Got a man, p.20
Got a Man, page 20
Chapter 35
Shonda
Malik actually stayed the whole night out. I mean, it was time for me to go to work and I still hadn’t seen or heard from him. All I know is, if he spent the night out with Kim or over there, I’m going to fuck him up. The only excuse he could have for not returning my calls was that he was dead, and if he wasn’t dead, then I would kill him. My stomach was aching; I couldn’t even think at work.
It was 12:00 P.M. and I still didn’t speak to Malik yet. I had no other choice but to call—my last resort. I got Kim’s number out of Malik’s telephone book and I dialed her house; I had to know if he was there.
I let the phone ring and ring and I finally got her answering machine. I listened. It was pathetic. She had her son and the baby crying on the machine and she said “You have reach Kim, Kevin and Malik. We are not home. Leave a message and we will call you when we get home.” If Malik was not there, I didn’t know where he was.
Malik called me around three. I was about to go berserk on him, but instead I just calmly said, “Where did you stay last night?”
“I went to see the baby and I was putting him to sleep and I fell ’sleep.” Was that the only excuse Malik could offer, one that was lame? So very lame. He fell ’sleep putting his son to bed? Yeah, right.
“Malik, you think I believe that?”
“It’s the truth.”
“Where was Kim?”
“She was in her room. I swear to God. It was just me and him on the sofa. Kim and Kevin were in their rooms. I’m telling you the truth.” Malik must have thought he was talking to a fool. In no way did I believe that he fell ’sleep putting his son to bed. He could save that bullshit for somebody else.
“Remember, Malik, you cheated with me. You think I can’t tell when you using the same line on me that you used on her? You must have bumped your head.”
“Shonda, you know I love you. I just miss my kids. I would never cheat on you.”
“You only have one kid. Her son is not your son. You’re stupid. You’re letting her manipulate you. You don’t have to worry about me no more, it’s over. It’s over Malik,” I repeated. “Yup, go fall ’sleep with your son again,” I said as I slammed down the phone. Malik’s story had holes in it, I couldn’t believe he could hurt me like this. He stayed the night out on me and when I asked him for the truth, he continued to lie. If Malik wanted to be with his baby’s mom/fiancée, I’d let him. I’m not going through no dumb shit with him. Please, I don’t think so. I had too many other things to concentrate on, like selling a car before I left work.
It was payday and after taxes my paycheck was eighteen hundred. I was making in two weeks what I made in a month at any of my other jobs. After work, I went home, picked up Bree, and did some light shopping. I was also able to pay my bills, buy food, and still have money left over. My next pay I was going to start looking for a new place.
Malik was still on my mind, but there was nothing I could do if he wanted to be with his son. I had to let him choose his own path. He left me messages all night saying it was an emergency and to call him back. He left his number like I didn’t know it already. I did not answer the phone. It’s amazing what a man will say or do when he’s in the doghouse.
Kim
It was a little late when Malik stopped over—he said he wanted to say good night to his son. I let him in. I was just about to get in the shower. We talked briefly and he went and talked to little Malik and Kevin for about an hour. I took my shower, dried off, and put my robe on. I walked past Malik reading to the boys. He looked up and said that he was getting ready to go. He gave them both a kiss and said that he was going home. Kevin went to his room and got in his bed and Malik placed little Malik in his crib. I walked Malik to the door and told him I was happy he was coming around and seeing the boys. He told me he was only doing his job and he missed me and Kevin when he wasn’t here.
“We miss you too, Malik.” It was an odd moment between us and then Malik hugged me. I hugged him back. I held him tighter.
“I’m sorry that I left.”
“It’s okay,” I said as we separated from our hug and I pushed my hair back and looked down.
“Do you still love me, Kim?” he asked as he raised my chin and tried to kiss me.
“Yes, I still love you Malik, but I think you should go,” I said as I turned away. I walked toward the door. Malik came behind me and pinned me up against the door. He kissed my neck and then removed my robe. I turned around and he kissed me. He suckled my breast in his mouth. Then he kissed my navel. I massaged his shoulders as he moved his tongue and head between my legs. He came up and he unclothed himself.
Malik then gave me what I missed and what I needed for the last couple of months. He made love to me like he loved me. Like he wanted me. We kissed and cuddled each other for three hours straight.
I never thought I would be creeping with my own man. It didn’t feel right, he didn’t feel like he was mine. I mean, I loved the way Malik was making me feel, but I hated that he had to get up and go when it was all over. I didn’t know how to react. I was almost Malik’s wife but I was playing the role of the other woman.
I wished that me and Malik could get back together. I missed our family, but it’s less of a hassle now that we are not. I don’t have to worry about where he is or what he is doing. With every visit, now, he comes to visit me and the boys.
I wanted to go get little Malik and Kevin’s picture taken. I bought them matching blue and white outfits. They looked so cute. We were heading out the door when Stephanie called. I told her I was heading out the door to the mall. She asked could she go with us. I told her I didn’t mind. She gave me her address and I picked her up from her new apartment.
Stephanie asked me about my labor and everything that was going on. I filled her in about the labor. Then she asked, “How has Malik been acting?”
“He’s been over almost every day.”
“Really? That’s good.”
I was about to tell her about the other night, but then I decided not to. It was none of her business. The rest of the ride to the mall we talked about old times and the boys.
Chapter 36
Shonda
Now I believed Malik was telling the truth about falling asleep with his son. He called a dozen more times before I forgave him. He said he wanted me to go with him to his mother’s house on Christmas. I was so happy that he was finally going to bring me around his family. I couldn’t wait to go. I even went to buy something to wear and bought his mother a gift. I was trying to get in good with her. I know that once she meets me she will like me.
Christmas morning, me and Bree made our rounds. We stopped past my dad and dropped off his gift and went to see Gram. We bought Gram a fuchsia pink silk pantsuit and hat to match that she could wear to church. After I dropped Bree at her dad’s house, I expected to spend the rest of the day with Malik. He came over and gave me a red velvet box. Inside was a white gold and gold bracelet. It was solid and very pretty. I got Malik a few sweaters and a Roca-A-Wear sweat suit. After we exchanged gifts, Malik put his coat back on and said that he would see me later.
“Where are you going?”
“To my mother’s.”
“I’m not dressed yet, I thought we were going together.”
“Uhm, Shonda, Kim is going to be at my mom’s house and I don’t want any drama.”
“I’m not going to say anything to her.”
“I know you won’t, but she might say something to you.”
“So, I can’t go to your mother’s house?
“Malik, I just don’t believe you. How can you spend Christmas without me? How come I have to be excluded from certain aspects of your life? It’s Christmas. You make me the fuck sick.”
“Shonda, it’s the baby’s first Christmas. I have to spend it with the baby and my mom. I always do. I can’t take you to my mom’s house, having both of y’all there will only bring more confusion into our lives.”
“That’s not right, Malik. You still haven’t even let me meet your mother.”
“I will, eventually.”
“When? Just get out of my face, just get the hell out of my face.”
“Stop overreacting. I am spending Christmas with you. Just, half the day. You don’t really celebrate anyway.”
“So what.”
“I have to be there for Malik.”
“Well, it’s not fair, Malik, and I don’t like it. Whatever she says you run and go do.”
“I do not run when she tells me and you’re not going to tell me when and how I should see him.”
“Nobody’s trying to tell you what to do, but this is not right.” Malik continued to try to explain why I couldn’t go and I sulked on the sofa.
Kim
The baby’s first Christmas was great. I went to my mother’s house and helped her cook. Malik met us over there. Kianna was with her record producer boyfriend, Greg. Karen, Ryan, and Lonnie were there too. We made a feast: turkey, stuffing, salmon, macaroni and cheese, gravy and rice, string bean casserole, corn. My mother baked two apple pies. I dressed the boys alike and everyone loved taking the boys’ pictures. Malik was treated like he was still a part of the family. We ate, played games and opened presents. Malik got me a white gold and gold bracelet. It was in a red velvet box. He bought Kevin a Playstation II, a bike, and a skateboard. He bought Malik more clothes and toys he couldn’t even play with yet. After we left my mother’s house, we went to Malik’s mother’s house. They were so happy to see little Malik. Nadia’s daughter was all over him, kissing and hugging him. Malik’s mom bought my baby some cheap clothes and Kevin a basketball and book.
Chapter 37
Shonda
New Year’s Eve was a time for celebration—a lot of things had happened to me in the last year. I had a lot to be grateful for. I had Bree, I was working, making good money, I was about to move into my new apartment, and Malik and me were still going strong. His son was no longer putting a wedge in our relationship. I guess Kim came to grips that I was here to stay. I even accepted that Malik needed space and time to be with his son. I could respect that. The time he spends with his son, I use to spend with my daughter instead of pouting.
We spent New Year’s Eve on the waterfront at Club Escape with Tae and her new friend, “the boah from New York.”
At the stroke of midnight, I said, “I love you Malik.”
“I love you, Shonda.”
“I’m so glad to be going into a New Year with you. I felt like we have been with each other forever.”
“Baby, there is nobody else for me,” he said as he raised my chin up so our eyes would meet. “I love you and don’t you forget it.”
Kim
The previous New Years, I always spent with Malik. We would go to a party, or get a room at a hotel and celebrate. This New Year’s was so very different. I was home in the bed with my boys, watching the ball drop in Times Square on television. They both were ’sleep when 2003 began. I gave them kisses, and said happy new year and went to sleep. I pondered what the new year had in store for me. My job was okay. But I think I want to go back to school and get my MBA. I had accomplished one of my goals this year and that was buying my house. My resolution was to acknowledge God more, because he got me through all of 2002. I want to get my finances together, save money, pay my credit cards down, and start making double payments on my student loans. I also want to go to the gym and get rid of the little baby fat from little Malik. I decided I’m only twenty-five and my life is not over, with or without Malik. I even wrote by this summer, I want to start going out and meeting people.
Malik continued to come around. He spent so much time with us. I wondered how his little girlfriend felt about Malik spending so much time over here. She’s probably mad, but that’s on her.
Chapter 38
Shonda
I asked Malik nicely if he was in for the night or was he going back to Jarrod’s. He asked me why. I told him I didn’t feel like staying in the house and we needed to go somewhere. Malik said that I was spoiled and that we didn’t have to always go out.
“Malik, I’m sorry, I like to go out.”
“Well, go out by yourself, because I’m tired.” I felt like Malik was trying to start an argument, like he was looking for a reason to be mean to me. His car was broke again, but he didn’t have to take his anger out on me.
“Malik, why are you acting like that?”
“I’m not acting like anything. It’s a new year and I’m trying to get my life together.”
“What is that supposed to mean, exactly?”
“Leave me alone. Shonda, you brought nothing but chaos into my life from the beginning.”
“I brought chaos into your life. What about my life? You didn’t turn my life upside down?”
“No, I didn’t. I didn’t make you lose your family.”
“Oh, so now I made you lose your family. You know what, Malik, your dick made you lose your family. If you want your family so bad, go back to them, I don’t care. I don’t have time for this, I’m out.” I walked out my own apartment, got in my car and drove a few blocks, and I decided that I was wrong. I couldn’t get mad at Malik for not wanting to go out. He was under a lot of stress. I drove back home to apologize to him, and you know what he told me? He said he loved me, but that we couldn’t be together, that he had been thinking this over for weeks and it was for the best. I knew Malik had felt guilty from the beginning about little Malik, but the fact that he wanted to end our relationship was news to me. He didn’t show any signs that there was a problem. He said that he was leaving and that he would talk to me later. I watched him walk out. I had no indication that a storm was brewing. Once, when I thought everything was going so right for me, it was still so wrong. Malik was gone and I was devastated. I never saw this coming. One week we are lovey-dovey, having a great time on New Year’s and the next week he is telling me he has to leave and be with his family.
I thought it couldn’t get any worse but it did. The next day Malik brought his bitch to my home to pick up his broke car. He needs his ass kicked so bad. I wanted to kill him. How could he play me like this? Just because she has his baby, he is going to be with her.
Kim
Malik called me from Jarrod’s house and said he wanted to talk to me and can he come over. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing and that he would be over shortly.
When Malik arrived, I asked him what was so important that he had to talk to me about.
He sat down on the sofa and asked me to join him. I did and then he said, “Kim, can I come home? I’m sorry. I miss you, I miss my boys. I don’t need anybody else but you.”
Malik wanted to come back home, that sounded so good, but why now, when I was getting over him? I had already started over with my life. Our relationship had been through too many changes. So I told Malik exactly how I felt.
“Malik, our relationship is okay the way it is.”
“No, it’s not. I realized I was wrong. I want to do right by you now,” he said as he grabbed my hand and looked deep into my eyes. His lips were quivering, I knew he was serious. I told him that I would think about it.
The next day, he told me his car had broke down and asked me could I take him to get it. I didn’t know his car was broke in front of his girlfriend’s house, until she stuck her ghetto head out the door and screamed “Fuck you, Malik, and your stupid bitch.” I ignored her. Then she said, “Dumb bitch, paid for her own ring.”
I tried not to respond. But she kept saying it. So I said, “No, bitch, I didn’t pay for my ring. Malik paid for my ring.” I flashed it at her. “I got him and you don’t.”
Malik told me to get in the car.
Now that Malik was home, I wondered if I had made the right decision. I wondered if I gave in too soon. I know having him home made me feel vindicated, like I won, but what did I really win? Malik had left in the end of October and here it was January and he just decided to come home. I hope I’m not being desperate, but I want Malik in his son’s life, my life. My feelings are secondary. I want a family.
Malik asked me did I think over what he said, I told him I did and said, “Malik, I can’t.”
Then Malik got on his knees and said, “Kim, we can get married tomorrow. I mean it. I am sorry. I want to be your husband and a father to my child.”
“Malik, get up,” I said. I was baffled. He was throwing my emotions in too many directions. Malik then got on his knees and asked me again to marry him.
“Kim, I’ll do whatever it takes. Just say yes.”
“Malik, I can’t say yes.”
“Say yes,” Malik said. “Pick any day on the calendar, I don’t care, any day. I want you to be my wife.”
“No, I can’t. Malik, I think it’s best that you leave.”
“I don’t want to leave.”
“You left before.”
“That was a mistake.”
“It was a mistake,” I said as I broke down. All the buildup of Malik leaving me, being on my own, and everything else I went through when he wasn’t here, came out. I shouted at him, “Why did you leave us? Why did you make me go through everything by myself? I was hurting, I needed you, Malik, and you weren’t anywhere around.”
“I’m sorry, Kim, I will never leave you again. I promise you, baby, listen to me. I’ll be there for you. I’ll be there for my son.”
“I can’t believe you. I can’t trust you, Malik,” I yelled at him.
Malik tried to calm me down, he told me to get myself together. He turned the shower on and I stood in there for almost twenty minutes. When I got out, he had made me some coffee and was waiting for me with a towel. We talked and I told him I would really think it over.
