The golden straw, p.27
The Golden Straw, page 27
After he had closed the door he walked slowly back into the sitting room, and there, his manner quite offhand, he said, ‘She’s right, you know. If you do go through with it, this house will be stormed. And it won’t finish there. When your child is born they’ll resurrect the case. Anyway, what do you intend to do? It’s up to you.’
‘What should I do?’ Her voice was very small.
He did not answer immediately, but went and stood in front of the fire, looking down into it the while the fingers of one hand beat a tattoo on the ridge of the wooden mantelpiece, then said: ‘I’d let the matter drop, not only for your own sake but for that poor creature who has just gone out. And I can call her a poor creature: she is rich, she is well known in society and from an honoured house, and she is so unhappy it was painful to look at her; in her case she’s got to hide it all behind a façade. Do you know,’ he looked up now, ‘there are families living on the waterfront. They cannot sleep for the rats at night, and what they eat is the rotten food thrown out from hotels or butchers’ shops. Many of them die young, especially the children, and the women are old at thirty. Yet, given the opportunity and the facts, I doubt if one of them would change places with Mrs Anderson Steerman, this day. Anyway,’ his voice had risen a couple of tones, ‘I’ll leave it to you. Sleep on it.’
‘No. I asked your advice and you’ve given it to me, as usual, in the form of a parable.’
He smiled, saying, ‘I don’t speak in parables. I never use parables. That bit about the waterfront is true, every word of it. Anyway, does it mean that I can tell her that you are going to drop the case?’
‘Yes, I suppose so. But…but how do I go about dropping it?’
‘Oh, just get in touch with your solicitor and he’ll get in touch with hers and that’ll be that. If you don’t want to press charges, they can’t do anything about it. But now I must be away; I’ve got so much to do. And tomorrow I’m slipping home. It’s nearly a fortnight since I had a breath of fresh air.’
‘When…when are you going to be married?’
He half-turned from her before saying, ‘Oh, it’ll be Easter. Yes. Yes, Easter. But first they’ll be getting the house ready for Christmas. They all go mad at Christmas; they land on it like locusts. Yes, I’ve told you this, haven’t I? I try to get a couple of days there, either at Christmas or the New Year. But I don’t know what it will be like this year with Smeaton still convalescing. Anyway, he’s retiring shortly.’
‘What will happen then? Will you take over the practice?’
‘I don’t know. It’s a toss-up whether I stay there or go back into the country. At home they’re all pulling strings to get me back. Perhaps under coming circumstances it might be the thing to do. But that’s in the future; I must be off now. Take care. You should sleep tonight, knowing that you haven’t got that business to face up to. Don’t stay down here too long; I’d get up to bed as soon as possible. And tell Alice that I’m going now. Goodbye.’
‘Goodbye.’
He was turning away when she said, ‘And thank you,’ and he looked back at her for a moment, but made no response. Then she was left alone. Her head drooped onto her chest and slowly she began to cry.
She had written a letter to her solicitor stating that she wished to withdraw the charge against Mrs Maria Dimarca and had sent it by hand to his office in the City. Then, although it was early, she had gone upstairs.
It was while Alice was helping her undress that she suddenly put a hand to her side and gritted her teeth, and this brought from Alice, ‘Have you got a pain, miss?’
‘Just…just a spasm.’
‘Is…is it the first time you’ve had it?’
Emily did not answer for a moment; then she said, ‘No, not the first time. It’s a sort of cramp I get.’
Some time later, when in bed, she again experienced the cramp, and Alice made her way quickly through the communicating door, upstairs and into Esther’s department. There, taking her aside, she said, ‘She’s got a funny pain and she must have been having it for some time. She looks awful. I think you should come and have a word with her.’ …
Standing by the bed and making a great play of straightening the eiderdown, Esther said, ‘I hear you’ve got a bit of a pain, love,’ and she was more than disturbed when Emily, looking at her, said, ‘I…I feel ill, Esther. I think something’s happened inside.’
‘Oh, no, no. Since when? I mean, when did the pain start?’
‘It’s been niggling for a day or two.’
‘A day or two? My God! Why couldn’t you say, girl? Do you feel any movement?’
‘No, just a pain.’
Esther now turned and said to Alice, ‘Why couldn’t this have happened a while back when he was here? You’d better get your things on and go and fetch him. Wrap up, it’s freezing, and take a cab.’
The fact that there was no protest from the bed further disturbed them. And after exchanging a knowing glance Alice hurried from the room; and Esther, turning to the bed again, took hold of Emily’s hand, saying, ‘It’s going to be all right. He’ll see to you when he comes. It’s going to be all right,’ while her mind was saying, best possible thing that could happen if she gets rid of it now …
It was more than an hour later when Steve arrived, saying to Lena, ‘I couldn’t get here any earlier; I had a surgery-full. I’ve left half of them. What’s the trouble?’
‘I’m not rightly sure, but Esther thinks she’s losing it.’
‘Losing the baby?’
‘Yes, Doctor; that’s what she thinks.’
When he stood by the bed he took Emily’s hand to feel her pulse. Then he said, ‘Not feeling too good?’
‘No. I’m not feeling too good.’
‘Why didn’t you say when I was here earlier?’
There was a pause before she answered, ‘There was enough being said then, don’t you think, without me adding to it?’
‘I’ll have to examine you.’
When she made no reply he turned to Esther, saying, ‘I’d like some hot water and towels.’
He got the hot water and towels, and when a little later he pulled the bedclothes over her again he looked down on her, saying, ‘You’re going to lose the baby, but I think you know that,’ and turning to Esther he said very quietly, ‘I’m going to need help with this.’
‘You mean you want a nurse, Doctor? Well, there’s one in Carlton Road, she’s a mid…’
‘No. I think I’m going to need the help of another doctor. The baby is dead and, as far as I can determine, it is misplaced.’
‘Oh!’
‘I’ll be gone for perhaps half an hour or more. It all depends if my doctor friend is still in his surgery. However, I’ll be back as soon as possible. And if I can’t get help I’m afraid she’ll have to go to hospital.’
It was almost eight o’clock when he returned with his associate, who appeared to be a middle-aged man with a kindly manner. And he talked to Emily as if she were a little girl whom he was about to entice with a sweet before giving her the medicine.
Less than an hour later they had taken the dead child from her womb, and fortunately she had known nothing about it.
Sixteen
They had all rallied around her. Although she was back on her feet and was even doing a little work next door, there remained about her an air of lassitude that was causing them all some concern. As the girls in the workroom expressed it, they could never see her really getting back to her old self. At the same time, they would reason, well, you couldn’t expect her to, could you? After all she had gone through: being used by that no-good, so-called gentleman, then being battered almost to death by his mistress; and on top of that, losing the child. And she had wanted it, too, hadn’t she? So after all, her quiet demeanour was to be understood.
Although they had had Christmas Day and Boxing Day off, they all, without exception, had looked in on her on Christmas Day and brought her a little gift. Even the doctor had made time to pop in. But Esther hadn’t seen him, and so had enquired of Alice, ‘Did he bring miss a present?’ And Alice had to admit, not to her knowledge.
‘No flowers or anything?’
‘No. No flowers.’ …
The staff worked till late on New Year’s Eve in order to have New Year’s Day off. In the ordinary way of things she would have been left with only Alice and the cook; so she couldn’t help but be pleased when, around half past eleven, both Esther and Lena appeared at the front door. The fact that they hadn’t left the shop till well after seven, but had still arranged between themselves to come back in order to bring in the New Year with her, touched Emily deeply.
She held out her hands to them both as they came laughing into the sitting room, and all she could say in greeting was, ‘What’s brought you two back? You must be frozen.’
‘Of course we are frozen,’ said Lena; ‘and it’s starting to snow. But it won’t hit the pavements because you can hardly get through the streets for people, and the square’s already thick with them. As usual, some of them’ll stay there dancing till two in the morning. Mad as hatters.’
Alice, now smiling widely, went up to Esther, saying, ‘May I divest you of your coat, madam?’
‘Not before I divest you of one of your ears, miss.’
They were all laughing now as Emily said, ‘You’ll have to fetch more glasses, Alice.’
‘And a kettle of boiling water,’ chipped in Lena. ‘I want my whisky hot.’
‘But if your breath’s anything to go by, madam, you’ve already had it hot.’
‘None of your business, miss. Get goin’.’
When Alice scampered from the room and the three of them were seated on the couch before the fire, Emily in the middle, Esther looked at her and said, ‘You’ve changed your dress. I’ve always liked you in that plum velvet. It does something for you, shows up your skin.’
Automatically, Emily’s hand went to her cheek and at this Lena said, ‘Oh, there’s hardly a vestige left. You wouldn’t notice them if you didn’t point them out. Another few weeks and they’ll be gone. He said so, the doctor. Has he been in?’
Emily turned and looked at Lena, saying, ‘Doctor? No. No. Anyway, I don’t need the doctor now; I’ve had all the doctor’s attention I want for the rest of my life.’
‘Oh, well, all I can say, Emily, is that you were very lucky to have him at the time you needed him most.’
‘You said last week he was going to be married in the spring. What’s she like?’ asked Esther.
‘Young, girlish, very pretty.’
At this Esther said, ‘I couldn’t imagine him marrying a type like that…well, as you describe her.’
And Emily thought, nor could I. She had been a fool. Oh, such a fool. The more she dissected herself now, the more she despised her stupidity, her ignorance of human character. She, who was supposed to have a head on her shoulders…yes, for hats, and that was about all. She’d had to tell them about his forthcoming marriage a few days before, when Esther had remarked on the fact that not many doctors would be as attentive as he had been to a patient, but that then perhaps he saw her as a special patient. Yes, he had, but that seemed a long, long time ago now. It seemed like something that had taken place in another lifetime. Yet it was only a matter of months. But in that time she had been born to love, and died of love, for she was dead inside. And the knowledge of her escapade, for that’s what it had been, had killed the love of a man who had broken down her defences to the point where she recognised that pride alone was stifling the affection that was growing in her for him.
‘Here she comes!’ Lena was crying now, ‘spilling the kettle. Hold it straight, can’t you?’
‘I haven’t got four pairs of hands, an’ if you were any use you would have come and helped me.’
Lena now clicked her tongue as she said to Emily, ‘I’m not puttin’ up with her cheek, and anyway, why can’t you engage a proper butler? Girls are so slapdash.’
‘D’you want this hot whisky in your lap or down your gullet?’ Alice was now pouring the hot water into the glasses that were well laced with whisky. ‘And who wants sugar in it? Do you want sugar, miss?’
‘No. No, Alice. And look, I don’t want all that whisky, either. And shouldn’t we keep it until twelve o’clock strikes?’
‘There’s ten minutes to go,’ put in Esther now, ‘and I might be dead by then. My stomach’s going into collywobbles; give me the glass here.’
A few minutes later they were all holding their steaming glasses up to each other.
‘A Happy New Year.’
‘A Happy New Year.’
‘A Happy New Year, when it comes.’
‘Sit down, Alice!’
‘Are you going to cut the cake, miss?’
‘Oh, leave that till later.’
Lena, looking towards the table, said, ‘There’s enough there to feed a regiment. By the way, where’s Cook? Isn’t she coming up?’
Alice shook her head, saying, ‘She had a crying bout; she’s gone to bed.’
‘Oh.’ Esther pulled a face now as she said, ‘Another one of them? Well, that means she’s got a little load on. The funny thing about it is, she’s not supposed to drink. She denies it. But she throws it back on the quiet…has done for years. Some people are funny, the things they think they can hide.’
‘Do you think she’ll go to sleep?’
Alice, grinning now, said, ‘Well, miss, I don’t think she’ll hear the bells or the hooters. And neither will we if we sit muffled in here. Come on, let’s go to the door, but we’d better wrap up ’cos the air would take the nose off your face. But thank God it isn’t fog. Oh, how I hate that fog.’
Esther shuddered, as did Emily.
Muffled up in their coats, and with scarves round their heads, they opened the front door and heard the first siren sounding from a boat on the river. Almost immediately, it was joined by hooters and a ringing of bells, until the cold air seemed to become dense and weighed down by the volume of the sound. A cab passed up the street and someone shouted from it, ‘A Happy New Year,’ and they all called back, ‘A Happy New Year.’ Then as the sounds gradually died away, other sounds took their place as door knockers were banged and first-footers entered the houses amid distant cries of ‘Happy New Year! Happy New Year!’
They stepped back into the hall now and Alice closed the door, and rather soberly they made their way to the sitting room again, where Alice handed round the sandwiches and the sausage rolls, and lastly the cake. And not until they had all had a glass of port did the conversation again become threaded with laughter. And the threads turned to uproarious laughter when Esther, exhibiting a hitherto unknown talent, began mimicking the walk, manner, and accent of some of their well-known customers, especially those of Mrs Glenda Brompton and Lady Wearmore, two of the regulars, but the two least liked among their clients.
It could have been at the height of the laughter that there came the sound of the front-door knocker being banged twice, and they all looked at each other as Alice said brightly, ‘It’ll be your first-foot, miss.’
‘Yes. Well, let’s make sure, Alice, that he’s a welcome one. I’ll go to the door with you,’ said Esther.
When Alice opened the door, both she and Esther exclaimed together, ‘Oh! Hello, Doctor. A Happy New Year.’
‘A Happy New Year to you, too. Are you having a party? I’ve knocked three times. I had to bang the knocker at last.’
‘Oh, well, Doctor’—Alice was laughing now—‘Esther here was doing a turn. And she was very funny. But there’s only miss and Lena here.’
He had taken off his hat and overcoat and was now loosening his tie, as he said, ‘Just four of you, and all that racket?’
‘You are our first-foot, Doctor, and a dark man, so you’re bound to bring luck.’
He was entering the room as he said to Esther, ‘Well, that’s why I came, especially to bring you luck.’
He was walking up the room towards Emily, who was now standing, and it was Lena who called to him, ‘A Happy New Year to you, too, Doctor,’ and he replied, ‘A Happy New Year to you, Lena.’ But not until he had reached Emily did she say quietly, ‘A Happy New Year. How nice to see you.’
She did not know why she had added that. It had just been a thought in her mind that had slipped out.
He now handed her a narrow bag with a corked head protruding from it, and he said, ‘I brought gin. I understand women prefer gin.’
‘Oh yes; I like gin, Doctor.’ And Lena was nodding towards him when Esther put in, ‘like it or not, you’re not having any more tonight. The mixture of whisky and port is enough. And anyway, we’ve got to get home, and you’re shaky on your legs already.’
‘I’m not. Fancy saying that, Esther. I’m not shaky on me legs.’
‘Well, you will be if you have any gin…Look at the time! Almost one.’
‘Oh now, don’t let me break up the party, else I’ll be sorry I came. It’s New Year’s Day.’
‘She’s right, Doctor. We were just about to be on our way, in any case. But she’s not right about the gin. Anyway, I’ll have my drop tomorrow, Emily. Will you keep it for me?’
‘Yes. Yes, I’ll keep it for you, Lena.’
She did not press them to stay; and after they had said goodbye to the doctor and again wished him ‘A Happy New Year’, she followed them from the room.
In the hall she thanked them quietly, saying, ‘It was so good of you to come. I…I don’t know what I would have done tonight if I had been left on my own.’
Their mumbling replies were to the effect that there was no need to thank them, as they had intended to come round in any case. And then with an unusual show of outward affection they both kissed her.
After closing the door on them she stood looking towards the sitting room. Then as she walked slowly towards it Alice came out bearing a tray on which were the used glasses, and she said, ‘I’ll…I’ll make a cup of coffee, shall I?’
‘Yes, that would be nice, Alice.’
