A date with death, p.1
A Date with Death, page 1
A Date with Death
A Death Retired Mystery
Cate Lawley
About A Date with Death
First dates are killer.
* * *
Retired soul collector Geoff knows little of modern courting customs. Sadly, his best resource for dating tips is a possessed bobcat with suspect views of women. Will Geoff's natural charm be enough to win Sylvie? Hard to say, because murder intrudes before he can find out.
* * *
Will our couple finish the date, catch the bad guy, or both?
* * *
Find out how murder and love mix in this humorous paranormal mystery!
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Excerpt: Fairmont Finds a Body
Also by Cate Lawley
About the Author
1
The modern world confused me on an almost daily basis. I’d been raised in a different time. Literally. I’d been recruited in my forties to be a soul collector (one of the deaths) back in the early 1940s. Deaths didn’t age during their service, because we weren’t fully mortal while we served.
But I’d retired, regained my mortality, and been dropped into another century. I might have experienced the passing of time, but I hadn’t lived it. So some of the mores of modern life I’d absorbed and others eluded me.
Enter Clarence, my ward—or roommate, given the trend our relationship was following. He’d began as an assignment. My bosses didn’t know how Clarence had ended as he had, a human ghost in the physical body of a wildcat, or they weren’t sharing that information with me.
He was unique in the landscape of paranormal beings. Most ghosts didn’t linger long in this world, and those that did certainly weren’t possessing a body. And on top of that bundle of oddness, I personally had never heard of human ghost inhabiting the body of animal. Clarence was a conundrum.
No one knew what to do with him, only that his mischievous, clever self couldn’t be allowed to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting human world. Hence my very vague assignment: keep an eye on him and keep him out of trouble.
I’d only recently learned Clarence was the singular soul inhabiting the bobcat’s body. He must have possessed the creature at or near its natural death. Learning that had shifted our relationship, because up to that point, I’d believed that a confused and helpless animal’s conscience had been trapped inside a body it could no longer control. That belief had heavily shaded my interactions with Clarence. That and his unfathomable taste in movies.
My relationship with Clarence had a rocky beginning, but it was moving in a very different direction. He was more in tune with the world of today and had become my sounding board for all things modern. I wouldn’t follow his lead blindly, but in this case his experience with modern women (sadly) outweighed my own.
“Trust me, Geoff, Sylvie was giving you the go-ahead to ask her out.” Clarence perched on a kitchen chair like it was a throne. The cushion that elevated him several inches added to the royal image.
“That’s not what she said. It sounded more like a historical inquiry. She asked about how people back in my day used to date. It seemed more anthropological than romantic.”
“For a clever guy, you’re not very smart. That was your in.” He shook his head in disgust, which produced a tinkling sound. He stilled and flattened his tufted ears. “I’m not saying another word until you take this f—”
“Watch your language, or it’s definitely not coming off.” The battle with his language didn’t seem to be following the same trajectory as his movie tastes. He remained as vulgar as ever, but that was all right. I’d persist and he’d cave…probably.
A peevish look crossed his face, but he cleared his throat and continued more civilly. “If you would please remove the flipping bell, I’ll decode the lady-speak for you.”
Light-footed, sneaky Clarence with no bell. The idea didn’t appeal.
I mentioned in passing to a neighbor—not Sylvie, one who believed Clarence was a very large, very densely coated Maine Coon-Pixie-Bob cross and not a wild bobcat—that I was having difficulty keeping up with my kitty. I was especially upset at the time, because earlier that day Clarence had snuck out the front door when I wasn’t paying attention and done a walkabout in the neighborhood. He’d been gone for over two hours while I searched the streets for a dead or injured body—his or someone else’s. One never knew with Clarence. When I’d given up and come home, he’d waltzed through the front door minutes later as if nothing untoward had happened.
The neighbor had recommended a bell to help keep track of Clarence’s movements, and I’d thought it a stellar idea.
“Actually, the bell and the collar. It’s”—he narrowed his eyes—“flipping uncomfortable. Itches like you wouldn’t believe.” He cocked a hip and began to scratch his neck with feline fervor.
“Promise you won’t leave the house without me.”
He stopped scratching, but his eyes resumed their peevish squint. After several seconds, he said, “Agreed.”
“The collar goes back on if there’s any hint you’ve set foot beyond the yard.”
He immediately perked up. “So I have yard privileges back again?”
“If you’re willing to help me.”
“Done,” he said quickly.
“And,” I continued, “you promise not to pee anywhere except outside or in your toilet in your bathroom.”
His ears flattened again and his eyes squinted to narrow slits. When I didn’t relent, he said in a whiny voice, “But your bathroom smells nicer.”
I crossed my arms and waited.
“Fine. I’ll help you. Now take this da—uh, dang collar off me.” As soon as I’d removed the offending article, he clawed at his neck.
“Do you feel better?” I asked after watching him pitch a prolonged feline fit.
The scratching stopped as abruptly as it had begun. He sat calmly on his haunches, staring at me with a smirk plastered across his mug. “When I say that Sylvie was giving you an in, I mean that she moved the conversation in a direction that would have allowed you to then ask her on a date.”
“Oh.” I thought back to the moment in question. Yes, I could see how that might be the case. “But what do I do now? It’s been a while.”
Clarence sighed. “You man up, Geoff, and you call the woman and ask her on a date. You own your idiocy in missing the opportunity and hope that she’s still interested. How am I the one who knows this?”
I ignored the question, because wasn’t that obvious? Modern women were a mystery. Instead, I eyed him critically and said, “If you’re sure.” It had been weeks since that conversation, and I’d barely seen her. She’d been busy clearing her yard—her shed had been bombed not so long ago—and had also been working at her hair salon more than usual. “I haven’t seen much of her since. If she was interested, wouldn’t I have seen more of her?”
“I know you haven’t. And no, you wouldn’t see much of her if she thought you’d blown her off. Besides, Sylvie is one hot…uh, very attractive lady. And she’s nice.” He smirked. “And she likes me, so she’s got great taste.”
“She’s perfect in so many ways, but I suppose everyone has a flaw or two.”
And she was perfect, including—not in spite of—her affection for Clarence. Sylvie was a lovely woman, and I’d be a lucky devil to get that date. It was worth it, even if I was as awkward as a man who’d been out of the social whirl for over seventy years was bound to be.
“Call her, you idiot.” Clarence gave me a wide-eyed look of feline innocence. “Call her, or I might decide to spray your favorite pillow the next time you leave the house, because any idiot who lets that woman get away deserves a stinky pillow.”
“You know what happens if you spray anything in the house again.” I tapped the collar on the table, and the bell tinkled a cheery reminder. But he was right. If I wanted to pursue a potential relationship, I had to start somewhere. “Fine. I’ll call her.”
“Now, Geoff. Call her now.”
Nerves fluttering worse than my first soul collection, I pulled out my cell and did exactly that.
2
I ended the call and slowly placed my cell on the kitchen table. “She said yes.”
“I’m sitting right across from you, buddy. I got that.” Clarence blinked big green eyes back at me. “I can’t believe it, but I got it. You really need to work on your game.”
“My game? You mean my small talk?”
Clarence tipped his head. “What small talk?”
He made a valid point. Sylvie had answered the phone. I’d asked if she’d like to go on a date. She’d agreed, and then there’d been an awkward silence broken by Sylvie asking if a particular date and time might work for me.
That had been the sum total of the conversation.
“Wouldn’t it have been worse if I’d just talked about nothing and then popped the question on her?”
Clarence squashed that hope like a bug: “No. Not much could have been worse. A grade school kid has m ore game than you, Geoff.”
“At least she said yes.” Then I realized what that meant. “Where am I going to take her?”
Clarence stood up on his pillow then placed his huge front paws on the table and stretched. “Well, now that you’ve asked, I might have a few ideas.”
“Feet, Clarence.”
His whiskers twitched with annoyance. Instead of removing his feet from the table and answering my question, he jumped down from his chair and slunk out of the kitchen. His short tail gave a final twitch just before it disappeared down the hallway.
Looked like I had to find my own first-date destination, except I didn’t know what normal people in this day and age did on first dates. Clarence used the computer to find whatever answers he needed, but poking around online for dating advice didn’t seem like an auspicious beginning to my fledging relationship with Sylvie.
I needed to come up with an idea that was specifically suited to both of us, and I had two days to do it. I fetched a pad of paper and pen from the rummage drawer in the kitchen and wrote at the top: Sylvie’s Favorites.
After half an hour, I’d only come up with a handful: pretty clothes, cutting hair, her grandmother, garden gnomes, her garden.
What did that all add up to when considering date locations? As various possibilities passed through my head, I stopped suddenly when I realized that I didn’t have a tux or even a suit. Even if I did, I wasn’t sure a suit was the right way to go on our first date, since all of our time together had been categorically casual.
Limited by my wardrobe of T-shirt and jeans or slacks and a button-down shirt, I decided firmly on a casual event or an outdoor adventure. Although maybe not an actual adventure. She did recently have her garden shed bombed, inherited a large quantity of magic, and confronted her ex-husband’s ghost. She’d probably had enough excitement to last her a good few months.
Come to think of it, I was surprised she’d agreed to go on a date with an ex-death. I’d have to be diligent and ensure nothing untoward happened on our date.
I shelved the list for now. Since Clarence had been on lockdown and had his backyard privileges revoked, I’d been walking him through the neighborhood. It served a dual purpose. It kept him from damaging the house out of boredom (mostly) and gave us both a chance to look for signs of Ginny.
After her ghostly help in bringing Sylvie’s shed bomber—the same man who murdered Sylvie’s ex—to justice, she’d disappeared. And while I’d normally be tickled pink that I’d lost one of my annoying ghostly pests, Ginny was different. She’d been in the neighborhood for much too long, and the circumstances of her death were shrouded in mystery. There were other details that raised flags. All in all, Ginny was a mystery that I felt compelled to solve…if she was still haunting the neighborhood.
That was where Clarence came in.
As a ghost himself, Clarence could see ghosts whether they wanted to be seen or not. I only got a view of them when they appeared to me. So Clarence promised to tell me if Ginny was hovering around any of the houses in the neighborhood, and I promised to keep walking him for the rest of the month—regardless of results. He might be the ghost of a man in a cat’s body, but he was easily as self-interested as any cat I’d ever met. He wasn’t about to be honest about a Ginny sighting, if seeing her ended his coveted outings.
“Clarence,” I called as I approached his room.
“Just a minute.” The background noise I’d detected as I approached his room went silent. He poked his head out of his door. “Time for our walk?”
“Yes. What were you watching?”
Part of our negotiations when he’d first arrived in my house had included his own television. I hadn’t anticipated it becoming such a problem. How could I have? We didn’t have access to the same, uh, variety of shows when I was younger, and I’d hardly kept up with television viewing trends as I’d been about the business of collecting souls.
But I knew he wasn’t watching that kind of show. His obsession with adult movies had taken a back seat to his more recently acquired love: musicals. For some reason I couldn’t fathom, he found this more embarrassing than watching naked strangers perform intimate acts. He was a truly confounding individual.
He slipped by my legs and raced down the hall. “Today might be the day, Geoff. I’m sensing it’s a good day to spot ghosts.”
I nudged the door open a few more inches. With a grin, I spotted the discarded My Fair Lady DVD case. Initially he’d scoffed, both at the movie and the outdated technology. But it had been a gift from Sylvie, whom he liked more than any other person of our acquaintance, so he’d watched it.
And watched it and watched it. The last time I’d had a look at his Netflix queue, it was filled with classics, many of which were musicals. And there hadn’t been a single suspicious charge on my debit or credit cards since he’d acquired this new obsession. I was delighted by the development and hoped it was a sign that Sylvie was having a positive influence on him. Maybe he was even learning a greater respect for women in general.
“Come on, old man. Get your rear in gear. If we hurry, we might see that hottie Tamara weeding the herbs in her front yard.”
And maybe he hadn’t changed all that much after all.
3
As I harnessed Clarence, it came to me. A walk. That seemed like a date-type event Sylvie would enjoy, so long as there were flowers or attractive plants for her to enjoy.
Sylvie had asked about dating in my day. Whether it had been a ruse to encourage me or not, she had asked. When I was a little boy, courting had been done on afternoon walks and in front parlors. By the time I’d hit my thirties, times had changed. Dating had moved into public spaces, and it was more about dancing, drinks, and dinner when I’d been old enough to actually court women. But dancing and drinks didn’t seem like the right fit for a first date. Not with Sylvie.
A few ideas from my list were percolating.
Clarence squirmed under my hands. “Hurry it up.” He stilled. “Or we could skip the harness. I promise to be really good and stay extra close.”
“I can practically see your nose growing.”
He sniffed. “Fair enough.”
We made it halfway down the block in beautiful silence. It didn’t last. It never did.
“Oh, that’s a new one.” Clarence leapt for the rosemary bushes lining the sidewalk in front of our neighborhood witch’s house.
Grasping the leash more firmly, I said, “What’s new?”
Clarence batted at the air between the bushes, then darted through them. He came to an abrupt halt when he hit the end of the leash.
Just as I was about to ask him again, the leash went slack as he backed up. He crouched low, flattened his ears, and hissed.
“Clarence?” I examined the bush, but couldn’t see anything.
And just as suddenly, his ears pricked forward and he started to inch forward again. “That’s disgusting.” Except his voice was filled with fascination, not disgust.
“Clarence, is there a ghost?” No sooner had the question left my lips than a wretched creature appeared crouched in the bushes. Its clothes were ragged and smeared with some dark substance that I opted not to categorize. The creature’s hair was in wild disarray.
The creature stood, and I could see he was a man. I peered closer, and as I watched, the rough edges faded: his hair and clothes became tidier, skin that hadn’t been whole appeared to heal itself, and his expression lost its feral cast. After closer inspection, I lowered my estimation of his age. He looked to be a teenager, not an adult man, although his height made a deceptive first impression. He had a square jaw and no baby fat, but there was a hardness, an edge, that descended on most humans as they aged that this boy lacked.
