Crusade across worlds, p.33
Crusade Across Worlds, page 33
***
I’m on the ground at the head of Clarence’s slab.
At some point I couldn’t stand anymore but I didn’t want to leave him. So I’ve been sitting here, trying to fight off sleep and welcome it. Except for the last hour. I’ve been awake for the last hour, my eyes burning and my brain refusing to turn off. Because if I don’t fall asleep, I can’t wake up to find out he’s gone. It’s better to just stay awake and let it numb me out.
“How long have you been here?”
Reid stands in the entrance, concern etched into his face.
I shrug and look back to Clarence.
Reid walks into the room and pauses next to both bodies. Then he takes a seat next to me against the wall. For a couple of minutes, it’s silent. There’s nothing to say so we don’t say anything at all. We just listen to the quiet together. This is what I need. Reid understands. Somehow, he always does.
“It’s not your fault,” he says quietly.
Of course it’s my fault. I could have stopped all of this—I should have—but I didn’t. I wasn’t strong enough. “Yes it is.”
“How?”
“I abandoned Hozfin. I could’ve helped Joth—”
“No,” he places his hands on my face, making sure I understand him. “There’s nothing you could’ve done for either of them. You saved the rest of us. Repeatedly. None of this is your fault, okay? Don’t ever think that.”
“But Clarence—”
“Did what he had to do. Don’t put that on yourself.”
“Reid,” the tears build again, threatening to cascade, “he died because I was too slow. I couldn’t protect him!”
“You’re not meant to,” his consoling eyes flickering between mine. “Fallon, you may be special, but you’re not responsible for everything. It’s not on your shoulders to win this war.”
But it is, Reid.
And I failed.
Tears gush down my face and he pulls me close to him. I’m crying into his chest while he runs a smoothing hand up and down my back, whispering words of comfort. At some point I slow to a stop. My eyes hurt again. They’re raw with salt and emotion and I’m exhausted…so exhausted from everything in the last forty-eight hours. But I don’t sleep. I can’t. My brain won’t let me drift off to anywhere other than flashbacks of the day before. Watching Zinnollo burn. Finding Jothkore’s lifeless body.
Seeing the light leave Clarence’s eyes.
The morning must have come because bodies move in and out of the servants’ quarter, pausing between the slabs that hold both Arizals. No one approaches me. They must know better. Or Reid is shaking his head to halt their approach. I feel it move every once in a while but don’t bother looking up to see why. It doesn’t matter. It’s not like I can muster words to speak to anyone. I just don’t have them in me.
At one point, someone offers a bowl of Jiji—the pink mush similar to rice—but I stare at it with disinterest. Reid shakes his head and the bowl disappears. I know I should move. Eat. Do something. I just can’t. Not yet. I want to sit here, stare at the floor and be left alone. But I know that won’t happen for much longer.
And it doesn’t.
“Fallon,” Sampson calls as my eyelids start to flutter closed. “The Healers are ready for you now.”
I lift my head from Reid’s chest. The Fychu looks like he’s been up all night too, bags ballooning under his blue eyes and extra wrinkles pulling at their corners; it’s the oldest I’ve ever seen Sampson look. And the weariest. I glance from him to Reid, who watches me with uncertainty. “What time is it?”
“Around lunch time.”
I look back to Sampson. “I’m fine.”
“They need to address your wounds.”
I hold a hand to my neck, barely aware of the stinging. “It’s—”
Reid presses his lips to my ear. “You don’t want it to get infected. Just let the Healers look at it. Please.”
The soft pleading in his voice undoes me. He’s right. I should probably have my neck, hand and shoulder looked at. Or bandaged at least. Besides, my body hurts from sitting in this position and I know it can’t be comfortable for Reid either. I start to shift and a hand reaches out to help me.
It’s Able.
He pulls me to my feet with a friendly smile. I do my best to offer one in return. “Go get cleaned up, bestie. I’ll keep Boss company until you get back.”
With a final glance over my shoulder at Clarence, I follow Sampson from the room, my feet moving on automatic. I really don’t feel like getting looked at right now, but the sooner I can get it done, the sooner I’ll be back by Clarence’s side. And then…
…I don’t know.
It’s quiet as we move through the Foreign Headquarters. Fewer bodies occupy the space and most are the tunic-wearing guards that share in the mournfulness clinging to the moment. I try not to think of them, of all they’ve lost in the recent weeks or about Perio, who still threatens domination over the kingdom. It’s too much to take in at once, so I walk where Sampson walks, following blindly as he leads me to the place where I was treated after the Gorgen nearly crushed me, when the Healers had to withdraw all that black-tar poison.
Without being prompted, I climb up on the slab and watch my feet dangle over the side. Sampson leaves just as three mayans arrive.
“Fallon,” one makes her way over. She has soft blue hair that falls in waves over her shoulders and a friendly smile that is vaguely familiar. “I am not sure if you remember me, but my name is Hillay. I treated you for the Gorgen poison.”
I nod.
“Would you lay back for me please?”
“I just need my neck and shoulder bandaged. And my hand,” I hold it up.
“And they shall be. But we need to do a full body examination to assure you are not seriously injured elsewhere.”
Lying back, I close my eyes and let them do their thing. Something soft touches my neck, and then my shoulder and hand, and then a cool liquid is applied. It feels good but does nothing to numb the other ache, the one that lingers on. Because when I shut my eyes, all I see is Clarence. In his final moment, when I could still see recognition in him. When he still knew who I was.
“All right,” Hillay steps back. “We are all done.”
I sit up. My bandaged hand flies to my neck and then my shoulder. A long, white gauze is adhered to all three sections of skin and the pain is already abating. “Thank you.”
“Your wounds look well,” she says. “They should heal fine. And do not worry, there are no complications with the baby as far as I can determine.”
I nod.
Wait—
Baby?
I frown at Hilly. “What baby?”
She blinks, confused.
And that’s when I understand. My heart stops. And then speeds up again, pounding away furiously in my shaking body. All thoughts and questions crash into one another, the air thinning around me with the life-changing realization.
I’m pregnant.
“From your reaction…I am sensing this is news to you?”
I have no words to give her, let alone a coherent thought. I sort of manage a nod but I’m not thinking about Hillay. I’m not thinking about anything except what’s inside me, about what Reid and I made. I want to ask how, but I already know the answer. And the when…well…it was any of the three times we celebrated my homecoming, which would’ve put the consummation from two weeks to two days ago and that means I’m extremely early into this pregnancy. It’s likely the size of a seed. Probably smaller. Human doctors wouldn’t be able to detect so soon, but these are Mybyncian Healers.
“I assume the father is also unaware?”
Again, I manage a nod. Reid has no idea he’s about to become a father. Our child’s father. When do I tell him? How do I tell him? The idea sends a ripple of nerves through my system, jolting me into a panic of short breaths.
Suddenly, I can’t breathe.
“Quickly!” Hillay calls. “She is losing color.”
Someone touches my face and then I’m being laid back, all thoughts centered on what I’m carrying inside me. Something cool lands on my chest and then everything goes dark.
Chapter Twenty-One: Farewell
“Hey there,” Reid whispers. He strokes the side of my face with his thumb. “You waking up now, baby?”
I don’t remember falling asleep. But I must have because I’m in the circular bed where I ended up last night, before I couldn’t take staring at the ceiling anymore and left to find Clarence. And that’s the last thing I remember: Clarence propped up on a slab in the dark next to Jothkore. Tears build behind my eyes but I refuse to let them resurface. I’ve cried enough for a lifetime and it’s not like it’ll bring either of them back. But there was something else that happened...something important that I was supposed to remember, something that made me forget about Clarence’s death for a few minutes.
What was it?
I sit up. Bringing a palm to my forehead, I try to piece together the missing information. “What happened?”
“You passed out. Honestly,” Reid says in all seriousness, “you needed the rest. So it was good.”
“What time is it?” I rub my eye with the heel of my hand.
“Late. Everyone’s eating dinner.”
Food is the last thing I want. I don’t even think I could get it down if I tried. Too many images of Larupip and Clarence swim in my mind. Especially that last moment. I see myself waiting for the final blow, anticipating the fatal sting and being confused when it didn’t come. And then hearing that terrible thud beside me. I can’t get it out of my head. Except there’s something else in there, something that I can’t remember. I look to Reid with confusion. “So I just passed out?”
“That’s what Hillay said.”
“Hillay?”
“You went to the Healers. Remember? They bandaged this,” he touches my neck before bringing his finger to my shoulder. “And this.”
Yes, I remember that. I went to get my injuries taken care of and then—
It all comes rushing back: the confusion, the shock, the disbelief.
The baby.
My breath hitches, my heart pounding as I stare at the linen between us. That’s right. I passed out because Hillay told me the news. She thought I knew—that Reid knew. But we didn’t. We’d had no reason to suspect…but maybe we should have. We weren’t exactly careful. After being apart for three months, I know safety precautions weren’t high on his list of priorities either. I look up. Reid is staring at me, one brow popped in confusion. He has no idea. He has no clue what’s about to happen.
“What?” Concern pulls at his features. “What is it?”
My mouth opens but I can’t force the words. I can’t tell Reid that he’s going to be a father. Not just yet.
“Fallon,” he forces a laugh. “You’re uh…you’re kind of scaring me right now.”
“Sorry.”
He frowns, peering at the bandage on my neck before shifting his attention to the one on my shoulder, and then to my hand. “Are your injuries worse than they said?”
“No.”
“Then what is it?”
Again, my mouth parts, but the words evaporate the moment I try to use them. Chickening out, I decide to tell him later. “I’m just really tired.”
He’s not fully convinced but decides to let me go with this. “Well you should be, you’ve barely slept.”
“Have you?”
Reid sort of shrugs and I realize how much I’ve clutched to him since it happened. Except for sneaking away to sit with Clarence in the night, Reid has been by my side the entire time, unwilling to separate. He must be exhausted. And probably in need of updates, too. I have no idea what’s happening in the Three Worlds. Nor in this war that I’ve failed to end. I’ve been too consumed with the loss of Clarence, but the last I knew, the Arizals were in full retreat and Reuzkimpart had both Gifts.
“Fallon?” Able calls from the entryway. “You feeling better?”
I shrug.
His focus shifts to Reid. “Did you tell her?”
“Tell me what?”
“About tomorrow,” Reid faces me. His features are tense, like he’s not sure how to phrase his next comment. “We’re going to Harrizel. We’re resting Clarence and Jothkore in Ellae.”
“Oh.”
“Sampson wanted to do it today,” Able moves farther into the room, “but you passed out and he wanted to make sure the others could come.”
“What others?”
“Ehan and Norhra, I think,” he plops down on the bed and then scans me curiously. “Are you okay by the way?”
I nod.
“You probably need to eat,” he frowns. “You’re looking a little pale. Isn’t she, Boss?”
The same concern returns but Reid merely nods. Rubbing his hands down his face, he jumps to a stand. “I think it’s been a long few days. And I think we need our rest for what’s coming,” he glances into the hallway. “The others finished eating?”
Able nods.
“How’s Tucker doing?”
Tucker.
I haven’t had a chance to talk with the tribesman after he stayed behind while Zinnollo burned. He wanted to help the Zingfinolds, wanted to do whatever he could for them while I took the rest of us and ran. At least I know Tucker survived. But what about the rest of the southern tribe? King Hozfin? Warze? Zeed? I need an update on what’s going on, but I’m in no rush to hear about the destruction of the Zingfinold city. Of how I left them to their fiery fate.
“Good,” Able answers. “He’s with the Healers now.”
Reid looks at me. “Sampson wants to have a discussion about what’s next, but he’s saving that for tomorrow, after the funeral. Do you think you can hold out until then?”
“Hold out?”
“With questions. I know everyone is anxious about what we do next. But I think for some,” he narrows his eyes on me, “rest is most important.”
“I agree,” I lean back.
“You’re not hungry?” Able frowns. “I came to see what I should bring you from the Dining Hall. Fallon, you should eat.”
His words strike me deeper than they would have before. Because I’m not just feeding myself anymore. I’m feeding myself and…our child. Reid’s child.
My head rolls into a nod. “Maybe a small bowl of Jiji.”
“One bowl of Jiji coming up!” Able rushes from the room.
“Glad to see you have an appetite,” Reid sits back on the bed next to me. His eyes flicker between mine, the concern returning. “Sure you’re okay? You seemed a little spooked there for a second.”
I could tell him. Right now. Just get it out of the way and let the news sink in. But is that fair? When it’s so early in the pregnancy? I don’t know much about this, but I’ve heard you can lose a baby in the early stages and I couldn’t bear the thought of telling Reid I was having his child only to lose it to complications. I’ll tell him when I know more, when the Healers look at me again. They’ll be able to give me more information about the state of my condition. And then, when I have answers for Reid, I’ll tell him.
I rub my cheek onto my uninjured shoulder. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long couple of days, and the Healers said that I need to take it easy. I’ve worn myself out…that’s all.”
He knows I’m lying but he doesn’t press it. Tucking whatever thought he has to the back of his mind, he nods. “Okay.” He lightly brushes his lips against my forehead in a soft kiss. “Then you’ll take it easy.”
Able enters the room with a bowl.
Both Rogues watch as I eat the entire serving of pink mush and when I’m done, the corner of Reid’s mouth perks up a bit. It looks like he wants to say something, but doesn’t. Instead, he wipes a small spec of food from the corner of my lip.
“All right,” Able says. “Now all we have to do is get through tomorrow.”
“And after that,” Reid sighs, “everything else.”
I slip a hand over my stomach and nod.
***
The sunshine feels good on my face.
After being cooped up in the FH so long, the cool outside air is a much-welcomed break. I haven’t felt comfortable like this in a while. Not since everything went downhill at the invasion. We nearly froze to death on Larupip and Arosin has a suffocating way about its heat. But this…walking the Mybyncian shore…this this feels nice. Even if it is a prelude to what comes next.
Sampson has been silent.
I’ve never seen him like this.
Reid said once Clarence and Jothkore were brought to Mybyncia, Sampson had barely spoken a word. Not about them or the Gifts or about anything relevant. And it’s been two days. Reid doesn’t say it, but I think he’s worried. More than worried. Sampson has never acted this way but again we’ve never lost anything so crucial. Or anyone so close.
Clarence is gone.
Jothkore is gone.
Reuzkimpart has the Shadow Bag and the Floating Ruby.
Things are the worst they have been.
“So how do we know there won’t be any Vermix?” Walker trudges through the sand, arms tightly crossed at his chest.
“We don’t,” Blovid shakes his head. The Arizal Leader risks a glance to Sampson and then frowns at the afternoon sun. “But Clarence and Jothkore both felt that Ellae was their true home. It would be a dishonor to rest them anywhere else. They belong there…with their families.”
“Where’s Qippert?” Pratt looks around. “And Werzo? Aren’t they coming?”
“They are not well enough to travel.”
“How serious are the injuries?” Chancellor Keller frowns. “I was under the impression they could at least travel?”
Blovid exhales. “The Healers have decided both injuries are too severe. It would put unnecessary pressure on the bodies when they are trying to recover. They say it is not worth the trip.”
