Shadows of berlin, p.40
Shadows of Berlin, page 40
Outside, the West Side freight line passes, shuddering down its tracks, pursuing the night to its final boundary.
Dawn at the kitchen table. First light is streaking the lower quarters of the sky, a raw pinkish glow. Rachel lights a cigarette. Smoke rises. Kibbitz meows for attention, and she scoops him up into her arms. She can smell the spirits in the jar where her brushes are soaking. As she hugs the cat to her breast, the tears come. Grief and liberation. She sobs without constraint but not without purpose. It’s the cleansing purpose of the mikveh, washing through her. She sobs for her mother. She sobs for the millions. She sobs in grief for the world that has vanished, just as she sobs in hope for the child she carries and for the world that will come.
Author’s Note
Shadows of Berlin stemmed from my desire to dramatically explore the post-war consequences of the Holocaust, not only for those who suffered under the Nazis and lost family to the murder machine, but also for those who lived in safety an ocean away while six million perished. So I created Rashka Morgenstern. Rashka is a young Jewish Berliner who has outlived the terror of war but carries her trauma with her like baggage as she crosses the Atlantic to a new life as a refugee in America. In New York City, Rashka becomes Rachel, and in 1950, she marries Aaron Perlman, a man who spent the war in the catering corps in California, while Europe was being reduced to cinders.
It’s through these two characters and their families (past and present) that I dig into the potent dynamics of guilt and regret, culpability and consequence that still shape the character of people’s lives ten years after the war has ended. I wanted to investigate how a traumatic experience, on both a massive and minor scale, can invest itself in the hearts of those who survive it for the rest of their lives. How “survivor’s guilt” can impact a person’s continued existence—overtly, in the case of Rachel, and more subtly, in the case of her husband. But profoundly so in both cases.
At home, Rachel complains that her husband can never understand the depth of her grief or how she endured the tragedies of surviving Berlin. But neither does she fully understand or appreciate Aaron’s own struggles with his guilt and shame, that even though he spent the standard “duration plus six” in the army, he never spent a moment in harm’s way.
Nothing separates their two perspectives more than the issue of children. They both entered into their marriage to fill voids in their lives. Aaron needed to be a hero—a savior—and who better to save than a survivor of Hitler’s campaign of extermination? Rachel needed, in her way, to be saved. Not only from her past, but from herself and her own clear sense of culpability. But children? The idea terrified her. For her husband, Aaron, children were a responsibility. Being Rachel’s “savior” wasn’t enough. He had to look “forward.” He had to produce progeny as a duty to the future. Only producing a child justified his own existence. But Rachel was so traumatized that she can only look backward. How could someone so damaged ever produce something so beautiful as a child? It’s only when she was finally forced to confront the dimensions of her guilt and culpability that she was compelled to answer a single simple question. Can the past be redeemed by the future? It is the central question of Rachel and Aaron’s marriage, and of the novel itself.
Reading Group Guide
1. Aaron is extremely impatient for children. Why is Rachel reluctant to start a family? Does Aaron respect her reasoning?
2. Rachel’s uncle, Feter Fritz, is an important character in Rachel’s life. Yet he is often manipulative and self-serving in his behavior toward her. Why do you think she puts up with him and continues to go out of her way to maintain his affections?
3. In many ways, Rachel resists thinking of herself as traumatized. What prevents her from feeling “worthy” of her struggles with mental health?
4. Characterize the Red Angel. Did your opinion of Angelika change as you learned more of her story? In Rachel’s position, would you have accepted her help in New York City ten years after the end of the war?
5. What does Aaron expect Rachel to get from her appointments with her therapist? What does she actually achieve through therapy?
6. What is the root of the rivalry between Aaron and his cousin Ezra? What does the character of their rivalry say about Aaron? How does Rachel react to their rivalry?
7. Had you heard of Jews living as U-boats during the war before reading the book? How did hiding in plain sight provide safety, and how did it increase danger?
8. Compare Rachel’s and Aaron’s relationships to Judaism. How do they deal with the differences in their experiences?
9. Why does Rachel become so invested in Naomi and Tyrell’s relationship? Do you think she helps them?
10. Rachel feels responsible for carrying on the legacy of the many Jews who lost their lives, including her mother. What actions does she take to fulfill this responsibility? How do you contribute to the legacy of your ancestors?
A Conversation with the Author
Where did the idea for Shadows of Berlin come from? Where do you start when writing a new book?
I had been very interested in the idea of survivor’s guilt, and I wanted to explore the aftereffects of trauma and what the living owe to the memory of the dead.
All your books have dealt with World War II in some way. What brings you back to this era in history?
I have been interested in the Second World War since childhood. On a personal note, my father served in the army during the war. More broadly, I believe the war shaped the world we live in today. And we are still dealing with many problems the war created or failed to address. So I believe it remains relevant and very fertile ground for fiction.
While we come to understand Angelika, the narrative does not forgive her actions. Do you think it matters why people do bad things? Should it change the consequences they face?
I have always searched out the “gray” areas of my characters’ actions and intentions. No one is totally good or totally bad in my books; no one rides for free. Everyone must pay a price for their actions. I don’t expect readers to feel any particular sympathy for Angelika. In the end, she was still a murderer. But I do hope readers are moved to discuss the relationship between trauma, power, and personal actions and their consequences and come to their own conclusions.
Rachel’s development of her self-portrait is vividly rendered. How would you compare her artistic process to your own?
In some ways, they represent two very different approaches to art. Rachel paints to both honor her mother’s death and forgive her mother’s abuses. Also to forgive herself. There is a great desperation fueling Rachel’s painting.
My writing, on the other hand, is less of a compulsion and more of a vocation. (Though I can never imagine myself quitting the habit!) And yet? At a basic level, both Rachel and I are compelled to create. Growing up, I had a strong interest in both history and art and thought I might become a historical illustrator. But writing eventually won me over. Still, Rachel and I share the joys and trepidations of creating a whole out of nothing—whether we are faced with an empty canvas or a blank page.
When they meet, Rachel is still a refugee in a Lower East Side residence hotel. Aaron is at loose ends, unsure of his direction after the army. Rachel is in need of security, and Aaron is a young man in search of purpose. Why, as the author, would you say they fell in love? What are their greatest challenges to their marriage?
They fell in love because they both felt lost, and marriage seemed a perfect refuge for them. But Rachel has secrets that disrupt the “normal” life she is supposed to be leading. Her heart is a secret, even to herself. And as the book opens, after seven years of marriage, things are not so simple between them. Aaron likes married life, though marriage to a former displaced person is not as easy as he might have imagined it. She’s a refugee from the ash pit of Europe, lovely and feline and exotic—and broken. He thought he was saving her, of course. A Jew from Flatbush making the ultimate American mitzvah—saving the persecuted waif from her own brutalized past. But as it turns out, maybe he’s not the savior he thought he might have become. Maybe he needs some saving himself.
And as the story spins, both Rachel and her husband must deal with their own brands of guilt. Rachel’s guilt is triggered by her horrific experiences during the war and by the lengths she was forced to go to in order to stay alive. And Aaron’s guilt is that of one of the multitude of American Jews who, while the chimneys of Auschwitz smoked, lived lives sheltered by democracy, safe from the atrocities perpetrated across the ocean. All this is wrapped up into Aaron’s desire for children and Rachel’s resistance.
Though Rachel finds a sense of equilibrium at the end of the book, she is not “cured” of her trauma. What do you most want readers to take away from this representation of her emotional health struggles?
I don’t think that grief and guilt are easily overcome. A person can spend a lifetime coping with them. But this is a story of survival and redemption. It’s a story of the trauma, of self-preservation, and of betrayal and remorse. But in the end, I do want the reader to believe that it is also a story of hope. Because hope is a vital regenerative force.
Acknowledgments
Writing and then publishing a novel is always a team effort. There have been many people involved in bringing this book to the shelves, and I owe them all my deepest thanks and appreciation.
My everlasting gratitude goes out to my agent, the best of the best, Rebecca Gradinger of Fletcher and Company, whose commitment and hard work I depend on in every project I undertake. As always, her insights were keen and her patience immeasurable. Thank you, Rebecca. I could not have done this without you.
I also want to express my deepest gratitude to my wonderful editor at Sourcebooks Landmark, Shana Drehs. I am so indebted to you, Shana, for your unwavering support and understanding. Thank you for your encouragement and for your dedication—and most of all, for your faith in this book. It has been a real pleasure working with you.
I also wish to thank the Sourcebooks Landmark team, whose hard work and commitment have been utterly invaluable. My gratitude goes out to my marketing team for their smart and creative promotional strategies: executive director of marketing Molly Waxman, director of retail marketing & creative services Valerie Pierce, and marketing manager Cristina Arreola. I must also express my thanks to senior production editor Jessica Thelander for expertly riding herd on the book’s production, to art director Heather VenHuizen and creative director Kelly Lawler for their terrific cover-to-cover design, and to the entire Sourcebooks Landmark sales staff for their commitment to getting the book on the shelves. Thank you to all who have dedicated long hours of heavy lifting in order to bring Shadows of Berlin to readers.
My affection and appreciation goes out to those who supported me along the way. Many thanks to Christy Fletcher, founder of Fletcher and Company, who, three books and many years ago, was the first agent to express an interest in my work. Also to Kelly Karczewski of Fletcher and Company, for her priceless professional support. Thank you to my amazing writing consultant, Carol Edelstein of “A Gallery of Readers,” and to Liz Resnick for her invaluable insights as an early reader. And for their expert advice on finding the correct word in Yiddish, my thanks to Prof. Haim Gunner and to Prof. Alyssa Quint.
Also, my warmest gratitude goes out to my fellow writers for their support, in person and over social media: Jillian Cantor, Dean Cycon, Kathleen Grissom, Pam Jenoff, Dan Levy, Erika Marks, Emily Neuberger, Julie Ries, Erika Robuck, Jennifer Rosner, Anika Scott, Pat Stacy, Leah Weiss, Kate Whouley, and Andria Williams.
Finally, I cannot forget my family, who not only supported me throughout the process but provided me with respite and encouragement: my boys, Cameron Gemmell and Alexander Pavlova-Gillham.
And as always, from the depth of my heart, I am thankful to my life’s partner and wife, Ludmilla Pavlova-Gillham, who is still my touchstone in all things and to whom I have dedicated this book.
About the Author
David R. Gillham is a New York Times bestselling author. He studied screenwriting at the University of Southern California before becoming a novelist. After moving to New York City, Gillham spent more than a decade in the book business, and he now lives with his family in western Massachusetts.
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David R. Gillham, Shadows of Berlin
