Impossible escape, p.8
Impossible Escape, page 8
He turned toward the fridge. He had more time to get to know her and break down whatever walls she had up. They’d grow even closer over the next five days.
Why, then, were his smile and his confidence slipping?
Chapter
Nine
The shower felt incredible. Rose enjoyed vanilla and lavender scented body wash, and brands of shampoo and conditioner that were too chic for the shelves of her local grocery store or her budget. When she dried off, she used an expensive hair serum, scented lotion for her body and tinted moisturizer for her face. The serum made her hair soft, the lotion made her feel more confident, and the moisturizer had her face glowing.
There was makeup on the counter. Maybe she should use some for the camera, but it was silly to doll up to go to sleep. She was tempted to make herself more appealing to Bennett. Which was really twisted, in her mind, as all she should want was to keep her distance and not entice him.
She dressed in a comfortable t-shirt and joggers from the closet, moving her weapons into the pockets before shoving her own dirty clothes into a garment bag and then in the backpack. It was silly, but she didn’t want to leave her clothes behind. She wiped off both of their backpacks with a hand towel. They still smelled but at least weren’t covered in goop and powder.
She slid into flip flops and went to face Bennett. She felt conflicted. She’d gotten really comfortable today, learned to trust him and appreciated his strength, knowledge, protection, and kindness.
Now she was apprehensive around him again. She was frustrated about it but didn’t know how to change it.
The fact that there was only that one huge bed terrified her. She cast a glare at the bed as she strode past it. It was massive enough they could sleep on opposite ends and never brush in the night, even with how much she moved while she slept.
She would never willingly climb into any bed with a man. She’d volunteer to sleep on the couch in the main area. There were cameras in the main area. The only problem was … she trusted Bennett more than Mercedes and her people and she wanted Bennett close. Not sleeping together close, but reassuring her with his strength, warm touch, skill, and ever-present smile close.
Walking out into the kitchen and living room area, the scents of meat, veggies, and fresh bread all hit her. Her stomach grumbled in anticipation.
Bennett smiled at her, the guy was always smiling, and she had to admit she liked his smile. Could she trust it wouldn’t turn into an ogling leer? She wished she didn’t react like this, but wasn’t sure how to turn off the caution lights in her own head.
“Hey. I’ve got a bunch of food warmed up,” he said. “You can start eating if you’re starving, I just have to shower off the sweat and blood quick.”
“I’ll wait for you to eat.” She palmed an apple from the fruit bowl. “I’ll have this as an appetizer.”
“Okay, thanks. I’ll hurry.”
“You don’t need to hurry. You’ve earned that shower. I can look at your cuts before we eat too.”
“Nah. They’ve been festering half the day. They’ll be fine a bit longer.” He winked and hurried into the bedroom.
Rose watched him go. Why did this ultra-attractive, kind, and appealing man have to be built like a brick house? Yet his strong and huge build had protected and strengthened her today. She couldn’t say she didn’t appreciate every muscle in that tall body. Praying that she would react kindly to him and that he wouldn’t try anything romantic, she had a fleeting thought … What if Bennett could help her learn to trust a man again?
She pushed that thought away, not ready to dissect or get into a deeper discussion with heaven about it. She took a bite of the apple, enjoying the crisp, sweet taste, and went to investigate what they were having for dinner.
Bennett had three pans on the stove with a medley of veggies in one, teriyaki chicken and salmon in the others. There was sliced bread on the countertop that looked and smelled fresh. There was a salad and dressings, and two plates and silverware and cups of ice water waiting on the table.
She finished her apple and threw the core away, staring out the windows at the dark night. A large yacht motored past and she focused on the lights outlining the deck. She didn’t like being trapped inside like this, but at least she had Bennett.
He came bursting out of the bedroom, smiling as always. He looked incredible in a white t-shirt and black joggers, his hair damp and his face clean. The raw scrapes on his arms and the outlines of some bandages on his abdomen made her appreciate him even more. He’d done so much to protect and help her today.
“Let’s eat,” he said.
“Yes, sir.” She smiled. It was hard to resist smiling with Bennett around but somehow she had to address the issue of the bed. Not right now though.
They dished up plates. She thought she loaded hers to overflowing, but Bennett’s was so full she didn’t know how it all stayed on the plate.
As they sat down, he extended his hand. She glanced at his hand and then at his smiling face. “Do you mind if I pray?” he asked.
“No. That’s great.” She placed her hand in his and immediately all was right with the world. She was safe and protected. As he offered a short but sincere prayer of gratitude for their protection today, a blessing on the food and their families, and a plea for continued protection, for Rose and Safe Haven to win the million dollars, she felt even more comfortable with him. How could she be concerned about Bennett’s intentions? He seemed as pure as anybody she knew.
They dug into the food and were both quiet for a while as they satiated the hunger of fighting so hard today and surviving. Rose felt pretty great, but mostly grateful to him.
“Have you always been a believer?” she asked between bites of the delicious salmon, chicken, and veggies.
“No.” He shook his head and smiled. “My mama and daddy tried, the preacher tried, our well-meaning neighbors and Sunday School teachers tried, but hiding behind this happy smile was a dark and rebellious soul.” He winked as if darkness and rebellion were a joke.
She had to fight to swallow. That was in the past, right? Was something dark hiding behind his smile now? What had he seen and done in the military that might make him hardened and impervious to her pleas to stop? She shoved that image away and focused on his story.
“It wasn’t until my first deployment that I realized I had to turn to God or I would either die young or become a hardened killing machine or an embittered jerk.”
He wasn’t a hardened killing machine or embittered jerk? He didn’t seem like either. She prayed that she could believe Bennett’s words and heaven would continue to keep her safe. Then she pushed that huge bed in the next room right out of her mind’s eye. Almost.
“Mission school of military life?” She ate a bite of the soft, crusty bread then took a drink of water. Her hunger was gone and she was only eating a few more bites because it tasted so good. Almost as good as her mom’s home-cooked food.
“I like that term. Yeah for sure. I was forced to be humble and turn to Jesus but I’m grateful for it now.” He paused. “What about you?”
She swallowed some more water. “Yeah. I always believed, faith came easy for me when I was younger.”
He studied her, his blue eyes patient and accepting.
She didn’t know what to admit so she finally said, “Sometimes as an adult I’ve had to fight harder to keep my faith, like you said, not let myself become hardened or bitter.” She was grateful she had her faith. Even though she questioned why she’d been assaulted three times, she never blamed God and she recognized He had preserved her and strengthened her. But was she lying about not being hardened or bitter? She didn’t let herself trust men. She didn’t fully trust him. Any way she looked at it, that seemed like someone who was hardened.
He kept studying her, but she wasn’t going to open up about anything more. “How old are you?” she asked.
“Thirty-three. You?”
“Twenty-six,” she murmured. He seemed so mature and accomplished because he was mature and accomplished. Not that she was looking for a man but she didn’t love their age difference.
“Have you always been a smiler?” she asked.
He grinned at that. “Always.” He ate a bite of salmon and then started talking, “My mama taught me to smile when I was a young one.”
“So you listened to her instruction on smiling, but not her example of faith?”
He spread his hands and grinned. “I’ve got a thick skull.”
“Obviously.”
He took a drink and ate some bread.
“It took longer to see the effects of trusting heaven,” he admitted, “but smiling helped me immediately.”
“How so?”
“The kids at school were afraid of me. Even in preschool I was a head taller and almost twice as thick as anyone else. So I smiled like my mama told me, and was nice as I could be, I only let myself beat up the bullies.” He grinned at that, his cheeks and the skin around his eyes crinkled appealingly. “Soon the other kids saw me as their protector and friend and I liked that a lot. I don’t like people being afraid of me.”
Her eyes widened but she didn’t comment. She’d been afraid of him. She wasn’t certain that afraid was the right term now but still cautious. She had to keep boundaries in place.
He ate a few bites of chicken and then kept talking, “In fourth grade I hit a hard wall.”
“Why?”
“My teacher despised me.”
“What? Really? That’s sad.” She wondered how anyone could despise him.
“Mr. Haslam was a little dude, maybe five-five,” he explained. “I was as tall as him, and nine years old, and that obviously bugged him. He was strict and serious, and you know me, I love to smile and joke around.”
Rose felt something warm and deep in her chest. She felt like she did know him. That wasn’t true. They’d known each other for an afternoon and evening.
Luckily he continued talking before she had to respond, “Mr. Haslam would walk past my chair and bark, ‘Stop smiling!’ Then he’d come back by a few minutes later and growl, ‘You’re still smiling.’” Bennett rubbed at his jaw as Rose’s gut churned, feeling sympathy for a young, innocent, smiling, and still huge Bennett.
“I hated that year of school. My mama tried to transfer me classes but the principal wouldn’t allow it. She wanted to homeschool me, but daddy wanted me to learn to work through hard things and how to get along with everyone. My mama will still get fired up if somehow the subject of fourth grade gets brought up. She says I almost lost my smiles and my light that year. If only she knew …” He trailed off and looked away.
Rose waited and then got brave enough to ask, “Knew what?”
He glanced sharply at her then he pasted his smile back on. “Nothing, just … how hard it was to keep my smile during some of my military service.”
Rose remembered the insight she’d felt the first time their eyes had met. He’d suffered deeply, and knew how it felt to be in pain. Would he open up to her? That was a silly thing to want when she would never open up to him about her pain.
“But those experiences taught me that nobody can take your smile away. You can always choose to be happy and look for the good.” His smile was still there but there was something deep and hurting lurking behind it.
His words hit her like a ton of bricks. She did the same in a lot of ways, forcing herself not to dwell on the attacks or her fears, working harder than ever at self defense and to make the Ranch successful, and always smiling for the children and families at the Ranch, especially her own family. Luckily Frankie and Ari brought out genuine smiles.
Inside she didn’t always look for the good. She was afraid of most men, especially well-built ones and men she didn’t know. Bennett was proving to her that a large, muscular man could have a very different vibe than the ones who had hurt her.
Was Bennett truly this happy and positive? He was hiding something. Whatever it was he hadn’t shared it with his beloved mama so why did she think he’d share it with her? Maybe what he was hiding would make him lash out or come on to her even if she said no. She’d heard of former military men who were damaged emotionally from all they’d been through and ended up hurting those closest to them. She found herself edging her chair farther away and earning a sharp look from Bennett. She focused on her food.
They were both quiet as he finished eating and they cleaned up together. There was no dish soap, a dishwasher, or Tupperware to store the food in, so they scraped their plates and the extra food in pans into the garbage, rinsed them, and left them in the sink.
Suddenly Rose realized. There was nothing to do but talk or go to sleep. She was exhausted. She could easily sleep. She could not sleep in that bed with Bennett. Her gaze darted around, avoiding his. How to bring up sleeping arrangements?
“I’ll sleep on the floor,” he said, making her eyes drag straight to his. She feared he could read her thoughts.
“No,” she protested. “You’ve been through so much today. You can take the bed.” Thinking of that she realized. “Let me look at your cuts.”
“I’m not taking the bed, but I’d appreciate you checking my back to make sure the wounds are clean, no jaguar hair in them, and putting some ointment on them. I already took care of my chest, abs, and legs after I showered, and the ones on my arms are only scratches.”
She glanced at his arm. The red wounds looked painful, but they weren’t bleeding and they looked clean. “Okay.”
She led the way through the bedroom and into the bathroom. On the counter there was some ointment and band-aids.
He followed her into the bathroom. She turned to face him right as he took his shirt off. The oxygen rushed from her lungs and she gasped. She stared in awe at the muscles of his defined and large upper body, the scrapes and bandages on his chest and abdomen only enhanced the alluring view.
Alluring? Strength like that should be terrifying to her. Why was she letting down her guard around him? Especially as they were going to be sleeping in the same room. Maybe she should insist he sleep on the couch. She should volunteer, but was afraid of what might come in the night. The bedroom felt safer since the only door in would be guarded by a sleeping giant.
He smiled at her and she found herself wanting to ease in closer and tell him she trusted him. That made her back up a step. Instinctive protection. Everything was getting a little too intimate and comfortable for her.
His eyes looked wounded but instead of making a move on her like she feared, he turned so she could view his back. It was broad, muscular, and tanned. The jaguar had raked its claws along his right side, all the way from his shoulder blade to the curve of his hip. Blood dripped from several spots.
“Oh, Bennett,” she whispered. She forgot about the conflicting feelings of appreciating how attractive his body was and worrying he’d use that tough body to hurt her. Her instinct to nurture took over. She grabbed some Kleenex and blotted the blood away.
“What?” He glanced over his shoulder at her. His blue eyes were warm and welcoming. She wanted to get lost in a man’s gaze for the first time in years.
“He left some vicious reminders of your fight on your back.” She tried to act as relaxed as he was.
“Tough old cat. I have a lot of respect for him.” He turned away. She was glad he hadn’t had to kill the jaguar, and had been able to keep her safe.
She wondered how many times throughout his military career he’d had to kill somebody to protect innocent people, and fulfill his missions. Bennett was an intriguing puzzle to her but she didn’t know if she dared riddle him out.
She blotted the blood, put ointment on several large bandages, and covered the deepest wounds with the bandages. She noticed other scars on his skin, some raised, some more faint. She touched one. “You have a lot of scars.”
“Don’t we all?” He stepped away from her, turned, gave her his familiar smile, and tugged his shirt back on. His eyes were wary, not welcoming like usual. His scars were a hot button for him?
“I have a few,” she said. Her scars were mostly internal. “But nothing like yours.”
He lifted his eyebrows but said nothing. “I’m going to brush my teeth and go make a bed on one of the couches,” he said.
Her stomach tumbled and for the first time in the past hour it wasn’t because she was afraid he’d try to sleep with her. “I don’t want you that far away,” she said, her words desperate. She stepped in and put her hand on his muscular forearm. She trusted him more than Mercedes’ people, and she wanted him close by. It was surprising even to her.
His eyebrows rose even higher.
“Please,” she begged. “I’ll sleep on the floor. You take the bed. I’d feel safer with you in the same room as me.” She pulled her hand from his arm as she realized it was true. The safety Bennett represented, the way he’d protected and strengthened her today, had somehow overridden the fears of sleeping in the same room as him. Was that smart? She wasn’t certain, but she felt it deeply. She’d still sleep with her pepper spray and knife in her pocket, the gun on the nightstand close by, fully clothed and praying nonstop.
He studied her, unusually serious, and then he smiled. “You aren’t sleeping on the floor.”
“We aren’t sleeping in the bed together.” She folded her arms and glowered at him.
His smile disappeared but only for a moment.
“Okay, I’ll make a bed for me on the floor.” He walked around her into the closet, obviously looking for extra pillows and blankets.
She hurried into the bedroom, set her gun on the nightstand, yanked a couple of the many pillows off the bed, and then she took off the top fluffy comforter. It was huge. Would he be cold in the bed with only a thin under blanket and the sheets? He could double it all up or put towels over himself. It would be fine. All she knew was she was sleeping on the floor.
He came into the room behind her. She could feel him even though she refused to look at him. She was struggling to fold the comforter into a makeshift mattress.
