Sworn to honor, p.7
Sworn to Honor, page 7
“I’ll be okay.” His concern warmed her. He was the closest thing to a father figure she’d had in a long time. “See you in a couple of hours.”
When she hung up the phone and glanced at Julian, his jaw was clenched. “How well do you know this neighbor of yours?” The irritation in his voice was audible, but she didn’t quite understand why he was upset.
“Funny, he was just asking me the same about you.”
Julian studied her for a moment, then looked back at the road. The rest of the drive was completed in silence. The only noise was the hum of the heater and classic rock pumping through the speakers. Sam recognized the apartment building as they approached. Lights were on in the lobby and some of the units, giving the structure a warm glow. Julian parked and was around to her side of the truck before she could open the door. He took her hand as she slid out, keeping their fingers linked as they crossed to the entrance.
After taking the elevator to the fifth floor, Julian unlocked his apartment door, holding it open. She stepped inside, and the scent of something wonderful, like melted cheese and smoked paprika, hit her nose. Her stomach growled, and Julian chuckled. She liked hearing the sound of his laughter, even if it was elicited by what sounded like a greedy gut goblin growling in her belly.
After the lunch Julian had brought her at work, it was a wonder she was hungry at all. The sandwich had been such a nice treat. She rarely splurged to buy herself lunch, either going without or bringing a yogurt. Funds were truly tight right now when they shouldn’t be. She’d never get rich being a music therapist, but she was a hard worker, sometimes taking clients six days a week. It was her guilt that was pulling her down into a pit of financial ruin.
“What smells so good in here?” She breathed in the scents coming from the kitchen and slipped off her shoes before moving any farther into his space.
“Thought you could use some comfort food after the day you’ve had. I make a mean mac and cheese.”
Her heart flip-flopped. Julian was going out of his way for her, from promising to call a tow truck to bringing her favorite sandwich and coffee to work. Now he was making her dinner. He grabbed two bottles out of the fridge, the glass clanking together as he pulled them out with one hand. Julian popped the tops off and handed her one. She wasn’t sure if he’d made a special trip for her preferred beer, but she had a feeling he didn’t keep Blue Moon stocked in his fridge—not that she did, either. It was another one of those special treats that she didn’t allow herself often.
“Why don’t you get comfortable on the couch, and I’ll bring our food in?” He turned back to the cabinet and began taking down dishes.
“Do you need help with anything?” she choked out. His sculpted back and broad shoulders made her throat dry.
“Nope. I’m good. Be right in.”
She wandered into the living room. The first night she’d been to his place, they were too wrapped up in each other for her to take stock of her surroundings. He had a comfy gray sectional positioned over a cream-colored carpet. To the left of the couch was a trio of canvases on the wall between two windows. Deep purple and fuchsia clouds positioned against a fathomless blanket of black, littered with stars. “Your nebula paintings are beautiful.”
Julian paused at the threshold and studied her. “The guys gave me shit for hanging that, mostly because they had no clue what it was.”
She shrugged. “I grew up watching Star Wars.” Pain wedged in her throat. Her dad had liked the movies, so she’d taken an interest. Now, it felt wrong to have enjoyed something he did. “It’s cool to think of all there is beyond Earth. That there might be inhabitants of other planets we know nothing about. Plus, I’m pretty sure I secretly wished I’d be abducted by aliens. It was a much happier option than enduring my childhood.” She went and sat on the left side of the couch, and Julian crossed the carpeted space with two heaping bowls.
“Addy and I would sit on our front porch and look at the stars and the aurora borealis. We liked to make up new planets and talk about what kind of life-forms would live there. What their cultures would be like. I think we also secretly hoped a spaceship would fly over our house and beam us up.” He set down the bowls on the coffee table before taking a throw blanket from the adjacent recliner and positioning it around her. A hard lump wedged in her throat. Being taken care of by Julian felt good. Too good. He handed her one of the bowls, and she balked at the contents.
“This isn’t Kraft,” she stated as heat crept up her cheeks.
Another deep chuckle resonated from Julian. Oh, yeah, she could get used to that sound.
“No, Starburst. This is my own recipe, and I left it in the oven so it would be warm when we got back. Anytime Addy visits, she begs me to make it. When we were little, she’d want it for her birthday dinner every year. My vegetable lasagna is a close second.”
“It looks amazing. I’ve never had macaroni and cheese that wasn’t from a box. My mom wasn’t into cooking.” Sam left out the part that she was usually passed out drunk or high and didn’t feed her daughter at all.
She took the first bite and couldn’t hold back the moan that escaped from her lips. Perfect creamy cheese sauce clung to every tender noodle and buttery crumb topping. She closed her eyes, memorizing the taste. “This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten. Holy crap, Julian, you could open a restaurant and serve just this and make a killing.”
Julian sat a bit taller. “Glad you like it, and there’s more for seconds and thirds if you’d like.”
She did end up having seconds, and her stomach was full to capacity by the time Julian collected their bowls and brought them into the kitchen. When he returned to the living room, he sat close and pulled her onto his lap.
“You and your sister sound close.” She rested the side of her head on his chest, and the steady rhythm of his heart thumped against her cheek. It wasn’t a good idea, seeking comfort from Julian. Things could never work between them. She was the daughter of a United States traitor.
“She’s been the most constant influence in my life. We’re fraternal twins, but she got the big brains. I tease her about being a nerd, but damn, is she smart. She’s an anthropologist. The work takes her to some of the most remote places in the world to study indigenous cultures. Worry like hell about her, but she’s resourceful.” The love in his voice was audible. She was glad he had that connection growing up. Brynn had mentioned Julian didn’t have the best childhood, either. Maybe that was something else they had in common—not that he’d be able to relate or even comprehend what her father had done.
“I guess talking about galaxies and their potential cultures really stuck.” She snuggled closer, loving how the soft material of his shirt brushed her skin and how his fresh scent wrapped around her. She really shouldn’t, but the day had been so awful, she wanted to take what Julian was offering.
“Yeah, she wants to learn everything there is to know about the people on Earth. Says the more we know, the more we can understand each other, and the more we can share our environment in peace.”
“She does sound smart,” she said quietly.
“She is. You’re going to love her, and she’ll love you.”
Sam turned over Julian’s words. She’d probably never meet Addy, but it was sweet for him to think there would be some sort of long-term friendship between them. He held her on his lap for a while, and she soaked in the comfort of his solid body supporting her weight. He was holding her snugly against him, one arm around her waist and one beneath her knees, cradling her. The tender way he embraced her made it seem like he didn’t want to let go. Every so often, he drew in a long breath with his nose buried in her hair, and let out an appreciative sigh.
“Want to talk about work today?” he gently probed.
The warmth emanating from his body was so soothing, like being tucked into a cozy nest. “Her name was Kiley.” Her voice nearly broke.
Julian tensed beneath her, then relaxed but held her more tightly. He seemed to instinctually know what she needed. “Only seven years old. Loved Taylor Swift, the color purple, and unicorns. She was waiting on a heart transplant that never came, and eventually, so much time had passed that her body was too weak for any kind of surgery. She died today. A stuffed unicorn in her arms, surrounded by her parents and brother, listening to me sing her favorite song: ‘Cardigan.’”
“Fuck, baby,” he whispered, his voice anguished and laced with empathy.
“I’ve experienced the same heartbreaking scene many times, but it never gets easier. I never forget any of them.” A tear spilled over her cheek for Kiley, for the others before her. When she sang to them in their final moments, a part of her soul wound into the words, and when they passed, they took that piece of her with them. Julian leaned in, brushing his lips over her skin, kissing the tear from her face. Julian had no idea how much love and warmth was locked up inside him. Brynn had told her about her fiancé’s friend—the one who took the longest to win over. She couldn’t believe she’d been talking about Julian.
He had demons in his past. Maybe someday he’d trust her enough to share them. If she could give him an ounce of the comfort he’d shown her, she’d be grateful.
“When I first saw you on stage at the bar, I thought you looked like a pretty little angel perched up on that stool, singing away the problems of the world.” His warm breath tickled her ear, and goose bumps broke out over her arms. “I have no doubt that you ease the transition for those kids. Bring some peace and reprieve to their families. What you do is important, Sam. It’s something that many people would be uncomfortable doing. Hell, I’ve witnessed my share of death, but I honestly don’t know if I could handle the emotional torment of seeing a parent’s final moments with their child. The grief and pain you’re surrounded with is its own kind of trauma. Do you see anyone? Talk to a therapist after a loss?”
“I’m not opposed to therapists or therapy. I know the hospital has someone on staff for employees to access. It’s just not something I’ve done before.” She angled her body and placed her hand against his cheek. Smooth skin fell under her fingertips while the coarse hair of his beard rested against her palm. “This.” Their eyes were locked as a torrent of emotion passed between them. “You holding me, letting me feel the sorrow and loss, listening to me talk about Kiley is the best medicine.”
“Except for my sister, Addy, I’ve never wanted an emotional connection with a woman. Never felt like I could handle the uncertainty of handing a piece of myself over to another only to watch them shatter it. With you, though, I want to try. You’re a good person, Sam. Honest. Kind. Selfless—”
“You don’t know that. There are things you don’t know about me. Things I’m not ready to share. I don’t want you forming an image about the person I am because I’ll never live up to it.”
“I’ve seen enough. The night we went to the diner, the waitress didn’t come over for a good ten minutes. You could tell the poor woman was stressed, and instead of being annoyed with the wait, you gave her kind words. You saved my brother’s woman, and in doing so, you saved him, too. I could keep going, but I can tell whatever happened in your past isn’t going to allow you to believe my words. When you’re ready, I want you to hand that shit over to me so we can work through it together.”
She closed her eyes, desperately wanting to believe Julian’s words. He held her there for several more minutes while she soaked in the strength of his embrace.
“As much as I want to keep you longer, I should take you to pick up Angel. Let me pack up the mac and cheese, and then we’ll head out.”
“Thank you for everything you did for me today. I’ve never felt more cared for than I do now.” No truer words had ever been spoken. After her dad enlisted, her mom shut down. If she was sick, no one would take her temperature or fuss over her with chicken noodle soup. She was on her own. At least then, she’d had a couple neighborhood friends. Once her father was arrested and incarcerated, rumors began flying about her family. No one wanted to be friends with her then. She was relentlessly picked on by kids and adults alike.
When she looked up, Julian had a frown on his face. “Hate that for you, Starburst. I don’t know how it’s possible that you haven’t been packaged up in love your whole life. You’re not alone anymore, though. You have Brynn and the guys, and you have me. I don’t know if I can be in a relationship and not fuck things up because I’ve never been in one before, but I’m going to try like hell not to. And if things don’t work out between us, you’ll still have my team to look out for you. Those friendships have nothing to do with me and you.”
“You want to be in a relationship with me?” The day had been so full of ups and downs, her mind was spinning. Julian didn’t know what he was getting into, and it wasn’t fair to begin anything before he knew who she really was.
“Yeah, Sam. I do.”
“I can’t start something with you before you know about my past. It wouldn’t be right.”
“See. That’s what I mean. You don’t have it in you to be deceitful. You can tell me when you’re ready, but I’ll take my chances.” He kissed her on the temple, then stood with her in his arms and set her back on the couch. Julian went back into the kitchen, and she walked to the front of the apartment, and slipped on her heeled boots. They were getting worn around the soles but were too comfortable to get rid of.
“Ready?” Julian came around the corner with a casserole dish in one hand and his keys in the other.
“Yes, but you shouldn’t give me your mac and cheese. A lot of hard work went into that.”
“I made it for you. Besides, I like the idea of you coming home after a long day and eating something I cooked. You can freeze half and put the other half in the fridge, so it keeps.”
She went up on her tippy toes and kissed him, dragging her tongue across the seam of his lips. She swallowed the deep groan that reverberated through him, the vibration shaking something loose inside her. His tongue met hers as he leaned in to deepen the kiss, and one arm went around her waist, hauling her close. The key ring in his hand jingled against her back as he continued to devour her. By the time he pulled back, they were both breathing hard. Then he kissed her nose, cheeks, and eyelids, making the air bottle up in her lungs.
He stared down at her, hunger visible in his eyes. Then he stepped around her and opened the front door. “Out, woman, or all my good intentions will be shot to hell.”
He gave her bottom a playful swat as she walked by, and she giggled. Julian was right. Those moments they spent together that first night between their bouts of lovemaking were easy, fun. She wanted more of that. So much she was afraid to wish for it. She’d done her best to become a person she could be proud of, but she still had so many reservations about where she came from. She hadn’t been enough reason for her father to stay out of trouble. Hadn’t been enough of a reason for her mother to keep clean. If she couldn’t make her own parents love and care for her, she had little hope that whatever infatuation Julian had with her would last.
Still, she was soaking up his affection while it was available to her, for however long.
Chapter Seven
With the taste of Sam still lingering on his lips, Julian turned his truck into the driveway of her neighbor’s house. When she spoke to the man Fred on the phone, he had to lock down the white-hot jealousy souring his gut at the obvious affection in her voice. Asking about their history had been on the tip of his tongue before he could rein in his emotions. He’d never been a jealous person, but something about Sam brought out a bit of Neanderthal in him. He parked his truck behind an old station wagon and rounded the vehicle to help Sam. Between the big drop from the truck’s cab to the ground and her love of high heels, he was afraid she would break an ankle. His hands went to her hips, and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her forehead as he placed her on the ground. She was goddamn addictive.
“You don’t have to help me out of the truck every time.”
The only light was from the truck’s interior, but he could make out a shadowed smile on her face. He took her hand in his and with the other, shined the flashlight on his phone app at the ground, so she didn’t trip. Several things about her street had him on edge, starting with the lack of lighting along the sidewalk. The tiny homes were spread far away from each other and backed up to a wooded area where someone could easily lie in wait. When they were halfway across the driveway, the light over the side entrance went on, and the door opened.
The man who stood there was not what he expected. Relief washed through him, calming whatever angst had remained. This man was the very definition of a senior citizen. The light above him shined off of his bald head. He had a scowl on his weathered face and suspenders holding up the pants on his thin frame. In one arm, he cradled what he assumed was Angel, even though, Jesus, the dog was hideous, and in the other hand, he held a long-barreled shotgun.
He immediately pushed Sam behind him.
“This here’s for you, not her,” the old man barked, gesturing toward the weapon.
Sam slipped from behind him and rushed up the steps, planting a kiss on the man’s cheek, then one on the dog’s lips. “Fred, that is completely unnecessary. Julian is a friend. Plus, you shouldn’t be answering your door with that thing,” she said, gesturing to the gun.
Fred’s eyes were still boring into his, and he wouldn’t give the man the satisfaction of looking away, despite his advanced age. “You get fresh with her, son, and it’ll be the last thing you do.”
Julian schooled his expression and walked toward him. “I respect that. Glad someone’s looking out for Sam. If you want to answer the door with your Orion at your side, that’s fine by me.” He glanced at the dog, whose tongue hung out of the side of its mouth. He’d never met a dog with an underbite, but its jagged lower teeth jutted out over its top lip.
“Got experience with weapons?” the man grunted.
