While we were dreaming, p.37
While We Were Dreaming, page 37
RETURN, GOODBYE
There were a lot of scores to settle when Rico got back from there after almost two years.
They wouldn’t let him back in our class, he had to go down to year seven, even though I’d been looking forward to it like crazy, and maybe we could have sat next to each other again, but Mrs Seidel would never have let us. Rico had a score to settle with her as well, with her and Mr Singer, with Mr Dettleff the Pioneer Leader, with his dad the officer, who lived in Berlin now, and with his mum as well, who’d let them send Rico there. He lived with his gran now and he didn’t have any scores to settle with her, he got on really well with her, ‘Old folks, Danny, the really old ones, they’re almost like us, like kids, you know,’ but what chance did he stand against the other adults? None, and he knew it. Alright, he’d made all sorts of plans, ‘At night, Danny, that’s when it was worst. Well, not that bad, don’t worry, Danny, you know me, but at night, at night, Danny…’ He knew where Mrs Seidel lived and at first he wanted to set fire to her flat, ‘Just a little bit, Danny, just to give her a shock,’ but I’d talked him out of it, ‘Then her car, at least, Danny, just smash it up a bit to wind her up, so she can’t drive it to the seaside,’ but he didn’t smash up her car ’cause he knew it would have just made it all worse, and he never wanted to go back there. He couldn’t do anything about the adults but the other kids didn’t stand a chance against his rage. He was boxing in the juniors club now, and sometimes he trained out at Motor Southeast, under 15s, even though he wasn’t yet thirteen, but he was pretty tall and strong for his age, ‘Press-ups, Danny, press-ups every day, and sometimes at night, the nights, you know, the nights, boom – boom – boom against the wall,’ and when he was in the ring, with his head guard, mouth guard and jersey and the giant red boxing gloves on his fists, it seemed like it wasn’t one of those poor bastards he was fighting, it was his dad the officer, or Mr Dettleff the Pioneer Leader, and they didn’t stand a chance against his rage.
But outside the ring you didn’t have to stop after three rounds and there weren’t any rules, and Rico still had plenty of scores to settle. The first one was with Friedrich. Friedrich and Maik had taken over the park with their gang, our park, and I’d been waiting a long time for the day Rico came back, ’cause I knew it would be our park again then. But Rico didn’t go for Friedrich in the park, he wanted to get him at school so everyone could see. ‘Respect, Danny, respect, you know, everyone has to see that I’m back!’
He attacked him at breaktime, round the back by the bins – that’s where Friedrich and Maik and their gang spent their breaks, ’cause the teachers couldn’t see them there, and that was their bad luck in the end. We’d met before school to plan it all out, Rico, Mark, Walter and me, and Stefan had come too even though Rico didn’t like him much. ‘What does he want here, Danny, why d’you bring him, that biter, huh, Danny?’
‘Stefan’s alright, Stefan stands by us, and we need every man we can get!’ And we really did need every man we could get, ’cause Friedrich had a few friends in year nine and we had to keep them in check while Rico dealt with him. ‘And Maik, what about Maik? He’s really strong.’
‘Forget Maik. I’ve beaten him before, remember Danny, he won’t want another go, I had him on the floor two years ago, he won’t want to go down again, believe me.’ And he was right, it all went according to plan, Maik really didn’t want to go down again, and I wouldn’t have got him on the floor, that was for sure, but he had respect for Rico, ’cause Rico was a boxer. And he felt guilty ’cause he thought it was partly his fault they’d sent Rico there. And maybe that’s why he held back when we rushed them at breaktime. Even Little Walter wasn’t scared, he had a couple of pebbles in his clenched fist so he could punch harder, ’cause Rico had egged us on before: ‘We want to show them I’m back, we want to show them no one starts trouble with us!’ And we forced Friedrich’s gang back, only Maik stayed a few metres away with his arms dangling by his sides, while Rico got down to business with Friedrich. He had him by the neck with his left hand right away and gave him a right in the stomach and Friedrich bent double and fell against Rico and put his arms round him like he wanted to say hello, welcome back Rico. ‘Give it to him, Rico, wipe him out!’ And Rico wanted to keep going and get him down on the ground like he’d got Maik down two years ago…
‘Are you crazy, boys? Stop it right now!’ Katja came along. My Katja. Katja the head of the class council. She just strode towards us, past the bins, her head high and her arms waving like she was a teacher, and with the pretty lines on her forehead and her white Pioneer shirt with her chest stuck out underneath it, she really looked like a teacher.
‘Katja,’ I said, ‘Katja, you keep out of it, please.’ But she took no notice, even though I’d said please and she liked it when I asked her for something, she just strode past me straight over to Friedrich and Rico. Friedrich was still hanging on Rico’s shoulders and Rico’s fist was in mid-air right in front of Friedrich’s head, but they didn’t move, and when Katja stopped in front of them, hands on hips, he dropped his hand. ‘Stop it right now, I said!’ And they really did stop, first Friedrich stepped back, ducked down, his hand on his belly, and then Rico did too. Everyone had respect for Katja. Alright, she was a girl, but she was head of the class council and sometimes, in assembly, she held a little speech up on the stage.
‘Katja,’ I said, ‘it’s just a bit of fun.’
‘Don’t you interrupt me, Daniel Lenz.’ She placed herself between Rico and Friedrich, looked from one to the other, and the pretty lines above her nose and on her forehead got deeper and deeper. ‘If you don’t tell me right now what’s going on, I’ll have to report you.’
‘Katja,’ I said again, ‘it was really nothing.’
‘…and you as well, Daniel Lenz.’
The year-nine boys grinned over at me, and I blushed and looked at the ground and saw Katja’s legs and her blue Pioneer skirt that she wore almost every day. She had five of them at home in her wardrobe, she’d shown me when we were revising Russian.
‘Who started it?’
They both looked at the ground, silent.
‘You tell me now what was going on, and then we’ll sort it out.’
‘It was just a bit of fun. Right, Friedrich?’ Rico raised his head and smiled and smoothed his shirt.
‘Right,’ said Friedrich. ‘It was really just a bit of fun, Katja. Rico was just showing me how to do boxing.’
‘Rico Grundmann,’ said Katja, looking up at him.
‘Yeah,’ said Rico, ‘so?’
The bell rang, the first bell, ten minutes to go until class. Katja shook her head. ‘Rico,’ she said so quietly I could hardly hear her, ‘be a nice boy, please,’ and the guys from year nine stopped grinning, they turned round and walked slowly back to the playground, Friedrich and Maik behind them.
‘I am a nice boy,’ Rico said, and he smoothed his shirt again and did up the top button. Then he came over to us.
‘Come on, Danny, let’s go inside.’ I saw Little Walter open his fist and drop the pebbles.
‘You lot go ahead,’ I said. ‘I’ll come in a minute.’
And then I was alone with Katja by the bins; she was still standing where Rico and Friedrich had started fighting, and I walked over to her and went up really close.
‘Daniel Lenz,’ she said.
‘Katja,’ I said, brushing the end of her red neckerchief off her shoulder. ‘Everything’s fine, right?’
‘No,’ she said, and she held onto my hand, ‘no, Daniel, you’re supposed to watch out Rico doesn’t start anymore trouble.’
‘I am watching out,’ I said, ‘I am watching out, Katja.’
‘Promise me, Danny.’ At last she was calling me Danny again, and I stroked her neckerchief.
‘I already did.’
‘No, Danny, properly. Pioneer’s honour.’
‘Alright, Pioneer’s honour,’ and I raised my hand, which she was still holding. ‘Pioneer’s honour,’ I said again, and put her hand on my face.
She smiled. ‘Daniel Lenz.’ She pulled her hand away and I bent my head down to her. The bell rang, second bell, only five minutes to go before class. She stepped back. ‘We mustn’t be late, Danny!’
‘Please,’ I said, ‘stay here a minute, Katja, just a minute.’
She laughed. She took my hand and pulled me to the playground. ‘Daniel Lenz,’ she said, and I squeezed her hand and felt her little fingers.
Rico was standing by the door to the rear building. ‘Come on, Danny, let’s go.’ I let go of Katja’s hand and stopped with Rico and watched her walk in through the door and run up the stairs. She didn’t turn around, and I saw her legs and her blue skirt through the railings.
‘Man, Danny, what’s up with you, leave her.’ He gave me a light punch on the shoulder. ‘What’s so great about her, Danny, what do you like about her so much? She only messes everything up for us with her bossing about.’
‘Yeah,’ I said, and then we went upstairs, Rico to the second floor, me to the third. The bell rang, longer this time, and breaktime was over.
I watched out that Rico didn’t make trouble like I’d promised Katja, but it was pretty hard. Rico was still keen to mess Friedrich up, and he wanted to get Maik back on the floor as well, ‘It felt good that time, Danny, always feels good when you get a man on the floor.’
‘But he’s scared of you, Rico, he knows you’re way better than him.’
‘True, Danny. But you know, him telling on me back then, that was out of order. I’ve still got a score to settle, Danny.’
‘He’s really sorry, Rico, he told me afterwards. He’s got a brother, you know, he was in a home as well…’
‘Where was he, Danny?’
‘Oh, come on, you know…’
‘Don’t ever say it again, Danny, I don’t ever wanna hear it again, it’s a shit word.’
‘Sorry, Rico.’
‘It’s alright. But you know, a tell-tale like Maik…’ He wouldn’t let it go, and I knew I couldn’t stop him from beating up Maik and Friedrich, and he’d probably find a few other candidates, ’cause he’d had a whole lot of rage inside him since he got back.
‘But Friedrich did keep his mouth shut when your little Katja…’
‘She’s not my little Katja.’
‘Yes she is, come on, Danny. I know what’s up. Head of the class council, Danny, she’s not for you.’
‘Katja’s alright, she’s… she’s…’
‘See, I’m right, aren’t I? Your little Katja.’
‘Stop going on about Katja, Rico. What’s up with Maik?’
‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Maik and Friedrich, we’ll get ’em both. You’re in, right, Danny?’
‘Course,’ I said, and I looked at the ground and saw Katja’s legs and her blue skirt.
Rico wanted to beat Maik up first ’cause he couldn’t get his hands on Friedrich anymore, he’d stopped coming to the park and the kids from year nine looked out for him at school, and Katja kept close to Rico at breaktime, and sometimes, when she saw me playing table tennis with Rico, she smiled at me.
‘Why are you so worried?’ I asked her when we walked home from school together. ‘About Rico, I mean. I thought you didn’t like him?’
‘Daniel Lenz, don’t say that.’ She took my hand and pulled at my thumb. ‘Rico’s part of the collective, even if he’s in year seven now. And anyway, he’s your friend, and you…’
‘And me?’
‘Daniel Lenz.’ She laughed, and it was so beautiful that I stood still, and she pulled at my thumb. ‘Come on, Danny, come on.’ We went on, but I walked really slowly ’cause we’d almost got to her house. We stopped there, her standing outside the door and playing with her keys. ‘Hey, Danny…’
‘Yes?’
‘Shall we… shall we go for a walk one day? Maybe to the East Woods. Maybe next week. Just the two of us.’ She played with her keys and looked at the ground.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘that’d be nice.’ She smiled, and she jangled her keys with one hand, and with the other hand she tugged at one end of her red neckerchief.
‘Hey, Danny…’
I took a step towards her.
‘Daniel Lenz,’ she said, and she leaned forward and touched my mouth with hers for a moment, then she turned, unlocked the front door and ran up the stairs.
I didn’t tell Rico anything about that when we went over to Maik’s house later to catch him coming out; Maik spent a lot of time outside. I didn’t talk about Katja to Rico, ’cause he didn’t want me to hang around with her. ‘She’s one of them, Danny, she’s not for you, head of the class council, Danny, you get it, she’s really not for you.’
‘Stop going on about Katja,’ I said, and he really did stop complaining about her; we were outside Maik’s building.
‘And now?’
‘We’re going in, Danny, so he can’t escape out the back way.’
‘What if he’s already gone out?’
‘It’s not his time, Danny, it’s not three yet. His old man usually gets in around three. I’ve taken care of everything.’
‘Are you really gonna beat him up? Think about it.’
‘Jesus, Danny, don’t keep trying to change my mind. He deserves it, of course I’m gonna beat him up. What’s the matter with you? It’s just ’cause of your little Katja, isn’t it, Danny, she’s turning you soft, admit it!’
‘Don’t talk crap, she’s not turning me soft, she’s not doing anything to me!’ I went up to the front door.
‘Wait a minute, Danny, wait!’ I crossed the hall to the stairs and waited there.
‘Not here, Danny, he’ll see us here when he comes down. Better to wait back by the cellar door.’
And we waited by the cellar door, we leaned against the wall and listened to the sounds in the stairwell, but Maik didn’t come down. We squatted on the floor and waited and listened, and then someone came down the stairs, Rico rolled up his sleeves and moved his shoulders and head to loosen up, but it was just an old granny and we let her pass. We went on waiting, it was half three already, but Maik didn’t come. ‘He’s gone out already, let’s go.’
‘No, Danny, we’ll wait, we’ll wait a bit longer.’ I could see him clenching his right hand into a fist, opening it and closing it again, opening it and closing it again. ‘We’ll wait a bit longer, Danny.’
‘We could ring the bell, Rico, and then we’ll know if he’s still in.’
But we didn’t need to ring the bell. We knew Maik was still in ’cause we heard him screaming. We couldn’t hear what he was screaming, even though it was only two floors above us, ’cause he screamed like a stuck pig, then a door slammed, and then it went quiet again.
‘Shit,’ said Rico. ‘Let’s go up!’
‘Wait, jeez, wait!’ I held him by the shoulder. ‘That’s his old man, he must be in trouble with his old man!’
‘He’s stealing all my hard work, that arsehole. Let’s go up!’
And he went up, and I followed him. And I knew he wasn’t going up there ’cause Maik’s dad was taking all his hard work off him. And he must have met plenty of kids in the home (‘Sorry, Rico, I won’t say it again’) who’d been ground down by their dads.
We stopped outside the door on the second floor. It was quiet, but then we heard a dull thud from inside, very low, and then a groan, just as quiet. Rico rang the bell. He was a good boxer but he knew he wouldn’t stand a chance against a grown-up, but he’d had a whole lot of rage inside him since he got back. He rang again, and no one answered again. He put his fist on the doorbell and the ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong drowned out the slaps and thuds and groans from inside. Rico drummed his other fist against the door. I looked around, looking for something to help Rico with when the door opened, ’cause Maik’s dad went crazy when he’d had a drink or two, and he almost always had a drink or two, everyone in our neighbourhood knew that. There was a bucket of coal by the neighbours’ door, and I stepped aside to get closer to it when the trouble started, even though I was scared and thinking of Katja, but I couldn’t leave. And then the trouble started.
‘Bloody hell,’ Maik’s old man roared from inside, there was a bang, the door was yanked open, Rico jumped back and jerked his fists up, but Maik’s old man stood perfectly still in the doorway, just swaying a little bit and leaning his shoulder on the door frame. ‘What do you kids want?’ he slurred.
‘Come to get Maik,’ said Rico, and I eyed the bucket of coal.
‘Maik can’t come out. Bugger off.’ He stepped back and was about to slam the door, but Rico had his foot in the way; he was pretty fast. He was standing right in front of Maik’s old man now, I saw him making himself taller, balancing his weight on his tiptoes like in the ring and lifting his shoulders, but he still only came up to the man’s chest.
‘Are you deaf, boy? Take your bloody foot out of my door!’
‘We’ve come to get Maik,’ Rico said again, louder this time, and I could hear his voice trembling a bit.
‘He’s not in, I told you!’
Maik’s old man was roaring again, and I thought he could smell the booze as he roared it out, and now Rico roared as well: ‘Yes, he is!’
‘Piss off or I’ll swipe you one!’
‘Rico,’ I whispered, ‘come on, Rico, let’s go!’
But he didn’t hear me, and when I looked in his eyes, all glassy and fixed now, he didn’t even wink, and I knew he didn’t care what happened next.
‘Haven’t whacked Maik enough yet, eh?’
‘You little bugger, I’ll give you a slap!’ Maik’s old man raised his arm and stumbled towards Rico; he held his head lowered and he ran right into Rico’s fist, which looked really small in the middle of that big face. Rico was a good boxer but he couldn’t just knock a grown-up over, and that one punch couldn’t get Maik’s old man on the floor either, but Maik jumped on his back from behind, we hadn’t heard him coming, and his old man stumbled into Rico’s fist again, but even that wouldn’t have sent him down, except when Rico leapt aside Maik’s old man lurched further forward, his hand still raised, and slammed his head against the stair post. He grunted, went down, rolled onto his back and stayed put and went quiet.
