Whole, p.17
Whole, page 17
“Hey,” he says, a troubled look on his face. He takes a long, hard look at the scene in front of him—me, half-naked, shivering on a rooftop—then continues. “Is this a bad time?”
“Kind of,” I say, flustered. “I’m at a party. What is…this?” I make a circular motion with my hand in the direction of his hologram.
“What, a face-to-face? Jonah didn’t—”
“Tell me?” I say, cutting him off. “No, if you can believe it, Jonah didn’t tell me about this particular feature.”
“Well, I thought it would be easier than messaging. I have news.”
“Make it quick,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “It’s freezing out here.”
He looks like he’s about to comment on my lack of clothing, then thinks better of it and continues on. “There was another ambush. Jonah and Ben.”
My heart sinks, and I immediately regret bad-mouthing Jonah. I quite liked the little guy. “Are they…” I start.
“They’re fine, don’t worry,” Jake says, reassuringly. “Jonah is a clever kid and heard them coming from a mile away. Already called another portal by the time they were upon him and was back at his house before anyone got hurt. Well, anyone on our side anyways. A lightbringer stuck her arm into the portal and tried to pull Jonah back out, but Ben held onto him until the portal closed, severing her arm.”
I shiver again, but not from the cold. I’m picturing a severed arm coming back through the portal with Jonah and Ben and landing, bloody, on his living room floor. I can’t imagine Jonah’s parents were happy about that mess in their beautiful house. “What do you think it means, all this bad intel?”
“It means there’s someone on the inside. A lightbringer that’s feeding us false information, setting us up to fail. They’re trying to take out the designates so we stand less of a chance at destroying all the cellerach on Pearth.”
“So, you think I’m in danger?” I ask, getting concerned.
“Not immediately, no. They can’t track you on Earth, remember? If they could, you’d be dead already, trust me,” he says.
Somehow that does nothing to calm my fears. “OK, so what should I do?”
“Just lay low and trust no one. The reckoning will be here soon, and I have a feeling it’s not going to go as smoothly as your father would like us to believe. I hope I’m wrong, but be prepared. Be alert. You still have that trola I gave you?”
“Yes,” I say, soberly. “That and the stun-gun.”
“Good,” says Jake, nodding his head. “Bring them both. We’re going to need them.”
My ring gives another flash of light, and his hologram disappears into the night sky. I shove the ring back into my bra and sneak down the stairs to rejoin the party, hoping no one noticed I was gone, but Jake is walking into the kitchen just as I open the door.
“Hey,” he says when he sees me. “Where were you just now?”
“I...uh...I,” I stammer, caught off guard. “That’s a great costume,” I say, trying to casually change the subject. He’s dressed in a Chicago Cubs baseball uniform, a bat in his hand.
“Yours too,” he says, raising his eyebrows and taking a step forward to pull me in close, his hand sliding down my back and coming to rest on my waist. “But where were you, really?”
Shit. Change of subject didn’t work. “I was on the roof,” I say, no point in lying. He can easily find out where the staircase leads. “I needed some air. I’m feeling a little uncomfortable in this costume.”
“Really?” he says, his face breaking into a grin. “Because I’m feeling very comfortable with you wearing this costume.” He leans the bat against the counter and places his other hand on my backside, giving it a playful squeeze. He kisses me gently and pushes his body against mine, and I get a sudden flashback to the alleyway in Nice, to the other Jake, his strong arms pinning me against the wall just before the bomb went off. I try to block the thoughts out of my mind as my Jake leans in to whisper in my ear. “Let’s go back up there?” he says, motioning to the door behind me, his deep voice turning me on even more than I already am. Having sex out in the open on the roof of your best friend’s apartment would definitely fall under my definition of breaking the rules, but the thought of it is certainly distracting me from the conversation I just had with Jake’s hologram, from the danger I’m soon to encounter. What the hell? I think, as I follow him back up the stairs. Some rules are meant to be broken.
The next week passes slowly, as if time is crawling by. Jake tells me he has a surprise for my birthday, and I decide to play along as if I’ll be able to partake in the festivities. Either the ring ceremony goes as planned and Jake doesn’t even realize I left, or I get captured—or worse, killed‚—by a lightbringer and disappoint him yet again by missing an important event. The former sounds better to me, and believing it will happen is keeping me from losing my mind, so that’s what I do.
On the eve of my twenty-third birthday, November 10, Jake makes me dinner and we eat together, happily chatting about the bakery, his band, Dash’s terrible haircut decision, and anything else that comes to mind. We take Rufio out for an after-dinner walk, and by the time we get back I’ve almost completely forgotten that tomorrow I’ll be participating in a potentially deadly coup to save the world. As Jake washes the dishes in the kitchen, I sit on the couch and flip through our movie options, hoping to keep the distractions going all night. I’ve just decided on a light-hearted comedy when my ring starts beeping in my pocket. I peek around the doorway to make sure Jake is still preoccupied, then I pull out the ring and check the message. INCOMING MESSAGE: PATRICK MARTIN, URGENT flashes into the air. That’s weird. I usually only get messages from Jake or Jonah, never from my dad. I didn’t even know he could message me without a ring of his own, but then I remember the device Vincent gave him to use for sensitive matters. I tap my ring to open the message and hold it up in front of my face so I can read.
The reckoning has been moved up to tonight. Report to Pearth IMMEDIATELY
Chapter 21
Why would they move up the reckoning by just one day? Something must have happened, and maybe it’s safer now if we perform the ring ceremony at night rather than tomorrow morning. My heart pounds as I run up the stairs and quickly throw some items in my backpack—a pair of pajamas, my toothbrush. Realistically this shouldn’t take more than a few hours, but so far everything I’ve done on Pearth hasn’t gone as planned, so it can’t hurt to overpack a little. I reach underneath the mattress on my side of the bed to retrieve the electrolaser Jake gave me and slip that into my bag as well. Then I go downstairs and find my Jake sitting in the living room.
“Hey,” he says, cheerily as I walk in the room. “What are we watching?”
I hate to disappoint him, but it’s already late, and I have no idea how long the ceremony will last. There’s a chance it won’t be done before midnight, so it’s best if I have an alibi. “I’m sorry,” I start, and I can see his face already dropping. “Ellie called, and I need to go over there. She got in a fight with that guy she’s been seeing, and she doesn’t want to be alone tonight.” I’m amazed at how easily I can lie to Jake now. Too easily.
“You’re spending the night?” he asks, eyeing my backpack. “When will you be back? I have some things planned for your birthday, remember.”
My birthday. I haven’t really been in the mood to celebrate my birthday, what with the need to protect the Earth hanging over my head, and I won’t feel like celebrating until this is all over and I’m safely back at home, but I can’t tell Jake that, so instead I just smile and say, “How could I forget?” Then I lean in to give him a kiss goodbye and make another promise I’m not sure I can keep. “I’ll be back by lunchtime, I promise.”
“You’re sure you need to go?” he says, sounding annoyed now. “It’s already late. Ellie’s a grown woman, she can handle whatever happens with the losers she brings home.”
“She’s my sister,” I say, exasperated. I’m getting angry even though I know he couldn’t possibly understand the importance of my leaving tonight. Stress and anxiety are building up inside of me, making me lash out, and he’s an easy target. “You can handle a night without me.”
He stares back at me, clearly hurt, but I hurry out the front door before I can change my mind. Outside, a cool autumn breeze is rolling through, and I cross my arms over my chest, hugging myself to block out the chill. I walk the block to the alley I’ve used before and fish out my stun-gun from the tiny crack in the wall where I left it. The rat comes out from behind the dumpster to bid me farewell, and I give him a little nod as I call a portal to take me to Pearth. “Wish me luck,” I say as I close my eyes, ready to go. Before I go into the hole, I hesitate then reconsider. You’re stronger than you think, I tell myself, and I open my eyes and step into the dark.
Turns out portaling with your eyes open isn’t much different than with them closed, and I can’t believe I was ever afraid to look. It all happens so fast, there’s really no time to see anything anyway. The portal disappears behind me, and I’m now standing in Jake’s living room on Pearth. All the lights are off, which is strange. This Jake is so punctual, I expected him to be waiting in the living room when I arrived, lacing up his boots and ready to go, but from the looks of it he’s not even home. He must have got the intel just like I did, so maybe he was out procuring more weapons. There’s a faint glow coming from the kitchen, so I poke my head around the corner to investigate. To my surprise, my father is sitting at the table, a single candle being used to light the room. He startles when he sees me, but he doesn’t get up. His hair appears disheveled and there’s a bit of a wild look in his eyes, but it could be the candlelight playing tricks on me.
“Dad…” I say slowly, taking in the scene. “What are you doing here?”
“Thought I’d go with you to the ring ceremony!” he says in a frenzied tone, slapping his hands on his knees. Can’t travel quickly alone, you know, I don’t have a cellerach ring. Only PGM, guides, and designates are allowed one of those.”
I knew my dad didn’t have a ring, and with the last-minute change it was too late to catch a flight to New York, but why wouldn’t he have mentioned that he needed a ride in his message? “Where’s Jake?” I say, looking around the room. He’s definitely not here.
“Went out to get some more candles and flashlights,” he says, dismissively. “Power went out. He’ll be back soon. Why don’t you give me your ring and I’ll call us a portal to headquarters?”
“That’s alright,” I say. “I can do it.” I have no intention of leaving without Jake, so there’s no point in calling a portal until he gets here.
“I insist,” he says, gritting his teeth. He leans forward exposing his face to the candlelight and now I can confirm, there’s a manic look in his eyes.
“I’m not giving you my ring,” I say firmly, backing slowly toward the door.
In seconds he’s on me, grabbing me by my hoodie and slamming me up against the wall, an electrolaser pointed directly in my face. It’s small, about the size of a handgun, and while he didn’t look armed when I came in, he could have been holding it under the table this whole time. “Give it to me!” he screams, spit flying into my eyes. “Where is it?”
I can feel the ring deep in my front pocket, but his hands are too busy pinning me to the wall to search my person.
“I don’t know!” I say, lying, stalling for time. “I don’t have it. I might have dropped it in the living room.”
He considers this a moment then seems to decide it’s worth a look and leads me into the living room, the trola shoved firmly into my back. I look frantically around the room for something I can grab, anything that might help me fight him off, but the only thing I see is the framed picture of our happy family, still sitting on the mantel.
“Where is it?!” he shouts again, getting more hysterical as the minutes pass.
“Over there,” I say, pointing, trying to get closer to the bookcase. Maybe I can grab hold of a book or even knock the whole thing down on top of us.
He pushes the trola further into my back to steer me toward the bookcase. Just then, the front door swings open and Jake comes charging into the room, lunging at my father and knocking him to the ground. I fall back, slamming my backpack against the bookcase, books raining down on my head. They struggle on the floor for a few terrifying minutes while I scamper off to the side, watching helplessly. Jake moves deftly, like he’s been training for this his whole life, and quickly disarms my father, pinning him to the ground with his knee. He points the trola at my father’s head, ready to pull the trigger.
“STOP!” I scream frantically from the corner of the room I’ve backed into. “Please don’t kill him!”
“He tried to kill you,” Jake says without taking his eyes off my father.
“He wasn’t going to kill me,” I say, not sure if I believe it myself. “He just wanted my ring.”
Jake says nothing, his knee still pressed firmly in my father’s back, apparently mulling over his next move. A soft weeping sound is audible from the other side of the room, and I strain my eyes in the glow of the candlelight to see who it’s coming from, though I’m fairly certain I already know. “Go ahead and kill me,” my father says, quietly, between sobs. “I’d rather be dead than give up my only chance to ever see her again.”
Jake and I exchange looks, and he lets up his knee a little but the trola remains trained on the back of my dad’s head. “See who?” I ask.
“Your mother,” he says, sounding hysterical again. “Your real mother, not that shell of a woman I’m living with here on this awful planet. I’ve been alone for twelve years, and tomorrow we’ll destroy all the cellerach on Pearth, and with it my only hope of ever seeing her again. Just kill me now and get it over with.”
It was a realization I’d had many times before, and I couldn’t really blame him for acting desperately. The reality of the situation was that we were all going to lose people we loved when this was all over. After the ceremony I’d be sent back to Earth, and Jake would stay behind, here on Pearth. I’d never see him or talk to him again, not even his hologram. I was still working out my complicated feelings for him, and tomorrow he’d be gone from my life forever. I think of how this must feel for my dad as well, finding out there’s a way to get back to Earth to be with the love of his life one more time and having it taken away from him. I’d be losing him all over again as well, like watching him die twice. The thought makes my heart heavy with sadness.
Jake sees my face fall, and I know that he’s thinking the same thing I am, though of course he’s known this all along, before I ever came into his life. It’s why he didn’t want to meet me in the first place. Why risk caring about someone who will inevitably be taken from you, someone you can never have? We make eye contact from across the room, and I try to tell him I’m sorry, that this is hard for me too. He slips both trolas into his belt then stands and releases my father, helping him to his feet. We sit there in silence for a moment, each brooding in our own personal pain.
“I’m sorry you can’t see her,” I say, breaking the stillness. “But you know we can’t take any risks so close to the reckoning. I wish I could let you go, but I can’t. She still talks about you all the time, you know. You don’t know how hard it’s been for me not to tell her you’re still alive, in some way at least. Ellie too.”
“Maybe you could...give them something? From me. To let them know I’m thinking of them, always,” he says, drying his eyes on his sleeve.
“Of course,” I say, somberly. “Whatever you want.”
“Oh Mara,” he says, breaking down again, tears pouring down his face, looking at me like he’s just realized I’m there for the first time. “I never would have hurt you, you know that, right? The trola wasn’t even turned on, I promise. I just lost my mind for a minute. Grief is a strange thing. I’m so proud of you for taking on this most important role. You always were my brave girl.”
Brave is not something I’ve ever considered myself, so it catches me off guard to hear him say it. Ellie is the brave one, not me. I’m the one who’s always been too scared to try new things, to step out of my comfort zone. He must see something in me that I don’t, and I don’t have the heart to tell him he’s wrong. “I love you, dad,” I say instead. “Let’s kick some lightbringer butt tomorrow.”
This gets him to chuckle, the tears finally slowing down. “Tomorrow. Right. Big day tomorrow. I should go, let you get some sleep. We’re meeting at PGM headquarters at 9 a.m. sharp for the briefing and honors with the commanders, then we’ll perform the ceremony and be on our way. Shouldn’t take more than a few hours, then we can all go back to living our lives.” He stands to leave, and I stop him before he goes, wrapping my arms around him.
“I miss you so much, dad,” I say into his chest. This might be the last chance I have to tell him. “Everyday. This time seeing you again was the best birthday gift I’ll ever receive.”
“You turned out alright without me,” he says. “I’m just grateful you have this guy in your life, always looking out for you.” He motions at Jake and I blush, not sure why I’m embarrassed.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, dad.” I say, closing the door behind him, then turning to face Jake who’s standing resolutely behind me. “I’m sorry about that,” I say, still blushing. “Him saying I’ll have you in my life and all when he really meant…you know.”
“It’s OK,” he says, taking a step closer to me. “I’m glad you’ll have someone looking out for you too. Even if it isn’t me.” I take a step closer to him and stare deep into his dark brown eyes, trying to solidify his being in my memory.
“You should go,” he says, softly. “It’s almost midnight. You can still make it back before the day changes.”
“I don’t want to go,” I answer, my voice almost a whisper, taking his hand in mine.
