Only a kiss, p.13
Only a Kiss, page 13
She squinted at the bottle of whiskey on my desk. “How drunk are you?”
“Not drunk enough,” I mumbled, grabbing the neck of the bottle to pour another glass, but she yanked it out of my hand and put it on the shelf behind her where I couldn’t reach it.
“Not tonight, Jenna,” I said, my voice worn and weary. “Can we do this tomorrow? You can yell and scream at me and call me a pervert then. It’s nothing I haven’t said to myself a million times anyway. I just…I just can’t tonight. Okay?”
“Answer one question for me and I’ll go.”
Sagging back in my chair, I let out a heavy sigh. “Fine. What?”
“Do you love her?”
I clenched my jaw and glanced at the bottle of whiskey that I needed in order to drown out the rush of emotion that overcame me with her question. Any question but that one.
“I can’t answer that question,” I gritted out.
“Why not?”
I shook my head.
“Why not, Dad?”
“Because I never even told her!” I shouted as I stood from my seat, my temper short and my heart a goddamn mess.
Jenna’s eyes filled with tears, and I felt like the worst scum of the earth. What was happening to me?
I fell back to my seat and put my head in my hands. “Please just go, Jenna. We’ll talk tomorrow, but I can’t do this tonight.”
“You’re an idiot, you know that?”
I glanced up at her, and she had her arms crossed and looked royally pissed off. I knew that look. It was the one she always wore whenever she was about to dig her heels in. Her stubborn streak could be a mile long—something she inherited from me.
“I’m taking your whiskey. Sober the fuck up, Dad. We’ll talk in the morning.” She spun on her heels and then walked toward the door, but before she exited she turned back to me. “I’m staying here tonight, and in the morning we’re talking about Sadie. She deserves better than this, Dad.”
I blinked twice, sure I’d heard her wrong, and she turned to leave. “Wait,” I said, standing up but having to brace myself against the desk when I started to wobble. “What do you mean by that?” The words came out slower than usual and a little slurred, but still clear enough to be understood.
“You said you didn’t want to talk about it.” Her gaze turned skeptical as she looked me up and down. “And frankly, I don’t think you’re in any condition to have a serious conversation. You smell like you took a bath in a distillery.”
“What did you mean about Sadie not deserving this?”
That one sentence from her had given me an ounce of hope I was terrified to hold on to overnight. I needed her to clarify so I could properly prepare myself for the verbal lashing she was going to give me tomorrow.
Her gaze softened and she sighed with exasperation. “You’re the best Dad, you know that, don’t you?”
I shook my head—hesitant and subtle. I didn’t feel like a good dad at all.
“No, I suppose you probably wouldn’t think that right now. And despite your recent actions, you’re not usually a giant jackass. Sadie deserves a man who fights for her, one who will love her out in the open. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like a dirty little secret.”
“It wasn’t like that,” I was quick to say.
She arched her brow. “Wasn’t it?”
Shit. Okay, so it was, but it also very much wasn’t. Sadie never felt like a dirty little secret. I was never ashamed of her. If anything she felt like a dream, one I kept to myself because she was never supposed to be mine.
But fuck, she felt like mine.
She must’ve seen the turmoil on my face. “We’ll talk tomorrow. Take an aspirin and get some sleep.”
With another blink, she was gone and I was left with my thoughts…and a small kernel of hope.
Our morning talk turned into an early dinner talk because Vanessa called Jenna with an “emergency” in the morning which turned out to be her latest fiancé calling off the wedding. I suspected she already had someone else lined up, but she needed Jenna to come over and comfort her because she was apparently devastated.
Sometimes I wondered what I’d seen in Vanessa. We couldn’t be more different if we tried, but I also couldn’t regret our time together because it gave us Jenna, and I wouldn’t trade her for the world.
“Dad! I’m back,” Jenna called as she came through the house.
“In the kitchen,” I hollered, and she walked in to find me making her favorite—Philly cheesesteaks. She came around the island and gave me a kiss on the cheek before resting her head on my shoulder. The affection made my heart squeeze. She’d always done this, and I was worried I might’ve lost it with how I’d behaved lately.
“How was your day?” I asked her, tilting my head to rest on hers.
She let out a little sigh. “Mom was…Mom. You know how she is, especially after a breakup.”
I did, and I’d watched Jenna deal with it more times than she should. My guilt over Sadie came roaring back.
Jenna moved over to sit on one of the stools. “Anyway, thanks for making dinner. Are you ready to talk?”
“Do I have a choice?” I asked as I put the meat and melted cheese into the sandwich buns and placed them on plates.
“Nope.”
She let me get situated at my own seat before she gave me an impatient stare. I took a bite of my sandwich, hoping to buy myself some time, and then washed it down with some Coke before finally leaning forward and resting my elbows on the counter. “I’m sorry, Jenna. That’s really all that I can say. I’m sorry.”
“For what exactly?”
I glanced over at her, confused by her question. “What do you mean?”
She watched me carefully. “Are you sorry you hooked up with her? Or because I found out the way I did? Or are you sorry because you fell in love with her?”
“I…” My throat went dry and I stared at her, not sure what to say. “I’m definitely sorry you found out the way you did. I should’ve known better than to get involved with her.”
She frowned. “So you regret being with her?”
My heart stuttered. No. That was the clear answer, but I knew that wouldn’t be easy for Jenna to hear. Was there any harm in laying it all out on the table now?
“No, I don’t regret being with her.”
“I asked you a question last night and you alluded to an answer, but you were also drunk, so I’m going to ask you again. Are you in love with Sadie?”
I looked back down at my plate of food, but my appetite was gone. “It doesn’t really matter, does it? It’s over. We never should’ve gotten involved as it was. It wasn’t fair to you.”
“What the hell do I have to do with your relationships?”
I stared at her, dumbfounded. “That’s a joke, right? She’s your best friend! She’s way too young for me. There are a million reasons we shouldn’t be together.”
“Age gap romances aren’t that taboo anymore, Dad. There are a ton of romance novels written with that trope every year, so that’s not a good reason not to be together. And the other reason—”
“The part where she’s your best friend—”
“Yeah, that one. Is that what’s holding you back? If I gave you my blessing, would you be honest with me about what you want with Sadie?”
“Is that what you really want? Honesty?”
“I thought I’d made that pretty clear,” she said.
My jaw clenched, but I no longer hesitated. “Then here’s the truth. I’ve never met another woman who made me feel anything close to what Sadie made me feel for her. Do I love her? Yes. Yes, okay? I’m in love with her. I can’t stop thinking about her and I hate—hate—knowing that I broke her heart because I’d rather rip my own to shreds than ever hurt hers. I’d rather suffer than ever cause her suffering. She’s fucking perfect. Completely, utterly, fucking perfect and I’m so in love with her it hurts to breathe without her. Is that really what you wanted to hear?”
My heart was pounding and my whole body ached from the confession I’d been holding back for so long, but then she reacted in a way I never would’ve expected.
She smiled, her eyes holding more knowledge than I’d ever given her credit for. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I wanted to know.”
I felt like I’d been socked in the stomach and I was waiting to get my air back. This had to be a horrible trap of some kind.
“Dad, I’m not gonna lie. It’s a little weird—okay, really weird—because I’ve always viewed Sadie as a sister, and it’s strange to think of you two together, but just because it’s strange doesn’t mean I can’t get used to it. You’re the two most important people in my life, and my favorite people in the world. If you make each other happy, who am I to stand in the way of love? It’s probably going to feel weird for a while, and I’d appreciate if you kept the PDA to a minimum in front of me until I adjust, but I want you two to be happy. You’re both clearly miserable apart, and I don’t want either of you to come to resent me because you felt like I got in the way of your happiness.”
I grabbed her hand. “I could never resent you, Jenna. You’re the most important thing in the world to me.”
“I know, Dad. And I appreciate that you’ve always put me first, but I think it’s time you did something for yourself. And I think you need to be honest about what you want.”
I knew what I wanted. I’d known since the moment I ended things and nothing in my life felt right anymore.
“I want Sadie back.”
Jenna smiled wide. “Good. Then let’s figure out how you’re going to win her back.” She pulled out her phone.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m texting her to see if she’s home,” she said, never looking up from her phone. “She probably is since she’s…” Her mouth parted and she sucked in a breath.
“What? Is she okay?”
She looked up at me and there was an apology in her suddenly hesitant gaze.
“She’s on a date.”
My entire body stiffened. “No, the fuck she is not.”
Sadie was mine. I just needed to convince her to give me a second chance. “Find out where she is. I’m not waiting any longer than I already have to tell her how I feel.”
Jenna’s worry morphed to thrill, her smile wide and her eyes taking on that hint of mischief she always got when she was hatching a plan. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
You gotta leave with the man you came with
SADIE
I stared down at Jenna’s text again, but she hadn’t responded again since I’d told her the Cliff Notes version of my date so far. I tucked my phone back in the pocket of my dress and grabbed my wine as Josh came back from the bathroom. Ever since she texted me asking where I was, I’d wondered if I should be hanging out with her instead of on this date. This horrible, horrible date.
“Sorry again about the change of location. I should’ve known the other restaurant would need reservations, but at least now it’s like a real do-over,” he said with a bright smile as he adjusted his napkin on his lap.
Yes, a do-over in the same restaurant he stood me up in.
The same restaurant where everything started with Travis—at least where he knew who he was actually flirting with.
I chugged another large mouthful of wine.
This night might’ve been easier to get through if Josh and I had any sort of chemistry, but we’d been here for over half an hour and I’d felt all thirty of those minutes with painful slowness. He was a nice guy, but there was no spark, not even a tiny flicker. And being here in this restaurant with the absence of a spark only made me feel even more hollow because I knew what I was missing.
The way Travis’s eyes watched me with an acute awareness during our dinner. How we laughed easily, talked easily, simply enjoyed each other easily.
Maybe that was where it went wrong. It was too easy. That should’ve been a red flag. Relationships are never easy. They’re hard work. They take constant effort. Or at least that’s how mine have always been. I thought the fact that everything was different with Travis was a good thing. Like maybe we could find a way to make it work.
Now I just felt naive and pitiful.
“Sadie?”
“Hmm?” I pulled my gaze up from the crisp white tablecloth where it had wandered and then subsequently zoned out.
“You okay? You seem distracted.”
God, I was being a horrible date. “I’m sorry, Josh. It’s not you, I promise.”
He sat back in his chair watching me. He really was handsome with his stereotypical California blond-haired, blue-eyed surfer physique, and I had no doubt he’d make some lucky woman very happy someday. It just wouldn’t be me.
“The old ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line. I haven’t heard that one in a while. Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head and then looked out the window, not wanting him to see the hurt I couldn’t hide in my eyes. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” he said, but it sounded mumbled. I could feel the presence of another person and I assumed it was the waiter, but then his scent hit me, and I had to close my eyes against the pain that suffocated me from the smell.
Travis’s cologne.
I’d know it anywhere.
I pulled myself together the best I could and turned my head, and even though I knew it was his scent, the fact Travis was actually standing here, next to my table while I was on a date with another man, made my mouth part and my eyes stare in complete disbelief.
What was he doing here?
His gaze was filled with so much love—wait, no. Not love. It couldn’t be love because he’d made it clear he didn’t feel that way, but it was the look I’d always thought meant he might love me, and now I felt stupid all over again.
“Travis.” I glanced behind him. “Are you here for another work meeting?” I was proud of myself for how composed my voice sounded.
“I’m here for you.”
I gaped at him in shock, but quickly pulled myself together. “W-what?”
His gaze was fierce and locked on mine. “You can’t date this guy.”
“Excuse me?” Josh said at the same time I said, “Why the hell not?”
Travis bent down, placing both his hands on the sides of my chair, trapping me with his body, and oh God, I wasn’t strong enough to be this close to him and not completely fall apart.
“Because you belong with me, the same way I belong with you.”
I must’ve heard him wrong, or had too much to drink, although I only had the one glass of wine. “You don’t want me.” My words were barely a whisper, but it felt like they ripped my heart a little more as they escaped into the air.
He shook his head slowly, his hazel gaze never leaving mine. “That’s not even close to true. I’m fucking miserable without you. I love you so much, Sadie, it hurts to breathe without you next to me.”
I didn’t even realize that silent tears had slipped down my cheeks until he brushed one away with his thumb, and my voice was noticeably thicker when I whispered, “You don’t mean it.”
He couldn’t. We both knew why we couldn’t be together. I didn’t know why he was saying this now when it didn’t make a damn bit of difference. “I don’t know why you’re trying to hurt me—”
He cut me off, his own eyes shining with pain and regret. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you again. I’m not bullshitting you. I’m in love with you and I don’t want anyone else. You’re it for me, Sadie.”
“What about Jenna?”
He leaned closer, as if he needed to be nearer to me. “I already talked to her and told her how I feel and that I need you.” I inhaled sharply, not expecting that at all.
“She gave me her blessing. How’d you think I knew where to find you?”
I hadn’t thought that far. My brain had been a mess since the second I caught his scent. It didn’t even cross my mind to ask how he knew where I was, but what he said made sense.
“You need me?” I asked him, afraid to hope.
He squatted down so we were now face-to-face. “More than I could ever express with words. You are the light of my life, the air I breathe. You are everything. Please, Sadie, give me another chance.”
Another tear slipped down my cheek as I threw my arms around him and kissed him with everything I had.
I followed Travis back to his house, and the second my car was in park, I pulled the keys out of the ignition and jumped out of the car. He’d done the same, and we met in a clash of bodies, our lips melding and our groans morphing together until I couldn’t tell who was making what noise.
It felt so good to be in his arms again. So right.
I broke our kiss, my chest panting. “We should go inside so someone doesn’t see.”
He peppered my jaw and neck with kisses. “Let them see. Let the whole world see that you’re mine.” He pulled back. “We’re not hiding anymore, Sadie. I’m never hiding how I feel for you again.”
I didn’t think my heart could be filled with any more joy if I tried.
“No more hiding,” I whispered as happy tears filled my eyes. His gaze softened into something tender, and that look of love was there again, so strong, so sure, that the only thing I could do to express all this crazy big love inside of me was to throw my arms around his shoulders and kiss him hard.
His hands cupped my head, holding me to his mouth as he took over the kiss in the way I loved so much—dominant, possessive, hungry. He slid his hands down and lifted me up into his arms, carrying me into the house like a groom carried his bride.
And I wondered if someday I’d really get to be his bride.
My lips tilted into a smile even as his kiss deepened because I knew I would. This was it.
He was it for me.
The big love I’d always craved. The man who would love me as fiercely as I loved him.
He carried me up the stairs all the way to his room and then placed me gently on the bed.
“I love you,” he murmured as he stripped me of my clothes and kissed his way down my body. “I love your laugh, your smile, your intelligence, your humor, your body. I love it all.”
