Its just us here omnibus, p.81
It's Just Us Here Omnibus, page 81
part #1 of It's Just Us Here Series
I blushed. There was no way to counter that so our conversation died.
“Can we be serious for a minute?” he asked. “Let’s go back to the basics. I want to hear you promise that you will talk to me. That you won’t push anything upsetting away just to make me happy.”
“I so swear,” I said with a giggle. His ‘serious face’ was cute.
“Good. Imma hold you to it. I worry about... about taking advantage of you. You once told me you’d do anything I asked, that I could make you do anything. Do you remember that?”
“Yes.” I should have kept my big mouth shut. How do you think you convinced me to run naked through the park?
He let out a long breath. “I think I recognized that you were like that. On some level.” He looked away from me. “I know you really care about me... and I really care about you. But I don’t want to be... demanding of you. I want to... I don’t know what word I’m looking for... guide? Guide you? I don’t think that’s the right word, but that’s the general idea.”
“I understand.”
“That’s the thing, I don’t think you do. I... fuck, I don’t even know how to say anything tonight without sounding corny as hell. I don’t just love you, or desire you, or think you’re sexy... I cherish you. I don’t ever want to hurt you or cause you grief or make you second guess yourself. You do so much second—”
“I don’t doubt this,” I said, pointing between us. “I’m all in. I’m going to give you everything I got. I don’t know if it’s enough, but—”
“Why do you say that? Why do you always have to add in that little jab at the end? What was it you said to me before... when I said ‘Take a look at my paper and tell me it’s shit’.”
“Oh... leave off the qualifier.” I had laid out that ground rule when I edited his first assignment, all those months ago.
“Yeah. You should’ve stopped when you said you’re gonna give me everything you got. Leave off the qualifier. I know you have doubts. We’ll have a lot of things to work out and learn about each other. I have my doubts, too, but I’m gonna give you everything I got. And there’s no ifs or buts about it.”
Mine. I’m yours and you are mine.
“I love you,” I said, staring into his eyes.
“I love you, too.”
We had been in bed for over an hour, so we pushed the ratty, old sheets off and Mark carried them down to the garbage. I got the good sheets out of the dryer. “Those ones are gone,” Mark declared.
“Okay.” He slapped my butt as we walked up the stairs. “Hey! That one hurt!” It had been a particularly loud slap.
“We could sleep in the guest room,” Mark said, poking his head in the second room.
“My parents are going to be here in the morning. There’s no way I’d want to clean the sheets in the guest room. How will I explain it if my parents show up and those sheets are in the dryer?”
“Chill dude. How would you have explained it if I showed up and it was your mom who opened the door and not you?”
That idea made me feel light-headed. We placed the sheets on my bed together and climbed in.
“I turned down the air so we can cuddle all night,” I said. He told me to stop stalling and answer his question about my mom seeing him on the porch. “I would’ve freaked,” I replied. “First, I would have been shocked to see you. Then I would have been happy because I knew what you were here for. But I would have also wanted to punch and scream at you until you left. I don’t know what I would’ve done if my parents were here.”
“Probably started to cry.”
“Hey!”
“You’re a sensitive guy.” I was ready to fight back, but he wouldn’t let me. He stroked my cheek tenderly. “It’s what I love most about you. You worry too much about everyone and everything, but that also means you see the world differently than me. Everything is funny to you. Don’t feel bad by being who you are. It’s why I love you.”
“Thank you,” I said. There was a moment of silence.
He prodded me with his elbow. “Now are you going to say why you love me?”
I sighed. “You are the most vain person I have ever met. So no, I don’t want you to be who you are!” He tickled me out of revenge. “And I don’t understand how some things don’t bother you, how you can just let them go. But I admire you for it. I wish I could let things go as easily as you do.”
He growled and kissed my neck. “I’ll help you if you help me.”
“Always,” I pledged. It felt like I had just agreed to marry the man. Actually, my soul had basically agreed to marriage when Mark made his Executive Decision... not that he had to know about that quite yet.
We stared at each other until it was too much for Mark and he had to look for a distraction. “I see that you hung up my gift.” He pointed to the framed jersey over my dresser. “I was worried you hated it.”
“How could I hate it? It’s in a place of honor. I told you I was going to hang it up in my room. I did it the day after you gave it to me. It’s right over the baseball.” I pointed to the home run ball signed by Rodríguez.
Mark touched me softly instead of squeezing my arms. “That was a sad day,” he mused. “When you left my key in the bathroom—” He kissed me quietly. I felt nervous tension now that we were talking about our breakup. “I went crazy and cussed and threw things around my apartment. I called Tim to calm me down because I was so fucking angry with you.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. I held in a sob, but the happy glow from our evening together had evaporated and left an empty feeling inside. “I spent that night with my family for my birthday... and all I could think about was you. And how much I wanted to spend the day with you. I thought we were too close and had no idea what to do about it.”
“We were in love, but you were a stubborn man.” He kissed me on the forehead and lingered. “I never want to do that again. I don’t want to wake up one day and have to read a note about how you can’t do this anymore. How we’re too close. Promise me that we’ll talk about it first.”
“I already promised.”
“I know. I just want to hear it again. You really messed me up after that... and then this morning. God, after you left the keycard, I went out to the club and fucked the first guy that looked like you. Woke up at his place. I felt so disgusted with myself. I’ve never felt that way after sex. I never felt like I was doing something wrong.” He held my hands. “I’m your man,” he said slowly. “I will never hurt you. I won’t leave you. But please, don’t do that to me again. It was the worst thing anyone has ever done to me.”
I wasn’t bawling, but my tears were hot and unstoppable. My voice was watery. “I won’t leave you, either. I love you so much. There was no one before you, and I don’t think there will be anyone after you, either. You’re the only one for me.”
He echoed my vow. “There was no one before you for me, too. And there won’t be anyone after. I’m gonna leave off the qualifier and make a strong statement. That’s what you criticised in my papers. All those qualifiers. I don’t ‘think’ you’re the one... I know it.”
I laughed and cried at the same time. “I love you so much,” I whispered, snuggling against him. I love you so much more than you will ever know.
“Love you, too, Cuddle Bunny. Now settle down and let’s go to bed. I’m fucking exhausted.”
“It was a long day,” I agreed.
We cuddled and stared at each other and kissed until it was two in the morning.
That night passed in a blur, but it wasn’t smooth. Our conversations were interrupted by quick, passionate make out sessions, and goofy rounds of saying ‘I love you’ to each other, which would result in me smiling or laughing like a crazy person. I was so completely in love with him. I was continually surprised that he was really there, that I could touch his body and feel his skin—smell him and laugh with him and bask in his presence.
I had decided to get as much gooey, mushy feelings out of this partnership as I could before it inevitably fell apart... and I started mining our relationship that first night. I was so excited and it was hard to let him fall asleep.
I liked how he spooned behind me and his legs fit exactly around my hips, which meant his mouth would hover above my neck near the hairline. I could feel his warm breath. I loved his meaty arm as it draped over my body like a blanket. I loved feeling him shift in his sleep.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I couldn’t get my legs to calm down. It felt like I needed to run a marathon. I was tired—exhausted—but I couldn’t close my eyes. I had a million thoughts that fought to keep me awake. I imagined introducing him to my parents—sometimes receiving a good reaction, but there were also dark scenarios where things went terribly wrong. I imagined going with him to family functions, like weddings. I inserted him into my memories of the most recent wedding... and saw him dancing on the floor and holding my hand as we sat at our table.
I imagined introducing him to Lynn.
Shit. Lynn bought a flight to come see me. Now she doesn’t have to.
I disentangled myself from Mark’s body and got out of bed. Then I turned on the lamp and stared at him as he slept. My man. I couldn’t get over it—he was mine. Mine, mine, mine. We were together. And, as a happy surprise, I liked it. In that moment, it didn’t feel like I could be happy with any random person. That had been one of my early worries—that I got attached to Mark because he was the only one there and available.
But I watched him sleep and knew that wasn’t the complete truth. He might have been available, but he was also rich, arrogant, bone-headed, spoiled... and a million other things that should have pushed us apart. But we weren’t pushed apart; instead we somehow pulled together.
And now he’s mine!
I skipped out of my room with my phone in hand. I dialed Lynn as I lay on the guest bed. Then I glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost three in the morning. Oops. I was about to hang up when she answered.
“Chris, what’s wrong?” She sounded focused and scared.
“Nothing,” I said. “Sorry. I didn’t realize it was so late. I’ll call you in the morning.”
“You can’t call me like this and expect me to get back to sleep. What’s going on? How are you feeling?”
“I feel great,” I said honestly. “I wanted to call and let you know you should cancel your flight.”
“That’s what you called about?”
I was silent for ten seconds until she prompted me to speak again. “He’s here,” I said quietly.
“What?”
“He came back for me. He found my address and he showed up on my porch. Oh my God, Lynn. He’s in my bed right now.” I felt like a love-struck fool.
“Oh gosh!” she said excitedly. “Chris, that’s great. How... what happened?”
“Nothing happened. He just showed up, didn’t let me push him away... and... I mean, now we’re, like, technically boyfriends... or something.”
She laughed. “So you went through with it? Oh, I’m so proud of you. I’m so happy for you.” I heard someone talking behind her. “And Jake says congratulations, too.”
“Thanks. Mark’s great. He’s so nice to me.” My eyes teared up just by talking about him. “I can’t believe it happened.”
“Are you having second thoughts? Why are you calling me?”
“No second thoughts. I actually feel great about it. We’re both one hundred percent committed to seeing this thing through. But I feel like I have all this energy and I can’t get to sleep. I keep thinking about... everything! Ha. I can’t turn off my brain. I can’t stop thinking about him.”
“Where is he right now?” she asked.
“In my bed. I’m down the hall.” I quietly got to my feet and snuck back to my bedroom, then watched him lying there. “He looks so peaceful,” I whispered, not wanting to wake him. “And handsome. And he’s so good to me.”
“When do I get to meet him? If I fly in for the weekend, will I get to meet him?”
“I’ll have to ask when he wakes up, but I’m sure he’d love to. I’ve already met his family, so I’m sure he’ll want to meet you.”
“You’ve met his family? You never told me that.”
“On our hike... I didn’t tell you that?”
“No.” Lynn apparently wanted to keep talking so I wandered back down the hallway. Meanwhile, she was already planning the upcoming weekend. “I’ll bring Jake with me. We’ll let the kids stay the night at their aunt’s house.”
“Sounds good. I can’t wait to see you. I can’t wait to...” I giggled shyly. “Do couple stuff with him. It makes my stomach feel weird to think about.”
“Then stop thinking about it tonight. You have a man waiting for you. Go sleep and call me in the morning.”
“I will,” I promised. “I love you. Thank you for everything...”
“Love you, too. I’m so proud of you.” She hung up the phone. I had forgotten to apologize for waking her and Jake up in the middle of the night. I would have to remember that when I called her in the morning.
I went back to my bedroom and stood in the nook that connected my office to my sleeping area. I watched Mark sleep. His face was sunk into my pillow instead of his. His arm was extended over where my body should have been. The rest of him was covered by the sheet, but I could see his form underneath. He had a nice form. So muscular. So handsome. So funny.
“Are you getting in bed or are you gonna stare at me all night?” he grumbled without opening his eyes and barely moving a muscle. I would have never guessed he was awake.
“Can’t I watch my boyfriend sleep?”
“Get over here.” He cracked open one eye and shifted his body to give me room to sneak in. “So you think I’m handsome?”
“I would never say that.”
“I heard you say that.”
Oops... how embarrassing! What else did I say while I was in here? That he was so perfect. So everything to me...
I sat on the edge of my bed and let his hand slide into my lap. He tried to pull me down, but he wasn’t fully awake so I was able to resist. I watched him, framed by my sheets, sleeping in my bed... my man. I felt giddy. How was I ever going to sleep when I felt like this?
I turned off the lamp. That was step one.
Then I sat on the ground and stretched my legs, slowly counting up to ten and controlling my breathing because that sometimes helped ease my inner tension when my mind was so busy. I had numerous tricks to get around a busy mind—honed since high school.
If I allowed my wandering mind to think about my potential future with Mark... holding hands, kissing, walking in the park, going to the game, playing tennis with the guys.... If I thought about real life, then my mind would never shut off.
So I needed to create a fantasy world in my head, like I was reading a novel. That was another trick I often used to get to sleep—I would make up fantasy characters and watch them interact like I was watching a movie. There was almost always magic and dragons in my fantasy dreams.
I settled into Mark’s arms, closed my eyes and tried to dream up a new story. Orphan. Yeah, that’s a good start. Orphan...
“Go to bed,” Mark said in my ear.
“I’m trying.”
He kissed me on the neck. “We can sleep in separate beds, if you need to.”
“Never,” I said. “I’m so excited to be here. And that you’re with me. I’m so happy.”
“Me too,” he whispered. “Now fucking go to bed.”
“It’s only three in the morning. You’re normally up this late.”
He groaned and shifted his body so his soft cock was pressed against my butt and his arm squeezed my chest. “Go to bed,” he said with a strangled voice.
I giggled. His warm breath on my neck ticked. His hands on my body felt like fire. My legs were still awake. I couldn’t sleep. “I love you,” I said.
He groaned. “You aren’t even trying to sleep. If I said you could make out with me right now, what would you do?”
I rolled around in his arms and looked at his face in the darkness. Then I kissed his lips, repeatedly. He didn’t kiss back. When I pulled away he said, “Go to sleeeeeeeep.”
I rolled back on my side and willed my body to quiet down. I meditated and forced my jumping legs to remain perfectly still. I felt Mark fall asleep behind me. It thrilled me to feel him doing that, to hear him doing that. I wanted to jump up and down and shout my joy. Kiss him? Of course I wanted to make out with him, even though he would be asleep and unresponsive.
I entered my fantasy world and tried to disconnect my mind from my body. Orphan. Living on his own in the wilderness. A young man. In need of some help, but too stubborn to ask for it. Also, he has magical powers! Most of my fantasies involved orphans with hidden magical powers. His powers are forbidden in the city... hm... he is a different race from the city folk, but he is living on the edge of the city because he was rejected by his people in the forest. He has nowhere to go. Nobody wants him. Yet he is living just fine on his own.
My body finally relaxed, not that I noticed because my mind was firmly in my fantasy land.
Someone sees him. Who is it? It’s a man from the city. A big, strong man with big, blue eyes and brown hair. Very handsome. Very wealthy. Ah yes, so popular.
My orphan needs to run. He cannot be discovered! He will be punished! He will be taken to the police in the city and tortured. The city does not tolerate foreigners like the orphan. No one tolerates the orphan.
The orphan runs. He is tackled around his feet... the orphan looks down. He was captured by magic! The lordling has magic, too! Oh no! The orphan uses his own magic to flee... he needs to escape into the night. He needs to get away, especially now that his secret has been discovered.
The lordling is directly at his side, tracking his every movement. The orphan tries his evasive maneuvers, but only manages to stay one step ahead of his pursuit. There is only one man following the orphan. If they fight, the orphan might win.
The orphan looks over his shoulder and sees the blade so casually strapped to the lordling’s side—clearly a warrior. The orphan is not a fighter. His only avenue is escape. Escape! Escape!
