Trusting the rancher wit.., p.23
Trusting the Rancher with Christmas, page 23
“I don’t think so.” She’d never liked the clothes hamper or the generic white towels that had always been abrasive and rough. She folded the check, stuck it in her pocket and adjusted the lamp in her arms as if it was a newborn. “I think I’m good.” Really good, in fact.
“What now?” He set his hands on the kitchen counter and leaned forward. “You got a lamp and some money. Have you gotten what you came for?”
Her pride. She’d proved she could stand up for herself. Proved that her inner fighter was still there. And put her past behind her. Officially and with a resounding bravado. And it wasn’t even eight in the morning. She had an entire day left to conquer. She strolled to the door. “I’m going to work, where I will convince the partners to allow me to join them as such. My recommendations weren’t wrong for your patient. You were being reckless and greedy. You know it and I do too.”
“You think you have it all figured out, then?” His derision didn’t bother her anymore, she realized.
She faced him, her shoulders straight, her gaze unflinching. See me. See my strength for once. “For the first time in a long while, I do have things figured out. I would tell you to have a good day, but you seem incapable of that.”
He winced as if her words upset him. “Excuse me?”
“It’s not the world that’s miserable, Kyle—it’s you. And for no reason, other than you choose to be.” Paige gathered the lamp and held tight to the check. She didn’t care if he took her advice or not. She didn’t care if he even listened. She only cared that she said it. That she put it out there. “And you’ll probably remain miserable until you take a real, honest look at yourself and make some hard changes.”
“What’s happened to you?” he asked.
“I cooled off.” On a ranch. With my family. And found herself in the process. “Bye, Kyle.”
Paige stepped outside and drew the front door closed with a soft click. It was more rewarding than slamming it instead. Satisfaction resonated in the silence on Kyle’s front porch louder than any show she could’ve put on.
Paige hummed one of her favorite Christmas carols, hugged her lamp and headed to work.
Twenty minutes and a cab ride later, Paige stood outside the animal clinic she’d helped establish, grinning from ear to ear. She dared anyone to try to defeat her today. She walked into the business she’d helped to grow and headed upstairs. The vets’ offices and a conference room filled the second floor. She greeted Mai O’Neill, their administrative assistant.
“Cool lamp, Paige.” Mai stopped typing, adjusted her wireless headset and smiled at Paige.
Paige handed the lamp to the recent college graduate. “Consider it a gift.”
“Are you serious?” Mai accepted the lamp. Her expression was slightly stunned.
“It’s a pretty cool lamp as far as lamps go. You can dim or brighten it with just a tap on the base.” Paige pointed to the nickel base. “I hope you enjoy it.”
“It’s exactly what I’ve been looking for.” Mai set the lamp on the filing cabinet behind her carefully. “I moved into my new apartment last weekend. It’s official, I’m living on my own. No more roommates,” she said excitedly. “I need a lamp in my bedroom for those late-night reading marathons.”
“Sounds like a perfect match. Like it was meant to be.” Kyle and Paige had not been a perfect match. Or meant to be. Paige understood that now.
And her and Evan, they could’ve been a match. Perhaps. She stiffened her spine and pushed thoughts of Evan aside. The day was about Paige standing up for herself. Getting what she had always wanted. What she’d worked so hard for, for so many years. Later, she’d let herself miss Evan. Later, she’d give in to the hurt.
She force-stretched her smile a notch brighter. “Is everyone in the conference room?”
“Yes.” Mai pointed down the hallway, then straightened the linen lampshade before returning to her chair. “Go right on in. They’re waiting for you.”
Paige opened the door to the conference room and greeted her colleagues on the decision committee.
Exactly sixty-eight minutes had passed when Paige stepped out of the conference room as an equal partner in the clinic. And could finally claim she’d gotten the life she always wanted.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
EVAN PULLED INTO his driveway and noted Dr. Conrad Gibson’s truck was still parked in the same spot beside the main house. Evan had spent the entire morning with the veterinarian. Dr. Gibson had wanted to personally check on the herds and Luna. But that had been hours ago.
Evan had left with Riley at lunch for Belleridge and their ice slide adventure. Riley’s best friend, Claire, and her family had joined them. The slides had been twenty feet tall, carved out of ice, fast and fun. The North Pole–themed ice maze and ice sculptures entertaining. Another Christmas first could be checked off the list and declared a success.
With their movie night marathon scheduled to start promptly after dinner, Evan’s plate was full again, just like he always preferred it. Yet he was keenly aware of an empty space beside him where Paige should’ve been. Multiple times today he’d wanted to turn and take her hand. Or tell her about the polar bear stuffed animal he’d bought for Riley. Or listen to her laugh over his mishap on the slide. His life had returned to normal, and here Evan had never felt more lost. But that wasn’t possible. This was the life he’d built, methodically and intentionally, over the past six years.
Evan climbed out of his truck and grabbed the grocery bags from the back seat. Riley had stayed to visit the Christmas art walk in Belleridge with Claire and her family. Evan had a little over an hour before dinner and Riley’s return. Enough time to reorder feed supplies, pay invoices and shower. Then the night would be about his daughter, her happiness and not his heartache.
Having set the grocery bags on the kitchen island, Evan greeted his mom and Dr. Gibson. The pair sat at the table with an open box of full-sized candy canes and his mom’s special hot chocolate pot on a place mat between them. Dr. Gibson had his foot, the one encased in a heavy-duty walking boot, propped up on a chair.
“Your mother was kind enough to let me rest my foot and turn your kitchen into my temporary office.” A half-eaten candy cane poked straight out of Dr. Gibson’s mouth. The confection’s curved end wobbled as he spoke. “I’ve gotten rather skilled at this video-calling thing. Got to see my patients and exercise my ankle.”
“You shouldn’t have come out to the ranch, Conrad,” his mother scolded.
Dr. Gibson lifted his hot chocolate mug and his thick salt-and-pepper eyebrows. “Can’t get this on a video call.”
“I’ll give you that to-go thermos.” Ilene rose and opened a cabinet under the island. “As long as you agree to take it easy tomorrow.”
“It’s more video calls for me.” Dr. Gibson finished his hot chocolate, stuck the candy cane back in his mouth and rose. He set his hand on the table for balance. “Have to say I’m certainly missing Paige. I fear she might be irreplaceable.”
Evan harbored a similar fear. And he couldn’t quite shake the idea that he’d let the perfect woman slip away. But getting her back wasn’t an option. Forcing Paige to choose between Evan and her life in Chicago was far from fair.
Evan unpacked the groceries and opted for a conversation detour. He held up a bag of marshmallows. “Tonight’s menu for our holiday movie marathon has been set. It’s pizza bites, cheese sticks and caramel-marshmallow popcorn balls.”
Ilene laughed and glanced at Dr. Gibson. “You’re more than welcome to join us.”
“We’ve got a collection of movies to see.” Evan smiled. “Everything from black-and-white classics to the cutesy animated ones.”
“I appreciate the offer.” Dr. Gibson hobbled and straightened. “But I don’t want to overextend my welcome.”
Paige had barely settled in at the ranch. She could’ve extended her stay. One week. One month and Evan wouldn’t have considered it long enough.
“Have you spoken to Paige?” Conrad bit off a chunk of his candy cane and crunched down on the hard peppermint. His inquisitive gaze never strayed from Evan.
“I have not.” Evan folded the paper shopping bags and smoothed his expression. “I’m sure Paige is back at work and glad to be home.”
Dr. Gibson nodded, an up-and-down slow-motion move as if Evan’s words had failed to convince him. He broke off another piece of candy cane with his teeth and shifted his gaze to Ilene. The corner of his mouth quirked. “The young sure do like to complicate love, don’t they?”
“They sure do.” Ilene chuckled and filled the thermos full of hot chocolate.
Love. When had it become about love? It was about talking to Paige, not about giving her his heart. Love would require an entirely different conversation. Evan crumpled the paper shopping bags in his grip and opened his mouth to say something.
His mother stopped him, one eyebrow arched, before Evan could launch into his argument. She said, “Evan, you’re teaching your daughter to honor her feelings. And yet you’re burying your own.”
He tossed the smashed shopping bags into the recycling bin. And tossed his denial out into the room. Weak and unconvincing as it was. “I’m not burying anything.”
“An excavation crew would be hard-pressed to uncover all that you’ve buried.” Conrad set his hand on Evan’s shoulder and made his way to the back door. “My eyesight isn’t what it used to be, but even I can see that much.”
“I’ll walk you out, Conrad.” His mom tightened the lid on the thermos of hot chocolate and followed Dr. Gibson outside. The back door shut, blocking out his mom’s laughter and the veterinarian’s dynamic voice.
Evan tossed a bag of shredded cheese into the refrigerator and grimaced. What would it matter if he was burying his so-called feelings? This way his hurt was manageable and tolerable. No one wanted to pull off a bandage and poke at an open wound. It was best to keep it covered. Best to keep his feelings in check.
His mother returned with a soft smile on her face, her cheeks a shade brighter than usual. He said, “Dr. Gibson was here longer than I expected. Did you two have a nice visit?”
His mother ignored the speculation in his tone and set the air popcorn popper on the island. “We had a wonderful afternoon. Conrad is a very good listener.”
Evan had someone who’d listened to him. He hadn’t realized what a gift that was until Paige had left. He touched his mom’s arm. “I’m happy for you.”
Her smile stretched slightly, then faded. She set her hand over his. “But you’re not happy.”
“Now you sound like Riley.” He’d also told his daughter it was okay to be sad and upset because it would eventually pass. He just needed to wait out his own hurt. Evan pulled away from his mom and opened a bag of white popcorn kernels.
“My granddaughter is a very smart child.” Ilene placed a stainless-steel bowl beside the popcorn machine. “And she is not wrong to want you to be happy. We all want that for you.”
“Can we not get into a debate about happiness.” Evan poured the kernels into the top of the machine. “It’s three days before Christmas. There’s still a lot to do.” And even more for everyone to focus on than Evan and his apparent lack of happy.
“Fine.” His mom held the cord to the popcorn machine, keeping Evan from plugging it in and ending their conversation. From the resolve in her gaze to the firm set of her chin, his mother clearly intended to have the last word. She added, “Maybe we could get into a debate about the fact that you are in love with Paige.”
In love. With Paige. Evan clenched his jaw together. Unclenched it only to press his teeth together. For a moment, the silence between them was telling. Finally, he worked his jaw and voice loose. “I’m not sure that’s up for debate.”
“Then you do love her.” His mom eyed him from across the island.
“I never said...” What if he did? What if he loved Paige Palmer? What if he was head over heels in love with her? Admitting it left him right in the same place he already was: alone and missing Paige. “What would it matter if I was in love with her?”
“It would mean you’ve finally stopped hiding.” His mother’s understanding struck a chord. “It would mean you have finally forgiven yourself. You were young. You fell for the wrong woman. And you’ve been blaming yourself ever since.”
“I got it so wrong with Marla.” Evan ran his hand through his hair.
“The only thing you got wrong was not seeing Marla for who she really was.” Ilene walked around the island, closer to him. “There was nothing wrong about loving Marla.”
“Except love made me blind.” And he refused to repeat that mistake. But he worried he’d already erred and fallen for Paige.
“Or maybe love made you a better man.” His mom’s gaze searched his. “You wouldn’t be the father you are today without going through everything you did. You wouldn’t be the man you are today.”
He had no choice back then. His love hadn’t been enough for Marla, and she’d walked away and had never looked back. Left him and Riley. What else was he supposed to have done?
“You always loved the ranch,” his mom continued. “But it wasn’t until after Marla had gone that you started to make it your own. That you started to really invest yourself in the land. In the cattle. In the business.”
“I did it all for my family.” Family had always been at the center of everything he did.
“And you guarded your heart in the process.” His mom reached up and touched his cheek. “But it’s okay to open your heart now. It’s okay to love someone outside this family again. It’s okay to take that risk.”
Something shifted inside him. Still, he resisted. “What if it’s like last time?”
“How could it be?” Ilene countered. “You’re not the same person you were. And Paige certainly isn’t anything like Marla.”
Paige was everything Marla wouldn’t ever be. Paige was selfless, generous with her time, patient. Kind. He could go on and on about Paige and everything that made her the woman he loved. He said, “Paige lives in another state.”
“What matters is that you love her.” His mom set her hand over her heart. “It’s the core. It’s the goal. Your father would tell you that the rest are just challenges you can work together to get past. You can let those obstacles stop you or you can figure out a way around them.”
“It’s a pretty big obstacle,” Evan argued. And yet a long-distance relationship could work. Might work. It’d take planning and it wasn’t ideal, but it meant he could have Paige in his life. “What if it doesn’t work out?”
“This isn’t working out for you right now, is it?” Ilene frowned at him, then shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe it’s time to try something different.”
“This isn’t how love is supposed to go.” Then again, what did he know about how love worked?
“Who says love ever plays by the rules? And who says you can’t make up your own rules?” His mom picked up the plug to the popcorn machine and smiled at him. “Now, go shower. We have a movie marathon to get ready for.”
She plugged in the popcorn machine. The buzz of the air popper fan filled the air. She waved her hand, shooing him out of the kitchen.
But Evan’s mind didn’t slow. Could it be that simple? Paige and Evan set the rules. The only condition was love.
And he loved Paige. But did she love him? That was the detail that mattered. The deal breaker.
He had let Riley’s mother go, had never fought for Marla or their relationship after his ex-fiancée had left and not come back. He had no regrets.
But not fighting for Paige—that he would regret for the rest of his life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
IT WAS DECEMBER 23. Paige had gotten the week off from work to enjoy the holiday and celebrate her success. She sat on her couch and stared at the blank TV screen. She had a bottle of white wine chilled and no one to toast with. She had a plush blanket and popcorn popped and no one to share them with.
Her gaze drifted to the coffee table and the handmade ornaments spread across the top. They were the ones that matched the ornaments from the box back at the general store. Paige had ornaments and no place to hang them.
She dropped her head back on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. She should be delighted. She should be ecstatic. She had exactly what she wanted. Exactly what she had returned to the city for.
Why wasn’t she dancing around the living room, then? Singing at the top of her lungs and celebrating. And why did the thought of celebrating sound hollow? She should’ve gotten a tree. She could still do that tomorrow. A potted one, but she’d have no place to plant it. No place to watch it take root and grow.
She pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes and groaned. She’d never given in and refused to do it now. She reached for the TV remote on the side table and an envelope caught her attention. Her grandmother’s letter. She’d found it yesterday in her purse and set it aside.
She picked up the envelope and turned it over in her hand. Hesitating, she broke the seal with her finger, inhaled and took out the letter.
Dearest Paige,
It seems only right that my Christmas ornaments go to you. After all, we created so many together. You may not remember, but you wanted every ornament to have a friend on the tree and in the attic during the long wait until Christmas’s arrival the following year.
Check your fingertips. I wouldn’t be surprised if you still carried the marks from the needle pricks. You were so determined to sew like I had. Because, Grandma, everyone needs someone, no one should be alone.
Paige stopped reading, pulled several tissues from her pocket, and dabbed at her eyes. Paige had created her ornaments the year after her father had died. For an entire year, she’d witnessed her mom’s continuous grief. Paige had been desperate to believe if she’d doubled the ornaments, she’d double the Christmas magic. And if her mom saw all those happy duos on their tree, she might see Paige and Tess, her own daughter duo, and be happy again too. Paige wasn’t certain her mother had ever stopped mourning the loss of her husband, but Paige had tried to help. Just as she’d tried to do with animals. Paige picked up her grandmother’s letter.
