If my words had wings, p.25
If My Words Had Wings, page 25
‘Dadir,’ I go. ‘Listen, yeah. You’re gonna get through this, do you hear me? And one day, you’ll be out. You will! You’ve just got to hold on…’
‘I know,’ Dadir replies, but his voice is barely above a whisper. ‘Ty,’ he continues. ‘Listen, my ten minutes is almost up—’ And then the phone goes dead.
I stand there for a minute and I don’t move. I’m just trying to make sense of it all. Trying to take it all in. Maybe a tiny part of me thought that Dadir would end up getting his sentence overturned too. Cos it’s so fucking obvious how wrong and unjust it is. I hang up the phone and I make my way upstairs. And all I can think about is how Dadir will spend most of his life inside. And how when he gets out, he’ll have to deal with this shit.
I close my bedroom door and I pick up a pen and some paper. I think about how Dadir had everything taken away from him. His home, his life, his future, his freedom. How he’d even had his love of music taken away from him too. And I think about being strip-searched the other day in my kitchen. How I felt so powerless. Like nothing belonged to me.
But there’s one thing they won’t ever be able to take from me, and that’s my voice. My words. They belong to me and no one else. So I press my pen down on the page, and I begin to write.
26
When I go over to Elisha’s the next day, she’s already putting some protest placards in the back of Remi’s car. I catch sight of one that says PROVEN INNOCENT FOUND GUILTY and another one that says SMASH JOINT ENTERPRISE! Leesh smiles when she sees me and I go over and give her a hug.
‘They look good!’ I say, gesturing to the signs.
‘I stayed up most of the night making them,’ Leesh says. ‘Even roped Remi into it. I might’ve made too many tho. What if no one turns up?’ I can see how worried she is. ‘If it’s just you and me, and a handful of people – won’t be much of a protest, then, will it?’
‘It don’t matter,’ I say, and I nudge her gently with my elbow. ‘The only thing that matters is that we – you – tried to do something. That’s what matters!’
‘Ty’s right!’ Remi says as he comes down the garden path. ‘I’m proud of ya,’ he adds, wrapping his arms around Leesh. ‘My little sister, organizing protests! You’re gonna change the world one day, mark my words!’
Elisha pushes Remi away, but she’s smiling. ‘Yeah, all right,’ she says. ‘I ain’t used to you being this nice. I appreciate it tho.’
Remi laughs, then puts a couple more placards in the boot. ‘You both ready?’ he asks.
‘Yeah!’ Leesh replies, and I nod. Remi looks like he’s about to give us the car lecture all over again, even tho we only just had it the other night, but Elisha shakes her head.
‘I swear, Remi,’ she says as she yanks the door open. ‘Don’t even start with that. We’re already gonna be late. We don’t need to be listening to you for another five hours—’
‘Gent-l-y!’ Remi says. ‘Gent-l-y!’
But Leesh is already inside. Remi looks at me and I climb into the back of the car, then close the door so carefully, like my life depends on it. Remi slides into the driver’s seat.
‘That’s how you do it!’ he says with a nod, and Elisha rolls her eyes.
Remi starts the engine and I stare out the window. We’re meeting in the middle of town first, by Piccadilly Gardens, where the bus station is. And then we’re gonna walk to the super court. It’s gonna feel weird going back there. Especially as I ain’t even been into town or anywhere near the courts since I got sent down. After speaking to Dadir yesterday, tho, I’m even more determined to do this. Dadir can’t speak out about what’s happening to him and so many other kids, but I can. Remi’s car slows down. There’s so much traffic that he pulls over onto a side street.
‘This is probably as close as I’m gonna get!’ he says. ‘D’you know where you’re going? You turn down that street and you’ll come out near the art gallery. I’m just gonna find somewhere to park – then I’ll come and join ya, all right?’
Leesh nods. ‘All right,’ she says. ‘Thanks, yeah, for driving us!’
Remi smiles, then shifts around in his seat so that he’s facing me. ‘Look, yeah,’ he says, and I notice the seriousness in his voice. ‘It’ll probably be all right, but just in case anything happens and the police show up, just make sure you get out of there. Okay? You don’t need to be getting kettled in.’
I suddenly feel worried and I see a look of fear flash across Elisha’s face too. Remi must clock it as well, cos he goes: ‘Like I said, it’ll probably be fine, Leesh. But just in case, all right? That goes for you as well, Ty.’
Elisha nods. ‘Okay!’ she says. Then she leans over and gives Remi a hug. I can tell that he’s caught off guard, but he hugs her back.
A car starts beeping from somewhere behind us.
‘I’d better move!’ Remi says. ‘Before I get a ticket. Go and kill it out there, tho, you two. I’ll come and find you both!’
‘See you over there,’ I say as I climb out of the car.
Me and Leesh pull all the placards and banners and stuff out, and then Remi drives off. Both our arms are full and I give Leesh a nudge as we make our way down the street.
‘Yo, you sure you made enough?’ I tease.
‘Shut up, Ty!’ she says, but as we turn the corner and make our way towards the gardens, Elisha looks nervous again. ‘What if no one turns up tho?’ she says, for what must be the hundredth time. ‘Maybe I didn’t tell enough people… We probably should’ve given ourselves longer to organize it. It was all so last minute, Ty… What if it’s just a waste of time?’
We turn onto the street that runs alongside the bus station, and Leesh is so distracted, scrolling through her phone to see if anyone’s put that they’re here, that she doesn’t even notice.
I stop.
‘Leesh!’ I say with a smile, and I point to the bit of Piccadilly Gardens that you can see behind the buses. It’s full of people with placards and banners too. There must be about three hundred, maybe more. Elisha’s mouth hangs open in shock and I can’t help but grin.
‘See,’ I say, and I nudge her again. ‘You did this!’
* * *
We make our way through the crowd and I start to feel proper nervous. I’ve never been around this many people in my life, and everyone’s so close together too. My heart starts beating fast, but I try to concentrate on the ground and I tell myself that nothing bad’s gonna happen. Not just that, tho, but that I’m doing this for Dadir and those boys in Manchester, and all those other people who are inside for joint enterprise. It seems to help, knowing that it ain’t about me; that it’s about something bigger. We make our way to the middle and put the placards and banners down and Elisha scans the crowd.
‘Woah!’ she says, and she pulls her phone out to take a picture. There’s all sorts of people here. Old and young, different ages and races. There’s even some people who’ve brought their kids with them too. Elisha points to a mixed-race woman with brown hair, who looks like she’s in her forties, wearing a T-shirt that says SJE.
‘That’s the woman I told you about who I’ve been speaking to on Instagram,’ Elisha says. ‘The one from that charity called Smash Joint Enterprise. Come on!’
We head over to her. There’s a few other people wearing T-shirts with SJE on them too. The woman smiles when we approach.
‘Marianne?’ Leesh goes. ‘I’m Elisha, and this is Tyrell. We organized the protest.’
Marianne pulls Elisha in for a hug, even tho this is the first time they’ve ever met. ‘Hi,’ she says, and she gives me a wave. ‘I’ve heard a lot about you, Tyrell. It’s so good to meet you in person. It’s such a good turnout as well – you should both be proud!’
Elisha nods. ‘I didn’t expect there to be this many people!’ she says. ‘I guess it shows just how important it is tho.’ She pauses. ‘We’ve never done anything like this before – what are we supposed to do? Do we just start walking when it gets to eleven?’
‘Well,’ Marianne says, ‘sometimes people say something about why they’re marching, to start it off. You could say a few words – or I could, if you don’t fancy it?’
‘No, that’s all right,’ Leesh says. ‘I wanna say something. Thanks tho. Are people gonna be able to hear me? Cos the crowd is pretty big.’
Marianne reaches down and rummages inside a canvas bag that’s by her feet. Then she pulls out a blue-and-white megaphone and hands it to Leesh.
‘That’s why I don’t go to any protest without one of these!’ she says.
Leesh stares down at the megaphone in Marianne’s hands; then she glances at me. Elisha doesn’t even have to say anything, I already know what she’s thinking. That’s what happens when you’ve been best mates with someone for most of your life. I know she’s wondering if she can do it. If she’ll be able to say the right thing. And the thing is, there’s no one who would be more perfect to do it than Leesh. I step forward and I gently pull on her arm.
‘It’s all right,’ I say. ‘Take it, Leesh. You got this, yeah?’
Leesh nods. Then she sucks in a sharp breath and takes the megaphone from Marianne, and we make our way to the front of the crowd. It seems like we were only talking to Marianne for a second, but since then, even more people have joined us in the gardens. All I can see is banners and placards and a few T-shirts as well. Elisha turns to face the crowd, and I stand next to her but a bit to the side.
‘Can everyone hear me?’ she says, but she must be holding the megaphone too close, cos her voice comes out proper loud. Leesh looks embarrassed, but I give her the thumbs-up. A few people closest to us nod, and there’s a few cheers from the crowd as well.
‘We’re all here for the same reason,’ she says. ‘For the boys who are on trial for murder, even though they didn’t kill anyone. All cos of this deeply racist, messed-up law. How many more innocent people are gonna go to prison for joint enterprise? Where’s the justice in that?’ The crowd cheer and clap, and I can tell that Leesh is starting to feel more comfortable speaking in front of everyone, cos she adds: ‘Those boys shouldn’t even be on trial for murder. This is the fourth case to happen right here, in our city, and we’re here to say enough is enough! This law needs to change. The system needs to change. So, we’re going to march to the super court. For the Manchester Eight and anyone else who’s been affected by this law. Are you ready?’
The crowd erupts and it’s deafening. Leesh reaches down and pics up a placard with her free hand and she holds it in the air.
‘No justice, no peace!’ she shouts, and the crowd echoes it back. ‘Not guilty by association!’ she yells, and the phrase echoes around Piccadilly Gardens. Leesh lowers the megaphone and looks at me, and I couldn’t be prouder. I can’t even describe how amazing she was up there.
‘You were incredible!’ I say, and I pick up my placard and hold it up.
‘Thanks!’ Leesh says, and I see her cheeks colouring. ‘No justice, no peace!’ she chants again, and we start to walk in the direction of the court.
Me and Leesh are right at the front leading all these people and it’s crazy, cos I’ve never felt anything like it before. I feel free for the first time in my life. Like I actually have some sorta voice. Marianne manages to get to the front to join us and she tells Leesh how amazing she was. Everyone’s cheering and shouting the SJE slogan, and at I hesitate at first, but then I join in, yelling out: ‘Not guilty by association!’ And it feels good. We carry on down the road, and when I sneak a look behind me, there’s a sea of people and banners. It feels incredible to be part of something.
Leesh takes a phone call as she searches through the crowd. Then the next minute, Remi and Isiah are here. Remi stands next to Leesh, holding a placard, and Isiah falls into step with me. He puts a hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze.
‘You all right?’ he asks.
‘Yeah!’ I reply, and I actually am. ‘I dunno why I’ve never been to one of these protests before!’
Isiah smiles and he yells out the slogan. Then he says to me, ‘I’m sure it won’t be your last!’ and he drapes his arm around my shoulder.
We turn onto this street that’s mostly glass offices and old buildings, and you can tell that it’s the posh part of town. It’s different seeing it from this angle, cos the last time I was in court, I came up through the holding cell. I’ve never really seen it from the outside. Some of the buildings are actually kind of beautiful, which is weird, considering what goes on in there. They’re definitely kinda intimidating, tho, cos everything just seems so grand and big. Like you have no business even being in there. We pass the magistrates’ and the crown court. Then Leesh slows down and we come to a halt outside the super court.
I look up, trying to take it all in. It’s ‘super’ all right. There’s all these stone steps leading up to three huge archways. The building’s made up of these solid stone pillars and all this glass. I suddenly get a flashback to being on trial. This is what my mum and Isiah would’ve seen every day. I freeze and Isiah nudges me.
‘You okay?’
‘It’s weird,’ I say. ‘Being back here. I mean, I know it’s not like I’m going inside or nothing, but it’s, like… my whole life changed here.’
I feel Isiah looking at me. ‘I know, but you don’t have to worry about any of that now. You ain’t ever gonna be stepping foot in there again.’
I nod, but I can’t get over how huge this super court is. Everything else – even the other buildings not too far from it – just seems tiny in comparison.
‘Can you believe they spent nearly three mil on that?’ Isiah says. ‘So they can deal with “gang” cases. More like joint enterprise cases.’
‘Yeah, I know!’ I say. ‘It’s mad.’
Leesh comes back over to us. ‘Shall we just stand here?’ she goes. ‘Away from the steps? So they can’t say we’re obstructing the court or nothing?’
I don’t really know what to say, cos it ain’t like I’ve done anything like this before. I don’t really know what you can and can’t do, but I nod. ‘Sounds good!’ I say.
The rest of the crowd gathers around outside the super court, and Elisha holds the megaphone to her mouth again and shouts, ‘Not guilty by association!’ Everyone cheers and people shout it back. Then Marianne goes to the front and starts talking about what the charity she works for does. I turn in the crowd and I notice some guy who must be a journalist, cos he’s got one of those proper cameras and he’s taking a few pictures. I nudge Isiah, and he follows my gaze.
‘I mean, it’s definitely a big turnout!’ he says. ‘I’m not surprised there’s press here!’
I look back at Marianne just as she’s shouting: ‘No justice, no peace! No justice, no peace!’ I shout it back, and so do Isiah and Remi and Leesh. Then the next minute, I see some guy coming down the steps of the super court. He’s wearing a suit and he turns to Marianne and Leesh and goes: ‘Right, you’ve made your point. Can you all just go and do this somewhere else?’
I stare at him. We’ve made ‘our point’? Like it’s some dumb argument we’re trying to win in one of those lame English debate classes at school. This is people’s lives. Dadir’s life. It’s more than ‘making a point’. It’s something that needs to change.
Elisha turns to him. ‘We’ve got a right to protest!’ she says. ‘I’ve looked it up – we’re not doing anything wrong. Maybe you ought to listen to what we’re saying.’
The guy doesn’t seem to even care. I don’t know what his job is – if he’s a barrister or a judge, or something else completely – but he says, ‘This is a working court. So if you and your friends don’t turn around right now, then I’m calling the police.’
‘For what?’ Elisha says. ‘Speaking out?’
‘For disruption to community life!’ he spits, and then he storms off back up the steps.
Elisha sticks a finger up at him. But I’m mad now. Disruption to community life? How is that fair? I don’t even know what it means. I see a look of worry flash across Elisha’s face, probably cos this guy mentioned the police, but why should we have to leave? It’s not like we’re hurting anyone, or even blocking the way. I dunno what happens next, but it’s like everything from the past few years, the past few weeks, comes surging up to the surface – Dadir; this case; getting searched in my kitchen – and I can’t just block it out. I can’t stay silent. I won’t stay silent. And the guy sitting in this super court, trying to ignore us, needs to hear it too. Before I know what I’m doing, I go over to Elisha.
‘Can I have this?’ I say, and I gesture to the megaphone.
Leesh looks surprised, but she gives it to me. And I feel my hands trembling as I lift it to my mouth. It makes a weird high-pitched sound and I clam up. A few people cover their ears at that and I realize I don’t even know what I’m meant to say. There’s a sea of faces in front of me and I’m suddenly rooted to the spot. I feel that nauseous sensation rising inside me again and I’m worried that I’m about to have one of those panic attacks.
I hear my heart pounding in my ears and I find myself looking at the crowd again. This time, I see Malik standing there near the front, and I can tell by the look on his face that he’s willing me to go on. I suck in a deep breath and even tho a small part of me wishes that I could run, I don’t. I wanna do this for Dadir. Maybe I can’t give a speech like Leesh and Marianne did. But there’s another way I can get my words out – there’s another way that I can be heard – and seeing Malik reminds me of that. I think of Dadir in his cell at Ryecroft. How broken he sounded on the phone. Then I hold the megaphone back up to my mouth and the crowd seems to disappear.
