“It sounds like he didn’t tell you what happened,” I said simply.

  “All I know is he didn’t cheat on you,” she said. “And as long as he didn’t do that, then there’s no reason you can’t work through your differences.”

  I was tired of having this same argument, with Ward along with everyone else. “It’s just not possible. Ward and I may love each other but that isn’t enough.”

  “Codswallop that isn’t enough,” she hissed. “My brother is willing to do anything to keep you. You should feel damn lucky. He’s never felt this way about anyone else.”

  “Except Skye Preston,” I said bitterly.

  “Sorry?” she asked.

  I sighed then told her the entire story. I was getting sick of repeating it, especially when it made me miserable every time I did. “He was willing to make sacrifices for one woman, but never me.”

  Willow shifted her weight several times as she narrowed her eyes. Her body was rigid while she remained deep in thought.

  “I’m not going to work on a relationship with a man who considers me to be a rebound. I quit my job for him but he didn’t offer me the same in return. Even if we did try to make it work, we’re on different sides of the world. It’s not feasible. If Ward is so determined to have a wife and kids, he needs to find a permanent job in London then start searching. Because there’s nothing for him here.”

  She paced my living room, her mind somewhere far away. “My brother is almost thirty and has never been so interested in one woman. You’re the only one who’s met his family. Does that not mean anything to you?”

  “It did—at the time.”

  “Don’t be so cold.”

  “I’m not,” I hissed. “He’s hurt me too much and I can’t keep doing this. Relationships aren’t perfect and they can get rough, but they shouldn’t always be work. There has to be some sort of joy to make it worthwhile. Ward and I have no joy at all. It’s just work.”

  She continued to pace. “I thought you loved him?”

  “I do,” I said. “Of course, I do. But that isn’t enough. I’ve told you that.”

  She stopped pacing and stared me down.

  “I really appreciate you coming down here on behalf of your brother—”

  “He doesn’t know I’m here. I thought I could talk some sense into you.”

  “What if this was you? What if your husband had done this to you?” I demanded.

  “My husband is everything to me. Of course I would keep him.”

  I shook my head, knowing her response was a lie. “Willow, you should go. If you need somewhere to stay before your flight leaves you’re welcome to stay but—”

  Willow walked out and slammed the door. She didn’t even say goodbye.

  Somehow that felt worse than when Ward left. I would never see her again and I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. It was like saying goodbye to the future I could have had with Ward, to a sister that could have been mine.

  I felt terrible all over again.

  ***

  When the concert ended, my fingers burned. Permanent callouses had formed on my fingers. When I first started to play music, my skin would blister and it was extremely painful. But now my skin had hardened, and when I pressed the strings against the wood, it didn’t bother me.

  But for some reason, they burned tonight.

  Together, we stood up and bowed to the crowd. Being first chair was a dream, and it was something I worked hard to achieve. But I felt so empty and hollow that it didn’t mean much tonight.

  I headed backstage then gently placed my violin in the case. The strap fit over my shoulder easily and I was ready to go. There was no one waiting in the audience for me tonight since I didn’t tell anyone about the performance. Right now, I just wanted to be alone.

  I walked down the side aisle of the theatre then headed to the exit. People were talking and laughing, and my fellow performers were handed flowers along with praise.

  I kept going, not wanting any attention whatsoever.

  When I made it outside the theatre, the sidewalk was jammed with people. They discussed the show and where they were eating that evening. I turned right and tried to get out of the throng.

  A large hand grabbed my wrist and steadied me.

  I knew who it was without looking. That hand had touched me numerous times. Sometimes it was on the cheek as he gently graced the skin. Sometimes it was along my thigh, where he gripped me territorially.

  “You played beautifully tonight.” He held up an arrangement of pink flowers. “For the lady.” His eyes shined with emotion and his lips held a smile. But he seemed sad, empty.

  I took them with a shaky hand. “Thank you. They’re beautiful.” Against my will, I smelled them.

  “You stole the show. All I could hear was the sound of your violin. Everything else faded to the background.”

  “Then it must have been boring.”

  “Entertaining, actually,” he said.

  I stared at him, looking at the artic blue eyes I used to gaze at so often. They were vibrant and powerful. I wanted to fall deeply into them and never be caught. “Ward, I—”

  He cupped my face and gave me a powerful kiss. It was scorching in heat but gentle in touch. His fingers slid across my cheek and into my hairline. His kiss breathed life into me and thawed my frozen heart.

  I let the kiss linger since I had no resolve to stop it. Nights of loneliness ruined my strength. I knew I should keep him away but I couldn’t. When I felt his lips against mine, I didn’t care about what happened between us. I didn’t care about anything. All that mattered was him.

  Ward deepened the kiss and pulled me closer. People surrounded us on all sides but they faded away. He grabbed me like he never wanted to let me go, not now or in a million years.

  Logic came into my mind, and I realized what I was doing. This would just make it a million times harder. Using all the strength I had left, I pulled away. “No…”

  His lips were slightly parted like I winded him. Desperation was in his eyes. He looked slightly crazy. “Yes.”

  “No,” I repeated.

  “Have dinner with me,” he whispered.

  This was getting dangerous. “Ward, I have to go.”

  He grabbed my wrist. “Just one meal, please.”

  “We’re done and I mean it. Nothing you say is going to change my mind. You’re just making it harder on both of us.”

  “Our kiss contradicts all of that,” he said seriously.

  “Our kiss means nothing,” I countered. “It was just a moment of weakness.”

  “Then have another,” he pressed. “I’m just asking for an evening with you.”

  “I don’t owe you anything,” I snapped. “Now leave me alone.” I stepped away again.

  He grabbed me and pulled me toward him. “Clementine, don’t do this.”

  “It’s already been done.” I twisted out of his grip.

  He grabbed me again, and this time he forced me against his chest. “Have dinner with me or I’ll tell your father what you used to do for a living.”

  My eyes narrowed to slits and the anger crashed through me in waves. I’d never been so angry. I got my arm free to slap him but he forced it down. “You’re a fucking asshole.”

  “Have dinner with me or I’ll tell him. I have pictures to prove it.”

  “You wouldn’t dare.”

  He held my gaze without flinching. “Are you willing to risk it? Your reputation will be ruined and your entire family will be disappointed in you. Is that what you want?”

  “You think you can get me back with coercion?” I asked incredulously. “Well, you can’t.”

  “I’m just asking for dinner—nothing else.”

  “Until there’s something else you want.” I tried to wiggle free. “How can I be with a man who continually blackmails me with my secret? That’s not love. That’s fear.”

  His eyes sagged in sadness. “I’m bluffing, Clementine. But please have dinner with me anyway.”

  “Go to hell.” I kneed him in the groin but he blocked it.

  “I love you with everything I have. Please give me another chance.” He tightened his hold on me. “I’m begging you.”

  “Another chance would go nowhere,” I said. “That’s the problem.”

  “The future is impossible to predict,” he countered. “Let’s just try. I love you and you love me. We owe it to love to make the effort.”

  “How can I ever love a man who saw me as a rebound?”

  “Never once did I think that.”

  I tried to move out of his hold but he wouldn’t let me. “Let me go or I’ll scream.”

  “Now you’re bluffing,” he said seriously. “Have dinner with me or I’m going with you to your apartment. And you know what’s going to happen when we get there.”

  “Cocky asshole,” I hissed.

  “I’m not cocky. I’m just in mortal agony over you, and you must be suffering too. My body craves you, just to hold you. I can’t sleep without you. I can’t eat. You’re all I think about.” His eyes started to water. “I can’t just walk away when I feel like this. It would be a miracle if I ever felt this way for someone else in the future. I can’t just step aside and let you go. You need to understand how I feel, that I will fight for you until you change your mind.”

  “There’s nothing to fight for.” I managed to get out of his arms, and once I was free, I took off. I eventually broke the crowd then headed up the next street, hoping I’d lost him in the chaos of the city. When I looked over my shoulder, I didn’t see him. So I assumed I was successful.

  I walked to my apartment then took the elevator to my floor. When I stepped out and walked down the hallway, I saw Ward leaning against my door.

  How did he beat me here?

  “A cab.” He answered my unspoken thought.

  I approached my door but didn’t open it. “I really don’t want to involve anyone else in this spat but I will if you force me to.”

  He leaned against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

  “I’ll tell my father you’re harassing me,” I threatened. “And you’ll be fired within twenty four hours.”

  “And I thought my threat was bad,” he said quietly. “But at least I know you’re bluffing.”

  “I’m not,” I said firmly.

  “Whether you are or aren’t doesn’t make a difference to me. I’m just as miserable in either scenario. So, go ahead. Tell him. Let’s see what happens.”

  I was pissed off that he knew me so well. “I’m going to kick you in the balls if you don’t leave me alone.”

  “And I’m going to kiss you if you make a move,” he threatened.

  “Kiss me?” I asked incredulously.

  “Yeah,” he said. “Go ahead and kick me. Every time you try to push me away, it’ll only bring me closer to you. So, take your shot.” He kept his hands in his pockets and stared me down, leaving himself totally vulnerable to me.

  Shit, he was annoying. I growled then unlocked the door.

  Like a cheetah, he darted inside before I could slam the door in his face. “Good luck getting me out now.”

  “I can always call the cops.”

  “Calling your bluff again, darling.”

  I froze at the nickname. He used to call me that all the time. I missed it, and I didn’t understand just how much I missed it until then.

  Ward seemed to know what I was thinking. “My darling…”

  I couldn’t hold his gaze so I looked away. “You don’t want to hurt me, right?”

  His voice came out empty. “Of course not.”

  “That’s what you’re doing right now. So, please stop.”

  He held his silence for a long time. “I’m not doing it on purpose.”

  “I made it clear I don’t want to be with you but you keep pursuing me. If I thought we could work it out, I would try. But now you’re just torturing me. You have no idea how hard it is for me to look at you and not want to take you back. You have no idea how hard it is for me to stand in the same room as you and not want you.”

  “Then take me back,” he whispered. “Let yourself want me.”

  “No.” I stared at the floor. “It’ll hurt me even more later on.”

  He came close to me but didn’t touch me. “What we had was pretty phenomenal. Wouldn’t you say?”

  “Does it matter?” I whispered.

  “It does,” he said gently. “I’ve been with a lot of women, Clementine. None of them are as smart, witty, adorable, and sexy as you are. The thing I love most about our relationship is our playfulness. You and I laugh together like old friends, but we make love like we’re soul mates. That doesn’t happen to me often—or ever. You must feel the same way.”

  “The way I feel doesn’t change what happened. The way I feel won’t make our relationship stronger. The chances of you and I succeeding are slim to none. And I don’t want us to succeed. I just want to move on and forget about you.”

  He took a deep breath like he’d been stung. “Forget about me?”

  “Yes.” I said it even though it hurt. “You aren’t my future husband. The man I see myself with won’t be in love with Skye first. And he’ll treat me right from the beginning, not pick me up at a strip club and use me as a rebound.”

  “Can I say something?”

  “Like it would matter if I told you not to.”

  “If you want men to treat you with respect, you shouldn’t give them a reason not to. Being a stripper is the best way for men to demoralize you and objectify you. You settle for less than what you deserve but then you push away the only man who’s ever really cared about you. It makes no sense, Clementine.”

  “You made me believe in men again, that they could be good despite how cold the world is. Then you took it away.”

  “I’ve always been a gentleman.”

  “Yes, that’s true,” I said. “But that doesn’t make your other traits forgivable.” I sighed in exhaustion. “I’m tired of having this same argument. You must be too.”

  “I am,” he admitted. “But I’ll have it as many times as I have to in order for you to see the light.”

  “See the light?” I asked incredulously. “You treated me like garbage, Ward. You expected me to change my life for you. Well, go fuck yourself.”

  He didn’t seem offended by my words. He came closer to me then pushed me against the island of my kitchen, the same place where I told him to leave my life forever. “If everything you said is true, if you really are someone who pales in comparison to Skye, the woman I really want, then why am I trying so hard to keep you? Why am I fighting for you and putting myself through this agony? Why am I offering to change my life for you? Answer that, darling.” He pressed his chest to mine then moved his hands to my hips. His forehead was against mine.

  “Maybe you feel that way now…but you didn’t feel that way then.”

  “And what does it matter?” he questioned. “If I’m head-over-heels in love with you now what does it matter what I felt then? You’re the only woman I want.”

  “Because of everything else I said,” I whispered. “A relationship is just too difficult for us. You live in London. I live here.”

  “I can move here. I offered.”

  “But you would be miserable.”

  “Not with you,” he said seriously. “And if that isn’t an option, you can fly back and forth with me.”

  “You’d ask me to give up my entire life for you?”

  He considered the question for a long time. “Life doesn’t always work out the way you want. Sometimes things change, and the path you set for yourself takes a different direction. But that doesn’t make it worse. Sometimes it makes it better.”

  “Even so,” I said. “You want to have a family someday. How can I fly back and forth if I’m raising them?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “Then I’ll be gone for two weeks then I’ll come home.”

  “You’ll be gone from your wife and kids for half the year?” I asked incredulously. I held up my hands in frustration and stepped away from him. “I’m not settling for a marriage like that.”

  “Then I’ll quit and find a new job. Problem solved.”

  “No, not problem solved!” I pointed a finger into his chest. “You need to quit and permanently live in London. Then you’ll find the right girl and settle down in an orthodox way. That’s the only way you’ll get what you want.”

  “No,” he said calmly. “Since you’re the only woman I’ll have that doesn’t work.”

  I walked away, furious with him for having this same argument over and over. “Let yourself out.” I barricaded myself in my bedroom and locked the door. I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for him to leave. I listened for his footsteps, but they came closer, not further away.

  The door handle wiggled as he tried to turn it.

  “Go,” I said quietly. “I mean it.”

  The door moved again then came free. He opened it and stared at me.

  “You broke into my bedroom?”

  He held up a paperclip. “It wasn’t difficult.” He pocketed.

  I crossed my arms over my chest and stared out the window.

  Ward shut the door then sat beside me on the bed. “You think I’m going to disappear?”

  “You will eventually.”

  “No, I’m sorry.”

  I focused my gaze outside. A part of me didn’t want him to give up but another part did.

  He pressed his face into my cheek. “Darling…”

  I didn’t push him away.

  “I didn’t find the girl of my dreams just to lose her…”

  I knew I should turn away but I couldn’t.

  Ward pressed his lips to the corner of my mouth and gave me a gentle kiss. I felt the burn the moment we touched. Then he kissed me again. And again. His hand cupped my face and pulled my mouth to his.

  I didn’t fight it because I loved it. I missed his kiss and his touch. I was going through withdrawals without him. The butterflies in my stomach wouldn’t die, and my pulse wouldn’t return to normal. He worked me up with little effort. Why did I have to fall in love with a man I could never have?

 

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