leg, jerking her head up and backward. “You all right?”
“Yep,” said Jean.
“OK now Brian, keep steady pressure,” Luke said as he guided the calf's head into the pelvis. He waited for the next contraction. When it came, he grabbed the rope. “I got it now. Help Mama.” He hauled on the calf. “All right. We've almost got him.” Two hoofs emerged, then spindly legs, and finally the calf's pink nose, then a white face. Seeming to know her baby was nearly there, the Guernsey pushed harder. Luke let her do the final work.
All of a sudden the calf came out, dropping to the hay-covered floor along with a gush of blood and water. It lay still and quiet, encased in a translucent bubble. Luke quickly freed its feet, wiped mucous from its face, and cleared its mouth.
“Is it alive?” Jean asked.
He didn't answer but rubbed the calf hard all over. “Come on there. Open your eyes. The world's waitin' for you.” Its nostrils flared, and the calf let out a tiny bawl. Wearing a smile, Luke stood. “Looks like she's going to be all right.” He untied the Guernsey so she could sniff her baby. She immediately started licking.
Luke walked across the stall, dropped to the hay-covered floor, and rested his back against the wall. “We did it.” He smiled. “We've got ourselves a new little heifer.”
Jean sat beside Luke. “You did a fine job.”
Susie peeked through the gate. “Can I come in and see it?”
“Yes. Come in,” Jean said.
She crossed to her mother and stood beside her, eyes fixed on cow and calf. “She's not very big.”
“She won't stay small for long,” Luke said. “She'll grow fast.”
“Why is the mama cow licking her?”
“She wants her new baby clean, just like Mattie makes sure Mara's clean,” Luke explained.
“Mara gets baths.”
Luke leaned his arms across bent knees. “Well, this is a cow bath.” He grinned.
The family stayed for a long while, watching mother and baby get acquainted. Finally the calf stuck its front legs straight out in front and tottered to its feet. Legs straight and stiff, it stood, shaking and teetering. Then taking hesitant steps, it walked toward its mother, then fell. She didn't move for a few moments, sides heaving, then with a great effort pushed herself upright again. She worked to maintain her balance, then wobbled toward her mother, nuzzling her. The Guernsey sniffed her baby and resumed licking it, nearly knocking the calf off its feet again. Finally the young heifer found its way to her mother's udder and tasted her first meal.
