Carte blanche, p.24
Carte Blanche, page 24
Besides, the spotlight was technically on Antonio; Lee just happened to be at his side.
“Oh god, I love you, but I’m cutting you off.” Her hand covered the headset mic as she murmured in Lee’s ear. “Let the tears out for once, my love. You’re going to feel so much better.” Carlita smoothed her bodysuit as she rose. “Okay, time for a new shot boy! Gabey Baby, stand up, wave to the crowd.”
Glaring at Antonio, Gabe waved once, before crossing his arms and slumping in his chair.
“My best friend Gabe here is about to get married and has a baby on the way. And this motherfucker won’t let me plan a bachelor party for him, so help him celebrate tonight! Don’t get him too drunk though, he’s gotta be able to walk in the door. He’s tall and big—if you know what I mean. I don’t think his fiancée could carry him.”
“Challenge accepted, Tonio!” Tara called.
Carlita laughed. “She said challenge accepted. Bitch, worry about carrying your baby, not your man.”
The crowd laughed, and Carlita introduced the next performer. Lee poured himself some water. It may be his birthday, and it may be a celebration, and no one would judge him if he let loose and had some fun. But Lee was still himself, and he didn’t like feeling so out of control. Especially not at work, or when Antonio was still secretly upset, or when Lee was making Jazz cry by not watching what he said. He needed to sober up if he couldn’t act right.
Chapter Twenty
Blanche
After the show, Blanche helped Lee downstairs to the dance floor. A task that should have been far easier than it was. By this point, he and Gabe were both fucked up after downing shot after shot, despite Antonio’s constant reminders that he was sober.
Tara was faring slightly better with helping Gabe down the stairs. He was holding his liquor better and—in his usual doting manner—he was attempting to help her, too. Which meant he kept stopping to feel her ass every few steps with a foolish grin on his face.
Lee, on the other hand, was a fucking anchor around Blanche’s neck.
At least he’d recovered from his earlier emotional spell, so Lee was back to his easygoing self. Just deeply uncoordinated. Eventually, Blanche got him down to the dance floor and deposited him on a barstool next to Mimi. Jazz’s partner merely nodded in greeting as she sipped a White Claw.
“Taking a break from dancing?” Blanche asked her as they caught their breath. They were regretting the leather bodysuit; sweat coated their skin.
Gabe must have caught a second wind from the thumping music, because he dragged a grinning Tara to the dance floor with a mischievous grin.
“Yeah, got too hot. Looks like he’s having a fun night,” Mimi said dryly, smiling at Blanche before nodding toward Lee.
Blanche blinked in surprise at Mimi smiling. At them? “Too much fun, I think. The crowd was a little too generous tonight.” Carlita had eventually started calling Venus out to start taking shots after Gabe tapped out, and Blanche had had their fair share of any brown liquor. This level of raucousness was more typical of Pride weekends, not a random Saturday in October. But the Vamp movie already had a feral sapphic fanbase, and word had spread quickly that a local drag queen had been featured on the album. Most likely thanks to Teddy, Blanche imagined.
Swaying on his barstool, Lee danced with his eyes closed. His hand stayed on Blanche’s shoulder, pulling on them as he moved. Probably for the best. He’d fall off otherwise.
“You know Jazz talks about you all the time,” Mimi said, too casually.
“Does she?” Blanche tried to ignore the pleased glow in their heart. They thought about Jazz too much as it was, especially since that kiss. Hopefully Mimi wouldn’t notice their blush in the pink and blue lighting of the bar. With how much whiskey they’d had, Blanche had no hope of controlling it.
While the first week or so had been awkward, in the past few days, there’d been a shift between them, despite Blanche’s best efforts to create space. Jazz had always been affectionate and sweet, but it was now apparent that Jazz had been showing restraint this whole time.
Jazz didn’t have just one love language; she used all of them. She gave Blanche compliments and touches and gifts and favors and movie nights every day from sunup to sundown. Blanche felt powerless to stop their crush from deepening. She was so…sweet. They couldn’t find it in themselves to talk about boundaries or ask her to stop. It was easier to be generous and affectionate in return.
Even when they’d been getting ready to come here tonight, Jazz’s energy had been infectious. Blanche had found her trying on clothes in front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom, wearing only the lace blouse and a thong. Once their brain had regained any function, they’d offhandedly suggested they both wear lace, since they had a skirt in the same pattern as her blouse. Which had led to Jazz helping Blanche pick out what to wear. Which led to Blanche lending her their pants (which hugged Jazz’s round hips far better than they’d ever graced Blanche’s), which led to Jazz doing their makeup. Which led to Blanche sitting at her desk, while she straddled their lap, their jaw firmly grasped in her hand, while they were mere inches from her full, soft lips. Nearly irresistible, they’d been parted in concentration as she winged Blanche’s eyeliner.
“We had to have a talk about jealousy.” Mimi pursed her lips, snapping Blanche out of their fevered memory. “I was under the impression that she was hiding feelings for you. But after our talk, I’m good.”
Mimi’s words drenched Blanche in cold water. If Mimi had been jealous, it was no wonder she’d been so standoffish before. Blanche’s heart hurt at the thought that Mimi no longer had anything to be jealous of. That the kiss had just been platonic for Jazz, while Blanche was completely melting down, unable to drive it from their mind. That the increased affection between them was simply Jazz being more comfortable as friends and roommates. That Jazz’s crush had faded, as Blanche’s grew.
They took a breath, trying to play it off, fully aware of overprotective Lee behind them. Even if he might not remember the conversation. “Oh, there’s nothing to be jealous of here. Just dear friends and roommates.”
Mimi shook her head, her black hair glinting blue and pink in the lights of the dance floor. “You’ve been preapproved by the polycule in any case, whatever happens.”
Blanche didn’t know what Mimi meant. With Lee in earshot, they were reluctant to ask.
Before they could find a way to phrase it subtly, Carlita joined them. Freddy and three of his kids were right behind her, like ducklings waddling after their mama. Freddy held a sleeping Catalina to his chest; the noise-canceling headphones over her ears matched her siblings.
“You brought all the kids to the bar?” Blanche teased. “Dad of the year!”
The three who were still awake hugged them to a chorus of “Auntie Blanche!” Blanche scooped up Sebastian, the third eldest, before he could toddle into the dance floor. “Are you having fun tonight, my lovelies?”
Marisol nodded. “Grandma had bingo night, so we came to work with Daddy, so Mama could sleep when Elena did.”
Leo wrinkled his nose. “Elena’s boring. All she does is sleep.”
Blanche snorted. “Were you good helpers?”
They all nodded. “I got to hit play on the music!” Marisol beamed.
“Freddy, can you be a dear and help me get Lee to my car?” Carlita asked.
Lee opened his eyes with a grin that lit up his face at the sound of his husband’s voice. “Babe, I can walk! I’m so good at walking!”
“I’m sure you can, Angel, but not in a straight line. Sorry for getting you so drunk.” Carlita kissed his cheek.
“S’ok.” Lee bashed his head against Antonio’s. “I’m having the best fucking birthday.”
“Then let’s go home and make it even better, okay?” Carlita patted his chest as Tara and Gabe emerged from the crowd.
Lee nodded and stood, wavering as he blinked slowly. Blanche was not jealous of the hangover he’d have tomorrow morning. Freddy quickly handed the still-sleeping Catalina to Tara to help steady him. He signed to his kids, telling them to stay with Blanche.
“Can we have cherries?” Leo asked.
Freddy flagged Jackie down, who gave them a cup full of cherries. She showed Marisol and Leo how to tie the stem into a knot with their tongues to keep them busy.
Teddy emerged from the dance floor with Jazz, only to drag Mimi back instead. Jazz took her vacant barstool instead, putting her arms around Blanche’s waist from behind and pulling them against her. “You found a kid!”
“My nephew, Bash!” Blanche explained, leaning into her arms. Sebastian buried his head into Blanche’s chest, suddenly shy.
Sunny was flushed pink when she found them again, and Richard was smirking. Blanche knew they should probably pull away from Jazz before Sunny said anything, but they couldn’t find it within them to care. Let Sunny talk shit. After all, this was just affection between friends, apparently. Blanche fussed with their nephew’s shoe, unsure why they were so bothered by Jazz respecting the boundary they’d set.
Gabe sat down on the barstool Lee had left unoccupied. He grinned stupidly at Tara holding the sleeping toddler, wedging his hands into the pockets of her jeans to pull her closer. Tara smiled patiently as she let herself be pulled between his legs, awkwardly readjusting Catalina in her arms, checking how Blanche held Sebastian to make sure she was doing it right.
“Babes, you’re going to be a good parent. The look suits you.” Blanche offered with a nod. Tara huffed at the compliment, lifting the toddler a bit more comfortably against her chest.
Gabe apparently agreed; his hands rested on her belly under her shirt. The bump was barely noticeable under her baggy sweater, until Gabe’s giant hands highlighted it.
Lips brushed Blanche’s neck as Jazz whispered in their ear, “What a cute family they’ll—” Jazz huffed. “One sec. Teddy’s waving me down. Be right back.” Her absence chilled Blanche’s back as Jazz returned to the dance floor.
Sunny stole Jazz’s chair. “You two look cozy. What’s going on there?”
Blanche shook their head. “Nothing like what you’re asking about, Babygirl. Just two affectionate roommates.”
“Sure, okay. I believe you,” Sunny teased.
Blanche simply shook their head. “Was there a line for the Confessionals?” they teased to avoid the question.
Sunny flushed red. “I have no shame in my mild exhibition game. Just saying, if that changes, I’m happy for you. You deserve someone sweet like her to have your back. She might be able to handle you better than anyone.”
Blanche shook their head. Jazz was surprisingly levelheaded, a good communicator, assertive, and compassionate. But handling difficult conversations between partners who were all college students was very different from the difficulties and dangers of being with Blanche. And Jazz should have light, fun, relationships. She shouldn’t need to be emotionally mature; she’d experienced enough heaviness in her life. Blanche refused to add to it.
Not that Jazz wanted them to, apparently.
“Keep an open mind,” Sunny said in a singsong. “We’ve all taken risks and grown from them. Even if they didn’t work out the way we wanted right away, it’s all been for the best. You’ve been so good about taking risks with your career, maybe it’s time to do the same with your heart too.”
Blanche laughed as Sebastian yawned against their chest and slumped over with a snore. “Babygirl, here I thought you were about to talk shit. Instead, you’re sitting here giving me a therapy session.”
Sunny laughed, pulling them into a hug and ruffling the sleeping toddler’s hair. “You’ve given me enough of them over the years. But speaking of talking shit, was that a kiss on the neck I saw? That certainly is very affectionate for a roommate.”
Blanche scoffed. “She was talking, and her lips happened to touch my neck!”
Richard must have overheard, because he narrowed his eyes. “Sunshine, are you meddling?”
Sunny rolled her eyes. “I might be. What are you going to do about it?”
Richard gripped her elbow. “You have been getting on my last nerve tonight, Doll. One offhand observation, and you start causing trouble. We’re going home.”
Sunny winked at Blanche as they left. Blanche shook their head, fighting a proud smile. The shy Sunny who had asked for their help discovering her sexual side had blossomed into a vibrant woman. Richard had grown into a quiet confidence himself, right alongside her. While they couldn’t take all the credit, Blanche considered them a personal success.
Freddy returned to take Catalina back from Tara, who shook out her arms. “Let’s go, Coop. You know how I feel about driving at night. Better to leave now before the bar closes.”
“Gladly, Kitten. Unless you need to use the bathroom first? I can come with you.” Gabe kissed her neck once more. Tara laughed and walked away. He dutifully followed her to the Confessionals, stumbling after her. His hands stayed firmly in her back pockets to keep himself upright.
Blanche rose to follow Freddy to his minivan in the parking garage, stroking Sebastian’s cheek. Freddy’s child slept peacefully in their arms, blissfully unaware of the sadness rolling through Blanche. The tuft of dark hair that he and all of his siblings got from their father always reminded Blanche of Daisy.
Daisy would have loved Bash. All of her brother’s kids. She’d been so excited when Chas got pregnant, only to have her life cut short weeks before Marisol was due.
Marisol and Leo laughed as they ran ahead to reach the car first, letting out the same sigh that their dad did—that Daisy had—as they caught their breath.
Daisy and Blanche had discussed kids a couple of times, but with Blanche’s conundrum of a body, who knew if that ever would have happened? Besides, kids were something Daisy had wanted. Blanche…well, Blanche didn’t. Even if they loved Freddy and Chas’s kids, Blanche was perfectly happy being an auntie, a friend to their ducklings, and a domme to their clients. They wanted to live life for themself. For the first time, they didn’t feel guilty for wanting something different from Daisy.
“The thing I miss most about my old apartment was how close it was to everything.” Blanche’s thigh muscles burned as they climbed the bluff that earned the Hillside neighborhood its name. A brisk October breeze, scented with the promise of rain, blew against them, encouraging them to hurry home. “And how flat it was. I’m too old for this shit.”
Jazz laughed, equally breathless from the walk. She held out her arm, a silent offer of support. “I said we could call an Uber.”
Blanche looped their arm through hers, even if it wouldn’t necessarily make it easier for either of them to walk so close together. But her body was warm as they huddled together. “I said I’m old, not dead. I can walk two miles.” A car slowed as its headlights passed over them. The blaring music cut through the silence of the early morning hours. Blanche and Jazz both stiffened, their hands finding each other with a squeeze. They both waited silently until it sped away. “Still, it’d be a good idea to catch the last bus home in the future.”
Jazz hummed in agreement as they paused to catch their breath once the street leveled out. Neither let go of each other’s hand. Instead, their fingers laced together tight.
“Jazzy, can I ask you something?” Perhaps they were looking for trouble by asking a question they could probably guess the answer to, but it was going to come up at some point. Or at least that’s how the Shayla in Blanche’s mind rationalized it. With how much Blanche had to drink, mixed emotions roiled under their skin. The walk and chill night air had helped sober them up, but not enough to keep them from running their mouth.
“Of course, Beautiful!”
Just as the rain started to fall in a cold spritz across their face, Blanche flicked open the gate latch at their front sidewalk. The house looked gray in the rainy evening, the only pink visible on the porch, where the light was on to guide them home. “Mimi told me I was preapproved by the polycule. What does that mean?”
Jazz tripped over the step as they held the gate open for her. Without letting go of her hand, Blanche caught her around the waist to steady her. The gate swung out against their hip. Oh, that was a terrible idea. Jazz’s body pressed against theirs was the best torture.
“Of course she did.” Stepping away, Jazz rubbed her forehead with the hand that wasn’t holding Blanche’s, leaving them cold as they hurried along the sidewalk to get out of the rain. “So obviously, we can have partners outside of our triad. But after Mimi started dating Julissa, it triggered some jealousy issues in all of us. So we agreed we needed to get any potential partners preapproved before we pursue another relationship.”
Blanche waited expectantly as they unlocked the door. They weren’t a new partner.
“And Mimi was jealous because I… Well, because I moved in with you, when I’ve been crushing on you for literal years. Not that I’m letting that impact our living situation or friendship or anything,” Jazz added in a rush. “Anyway, Teddy insisted that we test out our preapproval conversation to give Mimi a chance to voice her worries. Even though I told them you didn’t want anything like that.” She grimaced, groaning, “Sorry she mentioned it—I’ve been trying very hard to not make it weird, and that’s exactly the kind of shit that’d make it weird. She’s very encouraging, but sometimes it crosses over into meddling.”
Blanche pursed their lips, confused. Maybe they’d had more to drink than they expected, because this wasn’t clicking. Jazz did have feelings for them? Then why was Mimi’s jealousy no longer an issue? “Don’t be sorry. I was just curious what she meant.” While they’d also been trying to keep their own crush away from this friendship, they were a hot mess about it. Some things were best left unacknowledged. Wanting was bitter when it was hopeless.
