Honor, p.23
Honor, page 23
part #2 of The Avant Champion Series
“I don’t know. Joshua is furious with me. With everything that’s happened, I think I will break if he looks at me again with disappointment.”
My eyes closed and a tear slipped out and rolled down to my ear. I could hear the bubbling of a distant waterfall, the lulling of birds and crickets, and the sway of the leaves of wisteria trees. I felt like I melted into the ground beneath me, as though the soft dirt enveloped me. The world was peace in darkness.
I would go home in a couple of hours when I had the strength again. For now, I needed a nap.
“Abigail.” Baird let out a pitiable sigh.
Too tired to speak or open my eyes, I let my body rest.
Moments—or maybe hours—later, I felt myself being lifted. I felt the sensation of star travel. I was gently set down in what felt like my bed.
Home at last.
Somebody pulled my boots off my feet. I felt too weary to move and drifted back to sleep.
Moments—or maybe hours—later, I heard male voices talking quietly in the other room.
“I was tired, beaten within a shullby ball of my life and trite about it all. I shouldn’t have snapped at her.”
“She will understand. Your opinion of her carries immense weight on her perceived self-worth.”
A sigh.
“She’ll be fine, Joshua. She loves you immensely.”
A soft murmur, perhaps a “thank you.”
“Listen, Baird, Lieutenant DeFay may be physically recovered, but she’ll need time and help psychologically.”
A long pause ensued, followed by indiscernible speech.
“I’ll see to it.”
I slept.
I sat on top of a glacial peak of Mount Kapri. The sky blazed crisp, icy blue, and Crithos spread out majestically before me. My dream version was romanticized since the actual view from this far up would likely be sheets of clouds and fog. Nevertheless, I felt a gentle serenity looking out over the continent. My continent. The continent I had repeatedly proven I would protect from internal and external threats.
Mal appeared directly beside me, already seated. He took in the view, an appreciative look in his eyes. “I suspect Mount Kapri is generally colder than this.” He glanced over to me. He either gauged my mood or undressed me with his eyes, difficult to tell.
“Freezing,” I agreed.
“At least the sky is no longer strangely psychedelic.”
I grunted.
“I’m glad you’re well.”
“I’m alive, Mal. Not sure I’m well.”
“Joshua?”
“Safe.”
He frowned, obviously wondering what troubled me.
I wasn’t trying to make him guess my quandary, but I struggled on how to describe it.
“The battle had so much bloodshed.” Even as I said it, it felt like an absurdly obvious statement to make. What else would a battle have?
“How many did you kill?”
“Three directly. Many more I wounded and someone else finished the kill.” I created a pile of rocks next to me so I would have something to shuck off the mountainside.
“I feel bad about it, but once I had seen what they had done to Joshua, I—” My voice cracked, choking on the memory of the sight of him so crushed. They had nearly taken the love of my life from me. If we hadn’t had access to Healing Stones and healing water, he would have died or been crippled for life.
“You felt like they deserved it.”
“I felt justified, even a little satisfaction.”
Monsters meeting a monstrous death.
I threw a rock. “Oh, Mal, could I be absorbing some of the evil that’s supposed to be going to you?” I buried my head in my hands. “The way Joshua looked at me—”
“No,” Mal said firmly. “I would never allow that to happen.”
I looked up at him, his dark eyes holding only truth.
I swallowed.
“What you felt, Abigail, was raw human emotion. Don’t regret it, don’t embrace it. Accept what you felt was a product of your anger, your hurt, your fear, and your exhaustion. It reflects only how you felt under those conditions, not the sort of person you are. You’ll learn from this experience and decide how you will do things differently next time. What you do with the knowledge you gain determines your character, not your feelings in one moment of overwhelming duress. Honestly, Abigail, don’t look so surprised. I have phenomenal insight. I’ve been around for millennia, remember?”
The corner of my mouth curved as I threw another rock. “I mostly summoned you to let you know we won, and your advice made a difference.”
“Excellent.”
“So...thank you.”
He cocked his head to one side. “Right. Well. That’s all the sentimentality I can stomach in one dream.” He stood. “Off you go.”
I stood up and faced him. “You’re kicking me out of my own dream?” I chuckled.
“That’s correct. Unless you want to discuss the way, devoid of your stone of strength, you cleverly took Windish to the ocean depths and fed him to the sharks.”
I shot him a warning look.
“Didn’t think so.” He made a shooing motion with his hands I didn’t obey.
“You’re alive, Abigail. That’s all the self-pity you get to wallow in for now. So, unless we’re going to have more exotic conversation on an exotic beach with you wearing less clothing, then we’re done here.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine. Leaving now.”
He shooed me again. “Off you go, baby needs a good night’s sleep.”
I turned away from him and turned back again. “What?”
He grinned mischievously.
“Baby?”
He nodded.
“Joshua’s baby.”
He rolled his eyes with an exaggerated sigh. “Of course it’s Joshua’s baby. He is your husband. He is the only man with whom you—”
“Yes, thank you,” I interrupted. “I know it’s Joshua’s. It was more a statement of surprise and less a question to be answered.”
“If you wanted someone—”
“I do not, Mal.” Whatever he was offering, I didn’t want it.
He bowed slightly, seemingly pleased with having riled me. “Well, let me be the first to congratulate you.”
I straightened. “Thank you.”
Mal vanished.
29
The next morning, sunlight streamed through my window. I sat up, feeling my head swim with the sudden movement. I looked around my bedroom, noting I was alone. Was Joshua still angry with me?
With a jolt, I remembered what Mal had told me.
Bath first. Fix relationship second. Tell Joshua about baby third. I went to the bathroom, where the tub was already filled with hot water.
“I drew a bath for you. I’m working on breakfast,” Joshua said, his tone soft.
I turned around, bracing myself for an expression of reproof or judgment, but found none. Joshua, cleaned and dressed in brown pants and a cream-colored tunic, appeared well rested. His hair was neatly brushed. All traces of his injuries and torment vanished.
“Thank you. I’ll be quick and we can eat together.”
He nodded. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
The corners of my mouth turned up in a grateful smile.
I felt refreshed after a warm bath. I donned a simple yellow dress and readied myself for a difficult conversation.
I am pregnant. How do I know I’m pregnant? There is a supernatural being in my dreams.
As I sat at the table, I savored the smell of sausage and eggs. I felt positively ravenous after the prior day’s incessant fighting and transporting.
Joshua set a cup of tea down in front of me and took a seat across from me at the table.
“Thank you.” I watched the steam rise from the warm liquid and smelled the citrus scent.
“I’m sorry,” he said as I simultaneously said, “I’m pregnant.”
We stared at each other.
“That’s wonderful, Abbey.” His face came to life with a smile and radiance.
“You’re sorry?” I took a bite of egg.
“Very sorry. I behaved harshly toward you.”
“It’s okay.”
“It is?”
“It had been a difficult several days. We were all quick tempered.”
He blinked at me as though waiting to see my temper flare. When it didn’t come, he relaxed and began eating.
“You’re pregnant?” he marveled.
I nodded, grinning uncontrollably.
“I’m excited, Abbey. Are you excited? I know we both said we wanted children. Are you feeling okay? Do you think the fighting could have affected the baby?”
I listened to his pleasantly nervous rambling questions as I ate.
“There is another thing I must tell you,” I said reluctantly. “The good news is that without his help, I would not have been able to save you. The unfortunate news is that Malakai Dallik is back in my dreams.”
Joshua set down his fork and looked at me, pale and stricken.
“He’s not fully evil yet, only slightly evil.” I thought about Mal’s licentious comments. “He’s more good than evil, usually. He gave me advice. Good advice.”
“In exchange for what?” Joshua looked more terrified than I had ever seen him in my life—more terrified than before the battle of Marrin Beach.
What was he thinking? That I had traded my soul? My firstborn? Was he wrong to worry?
What would I have traded to secure the safe return of my husband? How extensively could Mal have exploited me? He knew my love for Joshua, knew I expected a child.
When his evil matures, I will be as vulnerable as a ship sailing for Mulan.
“Abbey?” I felt the desperation in Joshua’s voice.
How could I explain what Mal wanted?
Companionship? Social contact? Friendship?
“Visitation.”
“Visitation?”
“Malakai wants me to seek him for advice or concerns. He wants personal connection.”
Joshua eyed me warily. “That sounds more like friendship. We’re calling him by his birth name now? Not Malos?”
“I made no promises beyond visitation.”
“But you promised to visit him?”
I nodded, staring at my teacup as though it held the mysteries of the universe.
“In your dreams?”
I frowned. As with my conversation with Baird, I felt relieved Joshua believed me, but I didn’t know how to minimize the seriousness of having an evil entity in one’s dreams.
“Can you choose not to visit Malakai?” I
looked up into his sad brown eyes. “Yes, but that would not be in accordance with my word. I did not, however, make any guarantees about frequency.” While my statement implied I would limit the visits, I wondered if I was capable of such. I had unfettered access to a being with endless worldly insight and the ability to see futures.
How can that possibly tempt me?
“You’ll be careful, Abbey?”
“Always.”
Like a ship sailing for Mulan.
I sucked in a shaky breath. “There is one more new development I need to share.”
“You’re unstoppable,” he said blandly, folding his arms across his chest.
“When Baird and I transported Portia’s army, our stars in direct contact with each other created some sort of link.”
“Link?” “We can now speak in our minds with each other.”
A long silence ensued.
“So, he knows what you’re doing right now?” Joshua finally asked.
“No, it’s voice communication and only voluntary.”
“So, he can’t eavesdrop on our conversation or vice versa?”
“No.”
Joshua’s eyelids flickered irritably. “So, I’m now sharing my wife with a demon in her dreams and a monk in her mind?”
I cringed even though his words seemed more flabbergasted than angry.
“You’re the only one with my heart,” I offered in condolence.
“I’m not a jealous man, but even this level of personal invasion is difficult to accept calmly.”
“I’m sorry, Joshua. I’m going to sort out how to manage it all.”
I hope.
He sighed. “Can you pit Baird’s voice against Malos’—Malakai’s— apparition and they can eliminate each other?”
I snorted. “If only.” They existed on different planes. Different levels of consciousness.
A disconcerting feeling of protectiveness crept over me. I wasn’t ready to let go of Mal. Someday. Not yet.
After breakfast with Joshua, I took him to his clinic.
“All went well?” Bellok asked.
I nodded. The details of our adventure could wait.
He put his hands on his hips. “That was an unconvincing, meager gesture.”
“We’re alive. Many others are not. The end objective was achieved, at least for now, but at a high price. So did it go well? Perhaps. Perhaps not as well as it should have.”
Bellok looked stupefied at my terse reply. His eyes shifted to Joshua and back to me questioningly.
“It was a rough go,” Joshua added.
Trad walked to me and gave me a hug. “Think I’ll be old enough to go on the next quest with you?”
My turn to look stunned. I could scarcely protect the three people I traveled with this time, much less taking a young man into danger. My only remaining brother.
Joshua hooked an arm around my shoulder. “Abbey is taking a hiatus from dangerous missions.”
I glanced at him, hoping he wasn’t already going to start telling our family I was pregnant.
“Your mother will be relieved to hear that.” Bellok turned and started packing his bag.
Trad took his cue and packed as well. He began to describe to Joshua the patients who had visited during his absence.
I ran a hand through my loose, dark hair. I stood close to Bellok. “Sorry for snapping. The battle was difficult. We’ll talk about it as a family next time we visit.”
His eyes softened. “Whatever happened, I’m sure things are as they should be.”
Could such be true? I had strange new friends now—Orrick, Malakai, Raven, Grey Wolf, and Night Owl. I also had new enemies— the remaining Dantajists. Furthermore, Coco’s frostiness had me planning to exercise caution around her. Life’s events had filled me with an unsettled sense my plans for a tranquil existence weren’t synchronized with the universe’s plans for me.
After taking Trad and Bellok back to Misty Isle, I went to the castle to visit the Queen where servants informed me she was occupied in a meeting and would be unavailable for several hours. I asked instead to speak with Lieutenant DeFay. After being reluctantly escorted to the officers’ quarters, I was led to a closed wooden door.
My escort, a short guard fully dressed in armor with sword, knocked. “Pardon, Lieutenant,” he said to the door, “you’ve a visitor, the Avant Champion.”
Silence.
“Maybe you can help her,” the guard said softly to me.
The sound of a latch being lifted emitted, and the door swung open. I stepped inside and Coco stood before me.
She blinked at me, shut the door, and sat on the end of her bed.
My eyes roamed around her quarters, noting a bed, dresser, and small window. None of the lavish decorations present in other rooms of the castle existed here.
Most striking was Coco’s appearance. Her long, blond hair was loose and untamed, a stark contrast to its usual polished ponytail. I couldn’t tell if she had bathed since being soaked in the healing springs. Her face looked gaunt with dark, dull eyes. Even her bronzed skin seemed paler.
“It’s all over,” I said, even though I suspected the battle Coco faced would not be over for some time. “The defectors are in power.”
They needed a new name.
“Their leader, Portia, killed Eustace.”
“Windish?” she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
Windish. What in Ellipsos’ name had he done to her?
I swallowed. “He made good shark bait.”
Her eyes shot up to me.
As much as I didn’t want to remember killing someone, I thought Coco might benefit from hearing the details. Maybe when she lay alone at night reliving her torture in nightmares, she could cling to the image of him being ripped to shreds by hundreds of shark teeth.
“I fought him. We started in Dantaju Square, but too many darts zipped around us so I took us to the plains of Aithos. I underestimated his cleverness in all of this. He had quite the scheme.”
“We all underestimated him.” Her voice flattened.
Their brutal actions made the Dantajists every bit the barbarians I believed them to be, but their sinister scheming made them more formidable.
“Windish managed to slash the Warrior Stone off my neck, effectively eliminating my power.”
Her eyes widened. “What did you do?”
“I transported us to the ocean. One large Hunju covered in blood makes an irresistible shark meal.”
She shuddered.
“He’s dead, Coco. He can’t hurt you ever again.”
A nod.
“Did you ever have nightmares about Malos?” she asked.
I flopped down on a chair in her room. “Yes. They eventually went away after a few months.”
And now he’s an ally I visit peaceably in my dreams.
I added, “It helps to have a friend or loved one to share the experience and nightmares.”
Joshua had helped me immensely.
I considered offering to be such a friend for her when she said, “Can you take me to see Baird? Not right now, obviously, but sometime soon?”
I tried to suppress a grin. I wondered what they had shared in the few minutes they had been together at the springs. “As often as you like.”
And as often as he liked.
Baird, I called to him.
Yes, Abigail.
Pardon the intrusion, but Lieutenant DeFay would like to visit you this evening. A personal visit. I offered to bring her to Aithos.
There was a long pause, but I sensed pleasant anticipation on his part.
