When dell met angel, p.12
When Dell Met Angel, page 12
She’s always wanted me for Dell and would actively chase away all the other women Dell would have hanging around, especially that gold-diggin’ heffa Paula. We were a united front on operation, Get Rid of Paula, because if Dell had to do it, Paula would still be here, wreaking havoc.
Dell loves her mom, but sometimes I get the sense she resents her. Mother’s exist solely to drive us up the wall, but one should never forget the hard choices they make. Mine didn’t so much. She had her own ambitions and we, her kids, were sort of in the way, especially me. I know what a good mom looks like, against an absent, or distant, or indifferent mother. So I love me some Mrs. B and she loves me back. Never forgets a birthday or a significant day in my life. She calls me every week where she can barely get Dell on the phone. So I’m gonna have to be on her team on this.
“Let me see what my schedule looks like,” I tell Dell. She gives me a look. “That sounds like passive aggressive speech for, I’ll take a pass.”
At this point I just want to have a good time. I wrap my arms around her, I want to be loved on and she gives me what I want, folding me in close, pressing a lingering kiss on my face and swaying with me to the music.
“Thank you for this. I almost ruined this whole thing.”
She pulls back a little, only to take a sweeping view of my face, studies me as if I were a fine piece of art and I feel that love I keep telling you about. This is the thing she does that keeps me waiting, Dell’s lappy, just so eager and needy for her attention and affection.
I haven’t been on a proper date in over two years. And for the last three months, I’ve put all my eggs in the Dell B basket.
When she looks at me like this, I believe the pay off will happen eventually.
Her lips graze my ear. I wait for the words she utters slowly.
“When do you wanna shut this down so we can hangout?”
I shake my head. “We just got here. I don’t want them to leave just yet.”
She looks around the room as if she doesn’t really know any of these people, even her own mother. ‘People’ have always given her a bit of anxiety. Not that she didn’t know how to deal with them or is antisocial in any specific way, but people can’t be trusted. She prefers her own company and just a lucky handful of souls she allows to orbit close.
In her top dresser, she keeps a journal which lists everyone who has ever helped her in her journey. From the neighbor who gave her fifteen dollars for food, gas and her couch for a week the day she was evicted, to her cousin who lent her $500 to buy her first batch of plastic bottles.
You must earn your space in her life, it doesn’t matter your relationship status. She doesn’t linger on relationships or people that don’t serve a purpose. Mother, brother, cousin, best friend, girlfriend doesn’t mean a thing if there isn’t a reciprocal value attached, be it emotional or financial. You’re not just gonna be in her life just to be there.
‘What have you done for me lately,’ is the motto she lives by and it can be a blessing or a curse. For you.
For her, it’s how she protects her space, her self worth, her sense of security and mental health, especially at this place in life where it seems she has everything in a world that says she has too much and should share it despite all the sacrifices she made to get it.
I don’t mind how closed off she is, but only when I’m standing on the inside. On the other side of that door she keeps locked tight, is a desert of silence, a tearing of a tether that once seemed indestructible. After you’ve been toasting under the light of her care, it feels cold out there. You feel the loss of her presence in your life. She decides who gets to go and who gets to stay. Leave without her permission, and she makes you pay. I’ve experienced it all first hand.
She wants these people to leave now, so she can have me all to herself. And I like that, but right now, I want to be the birthday girl. I want to bask in this attention, but Dell has other plans.
Her lips press against the crest of my ear again. She nibbles on it and it makes me giggle.
“Let me take you to the room real quick and eat your birthday cake.”
I don’t react, but my pussy is such a bitch. She’s telling me to Do it. Do it. Do it.
“I just need five minutes,” she presses.
“Just five minutes? Somebody’s confident.”
Before I can give in to her offer, I spot Gia at the kitchen island helping herself to a martini. She sips on it casually while sifting through her phone, as if she’s done this a thousand times. She’s barely nineteen.
I unravel myself from Dell to her disappointment. “Give me one sec.”
Gia knows better. She looks up just as I reach her and I can tell she’s startled by how the drink swishes up and sloshes back into the glass.
“Really Gigi?” I say, snatching the glass from her.
“Are you serious right now? You got it all over me.”
“Better than it being in you. What’d I tell you about drinking?”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“Am I? You know alcohol is a slippery slope. You’re a Moreno.”
“But I’m also Gia,” she said, snatching back the glass. “And I’m not paying for the sins of my father.”
“That’s not what this is about.”
“It is. Papi is his own person. I have never overdone it. I have coping skills. I’m self aware. Super responsible.”
“The legal drinking age is twenty one so the fact that you’re drinking makes you automatically irresponsible.”
“I’m twenty-two.”
“Oh.” She grabs a bottle of water and marches off.
“Gia. Don’t you walk away from me,” I shout just above the music. She heads for the balcony and I follow her there.
“You’re so annoying,” she says, like a petulant teenager. “I know you mean well, but I wish you’d stop acting like my you’re mom. You’re not.”
“I know I’m not. You never let me forget. I’m sorry I snatched the drink from your hand. I could’ve handled that better.”
She looks away from me, not yet ready to accept my apology. We both lean against the glass rail and take in the night. The air is humid and sticks to my skin in a way I don’t like. It’s the ocean being so close, you can still see it even in darkness under the moonlight. I can smell and taste the salt even up here.
No way this came cheap. Any place where you can get a glimpse of the ocean in L.A. sets you back millions in the double digits. I figure Dell will either renovate and flip it or rent it out.
I slide in next to Gia and nudge her at the shoulder. ’“Your hair looks good.”
“Thank you.”
“Where’d you get the money to get it done? Got a boyfriend I don’t know about.”
She laughs and pushes me from her. “I can’t stand you.”
“How are classes?”
“Good for the most part. Only a couple classes kicking my ass.”
“You’ve got it. You’re super smart, you’re a hard worker and you never give up.”
She smiles like my mother, with her eyes. If you ask me, she’s the prettiest of the two of us. But unlike me, she’s never really used her looks. She prefers to use her smarts, which I personally prefer myself. If I were as smart as Gia, I’d be a lawyer or doctor, like she’s going for.
I’m super proud of her. She’ll be the first college graduate in our family with a graduate degree. I’m speaking that into existence. I’m personally helping her see that through.
“Are you gonna hang out here for the weekend or-”
“I’m sorry. I can’t. I came with my friend Jasmine and we have to get back. Finals are coming up.”
“Of course. I understand. Seriously though, did you get a job and not tell me?”
She shakes her head. “Can’t I have anything nice without you getting it for me?”
“Yes, you can. I just need to know where you’re getting it from.”
“I’m grown. You don’t need to know everything in my life.”
“So long as I’m paying tuition, I need to know everything.”
“How’s work?” she asks, ignoring my probe. “You’re never in one place anymore.”
“I’m just keeping busy.”
“You’re worried about me becoming an alcoholic when you’re a whole workaholic.”
“I am not.”
“Yes. You are. All you do is work. When was the last time you went on vacation?”
It’s been four years now that I think about it. I’m not the solo traveler type so if it’s not with my old crew, or with Dell, it doesn’t happen. All my friends have gone off and gotten married, gotten knocked up and are driving minivans and buying homes in the suburbs and that’s just not my life at this moment. I don’t really want kids, either. Dell says she wants them all the time, but I can’t really begin to think about it, not when I don’t know if we’ll actually get past this strange place in our relationship.
“Do you need anything though? I ask. Her shoes are new too, I can tell. And they look expensive. “Books? Supplies?”
“Nope. I’m good.”
“Really?”
Her eyes shift from me. “Yep.”
“Hm. Suspicious.”
She tugs on the diamond studs nestled in her ear. Gia is usually hounding me for money by now. I give her just enough so she doesn’t have to eat Ramen every night and a little extra to cover all of her needs and maybe a manicure here and there and clothes. I can do more, but I don’t want her falling into the habit of withdrawing from the Bank of Angel as a profession. My financial situation could easily create such a situation. What need would she have to go for her own dreams if everything she wants can be handed to her on a silver platter? There are things I plan on gifting her, but they’re not to be expected. For now, she’s well taken care of. I had to make do with a whole lot less. If she wants more of anything, she has the choice to work for it. Only I’m not aware of any job she’s picked up.
She shies away from my quiet scrutiny. Somethings up and she knows that I know.
“You’re gonna tell me or am I gonna have to drag it out of you?”
With a crooked smile she barely looks at me. “Okay, so, please don’t be mad.”
“What would I have to be mad about?”
“You’re always mad about something.”
“Tell me.”
She sucks her teeth. “Remember last month when my car broke down?”
“Yeah.”
“I begged and begged for you to help me fix it, but you told me I didn’t need it anyway.”
“You don’t. You live on campus.”
“But I was doing Uber for some extra cash.”
“Why? Not only do you not need the money, it’s dangerous. When would you even have time to study?”
“You can’t tell me to make more money on my own and then tell me what I can or cannot do to make it.”
“You’re right. Go on.”
“Well, since you weren’t willing to help me…I went to Dell.”
Her words sink in slowly as I process my feelings around what I feel is blatant disrespect.
Gigi turns to me, waves a hand over my face. “You’re not saying anything, but I can tell you’re pissed.”
“I’m just a little, really, confused. Why would you go to Dell, after I told you no?”
“Obviously, because I knew she’d help me.”
My throat’s gone dry from keeping composure. I blink one two many times and my breathing gives me away. I’m fucking livid.
“How much did she give you?”
“Well…and please just be chill. She bought me a brand new car.”
“What?”
“Nothing too fancy. Just a little 3 series. But I asked for a Honda.”
My heart races, but I give nothing away. Dell’s gone too far. I’m gonna kill her.
“I have to take care of all the maintenance though. Don’t be mad. Please. I’ve been working my ass off. I’ve maintained a 3.8 GPA. I go to class, I barely have a social life. I ‘m not saying I deserve that car, but I’m not undeserving of it either. So please. Just let me have it.”
Am I being unreasonable? I have to stop and ask this of myself because sometimes, I don’t know if my feelings come from a valid place.
Dell has overstepped as she always does.
“Please,” Gia pleads. “Don’t start a fight with Dell about it. She just wanted to help.”
“I won’t start a fight. But she has to know that’s not cool. I’m actually more disappointed in you. Maybe it’s just me, but I’d feel funny asking anyone for money if it’s not a life or death situation.”
“That’s a personal problem you need to get over. Dell and I have always had our own relationship outside of you. She calls me, I call her. It wasn’t really about you.”
I can’t even get mad at this point. When Dell and I fell out, it’s not like I cut off my relationship with her mom. Mrs. B tried to play peacemaker between us and when that didn’t work, she just kept me for herself.
Somehow, everyone else around us decided to keep ties while Dell and I burned the bridge that led us to each other. And that’s where we are I guess. We haven’t exactly met in the middle. We’re still rebuilding, still slowly working ourselves back to the center of trust.
“Have you seen Papi lately?” Gia asks, scrambling my thoughts all at once.
“Not for a while.”
I saw my dad just a week ago not to far from Skid Row where he frequents. I brought him a pack of beer and a pair of new shoes. The ones he wore for three years straight had seen their last days. But he declined those, said he didn’t want to get robbed for them which I found very strange.
He’s usually so grateful to see me, always gets a little teary eyed as if he’s ashamed of himself and doesn’t understand why I still come around. I give him a massive hug even though he reeks of booze and street. His hair though, he always kept the hair right, now peppered gray and combed back so his curls fall on his shoulders. Still handsome despite the sun damage to his skin. Still proud despite the lack of a roof.
One would say he chose this life, but I have nothing but sympathy for those born into shitty situations and stay in those situations. Good on those who find a way out, but not everyone has the built in will or capacity to do it.
I lied because Gia would ask me to bring her to see him, but I don’t want her seeing him like that. The last image she has of him is still a good one, when he was semi-sober and present. My little brothers don’t know him at all, and maybe that’s for the best.
Mrs. B sticks her head out of the sliding doors. “There you are, a birthday girl. Ya’ll come on in here. Been looking all over for you.”
Dell is carrying a cake in the shape of a Burkin bag with candle numbers twenty-nine flickering at the top when I stroll back inside. I don’t even have the opportunity to be mad at her. Everyone breaks into a loud and off-key redention of Stevie Wonders’ Happy Birthday. I effervesce in it all, feel like the center of the universe.
“Make a wish,” Dell says.
I close my eyes and think of my wish. I’ve kept it simple. When I open my eyes, Dell is waiting patiently. She’s all I can see in this room full of lovely, friendly faces. I wanna kiss her and I wanna smack her all at the same time. Lips puckered, wish made, I blow out the candles.
CHAPTER 7
Dell
The funny thing about Angel is that she can fuck even when she’s angry. It’s how she prefers to work through her feelings.
I can tell her level of pissed by the way she handles me and right now, she’s at level eight with a fistful of the back of my hair balled up in her hand while I eat her peach for breakfast.
We went to bed exhausted in our birthday suits. I didn’t exactly plan on staying here the night. Sherry had the place stocked with basic essentials, but pajamas didn’t make the list.
The night went a little longer than I planned. It’s what the princess wanted. We drank a little too much and we were both more than just a little tired from the birthday surprise I had set up for her. She seemed happy about it at first, but then she was back to giving me the cold shoulder for the rest of the night. Didn't stop her from wanting to be spooned to sleep.
Her appetite for sex is unlike any other woman I’ve ever met. When we’re alone, if we’re not talking, fighting, eating or sleeping, we’re fucking. She has never turned down an advance. I like to believe it’s me.
She made me wait too long. I woke up with a distinct craving for her, wanted to have her before the day broke, before coffee and obligations, before we fight.
Skin to skin, her body curved into mine, she kept me warm in this frigid room throughout the night. I pulled her in closer, pressed my thigh up against the soft flesh of her ass, set a trail of soft kisses down her back, stirring her to consciousness. She pressed herself closer so there was no air left between us. I grazed my teeth across her shoulder, cradled her breast in my hand, woke her nipple up with a gentle pinch and a pull and twirl. She reached back for me cupping my face, opening herself, whispered a lusty string of sleepy nothings, an incoherent invitation to do what I pleased.
Rising with the sun setting the room alight, I stripped us of the white sheet, rolled her over and kissed her on every inch of her body with her eyes still heavy with sleep. Her scowl didn’t scare me, nor did she stop me.
Soft pecks on her lips, peppered down her chest, across the taught flesh around her bite sized bitties, I swirled a wet tongue around the outer edge of her nipple, rustling her awake with an oh-so-light nibble with my lips on the erected nubs.
She woke fully to my libidinous assault as I sucked on them, soft, then hard. She rolled her chest up in the direction of my tug on them. I watched her chest expand with the sharp intake of a heavy breath as I kissed my way down the valley of her cleavage, tongued the winding path down her chest, past her ribs, and felt her abdomen tense as I spelled my name in cursive there.
She draped a leg around me, bringing me in close. We kissed wildly, our tongues danced, I sucked her in and she moaned at the pressure I applied against the valley between her thighs. We made out until she asked for more, splayed her legs open wide beneath. But there was so much more to explore. Kisses on her ankles, up her legs, all the way to the center of everything that made her a woman and I took a long whiff of her pink blossoming flower already wet with anticipation, a prequel to her upcoming release. A quick pucker on her clit just to let her know I see her. She sighed to the acknowledgement. But first, a little more teasing.
