He hoped his parents and sister would forgive him for dying. He’d promised them he wouldn’t, but apparently that wasn’t his decision. The Universe had other plans.

  He coughed. It felt as if knives were jabbing between each of his ribs. He clutched a handful of dirt, sure it was the last time he’d feel the earth beneath him. He used his last well of energy to finally close his eyes. Rifle fire was the last thing he heard.

  Adam shot awake in his bed, gasping for air and covered in sweat. The sheet and blankets were pooled at his waist, and he struggled to free himself of them and get out of bed. His heart was at jackhammer level, threatening to smash right through his sternum. He slumped against the cool surface of the wall behind him and fought to regulate his breathing, fought for control, fought to stay in the here and now and not slip into the there and then.

  Jesus Christ. Would these fucking nightmares ever stop? He was so tired. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept through an entire night. Most of the time he ended up on the couch, watching something brainless until his eyelids could no longer put up the fight. It always came to this though. This snapping awake and feeling as if he were dying all over again.

  What was the point of the nightmares? He’d survived. He’d been miraculously found and given medical care. He was okay, but his brain hadn’t gotten the goddamned memo.

  He stumbled in the dark to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. It didn’t help. It never did. Tasting blood again, he turned on the light and studied his lip. The split had opened again. He took care of that, and after changing into a fresh T-shirt, he padded on bare feet to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, which unfortunately, was still empty. He’d have to do something about that soon.

  Or get Wendie to do something about that soon.

  She was good like that. She wouldn’t let him starve. Hell, if she knew he was up every night, multiple times, and going through multiple T-shirts, she’d insist on coming over to sing him a lullaby. Eight years older than Adam, Wendie had sung him lullabies quite successfully when they were kids. Sometimes he wished he could go back to that time when his biggest problem was choosing what she’d sing.

  Throwing himself on the couch now, he turned on the tube and prepared to get zombified. As luck would have it, a zombie movie marathon was playing on one of the channels. Perfect. He slouched down so his head rested against the back of the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. Pulling a blanket over himself, he settled in to watch as humans battled brain-hungry zombies oozing blood and flesh. It should have disturbed him. It should have made him uneasy. He should have chosen something with daisies and love songs and a happily ever after to help him sleep, but it wouldn’t have made a difference.

  He was numb. Hopeless.

  Hope.

  She didn’t like celery. That hadn’t come up on the handful of dates they’d been on before he’d left for the PTSD treatment. He’d never met anyone else who didn’t like celery. He’d never met anyone else like her. Staring into her big brown eyes when she’d looked up at him in Wendie’s kitchen had been like staring into a deep well of… of possibility. He had been able to see his own reflection in her eyes, and he wondered what she saw when she looked at him.

  Was she having trouble sleeping tonight after her experience at Black Wolf Tavern? He hated to think she was wide awake like he was, afraid to close her eyes, continuously picturing that douchebag who’d attacked her. At least he’d gotten the bastard.

  But I could have done more.

  He could have folded her into his arms when he’d gotten back to the bar. He could have whispered words of consolation to her. He could have driven her home or to his place or to anywhere she’d wanted to go. He could have…

  This wasn’t productive. He hadn’t done any of those things because, bottom line, Hope Stannard deserved much better than he could give her.

  Adam went back to watching zombies terrorize a group of children on a broken-down school bus, and he must have closed his eyes, because the next thing he heard was his cell phone ringing. Morning light streamed into the living room now, and though he’d gotten some sleep, he still felt like absolute shit.

  He dragged his legs off the coffee table and picked up his phone. “What?”

  “Man, you need to work on your phone etiquette,” Orion said.

  “I’ll keep that in mind. What do you want?” Adam stood and stretched, but he’d gotten up too fast and the room spun around him like a fucking top. He sunk back to the couch and rubbed his left ear, which still buzzed sometimes and threw him off balance.

  “I’d like your lumberjacking services. I’ve tagged two trees on the southeast corner of my property. They are slated to become two giraffe sculptures.”

  “Giraffes? Who the hell wants giraffe sculptures?”

  “Some lady in Boston. Her twins love giraffes and she wants carvings for their tenth birthday this spring,” Orion said.

  “I think my parents gave me a skateboard for my tenth birthday. It wasn’t even a new one.”

  “Well, this chick wants the giraffes as true to scale as I can make them and is willing to pay top dollar. She selected the price she’d pay, which was more than I would have charged, so how can I say no? Besides, if she likes them, she’ll tell her rich friends, and I’ll have opened up another market for myself.”

  Adam yawned and tried standing again, slowly this time. “Aww, aren’t you cute, going all businessman on me?”

  “Shut up, dude,” Orion said around a chuckle. “Can you cut the trees today by any chance? They’ll need time to dry out and whatnot.”

  “What the hell else am I doing?” He hadn’t meant to sound so grumpy, but since he’d gotten back from the failed treatment, he was doing grumpy really well.

  “Oh, boo-hoo. I know winter can be slow for all of us outdoorsmen, but you’ll be at the bar now. That ought to supply some entertainment, though you do realize bartending involves being friendly to other humans, right?”

  “Ha-ha. I can be friendly.”

  “I know. At least I remember anyway.” Orion was quiet for a moment. “It’s going to get better, man.”

  “Maybe.” Adam wanted to skip the counseling session, so he said, “I’ll pop over in a few, okay?”

  “Great. I’m going to do a quick plow up to the tree site so you can get your bucket truck in. See you.”

  Adam tossed his phone onto the coffee table and, after getting dressed in jeans and his favorite red and black flannel shirt, he went down to his workshop and loaded his truck with a chainsaw, an axe, his helmet and chaps, gloves, and a toolbox. He drove over to Orion’s, stopping only to get coffee and a muffin from Micky’s, the little corner deli where all Danton’s men congregated at some point during the day.

  “Here.” He held out the coffee he’d bought for Orion. “See, I can be friendly, you idiot.”

  Orion took the cup and smiled at Adam. He did that a lot now. Smiled. It was sappy and ridiculous and… and… enviable.

  “Where’s my buddy, Ian?” Adam asked before Orion could regale him with some blissful tale of how wonderful it was to be in love with a gorgeous woman.

  “He’s with Wendie at the supermarket. I believe they are buying things for your refrigerator.”

  “Awesome. I’m at emergency level.” He looked back at Orion’s house—and at Hope’s Jeep parked in the driveway. “And the ladies?”

  “Sage and Myah are with Hope ‘researching’ at the pet store in St. Jamesbury before meeting Wendie at her friend’s for puppy viewing.” Orion rolled his eyes. “I swear if Sage comes home with a puppy, I’m going to kill her.”

  “If by kill you mean get all smoochy with her, then I believe you.”

  Orion gave him a light shove. “I don’t get all smoochy.”

  “Dude, you are the definition of smoochy. Clearly you don’t know what the term means.” Adam walked back to his truck.

  “Whatever. I’m coming with you.” Orion slid into the passenger seat.

  Adam got in, gave Hope’s Jeep another glance, and navigated onto the path Orion had plowed into his woods. Some low branches scraped at the bucket on his truck. “I can cut this low stuff for you.”

  “Okay.” Orion looked ahead out the windshield. “I’ve gotten a little behind on my maintenance.”

  The sheepish grin on his buddy’s face spoke volumes about lazy mornings in bed with his fiancée and hours laughing with his daughter now that she was out of the clutches of his ex-wife and lived with him again. Adam liked knowing that some guys could have it all. The Universe did have balance.

  He was just on the wrong side of the damn scale.

  Chapter Four

  “OMG. They’re all so cute. How’s a person supposed to pick just one?” Hope flopped onto the floor, Dalmatian puppies crawling all over her. Each one was a tiny treasure. She’d found something adorable about each and every one and was no closer to selecting the puppy she’d take home with her. “Myah, help me.”

  Orion’s daughter pushed her mane of black curls out of her face and giggled as a precocious pup climbed into her lap and licked her chin. “I don’t know, Auntie Hope. I love them all!” Two more puppies battled for room on the girl’s lap, and she stroked their spotted fur, picking one up to nuzzle nose-to-nose.

  “If I didn’t already have Frisco, I’d take one of these sweet babies,” Wendie said from the couch where a puppy was curled in a ball on her lap. “Good thing I dropped Ian off at your mother’s, Sage, because he wouldn’t know what to do with all these pups.”

  “I just want them all to go to good homes,” Wendie’s friend, Liza, said. “I wish I could keep them, but this house isn’t big enough, and I don’t want to be The Crazy Dalmatian Lady of this neighborhood.”

  Hope put her hand to her brow. “I’m having a hard time here. I didn’t think it’d be this much of a challenge.” She just wanted a buddy. Why did it feel like so much more than that?

  Because I’m a lonely woman who is letting too much ride on a single puppy.

  “Maybe we need to have a contest or something,” Sage suggested as she scratched the black and white belly of the puppies’ mama sprawled out in front of her.

  “A contest?” Myah asked.

  “Yeah, what if we line them all up on the other side of the room and whoever gets to Hope on this side of the room first gets to go home with her?” Sage shrugged. “It’s the best idea I can come up with.”

  “I guess that would be fair,” Myah agreed.

  “Let’s do it.” Hope picked up one of the puppies and made her way to the other side of the room.

  Myah, Sage, Wendie, and Liza each grabbed a pup and followed Hope. They set the furbabies down, and Sage took charge of the one Hope had.

  “Go over there now.” Sage motioned to the opposite end of Liza’s small living room. “We’ll release the hounds at the same time and see who our winner is.”

  Hope got into position and sat on the floor facing the pups. “Okay. Let ’em loose.”

  The puppies were set free and Hope made encouraging noises to get them to come to her. Watching black and white spotted bodies roll into one another, nip at each other, trip each other, and cause general mayhem was hysterical.

  “I’ve got to video this,” Liza said, grabbing her phone.

  “Go, puppies, go!” Myah cheered and clapped her hands. She was as cute as the puppies in her pink leggings and pink and white striped sweater—an outfit Hope had bought for the kid’s seventh birthday two months ago.

  Four of the puppies tangled with one another as they made forward progress toward Hope, but one lagged behind. Smaller than the others, this pup had one all black ear and one mostly white with a few black dots. Its feet appeared to be a little too big for its scrawny body right now. It kept tripping itself, but Hope knew its body would catch up as it grew. It let out a few squeaks when it tumbled, but always got back up, determined to finish the race.

  Hope was so focused on that pup she didn’t realize one was already in her lap until Myah tapped her shoulder.

  “Auntie Hope, this guy won.”

  Hope looked down, but her heart belonged to another pup now. “I want that one.” She pointed to the struggling pup still making its way toward her. Gently, she gave each pup that made it into her lap a pat then set it aside.

  “Come on, girl.” She held out her hand and wiggled her fingers. “You can do it.”

  The puppy stopped and angled its head to the side when Hope spoke, her black eyes big and bottomless, but full of curiosity. A spray of black spots gave the puppy’s face character and a wet, black nose sniffed at the carpet every now and again.

  Finally, the puppy reached Hope and when she picked it up, it pressed its body against her chest, a warm tongue lapping at her neck.

  “Yeah, you’re the one.” Hope hugged the puppy tightly and it didn’t seem to mind a bit.

  “What will you name her?” Myah asked.

  “I don’t know yet. I’ll need to think about that.” Giving your new best friend a name seemed like an important task to Hope—one she didn’t want to take lightly.

  “If I were taking one of these puppies home,” Myah paused to look at Sage who shook her head no, “I’d name it Spot like on Spot’s Firehouse, ʼcept I don’t watch that show anymore.”

  “Because it’s for little kids, right?” Sage elbowed Wendie sitting next to her on the couch.

  “Yeah.” Myah nodded once. “Little kids.”

  “And you’re not a little kid anymore,” Wendie said, fighting not to laugh.

  “No, Auntie Wendie. I’m big. Seven is big.” Myah gave Hope’s puppy a pat then folded her hands in her lap.

  “Seven is big indeed,” Liza said. “I’ll bet you’re big enough to help Hope with her puppy.”

  At this, Myah’s blue eyes lit up. “Can I, Auntie Hope? Can I help you?”

  Hope waved Myah over as she shifted her puppy to her left leg. Pulling Myah down so the girl sat on her right leg, she said, “You’d better help me. I’ve never owned a dog, and you have all that experience with Ranger.”

  Myah planted a sloppy kiss on Hope’s cheek and took the puppy into her own lap. She held the puppy up so it was eye level with her face. “You’re going to love our family, pup. It’s the best!”

  Hope gave Myah a squeeze then took her puppy when Myah went to sit with Sage. It would be good to have something to take care of. Something that needed her attention. Something to snuggle with at night. If she couldn’t have what Rick and Sage had found in Lily and Orion, then she’d have a dog, dammit. And she’d be perfectly happy with that dog.

  Yes, she would.

  Indeed.

  She didn’t need a man, especially one of the broody, handsome, military types. Nope. Not her. She and her puppy would be fine. They wouldn’t be afraid of the dark or driving alone or tavern parking lots. They’d be fearless. Brave. Invincible.

  It all sounded good in theory anyway, but when the dark came, would it be like last night where she blinked up at the ceiling of her room? All night. Her eyes were like sandpaper today as a result.

  Sighing, Hope kissed the top of her puppy’s head. “What do you say, pup? Want to go home?”

  The pup pushed its nose against Hope’s cheek then let out a little whine.

  “Can we show my daddy your new puppy first?” Myah asked.

  “He’s not going to let us have one, sweet pea,” Sage said as she ran a hand over Myah’s runaway curls.

  “I know, but he gets mushy around puppies. It’s funny.” Myah beamed a smile.

  “Does he now?” Sage asked. “Well, this I’ve got to see. What do you say, Hope? A quick stop into my house before you head home? You have to get your Jeep anyway.”

  “Sure.” She only had Black Wolf Tavern’s website on her work schedule for the rest of the day anyway.

  Everyone thanked Liza and piled into Sage’s orange Subaru, affectionately named The Pumpkinmobile by the family. Hope and Myah cracked up in the back seat on the ride to Sage’s house as the puppy crawled between their laps and tried to get a look out the window. When Hope hoisted the puppy so it could see outside, its black eyes tracked everything as it went by. It barked at passing cars and wagged its tail. Hope fell in love with the pup a little more as each moment passed.

  “I think you picked the right one, Auntie Hope,” Myah said.

  “Me too.” She rubbed between the puppy’s ears, loving that it looked back at her with adoring eyes.

  When they pulled into Sage’s driveway, all the fun and ease of the morning drained out of Hope at the sight of Adam’s bucket truck. Her hands got tingly. Her throat got dry. Her lower regions awakened, and that was all without actually seeing the man.

  You are such a loser, Hope Stannard. Did a more pathetic woman exist? Still wishing for a man who didn’t want her was beyond stupid.

  Well, she’d gather up her pup and the supplies they’d bought at the pet store, hop into her Jeep, and be on the road before she even glanced Adam’s way. Simple.

  “Thanks for coming with me, ladies,” Hope said as she waited by Sage’s trunk. Hurry up. Hurry up. Adam could come out of the house or the workshop or the woods. Wherever it was hunky lumberjacks hid.

  “Wait,” Myah said. “I gotta get Daddy.” She bounded for the back porch stairs of Sage and Orion’s farmhouse.

  Hope grabbed Sage’s coat sleeve. “I gotta get out of here.”

  Wendie came around to Hope’s other side. “I know you probably think Adam’s a jerk,” she said quietly.

  Hope shook her head, prepared to deny thinking that, but something in Wendie’s eyes stopped her.

  “He’s trying the best he can right now,” Wendie continued. “If you can be patient, I think you and he could have something special. He really is great.” She left Sage and Hope at the trunk and followed after Myah into the house.

  “I haven’t decided if Adam’s great or not yet,” Sage said, “but that right there is my home, and there is no way I’m going to let you be afraid of coming inside.” She reached into the trunk and grabbed a few bags. “Let’s put these in your Jeep then we’re showing my fiancé that puppy. I’m not about to miss an opportunity to see him get all mushy.”

 

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