Across the middle, p.4
Across the Middle, page 4
“Well?” my mom prods.
“I got a job working with Paige at Newsworthy in LA. I’ve been apartment hunting all day and will be moving down here permanently in about two weeks.”
“Wepa!” Maria calls out in celebration and the room erupts with cheers while I get passed around receiving a hug from everyone in the room.
When I make my way back to my mother, she’s beaming and cups my cheek. “My sweet little Cochita. It’ll be so good to have you close again.” I hug my mom and smile to myself that she still calls me her little cupcake. It started with one of my uncles calling me Bizcochito once because I was so obsessed with cupcakes as a child, but quickly got condensed, made feminine and became a permanent nickname for me.
I spend the rest of the day celebrating with my mom and her friends, laughing at their banter with each other. It feels good to be surrounded by family, and excitement courses through me knowing I’ll be able to see them more frequently once I’ve moved down here.
I stay the night in my old room, surrounded by memories of childhood. Growing up in a large family isn’t always easy. It can sometimes be exhausting trying to find ways to stand out from your siblings and cousins, but there’s a never-ending abundance of love and tradition in this house that soothes me in a way I haven’t felt in quite a while.
I glance at the picture frame on my nightstand of my abuela and me from a summer trip to Puerto Rico when I was twelve. I smile softly as I trace my finger along the frame, remembering how hard the visit was for me. I had felt so lost in my family. My brothers were all athletic and shining stars in their chosen sports, my sister was smart and excelled in school, while I felt like the awkward ugly duckling that didn’t belong. I was terribly uncoordinated, and I barely managed Cs.
That summer, my siblings all had a lot going on, and my parents were planning to drag me around to all their different events, where I was sure I would be ignored. I begged my parents to let me spend the summer in Puerto Rico with my abuela instead, and after a lot of pleading, they finally relented. It was one of the best summers I’ve ever had.
Abuela has always made me feel special, even when I had a hard time finding my place in my family. She got me. She understood me. She knew my struggles. That summer, she became one of my best friends and confidantes.
An ache tugs at my heart. I wish she would move to Long Beach so I could see her more, but she refuses to leave Puerto Rico. She says it’s her home and the only home she plans to have. She was born there, and she’ll die there. The thought alone guts me. I’m not ready to lose her. I try to talk to her at least once a week, but it never feels like enough.
I gently place the frame back on my nightstand and fall asleep dreaming of Puerto Rico. The next morning, my mom insists on making me breakfast before I head back to San Francisco.
“So, are you excited about this change?”
“Yeah, I think it’ll be good. Things have been getting really expensive in San Jose, and working at the paper hasn’t been the same since Paige left.”
My mother nods. “You have been two peas in a pod since college. I’m glad you’ve stayed such good friends. She’s a sweet girl. How are things going with that man of hers?”
I smile. “They’re still doing great. As in love as ever last time I talked to her. They’re the real deal.”
“And how about you, Cochita? Are there any men in your life?”
I hate that Will’s face flits through my mind. But like the man himself, my body goes cold and the thought disappears quickly. “No, no men lately, mami.”
“Are they all gay in San Francisco?” she asks seriously, and I almost spit my orange juice out at her ridiculous question.
“Mom!”
“What?” She’s genuinely confused.
I can’t stop the laugh that pops out. “No, the men in San Francisco are not all gay. I just don’t seem to have any luck finding men who are willing to commit to me.”
My mother scoffs, surely thinking about Andrew and Collin, both exes who had a penchant for cheating on me and then blaming me for it. I don’t know how guys get away with that excuse. It is not the woman’s fault if he can’t keep his dick in his pants and chooses to be unfaithful.
“Well, maybe you’ll have better luck finding a good man down here,” she says hopefully. My mom would love for me to settle down and give her more grandchildren. I thought I was off the hook when my older siblings all started having children, but no such luck. She won’t be content until she sees all her babies married off with babies of their own. The idea appeals to me for sure, but I just can’t seem to find my very own Prince Charming.
Her comment makes me think of Will again. “Maybe if we were Irish I’d have better luck.”
“The Irish don’t have the market cornered on luck, Gina. Sometimes you have to make your own luck. The right man for you is out there, and when you’re both ready, life will find a way to put you two together. But in the meantime, you can do your part by putting yourself out there so life can put him in your path.”
Thinking back on the shitty luck I’ve had with men—and my last encounter with Will back in January—I’m more convinced than ever life put the one for me right in the path of a bus.
It’s been over seven months since I last saw Will. I avoid him every time I’m down here to see Paige. I think she caught on the last time we were hanging out. I faked food poisoning the second I saw Will walk into the bar we were at, and I was out the door before he ever knew I was there.
It hasn’t been easy to avoid him, but I know it’s what’s best for my heart. I can’t deny my attraction to Will, but I can avoid putting myself in a situation where he can jerk my heart around.
It’s why I put off moving down to LA for so long. Paige has been trying to get me here for almost a year. I almost made the change back in January, but then decided distance between Will and me was in my best interest. The Gazette was a good job, and I excelled there. There was no solid reason to switch jobs at that point.
Over the summer, though, I decided enough was enough. I don’t want a man to be the reason I don’t move my career forward. Plus, I really missed being near Paige and my family. It was the best decision for me, and I refused to let Will stand in my way any longer.
But now that I’m actually moving here, the thought of having to interact with Will again causes nerves to flit throughout my belly. Hopefully I’m strong enough to finally resist the undeniable pull Will Edmonson has over me.
Nine
I walked into the restaurant twenty minutes late due to traffic on the 405. I took in the scenery around me, the glow from the lights on the Christmas tree in the corner near the hostess stand, and the two guests sitting on a bench nearby waiting to be seated.
I walked over to the hostess. “Hi, I think my party is already here. It should be under Edmonson.”
She checked the book in front of her and replied, “Yep, right this way.”
I followed her toward the secluded corner where my sister Becka sat scowling at Candace. I couldn’t see Candace’s face from this angle, but it looked like she was talking and whatever she was saying was clearly pissing off my sister.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
This was not how this dinner was supposed to go. I really needed my sister on board here. Candace and I had been together for four months, although I’d been on the road for a lot of the time, or busy doing promos. But still. She’s my girlfriend, and it would be really nice if my sister could respect that.
“Hey, ladies,” I said when I got to the table, dropping a kiss to Candace’s cheek when she glanced up at me with a bright smile on her face.
I smiled back at her, a gentle warmth flowing through me. Candace looked at me differently than other women had, and I was still getting used to it. She didn’t look at me with dollar signs in her eyes, which was a common problem amongst us NFL guys.
“Sorry I’m late. Traffic was a bitch. What have I missed?”
“Nothing much. Just Becka and I catching up. I think I’m going to go powder my nose before we order. I’ll be back, baby,” Candace said as she got up from her seat, her arm grazing over my shoulder before she walked away from the table.
I watched the sway of her hips, enjoying how her dress hugged what little curves she had. She was more endowed in the front, which I wasn’t going to complain about, but I’d always been an ass man, so whenever she wore something tight, I was all over it.
I turned to my sister, bracing myself for what I knew was coming based on the facial expressions I’d seen on my way to the table.
“Did you pull out of a sponsorship deal because Candace told you to?”
Okay, that wasn’t what I was expecting.
“No,” I reply immediately, but then I remember the athleisure company that wanted to work with me. When Candace found out, she went on a rant about how terrible they were and said it would reflect poorly on us both if I represented them. So, I backed out of the deal.
“Well, okay, yes, there was one—” I don’t get to finish my sentence before Becka cuts me off, her brows furrowed in confusion.
“Why would you let her dictate your career like that? Isn’t that what your agent is supposed to help you with, not your girlfriend?”
She said the word girlfriend like there should be air quotes around it. I quickly looked toward the bathrooms to make sure Candace wasn’t on her way back yet before leaning closer to my sister, determined to shut this down.
“Stop. Candace is a part of my life. She means a lot to me, and it would be really great if you could be even just a little bit supportive.”
I sat back up just as Candace came into view. I locked my gaze on my sister, and my heart dropped at the disappointment in her eyes. Why couldn’t my sister just give her a chance?
Becks crossed her arms and sat back in her chair, staring at me for a moment before whispering, “I would be supportive if I thought she was worth the support, but that woman has an agenda, Will, and I don’t trust her. Please tell me you see it.”
Her pleading tone threw me off, but before I could respond Candace arrived back at the table. I spent the rest of the evening feeling unsettled—Becka’s words running through my mind and making me wonder why she couldn’t just be happy for us.
My body hits the ground with a thud, my muscles screaming at me from the pressure of the linebacker still lying across me.
Fuck me, this game is kicking my ass.
“You okay, Edmonson?” I turn my head to see Matt has his hand outstretched to help me up. Now that the brick shithouse of a man isn’t on me, I can finally catch my breath. I grab the offered hand and get up.
“Yeah. Fuck, I’m sick of getting tackled. These guys are all over me.”
“You and coach gotta talk, because you going across the middle isn’t working anymore, dude. You know it puts you at the most risk for getting hit, and you’re just not making it happen out there like you used to.”
I shake out my limbs and hustle to where my teammates are lining up preparing for the next play. Once upon a time, I was known for being one of the best receivers when it came to catching passes across the middle. It’s a skill that proves a receiver’s toughness, but this is only our first official game of the season and I’m already failing miserably. Probably because my head’s not in the game.
My demons are catching up with me. I’m feeling pulled in a million directions, and if I don’t deal with it, I’m going to break. But dealing with it means finally being honest about everything that went down the night Candace died. It also means coming to grips with the fact that Gina’s avoidance of me these last eight months has been more painful than I’m ready to admit.
I shake my head, trying to refocus on the game in progress. The field is supposed to be where I excel. I need to prove I deserve to be here, because these days being an NFL player feels like the only thing going right in my life.
The game slogs on. I get tackled another half a dozen times before Jack starts passing to other receivers. It’s a blow to my ego, but I know it’s for the best. I’m not getting a damn thing done, and we have a game to win.
We barely scrape by, winning by only a field goal. The locker room is crowded, and guys are celebrating the victory, even if it was only by a small margin. At the end of the day, a win is a win.
“Edmonson!” I turn to my head coach, who’s standing by the offensive coordinator.
“Yeah, coach?”
“My office.”
Fuck, this can’t be good.
I get up from the bench, ignoring the looks of worry from Jack and Matt. When I walk into Coach Denton’s office, he points to the chair in front of his desk. His office is decent sized and covered in team paraphernalia. The only personal touch is the picture of him and his daughter Nikki hanging on the wall right next to his desk. Derek Peters, the offensive coordinator, stands next to Coach Denton’s desk, while coach sits behind it. I take a seat and wait to find out why he’s called me in here.
“Edmonson, what the hell is going on with you out there?”
I fight my body’s desire to fidget by squeezing the arms of the chair until my knuckles are white.
“Sorry, Coach. I’ll get my head in the game. Promise.”
The coaches give each other a look, and my stomach drops. Derek looks back at me. “Will, you’re one of the best receivers this team has ever had, but you haven’t been the same the past couple of months. We gave you some slack when your game slipped after your fiancée died because we figured you were mourning, and it paid off because you came back focused and strong. But your game has been a mess since training this summer, and we can’t ignore it anymore.”
I interrupt before he can say more. “I know. I just need to get back in the groove. I’ll be in top shape before the next game.”
“I have my doubts about that, Will. To put it bluntly, you’re playing worse than ever.”
That’s a blow I wasn’t expecting. I know I’ve been a little off my game, but fuck.
Coach Denton folds his hands and leans on his desk. “Sorry, Edmonson, but we’re putting you on second string until you show us you deserve to be back in a starting position.”
My heart plummets.
I can’t lose football. It’s all I have left. And being demoted from a starting position is just a step toward being traded.
Fuck.
Candace has taken enough from me. I won’t let her take this too. Time to face my fucking demons.
Ten
I pull up to the apartment in Burbank that is all mine for the next year. A major perk of moving down to LA was I was finally able to get a place of my own. No more roommates. Jack and Paige pull the U-Haul up behind me. My brothers wanted to help me move, but Paige and Jack were more than enough help. I didn’t have much to move since most of the furniture belonged to my previous roommates. I’ll definitely need to go shopping here soon so I can fully furnish my new place.
Paige runs over to me and grips my arms, shaking me back and forth with pure joy on her face. “I’m so excited that you officially live here!”
I laugh. “Me too. You have no idea how excited I am.”
“It took you long enough to make the move.” She looks at me knowingly.
I roll my eyes. I’m not going to respond to that. Instead, I look at Jack talking on the phone and standing near the back of the U-Haul.
“Jack’s not going to be stuck on the phone with his agent, is he?”
“Uh…he’s not on the phone with his agent.” Paige shoots me a guilty look, which makes me nervous. What could she possibly feel guilty about?
“You’re not about to move, are you?”
“No, we definitely aren’t moving.” She purses her lips and then her eyes look at something behind me. “Please don’t be mad,” she whispers.
My stomach drops. Please tell me she didn’t.
“Hey, Gina. I heard you needed an extra pair of hands to move into your new place.”
I close my eyes, clench my jaw, and attempt to take a deep calming breath. I could strangle Paige right now, but I won’t because I love her and she’s my best friend. I just need to really remind myself of that fact right now because I’m absolutely furious with her.
I turn around, and my heart beats frantically at the sight of Will. I can’t stop my eyes from taking in his fit build. God, why does he have to look so good all the time?
Paige quietly excuses herself, snagging the keys to my apartment from me on her way to Jack.
Will and I stand there just staring at each other. He grips the back of his neck, having the good sense to look uncomfortable. This is the first time we’ve been face to face since Sugarfina. Seeing him makes my heart ache. I thought I was strong enough to finally be in the same city as him, but now I’m not so sure. I wish he didn’t have so much power over my heart, or that time had diffused this intense chemistry that seems to always pulse between us.
Will takes a step closer. “It’s been a long time,” he speaks softly, a shy smile on his face but nerves clear in his gaze.
I look up at him, my walls firmly in place. “Not long enough,” I whisper.
His face falls, and I’m surprised by the look of anguish that overtakes him. “Gina…I…”
“I need help with these boxes, Will. Paige is a weakling,” Jack shouts from the U-Haul.
Paige slaps his arm. “I am not!”
Will glances back at them play fighting and grabbing at each other before turning back to me. “Gina, I’d really like—”
I cut him off, saying, “I appreciate the offer, Will, but it’s not necessary. I don’t need any more help. Jack and Paige were all I needed to pack up all my stuff. I’m sure it’ll be fine with just the three of us. I’m sure you have better things to do with your time.”
