“I’m sorry, man,” Mitch said. “I know how you feel.”

  “How the hell do you deal with it? I mean, how do you move on knowing the woman you were meant to be with is living her life without you?”

  Mitch winced, and Justin knew the months that had passed since his breakup with Jennifer hadn’t helped to erase his memories, both good and bad. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

  “It’s okay,” Mitch said. “The truth is, it doesn’t get any easier. I think it’s like when someone who is a part of you dies. There’s always a void. People tell you time will heal it, but it never does.”

  “You don’t know that,” Deacon said, handing them each a glass of scotch. “Could be you just haven’t met the woman to make you forget Jen.”

  Mitch tipped the glass back. “I don’t think a woman alive can do that, Deac.”

  For the first time, Justin understood what his friend must have gone through when he found out the woman he’d built his life around had fallen in love with someone else.

  “Man, how many times did I warn you?” Deacon asked. “When you find the right girl, you don’t waste time. You ask her to marry you before someone else does.”

  Of the three of them, Deacon was the only one smart enough to figure that out. Justin knew a sparkly diamond ring wouldn’t be enough to make Anna forget all the reasons she could never be his wife though.

  “You were right,” Mitch sighed. “Did I tell you I saw their engagement announcement in the newspaper the other day?” He downed the rest of his drink and set it on the desk so Deacon could refill it. “Three months from now, she’s gonna be some other guy’s wife. How the hell did I let that happen?”

  Jennifer was a sweet girl. She’d been more than patient waiting for Mitch to come around, but she’d eventually developed feelings for the man who owned the café next to her parents’ jewelry store. She swore to Mitch she’d never been intimate with him when she ended their relationship, but in Mitch’s mind, those coffee breaks and lingering chats qualified as cheating. Justin couldn’t deny he shared his friend’s opinion.

  “You can’t go back,” Justin said quietly.

  “Don’t I know it.” Mitch nodded at Deacon when he handed him the glass. “Did I ever tell you that I begged her to take me back?” He muttered a curse. “I mean, I was practically down on my knees…”

  A few months ago, Justin may have berated his friend for going to such lengths to get a woman back, but that was before he met Anna. Before he realized there was nothing he wouldn’t do when he loved someone enough.

  “What did she say?” Deacon asked.

  Mitch clenched the glass in his hand. “She said she didn’t love me anymore. She said she loved him.”

  Justin watched helplessly as Mitch downed another drink. Alcohol wouldn’t solve his friend’s problems, but nothing would, so he gave him the space to indulge without reprimand. Sometimes a guy just needed to forget for a while.

  “So, what are you gonna do?” Deacon asked Justin. “Are you gonna wait until it’s too late too? Are you gonna wait until you read Anna’s engagement announcement in some newspaper or magazine?”

  “Don’t,” Justin warned. He was too raw to even think about that. He knew that day would come. Anna was a gorgeous woman, sweet, kind, passionate. She loved children… and she loved… him. Damn it, he knew how much she still loved him. He saw it and felt it when they were together. That was what made it so hard to walk away. If she’d told him she didn’t love him, if there was someone else, maybe he could have come to terms with her decision, but knowing the only thing keeping them apart was her was almost a harder pill to swallow.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The days slipped away. The school year started with the usual flurry of activity, but Anna couldn’t get caught up in the excitement when getting out of bed in the morning required all of her effort.

  She kept telling herself that today would be the day, the day the sun seemed just a little brighter, the day a crayon drawing made her smile again. But the day she waited on never came. It was as though all the simple pleasures she’d once taken for granted vanished the day she told Justin he could never be the man she needed.

  Anna used to give her love to each and every one of her students, without reservation, grateful she was the person able to share the joy of learning with them. But now those beautiful children reminded her of the man she couldn’t forget and the children they would never have together.

  She tried to pretend her life was still complete. If only makeup could conceal the dark smudges under her eyes. They told the real story to anyone who cared enough to look closely. Late at night, when she couldn’t convince her mind to surrender to sleep, she saw his face, questioning her, demanding answers she couldn’t give.

  Why had she thought self-preservation was more important than letting herself experience that one great love that few people ever find? Why couldn’t she admit that she could barely breathe in the days after she’d sent him away?

  “There you are,” Lauren said, leaning against the doorframe. “I was hoping I could talk you into going to Jimmy’s for a bite to eat. My dad said there’s a great band playing tonight.”

  Anna glanced at the clock as she finished organizing craft supplies in a brightly colored container. Once again, she was probably the last teacher to leave the school. But the others had people waiting on them at home, spouses, children… someone to share a meal with, to watch TV and cuddle with. She had no one, and for the first time in her life, she felt alone.

  “I didn’t realize it was getting so late.”

  “Does that mean you’ll come?”

  “Sure, why not?” A crowded bar beat an empty house. Once she would have shied away from the noise, preferring to get lost in a good book instead, but not even a good book could hold her attention. Her thoughts inevitably drifted to Justin, and she would have to mentally list the reasons why calling him was a bad idea.

  “Great, let’s go.” Lauren linked her arm through Anna’s when she met her at the door. “Hey, why don’t we walk and leave our cars here? That way we can take a cab back to your place if we decide to get a little crazy.”

  A few months ago, ‘getting a little crazy’ would have seemed out of the realm of possibility for Anna, but that night, it sounded like an idea worth considering. “Sounds like a plan.”

  Lauren giggled. “Okay, what have you done with my straight-laced cousin?”

  Straight-laced. Anna hated that word, hated even more that it described her perfectly. She was beginning to resent the dependable, cautious side of her personality that always out muscled her fun, spontaneous side. “Maybe it’s time for a change.”

  “Finally,” Lauren muttered.

  Anna nudged her in the ribs, but she couldn’t hide her smile. Lauren was right. Change was long overdue. “Why did it take you so long to knock some sense into me?” Anna finally felt like the fog was lifting, and she saw a faint haze of light on the horizon.

  “You weren’t ready. I thought I’d let you wallow for a while, until you hit rock bottom.”

  “God, that’s what this is, isn’t it?” Rock bottom. She’s heard others talk about it, but she never thought it could apply to her own life.

  “It sure is.” Lauren led the way to Jimmy’s in silence, giving Anna time and space to process her plight.

  “I don’t wanna feel this way anymore, Lauren.”

  “I don’t blame you,” Lauren said, looping an arm around her shoulder. “This isn’t living, honey.”

  “The problem is, I don’t know where to go from here.”

  “That’s what we’re going to try to figure out.”

  The hostess at Jimmy’s led them to a corner booth before promising a waitress would be right back to take their order.

  Lauren laughed as she opened the menu. “I don’t know why I bother to look at this. I have it memorized. I don’t think my dad’s changed the menu since Jimmy and Edna owned the place.”

  “Why would he?” Anna asked, perusing the healthier options. “The customers love the food here.”

  “Yeah, but sometimes change is good.” Lauren closed the menu and propped her chin in her hand as she stared across the table at her cousin. “Even when you think everything is working, there’s always room for improvement, right?”

  Anna shifted under the close scrutiny. She hated being the center of anyone’s attention for long, even when she knew that someone loved her unconditionally. “I guess so. But why do I get the feeling we’re not talking about food anymore?”

  “Are you going to tell me why you didn’t accept the offer Justin’s mother made? You said yourself it was a great opportunity.”

  Anna was grateful when the waitress appeared. After ordering a glass of white wine and a Cobb salad, Anna rested against the bench seat and hoped Lauren’s thoughts had shifted direction in the last several minutes. Anna wasn’t ready to list all the reasons she’d opted out of a contract that could have helped her fulfill her dream of becoming a published author. If she did, she would have to admit the truth. She was a coward.

  “Well?” Lauren quirked an eyebrow. “I’m waiting.”

  Anna huffed, even though she knew her frustration wouldn’t deter Lauren. “I still can’t believe you submitted my work to them without telling me.”

  “Someone had to. You wouldn’t have done it yourself.” Lauren reached across the table and squeezed Anna’s hand. “Honey, I don’t know why, but you’ve never seen yourself the way everyone else sees you. You’re smart, sexy, talented, compassionate-”

  “Stop,” Anna said, blushing.

  She hated being the subject of false praise. It was more awkward than having to admit she may have some of the redeeming qualities Lauren mentioned. She didn’t have low self-esteem. She knew her strengths. She was a good teacher. She adored her students and added value to their lives. She was kind and loved her friends and family to a fault, but those qualities didn’t make her special.

  Living in the shadows of famous and talented people had always made her feel ordinary. She was fine with that. Most days. But her books, should they ever see the light of day, would set her apart from the masses, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to share that part of herself with the world just yet.

  “Is it because of Justin? You don’t want to remain connected to him through his family? Is that the reason you declined their offer?”

  “I guess that’s part of the reason.” Though it was a very small part. She knew Justin had nothing to do with his mother’s publishing company, and their paths wouldn’t cross again unless she sought to make it happen. “I guess I’m afraid. What if they offered me the contract because of Justin? Maybe he asked them to.”

  Lauren rolled her eyes. “Colleen doesn’t strike me as the type of woman who would use her business to do her son’s bidding. I did a little research on her publishing company. They’re very successful and well-respected in publishing circles. She wouldn’t put her reputation on the line unless she saw potential in you.”

  That was reassuring, but Anna still had reservations. “I may call her, see if we can’t work something out.”

  Lauren punched a button on her phone and handed it to Anna.

  “What are you doing?” Anna asked, looking at the phone as though she feared it may detonate if she dared touch it.

  “Colleen told me to call her if you ever changed your mind. That’s what I’m doing.”

  “You’ve talked to her?”

  “And Dee. Several times, in fact.” Lauren smiled as she forced the phone into Anna’s hand. “Hurry up, don’t leave the woman hanging.”

  “Hello.” Anna’s heart pounded like a hammer in her chest. Could she really put herself out there and risk rejection? “Mrs. Hunt, this is Anna McCall. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

  “Anna, what a pleasant surprise. How are you, dear?”

  Anna expected her to respond with cool indifference. She did reject her son, after all. And her contract. “I’m fine, thank you. How are you?”

  “I’m doing well. What can I do for you?”

  Anna knew that was her last chance to back out. “Um, my cousin Lauren told me you’d like to know if I changed my mind about the publishing deal.”

  “Does that mean you have?”

  Her tone didn’t betray her position on the subject, and Anna had the fleeting thought that Colleen Hunt must be a stellar poker player. “Yes, if you’re still interested in having me join your team.”

  “I’d like nothing more, Anna.”

  Anna breathed a sigh of relief. For the first time, she’d put herself out there, risked rejection, and it had turned out favorably. Maybe taking risks wasn’t as terrible as she’d feared. “That’s wonderful. I look forward to working with you.”

  “Would it be possible for you to fly out this weekend to sign the contracts, dear? If you’d like to have your lawyer review them first-”

  “That won’t be necessary.” Lauren had already taken the liberty of asking Brianna to review the contract, just in case Anna changed her mind. “But, um, couldn’t I just sign, scan, and email them back to you?”

  Colleen laughed. “I know that’s how things are usually done today, but I admit to being a little old-fashioned. I still like the personal touch, and I like my authors to know they’re not only a part of our team but a part of our family when they join Hunt Publishing.”

  “Oh, okay.” Anna couldn’t very well argue with her logic. A personal meeting to seal the deal didn’t seem unreasonable. “I’ll make the arrangements and email you with the details. I really appreciate this opportunity, Mrs. Hunt.”

  “Please, call me Colleen. And it’s my pleasure. I can’t wait to officially welcome you to the family, Anna.”

  “Thank you. Good-bye.” Anna disconnected the call and handed the phone back to her cousin. Welcome her to the family? Surely Colleen was simply referring to their publishing company.

  “So, I take it that went well?” Lauren asked, unable to hide her enthusiasm. She smiled at the waitress who set their order down on the table before saying, “Tell me everything. What did she say?”

  “She wants me to fly out and finalize the deal in person this weekend. I guess she likes to take her new authors out to dinner to celebrate or something.”

  “Oh, this is so exciting!” Lauren said, clapping her hands. “Just think, your stories and illustrations will be in bookstores everywhere! How cool is that?”

  Anna couldn’t deny it was a dream come true. “I’m a little nervous about going there,” she said, spearing her salad with a fork. “What if I run into Justin? What will I say to him?”

  “Let’s play a little game,” Lauren said, setting her paper napkin in her lap. “I’ll ask a question, and you answer without thinking.”

  Anna laughed. “What are you talking about?”

  “Come on, it’ll be fun. You always analyze everything to death. For once, I just want you to respond honestly, without censoring your thoughts. That should clear up any confusion you’re having about Justin.”

  Since Anna had done a terrible job of figuring things out on her own, she decided her cousin’s approach couldn’t be worse than her own run-and-hide strategy. “Fine, I’m game.”

  “Good. Okay, first question. You see Justin. What’s the first thing you would say to him?”

  “I’ve missed you.” Anna was surprised the truth came so easily.

  “Do you want to see him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  Anna hesitated, and Lauren gave her a stern look. “Remember what I said. You’re not allowed to think about your response. You have to say the first thing that comes to your mind.”

  “Why do I want to see him?” Anna sighed. “Because I miss him.” Deciding to take another risk, since the first paid off, she said, “Because I think about him all the time.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Yes.” That was the easiest question to answer so far because, in spite of her reservations about their odds as a couple, Anna knew she loved him with everything she had.

  “Do you want to be with him?”

  “Yes.”

  Lauren smiled. “Why aren’t you?”

  “I’m afraid.” It was as simple and as complicated as that. Fear. That’s what stood between her and the future she so desperately wanted with the man she needed.

  Lauren looked her in the eye as though she was trying to infuse her cousin with courage. “Are you finally ready to face your fears?”

  “Yes,” Anna whispered.

  “I can’t hear you,” Lauren said, cupping her ear.

  “Yes,” Anna said, more emphatically. “I am ready.”

  Lauren reached for her hand, grasping it tightly. “I know you’re afraid, honey. I get that. But even if the worst happens, you’re still better off than you are right now. Even if you only have one more day to tell Justin how you feel, at least you’ll have the peace of knowing he knew how much you loved him.”

  Anna reached for a napkin to catch a tear before it fell. “I don’t ever want to lose him. I love him so much.”

  “I know you do, and chances are you two will have a long and happy life together. Could he lose his life on the track? Sure, he could. But he could also get hit by a bus crossing the street or his plane could go down or he could eat a bad piece of seafood or-”

  Anna held her hand up. “I get the picture. Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll tell him how I feel and hope that he feels the same way.”

  Lauren held her baby finger in the air. “Pinky swear?”

  “Pinky swear,” Anna said, giggling as she locked pinkies with Lauren.

  “Hey, girls, can anyone join the party?”

  Anna looked up and saw Megan. She looked stunning in a pair of black skinny jeans, high heeled strappy sandals, and a multi-colored A-line tank top. “Of course,” Anna said, sliding over. “Join us.” She gestured to Lauren. “You remember my cousin Lauren McCall, right? Her daddy, J.T., owns this place.”

 

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