Wrong girl, p.26
Wrong Girl, page 26
“It’s fine. I was happy to come.” I lie, forcing a joyful smile onto my face.
“I can’t believe you just left without saying a word. I got the biggest shock of my life when you told me where you were.”
“I just fancied a change and some time by myself.”
“Are you sure you’re ok?”
“I’m sure.” I try my best to be convincing, hoping she won’t see right through my façade.
“Good because I have so much to tell you! Oh my God, Sam… I thought things weren’t going so well between me and Zack and I suppose they weren’t… until last night.”
“L-last night?” I stammer, battling to ignore the excruciating pain inside my chest. It’s one I’m all too familiar with and never want to experience again.
Heartbreak.
“Yes!” She practically squeals excitedly. “We finally spent the night together. God, I was so worried. It’s been weeks since we last had sex and I couldn’t help myself from wondering if it was my fault. Anyway, he took me by complete surprise last night. He fucked my brains out and I could hardly walk this morning!” She giggles, linking arms with conspiratorially as we make our way down the hall.
She has absolutely no idea what her words just did to me. She’s completely oblivious and that’s how I need it to stay. She can never know that what she just told me crucified my very soul. I honestly don’t know how I’ve found the strength to remain standing upright. Every single instinct inside my body is screaming at me to fall down, fall down and weep.
Zack. Zack and her. Zack and her together.
Just like we were.
“Are you ok?” Rachel’s question yanks me out of my reverie, pulling me back into the present.
A place I really don’t want to be.
“Of course” I shake my head, pleading with my shattered heart to cooperate just this once. “I’m just a little tired from my trip, I had just got back when you phoned me.”
“I’m sorry, Sis. I really do appreciate you coming here though, Zack told me to invite you. I think he’s hoping you might be there to save him from our annoying relatives if they somehow manage to corner him and I’m busy.”
“Oh…”
Of course that’s all he wants me for. I was foolish to believe anything different.
We make our way into the main room and I swear I can feel his watchful eyes on me the second we enter the room. I try to distract myself straight away, heading over to the table where the drinks are. I grab a glass of champagne and almost down it in three gulps. I’ve never been drunk before but now feels as good a time as any.
“Don’t even think about humiliating your sister tonight. I’ve got my eye on you and don’t you forget it.” My mum whispers, coming up behind me.
“Wow… love you too, Mum.” I reply icily, purposefully turning my back on her.
We’re mercifully interrupted by a distant relative wanting to start a conversation with my mother and I can make my escape. I put as much distance as I can between me and Zack, busying myself with my phone as I try to avoid eye contact with him. It proves to be no damn use as I shift uncomfortably underneath his penetrating gaze. I don’t know where Rachel is and I daren’t look up from my phone’s screen in case I actually see him.
Maybe I can say I’m feeling ill? Maybe I can have a quiet word with my sister and make up some excuse about how exhausted I am. I’m sure she would understand and be fine with me leaving so soon…
“Sam, I need to talk to you.”
I whirl around and almost collide with him, stumbling backwards. He reaches out to steady me but I deliberately tear my arm from his grasp.
“Don’t. Touch. Me.” I snarl, glowering at him in hatred.
“What the hell? What’s wrong with you? Why are you looking at me like that?” He continues to fire questions at me, attempting to draw me back in with those incredible brown eyes of his.
“Like you don’t know.” I say contemptuously.
“I don’t!” He exclaims loudly, unknowingly raising his voice.
“Just stay away from me. I want nothing more to do with you.” I speak coolly, forcing myself to look at him.
I need him to know how serious I am, I don’t want there to be a single doubt in his head when it comes to us being together.
“Baby, please… you have to explain to me what’s wrong.” He pleads with me, imploring me with his eyes to believe his sincerity.
“You two ok?” Rachel sneaks up behind me, startling us both.
“Everything’s fine.” I assure her, hoping my fraudulent smile will be enough to convince her. “Zack was just asking me about my holiday.” I lie, angling my body away from Zack.
“You really need to tell me what happened, Sam. What made you decide to leave out of the blue like that?” She regards me with curiosity, no doubt wondering what mess I’ve managed to get myself into this time.
“You know… I really can’t remember what it was but I’ve come to realise that whatever problems I was facing before I left just don’t matter to me anymore. It’s just not worth it.”
I make sure my tone is cold and condescending, intent on wounding him. I need him to hurt. I want to make him suffer and experience the agonising pain that I’ve been through. A part of me wants to destroy him and even though he’s technically done nothing wrong by choosing to sleep with his own fiancé, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the temptation to claw his eyes out every time I look at him.
My whole body hurts. I actually ache from the torment his betrayal has brought me and I know I have no right to be feeling jealous or deceived… except I do.
“Come on, the food will be ready in a minute and I want you to sit beside us at the table.” Rachel links arms with me again as we move in the direction of the dining room. I can still sense Zack’s unwavering stare on my back as we exit the room.
I quickly make an escape for the toilet, hoping that I won’t get seated next to Zack and Rachel by the time I get back. I even consider making a run for it, wondering how good my chances are of being able to sneak out of here without being seen.
I take a seat on the edge of the bath, fighting to remain calm my heart rate accelerates. My palms are sweaty and my head is swimming, I can barely bring myself to look in the mirror, certain that my reflection will reveal the haunted emotion behind my eyes. The excruciating trauma I’ve just endured is unlike anything I’ve ever known. I’ve never felt envious before. I’ve never felt jealousy quite like this… it’s so powerful, I feel like it could tear me in two. I clench my fists and take a deep breath, forcing myself to stand up. My legs are still unsteady as I unlock the bathroom door, reluctantly leaving the safety of my isolation.
I only manage to take a single step before I hear his voice.
“Samantha, wait.”
I spin around to find him leaning against the wall behind me, waiting for me with his arms folded and a petulant scowl on his face.
“I told you to leave me alone.” I say coldly, brusquely walking away from him.
“I don’t care about that. You need to talk to me!” He begs, chasing after me.
“Not here.” I stop abruptly, spinning around to face him.
“Then where?”
“Nowhere! I don’t want to speak to you anymore, I don’t want to speak to you ever again.” I lie.
The truth is I wouldn’t survive a single day without this man but that’s the last thing on earth I want him to know right now.
“Why not? Tell me what I did for Christ’s sake!” He grabs hold of my arms and shakes me, forcefully trying to get the truth out of me.
“Look, it’s none of my business. Just forget it.”
“For fuck’s sake, Samantha. Tell me.” He growls, tightening the already painful hold he has on my arms.
“I know you slept with Rachel last night.” I finally concede, whispering softly.
Revealing what I know to Zack has surrendered me to the indescribable agony that’s been burning a hole in my chest since I found out. I can’t help it. I need him to fix what is broken, I want him to assure me that I got it wrong, that it didn’t happen. I need him to wake me up from this hideous nightmare.
“What?” He whispers disbelievingly, relinquishing the bruising grip he has on me.
“I know, Zack. She told me”
I desperately want to ignore the guilt I can see in his eyes, unwilling to accept that he really did make love to my sister last night.
“When?” He asks gravely, closing his eyes.
“Just now.” I tremble, instantly knowing that it’s true. “I don’t see how that matters. What’s important is that I know.”
I attempt to put some distance between us but he refuses. He cages me in between the wall and his powerful body, leaving me trapped.
“Oh.”
His silent admittance is all that it takes. I instinctively protect myself, folding my arms across my chest, knowing that I’m about to experience the searing pain of been torn in half all over again. The image of the two of them together invades my mind, twisting and turning the ugly thoughts inside my head. The thoughts which include hurting them both for causing me to wounding me like this.
“Don’t try to make out like I’m overreacting.” I warn him, using my index finger to stab him in the chest.
A part of me wants it to pierce his heart. I would give anything for him to know what it feels like. I need him to understand what I’m going through, I want him to feel just one tenth of the discomfort and nausea that is consuming my whole being. My aim is for him to be tormented and afflicted beyond belief.
“And how do you feel?” He questions me, stroking a single finger down the right side of my face.
“Sick. I feel sick to my stomach.” I reply truthfully, struggling to avoid the powerful magnetism his touch brings me.
“Why?” He asks, lowering his lips towards mine.
“Why do you think?” I snap, jerking my head away from him.
“Because you’re jealous.” He replies simply, tilting his head to the side with a bemused expression on his face.
“Fuck you.” I snarl, glowering at him viciously.
“You can if you want to.” He whispers, speaking directly against my ear.
“Just stop it. You disgust me.” I groan, shrinking away from him.
“Sam, last night was a mistake, it really was. I knew that it felt wrong as soon as we started…”
“No! Stop! I don’t want to hear it!” I interrupt him, violently shoving my palms against his chest, intending to at least bruise him this time.
“No! You’re going to hear this. I have to explain myself to you.” He grabs hold of my wrists in a vice like grip, unyielding and determined to stop me from pushing him away.
“How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t want to hear it.” I speak slowly, as if he’s slow to understand.
I hope it will be enough to stop him. I can’t bear to hear any more about his illicit tryst with my sister and I’m starting to fear what the repercussions will be if I actually throw up all over my mum’s pristine carpet… a definite possibility if he continues.
“Sam! Zack! Where are you guys?”
The sound of Rachel’s voice coming down the hallway is enough to break us apart. I purposefully make sure there’s enough distance between us and pray we don’t rouse her suspicions.
“Say nothing. I’ll take care of this.” Zack instructs me, casually leaning against the wall opposite. He shoves both of his hands inside his pockets, exuding confidence and calm.
“There you are! We’re all waiting for you two in the dining room.” Rachel turns the corner and furrows her brow when she spots us, a bewildered expression on her face.
I nervously glance at Zack, wondering how on earth he’s going to explain our absence to her. This must look really suspicious, even to an unsuspecting person like Rachel.
“I had to discuss something with Sam, something private. Wedding business.” Zack grins at her, oozing self-assurance and composure.
“Oh, wow! I don’t want to ruin the surprise so I won’t ask anything else. We really do need to start with dinner though, mum isn’t happy.” Rachel rolls her eyes at me before turning on her heel and leaving us alone.
I’m about to follow in her footsteps when Zack reaches out and grabs my arm, preventing me from taking another step.
“This is not over.” He growls, breathing heavily against me.
I shrug him off me and ignore his warning, mentally preparing myself to get through the next couple of hours unscathed.
Famous last words.
I avoid the malicious and spiteful glare of my mother when we join the others, taking my seat at the opposite end of the table to Zack and Rachel. I’m actually relieved to be so far apart from them, the last thing I need right now is to watch the two of them all over each other. I’m quite happy to sit in the corner and be ignored, it’s nothing new to me and if I’m being entirely honest… I sometimes think I prefer it that way. I’m so used to existing in the shadows, completely outshone by my sister’s light.
“You must be so thrilled that Rachel has asked you of all people to be her Maid of honour.” One of my mother’s friends says to me, forcing me out of the trance-like state I had become lost in.
I glance across the table at her and smile weakly, refusing to even acknowledge such a blatantly rude statement. God knows what my mother has told people about me but they sure seem to have a low opinion of my existence. Just like she does…
Zack continues to fixate his hypnotic gaze upon me throughout the entire meal and I shift uncomfortably in my seat, struggling to understand how no one else seems to notice the tension between us. Not even my sister.
“Of course I would like Rachel’s Uncle to give her away. I just hope that he will be able to fly over for the wedding.”
My mum’s sudden announcement causes me to jerk my head in her direction. My mouth falls open and my breathing becomes erratic. My body feels weak and yet my heart begins to hammer inside my chest, threatening to burst out at any moment. I clench my fists, digging my short nails into the palms of my hand. I’m so desperate to feel physical pain right now, frantically trying to distract myself from the searing storm of agony that’s consuming my very being.
“Mum, I haven’t even said yes to the idea. It was your suggestion for Uncle Harry to give me away.” Rachel reprimands her gently, nervously moistening her lips.
She casts a glimpse in my direction but refuses to look me in the eye, clearly caught off guard by our mum’s revelation.
“It was my suggestion and a good one. You’ll see sense soon enough and I can’t wait to tell Harry the good news. You have no idea how excited he will be, Sweetheart. You know he thinks the world of you.”
I clench my fists, battling against the overwhelming urge I have to throw my dinner plate at my mother’s head. I cannot believe that she would invite that… monster back here. Or that she would partly convince my sister to even consider it.
Evil. That’s exactly what she is and it’s taken me twenty-three years to discover it.
The conversation carries on with my mother explaining to the rest of the table that my late father’s brother, Harry, has been living abroad for several years. She goes on and on about what a successful businessman he is, building his entire empire single-handedly. I count to one hundred in my head, willing myself to remain righteous and composed, knowing an emotional outburst is exactly what my so called mother expects from me right now.
One person’s attention still remains. His searching gaze stays on me throughout it all, inquisitive at first and then downright discerning. I feel as though he can see right through me. He’s probing my mind, I can almost visualise him flicking through the pages of my life, scanning the contents of my brain and trying to decipher the traumatic events I’ve experienced. Intrusively venturing into my most private thoughts and attempting to translate them into a language he can understand.
The desert is finally served. I only manage the smallest of mouthfuls before I push my plate away, unwilling to play along with this charade for a moment longer. No one tries to engage me in conversation and I’m more than happy to remain silent, at least then I can pretend I’m invisible.
All I’ve ever wanted to be.
My mother suggests that everyone stay for a nightcap after the meal and that’s when I decide to make my exit. I wait until Rachel is distracted, she’s caught up in a meaningless conversation with one of our distant relatives and it’s the perfect moment for me to leave unnoticed.
I don’t plan on saying goodbye to everyone, they’re all too caught up in talking about the wedding and the thing I need to do now is escape. This house is like a cage, a cage I need to break free from before I slowly suffocate from its clutches.
I quickly head towards the hallway, hoping to grab my coat and make a speedy exit without being spotted. However, it’s when I’m walking past the sliding doors that lead out onto the balcony that I pause. I can’t help but remember the first night that I stepped out here with Zack to take in the magnificent view. I remember the electricity that already existed between us that night and how unnerving it was for me to feel so drawn to my older sister’s new fiancé.
I thought he felt it too. He almost convinced me that he did and then he made love to her. I know they’re engaged and I know there is absolutely no future for me and him but it still… hurts. Who am I kidding? It’s killing me and that’s why I need to get out, I need to stop this right now before it strips me of everything that I am, everything I need to hold onto.
That still doesn’t stop me making my way out onto the balcony, I silently open the sliding door and close it behind me, breathing in the cool evening air outside. There’s a full moon and I gaze up at it for the longest time, remembering the children’s story my dad used to tell me about a man living on it. When I was a little girl I truly believed in him and every single night I used to pray to that man in the moon. After my father died I used to do it more often, I couldn’t understand why God had taken my daddy away, I didn’t know why the awful things had started to happen to me and I had no idea how to stop it. I used to think that the kind man in the moon had all the answers and if I listened hard enough he just might tell me what to do.
