Victor, p.10
Victor, page 10
“I don’t know about sorted,” she pointed out, with a snort, “but it would be nice to feel safe around the water.”
“Exactly. Are you afraid of it?”
“Only in that it’s something that I’m not really comfortable around,” she noted. “So, in that sense, then I guess I’m afraid of it.”
“But not badly from the looks of it.”
“I don’t know. I’ve never hesitated to go into the water, but I probably should have.”
“Ah.” Victor nodded. “So really it’s just all about learning some techniques. In that case let’s get started.”
And she was surprised when he set her off on dog-paddling along the edge to the end and back again.
“It’s not exactly the easiest way to travel,” she murmured, when she did one full lap. “Matter of fact, it’s exhausting.”
“Sure, it can be,” he admitted. “And that’s part of the reason why the fear sets in is because you get tired so fast,” he pointed out, “but you have to get tired enough that you want to try something different.”
She stared at him. “Meaning?”
“Meaning, we’ll try some strokes. Start with this.” He picked up a kickboard from beside the pool and pushed it toward her on the water. “Put this under your arms and rest on it, and now I just want you to kick your way there and back.”
She did that easily. “That’s fine,” she told him, “but it’ll hardly keep me alive.”
“You would be surprised,” he countered. “These things can hold a lot of weight. You just have to not fall off.”
“Right,” she quipped, with another eye roll. “In other words, it won’t keep me alive for long.”
He smiled at that. “Now we’ll work on a different stroke.” And, with that, he showed her how to use her legs in a different way. “This is the breaststroke,” he explained. “You’ll use the same kickboard, and you’ll just use that kick all the way across this time.”
It went on for an hour. And finally she sagged onto the steps at the shallow end and said, “That was fun, but I’m really tired now.”
“Yeah, that’s time to stop then,” he noted. “However, you did really well.”
She looked at him. “I guess so.” She shrugged. “I wouldn’t say I did really well though.”
“I don’t think we ever see ourselves the way other people do anyway,” he shared. “So what you might not see as really well, I see as excellent.”
She chuckled. “Absolutely I don’t see my efforts that way,” she declared. “However, as long as you think I’m showing progress, then I’m happy.”
“You’re showing a lot of progress,” he stated, with a smile. “Don’t ever doubt that. It’s just a matter of pulling the parts and pieces together and practicing.” He added, “Before long, you’ll be dancing around in here like a fish.”
She laughed. “I wouldn’t object to that,” she replied. “It would be nice to have that level of confidence.”
He just smiled and nodded. “We’ll get you there.”
*
Over the next few weeks, Dawn had been surprised that she really enjoyed Victor prodding her out to the pool several times.
When she made laps using the breaststroke and then finally returned, using the front crawl, she mentioned to him at the end of one session, “Don’t you ever get tired of it?”
“Tired of what?” he asked, looking at her.
“Just dealing with people like me,” she murmured.
“Never. I don’t deal with people like you. I’m getting to spend time with you,” he clarified. “How could that ever get old?”
She burst out laughing. “You do say the sweetest things.”
“And not necessarily because I’m trying to be sweet,” he pointed out. “It’s the truth. I really do like spending a lot of time with you.”
Good, that feeling is mutual.
*
And that set the tone for several weeks, as Dawn and Victor worked their way through her swimming lessons and the daily grind of his rehab therapy. When he finally crashed down beside her at dinnertime, but, without any of the normal finesse, she looked at him.
He nodded. “Yeah, that tells you how I feel.”
She winced. “Tough day?” she asked.
“The worst,” he replied. “One of those days where you know you’ve gone completely backward, and you don’t know how to get back into the groove again,” he shared. “Remember when you asked me if I ever got tired of dealing with, you know, people like you, way back when on the first of your swimming lessons?” he asked. “Today was the day that I asked Shane that very question.”
She burst out laughing. “And I can’t imagine he said anything to you other than what you told me.”
“No, he said something a little different, but the gist was the same. And really, I don’t have any reason to complain. It just seems like everything today hurts. Everything today is sore, and everything today is just too much.”
She nodded in commiseration. “I’m sorry. Yet you’re dealing with all of it so very well. So I’m sure there has to be a point in time where it just feels like it’s all too much.”
“Yeah, I hit that today. It seems I’ve hit a lot more of those just recently too.”
“Time to back up and reevaluate?” she asked.
“No backing up to do.” He shrugged. “This is just what it is.”
She frowned, a little worried about his attitude. Yet he seemed to perk up over dinnertime.
And then, when it was finally bedtime, he looked at her and sighed. “I’ll crash early. Not that I don’t want to spend more time in your company,” he explained. “I’m just really tired.”
“Go,” she said. “I can see that you’re exhausted.”
He nodded at that. “I absolutely am.” And he headed off to his room.
She frowned, wondering if it was possible that Shane was working him too hard.
Almost as if hearing her thoughts, Shane stopped by to say hey, and she asked him, “Was Victor pushing it today? He’s really tired now.”
Shane nodded. “We changed up his program. It was time.”
“I think he’s more depressed now than I’ve seen him in quite a while.”
“Depressed?” he asked her. “Yet he did really well today.”
“I don’t think he believes it. I think the new program, or his lack of progress, or maybe the new program showing him that it’s not progress right now is depressing him,” she suggested. “I don’t really know.”
“It’s possible,” Shane noted, thinking about it, staring down in the direction that Victor had gone. “When you have a new program like that, obviously it’s harder, and it’s difficult to see that progress you’re previously accustomed to. However, he knows it’s a new program and to not expect the same level of excellence.”
“Maybe he knows that,” she admitted, “but I’m not sure he knows that.”
“Right. And there is definitely a difference,” Shane murmured. “You want me to talk to him?”
“I guess I would just like to confirm that he’s okay,” she clarified. “He was really down.”
Shane nodded. “I’ll check him out.” And, with that, he disappeared.
She stared after him, wondering if she’d done the right thing. It would not be good if Victor thought she was interfering. And it’s not that she was trying to interfere, but she didn’t want to see him suffer, particularly when he’d seemed so much better recently. However, tonight he’d definitely been the old Victor, the more depressed and down and unhappy Victor that she’d seen before. She’d really come to enjoy the happier Victor she got to see a lot of now. Of course it wouldn’t always be that way.
Which was too bad because that Victor was lovely. And, while she wouldn’t say this one wasn’t, he was more worrisome. She settled on that term, even though it was not necessarily fair either. But, jeez, all of this rehab stuff could be hard to deal with, even without adding in the emotional or the psychological barriers to healing as well. It was hard on all of them, the patients and the caregivers here. And Victor was such a special man that she hated to see him suffer at all. Rather than worry about it, she had to place her trust in Shane.
So she headed back to her place for the night.
*
Victor sat in his room on the bed, feeling an exhaustion he hadn’t in a very long time. When a knock came on his open door, he looked up to see Shane standing there, frowning at him. “I’m fine,” Victor said.
“But are you?” Shane asked, studying him carefully.
“Yeah,” he repeated. “I just, … the new program knocked me for a loop.”
“It’s meant to,” Shane stated, “but we’re not supposed to send you for a loop so far that you get depressed.”
“I’m not depressed,” he stated, with a bright smile. And then he realized that that sounded fake too. He added, “I just didn’t realize how exhausting having the program change would be.”
Shane nodded. “The whole point is to keep things mixed up.”
“I get that, especially now,” Victor agreed. “However, before experiencing it firsthand, it was a bit of a surprise.”
Shane stared at him, his gaze fairly intense.
“I really am fine,” Victor stated. “I know everybody watches and worries,” he added, “but honestly, I’m okay.”
“I would hope so,” Shane replied. “A lot of people here care about you.”
Victor smiled at that. “That’s nice because I’ve come to care for a lot of people here too.”
“Good,” Shane replied. “In that case I’ll leave you. However, if you get too tired to sleep in the night or you get cramps, make sure you tell me.”
“I will,” Victor stated, “but I would hope that tonight will be okay. I would think this level of exhaustion would do me in easily.”
“I can’t guarantee that,” Shane admitted. “No way I can. You worked hard today,” he declared, “and I was really happy to see that. However, if it ends up costing you in the long run, setting you back, then that’s not good. We don’t want that. At the same time,” he added, “I think you’ve done a fine job here.”
Victor laughed. “I feel like I haven’t gotten anywhere,” he shared. “So I get that you’re trying to be positive and encouraging, but it just feels as if everything’s wrong today.”
“Yet it’s not,” Shane argued. “It absolutely isn’t. You have done a phenomenal job. I just need you to stay upbeat for a little bit longer.”
Victor gave a weak smile at that. “I’m trying.”
“Good.” Shane focused on him and added, “Try a little harder.”
And, with that, Victor burst out laughing and waved Shane away.
Victor wasn’t sure why Shane had come down to check on him, but Victor was glad that he had. It helped to just reinforce that he wasn’t alone in this journey of his. And that there really was some semblance of normalcy out there. Even though that could be a little on the scary side, Victor would make it through.
And he wanted to make it through; he really did. He wanted everything here that they had to offer. And yet it was pretty hard to realize just how far he still had to go. Just a shift in his rehab system, just a change of his workout program was enough to knock him for a loop like this. He shook his head. Finally he talked himself into getting a shower, hoping the warm water would help his aching muscles, plus help him fall asleep.
Yet he was up an hour later, wide awake, worrying over his new rehab expectations.
When his brother called soon afterward, even his brother sensed something was wrong with Victor on the phone. When Victor explained what it was, his brother replied, “You used to be like that, even when we went to the gym. Remember? You would be at the peak of your routines, and then we would force you to change up the exercises or the weights or the reps or whatever because, as far as you were concerned, you were a success as you were. So, in your thinking, why change? Then the minute you weren’t a success, you found it hard to keep functioning.”
“God, it makes me sound like I’m a two-year-old,” Victor murmured, staring down at the phone. “Was I really that bad?”
“You absolutely were that bad,” his brother declared, laughing at him. “So buckle up. Remember. This is just the normal shifts of the normal changes that happen when pushing your body to do better. And you’ll get through this just fine.”
And, with that, feeling better and buoyed by his brother’s encouragement, Victor got off the phone and into bed. If nothing else, he figured that, with everybody watching out for him, he would be just fine. And, with that, and a smile on his face, he crashed for the night.
Chapter 10
Dawn looked for Victor the next day but couldn’t find him. As soon as she realized that two kitchen staff were no-shows, she buckled in and stayed the course, putting in a much longer day than she normally would. Yet it was needed, so that’s just the way life was today. By the time her day finally ended, she brushed her hair off her face and sighed loudly. She was so very tired.
Ilse looked over at her and smiled. “Hey, I really appreciate you picking up the pace today.”
“Not a problem,” Dawn replied. “Sometimes it happens.”
“Sometimes it does. Sometimes it happens a little too often,” the head chef stated, shaking her head. “Just when you think you have all the staffing problems dealt with, some of your employees don’t show up.”
“This was one of the new guys too, wasn’t it?” Dawn asked, looking around.
“Absolutely it was. Again we can only do what we can do.”
Dawn nodded at that. “I get it, and hopefully they will both be back tomorrow.”
Ilse nodded. “If I want them back.”
“And that’s always the problem, isn’t it?” Dawn noted.
“We do the best we can when vetting new employees, but it’s no guarantee that the staff we hire are here with the same intentions that we have. Too often they’re not even close,” Ilse muttered. “But, hey, staffing problems are an ongoing issue, so whatever.” And, with that, Ilse waved Dawn off. “Go. Go get some rest.”
“Or”—Dawn checked the wall clock—“maybe get dinner first.”
“Right. I can’t believe it’s already dinnertime.” Ilse sighed.
“And that’s part of the problem too,” Dawn murmured. “When you work a day, a long day like we have, it just seems like the whole day’s gone, and we didn’t have a chance to enjoy it. Reminds me of the psychiatrist’s order to Victor to go find joy in his life.”
Ilse nodded. “I think everybody who has to work an extra-long day should be ordered to go out and find some joy in their world.”
“Is that what you want me to do?” Dawn teased. “And what about you?”
Ilse laughed. “I got this.”
“Glad to hear that,” Dawn replied, “but you need a break too.”
“I’m fine,” Ilse stated, with a smile. “And obviously Victor’s been on your mind all day, and that’s a good thing too.”
“Is it?” Dawn asked. “Sometimes I think we’re getting too close.”
“Not where love is concerned,” Ilse stated. “There is no such thing.” And again she waved Dawn off. “Go. Go find him, go for dinner, do something.” And added, “Do something that brings you joy.”
Laughing, a tired and worn-out Dawn headed out of the kitchen and into the dining area.
Immediately Dennis shook his head and pointed down the hallway. “He’s not here yet,” he said. “Go drag him down to get some dinner.”
Dawn laughed. “That’s an order I can follow through with.” At least she hoped so.
As she headed toward Victor’s room, even with the door closed, she heard his voice on the phone. It sounded like Victor was talking to his brother. She didn’t want to listen in and so knocked on the door with a sharp rap. She heard Victor say, “Hey, somebody’s here. I have to go.”
And, with that, Victor hung up and called out, “Come on in.”
She stepped inside and smiled at him. “Hey, I hope I’m not disturbing you. I heard you on the phone and wasn’t sure if I should wait until you were done.”
He shrugged. “Just my brother.” He gave her a smile. “Come on in.”
She smiled back. “Checking in to see what you’re up to.”
“I was thinking about heading down for dinner about an hour ago,” he shared. “Then my brother called, so that got delayed.”
“So then maybe you’re ready now?”
“That would be a great idea.” He looked down at his clothes. “Do I need to change?”
“What for?” she asked.
He shrugged. “I’m just feeling a little bit grubby.”
“If you want to, go for it,” she suggested. “I know what it feels like to be grubby.”
“Have you just come off work?” he asked, staring at her as if suddenly realizing.
She looked down at herself and winced. “Maybe I should change too. I did just come off work. We were short-staffed by two today.”
“Oh, no.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I’m a little tired and worn out myself.”
“Why don’t you go get changed, have a shower,” he said. “We still have time, and I’ll get changed myself.”
She hesitated and then shook her head. “I’ll do it afterward. I’ve really only got just enough energy for one of those, and it will be food first and then an early night for me.”
“Got it.” He nodded. “Let’s go then.” And, with that, he crutched his way toward her, and they slowly headed to the dining area. “Sorry to hear about your tough day,” he added.
“It happens,” she murmured. “It is what it is.”
He tilted his head. “Sometimes it would be nice if life weren’t quite so complicated.”
“Wouldn’t it though?” she said, with a laugh. “And still, it is what it is.”
He smiled. “You’re always such a good sport about it.”
“That’s the thing about being part of this team,” she replied. “It’s a team effort, and it takes a team to make it work and to pull it off,” she explained. “So, when you get some people not showing up, it’s irritating and aggravating, but you really don’t have time to argue about it. So, you just pitch in and get the job done.”
