“Oh? Why doesn’t she join us for dinner?” He turned to her, all charm and good looks. “The more the merrier.”

  “That is sooo sweet,” I drawled, overdoing the syrup in my voice. “But I’m sure Erin has other, more important things she’d rather do.”

  I shot her a look implying I was letting her off the hook. But of course, I didn’t want her along. And it had nothing to do with being jealous. I knew how clingy she had become when it came to Matt, and I needed him to be focused on the operation, not needy, clingy Erin.

  “Actually, I was just gonna go home and watch a couple of movies on DVD.”

  “Wow, DVDs! That sounds pretty darned exciting. Enjoy.” I put my arm around her shoulder, preparing to usher her out when…

  “Megan. I think your friend is saying she’d like to join us.”

  “No, she’s not.” I looked in her eyes. “You’re not, right?”

  “Well…”

  “There, it’s settled,” Armando interrupted. “I know you are one of Megan’s very best friends. I would love to have you join us, and I am certain Suze would, too.”

  Erin’s eyes moved to mine, not sure how to respond.

  “You can watch those DVDs another time,” I said with a forced smile.

  Delight bloomed across her face. “Okay, I’m in.”

  Terrific! Just terrific, I thought. Just what we need to throw Matt’s focus and ruin the operation. Needy, clingy Erin.

  #

  No matter how roomy they may appear on TV, a Volvo is not meant to seat five—at least not comfortably. For our drive to dinner Mom sat up front with Armando, leaving me, Matt, and Erin to squeeze into the backseat. To top it off, I sat in the middle. You heard me, the dreaded middle seat. And believe it or not, it was my choice. I needed to separate the love birds so Matt could stay focused.

  I recalled when I was in the Girl Scouts. We’d go on outings in Mrs. Calendar’s ancient station wagon, all of us calling ‘shotgun’ as we stood waiting for her to unlock the doors. None of us wanted to sit in the middle. The middle seat has a big fat invisible L stamped on it, and every young person in America knows it. Yet today, I willingly sat in the loser’s seat. Anything to keep Matt focused.

  “Matt’s getting a new car as soon as he graduates,” Erin said from her vaunted perch by the window.

  I shot Matt a sidelong glance and gave a tiny sigh. “That’s nice.”

  “Then he’s going to teach me how to drive.” There was a smugness in her voice. I swear, she’d become a totally different person since she started dating Matt. I did not like this Erin at all.

  Turning to her, I said: “I already know how to drive. Why not take driver’s ed? Then Matt won’t be saddled with having to teach you.”

  She started blinking rapidly as if something was stinging her eyes. “Well… Umm… He…”

  “I don’t mind,” came Matt’s voice from my left. He reached across my lap and squeezed her hand.

  “That is too sweet,” Suze called from the front. “Megan’s father taught me how to drive. It was… kind of romantic.”

  “I think so, too,” gushed Erin.

  That shut me up. All I could think was: Please, Armando, get us to the restaurant quickly, or kill us trying, but spare me this misery.

  #

  It was a posh restaurant called Cicada Bistro, with tiny candles and white table cloths on all the tables. Tres romantic. Definitely what you’d expect from worldly Armando. As the hostess led us to our table in the back, I whispered in Matt’s ear: “Don’t forget. You’ve got to get him talking about where he lives.”

  “I know, I know.” He sounded annoyed. I didn’t care. As long as he did his part.

  Unfortunately, that didn’t happen—at least not fast enough for me. Erin had somehow commandeered the seat next to Matt—darn her—and when the hostess handed out menus, the two of them began going over entrées as if they were picking out china patterns.

  “I hear the crab cakes are fantastic,” Armando chimed, as he folded his napkin onto his lap like a pro.

  Here was the perfect opening. I could wait for Matt no longer. I forged ahead. “Speaking of seafood, Armando’s gallery is on Seaborn Street.”

  All eyes moved to me. Mine were shooting fire bombs at Matt, hoping he’d pick up on the hint.

  “What does Mando’s gallery have to do with sea food?” asked Suze.

  “Nothing, I suppose. I was just making conversation.” I kicked Matt under the table.

  “Ow!” All eyes moved to Matt. “I uhh, just got a sudden pain in my shin.”

  “Shin splints?” Erin queried, her face a mask of concern. “Runners get them all the time,” she said, so the rest of us would know she was an expert at track.

  “No. I don’t think it’s shin splnts,” Matt said. He looked at Armando. “So, Armando, your gallery’s on Seaborn. Do you live in the art district as well?”

  Finally!

  “Yes, I have a lovely loft, not far from the gallery.” His penetrating gaze moved to me. “I can’t wait to have you all over. Perhaps we could hang some art together.” There was a tiny smirk dancing at the corners of his lips.

  Oh my God! He did know it was me at the house. And now he’s toying with me.

  “Do you live there with your mother?” I said, meeting his gaze.

  “Megan!” Suze snapped. “What kind of question is that? Apologize this instant!”

  “It’s just that when we were at the art opening that night, I saw an older woman I swear could be Armando’s mother.”

  I turned back to him. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly. “I’m afraid that is not possible.”

  “Oh? Do you know the woman I’m talking about? I think she said her name was Señora Marisol.”

  “I do not know of whom you speak,” he replied in a voice like velvet, smooth and comforting, yet it could not hide the fury in his eyes. I was on to him and he knew it.

  “Are you sure?” I said, not backing down.

  “Megan! What has gotten into you?” Suze called.

  “Positive,” he replied, the word short and stabbing.

  “I think I should have gone home and watched those DVDs,” said Erin uncomfortably.

  I had him on the hook. I couldn’t let go. I continued. “Dark hair streaked with gray. Looks like an escapee from a horror flick. She was at your opening the other night.”

  “I believe you are mistaken, my dear. I do not know a Señora Marisol.”

  “No, I’m not. She was there. And she knows you.”

  “Okay, that’s it! I’ve had enough embarrassment for one night,” Suze said, rising. “Megan Lilith Barnett, we’re going home.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  We took a cab. Armando offered to drive, but Mom insisted we go alone. She put Matt and Erin in a separate cab, and then we found one of our own. The ride home was shrouded in silence.

  “He’s not who you think he is,” I said after a while, my shrill voice piercing the still of the cab.

  “Not a word until we’re in the house,” was her only reply. She sat looking straight ahead, hands folded neatly on her lap. Not once did she look at me the entire trip.

  When we got home, she went into the kitchen, where she brewed a pot of tea. I sat at the dining table watching in silence as she meandered around like a zombie, never a glance in my direction. Done, she poured us each a cup, set two biscotti on a saucer, sat down across from me, and looked at me for the first time since we’d left the restaurant.

  “Why?” The single word escaped her lips laced with anger, betrayal, pain.

  “He’s not who you think he is,” I stammered.

  “Why?” she repeated louder, not allowing me to finish. “I’ve given you everything. I have dedicated my entire life to your happiness. Do you realize the sacrifices I’ve made for you?”

  I nodded, the beginnings of shame mounting inside of me.

  “I want this, Megan.” Her voice was flat yet decisive. “I want to have a relationship with a man. Armando—”

  “Even if he’s not—” I interjected.

  “Yes!” she said, her voice rising unnaturally. “Even if he’s not!” These last words coming in a blistering attack.

  My head was spinning. I’d seen her angry before, but not like this. This was more than anger, this was… betrayal. She felt betrayed.

  “He has a secret house near the mall,” I blurted in defense of myself. “I saw the old lady from the art gallery, Señora Marisol. The only reason I even noticed her that night at the gallery is she was staring at you so hard, it scared me. So when I saw her near the mall, I followed her.” The words spilled forth in a stumbling, incomprehensible jumble.

  She sat listening, her eyes slowly filling with disbelief. “I want this one thing,” she said when I was done. “One thing for me. Why are you hell bent on destroying it?” Her eyes were awash with tears, tears she willed not to fall.

  I opened my mouth to respond, to protest that I wasn’t destroying anything, I was saving her. It was then I realized I was crying like a baby. Fat tears streamed from my eyes.

  “I…. I…. I’m sorry,” I heard myself whine, as the tears and emotion flowed. In that moment, I saw things differently. It was as if the cloud of confusion had been lifted. I realized then I had been blinded by jealousy.

  “I… I was afraid I was going to lose you,” I managed, my chest heaving. “I’m so sor-reeeee!” This last bit a guttural groan.

  “As I told you before, I’m not going anywhere.” She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “By the way, you’re grounded.”

  I nodded, as I continued to weep. I couldn’t think about the grounding just then. I couldn’t think about anything. I was too confused.

  Later, I lay in bed staring out my window. My eyes were on the overcast sky, my mind a mishmash of errant thought. I had been jealous of my mother, Armando, Matt, Erin. I was so ashamed of how I had embarrassed my mother… my rock… my friend. I took stunned inventory of myself. Where did this jealousy come from?It was like a slow moving fog that had engulfed me so gradually, I didn’t notice it. And once blanketed in the fog, I’d lost all perspective.

  I want her to be happy, I really do. And Matt and Erin are my best friends. Yet, I could not hide from the truth. I was jealous of their relationships.

  There are times in our lives when we have to take a hard look in the mirror and see who we really are. I was doing just that, and I didn’t like who I saw. Petty. Jealous. Shallow. These are not words I would normally use to describe myself, and yet that is what I saw—a petty, jealous, shallow girl.

  They say change only comes under duress. Losing my mother and my friends was duress enough. I was ready to change.

  My thoughts moved to Armando. I hated him from the moment I first laid eyes on him. That was probably because he was perfect for her. My fear of losing my mother had colored my opinion of him. Of course, I knew he was lying about Señora Marisol, and he knew I knew. But that didn’t mean he didn’t care for my mother. Señora Marisol was probably some crazy old Aunt he wasn’t yet ready to spring on her. That made perfect sense.

  Everyone has a crazy relative in a closet somewhere. If only I could have realized it earlier, before my jealousy had swallowed me whole, allowing me to embarrass myself, and cause my mother so much pain.

  After several hours of dizzying thought, I drifted into a fitful sleep.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Incense.

  I awoke with a start. The odor of incense was filling my room. And then the laughter began.

  Was I having the dream again? I had been on that nether-world edge, where you’re neither awake nor asleep. I sat up, looked around the room. Nothing. The house was quiet. I was alone. Yet, as I sat there coming full awake, a slow chill came bristling up my spine. I got the distinct feeling I hadn’t been dreaming at all. What I smelled was real. What I’d heard was real. It was the voice of Armando, and he was laughing at me.

  #

  At school the next day, I began my quest to put the pieces of my life back together. I wanted to start at home in the morning with Suze. I was in the kitchen making cocoa when she emerged sleepy-eyed from her room.

  “Hot cocoa,” I said.

  “No thanks.”

  And that was it, the only words between us before she left for work and me for school.

  I wished I could have turned back the clock and lived last night over again. Oh, how different things would have been. But there was no turning back the hands of time. I had created this horrible mess. I needed to fix it.

  Erin and Matt were at their lockers chatting when I arrived. When they saw me, the conversation stopped abruptly. Talking about me, no doubt. I approached.

  “Got a minute?”

  They exchanged dark expressions I couldn’t read. “Sure,” said Matt, shifting his weight uncomfortably. He put an arm around Erin’s shoulder. A united front.

  Suddenly, I needed a jolt of confidence. If I was going to get through this, I needed to know that they’d forgive me.

  “Look, I know I acted like an idiot last night. Heck, I’ve been acting like an idiot for a few weeks now.”

  I peered into their faces as I spoke. Their lack of expression or empathy weakened my resolve. Still, I found the courage to push ahead.

  “I was jealous… of my mother having Armando in her life… of you guys finding each other. There was so much happening so soon I guess… I didn’t know how to handle it.”

  “I asked you if you were okay with us seeing each other.” Matt’s words came as an indictment, not a hint of sympathy in them.

  “I know. But I wasn’t aware I was jealous until last night, when I realized what I’d done.”

  “Last night you were out of control,” said Erin.

  “Yes, I was. And I’m sorry for any pain or embarrassment I’ve caused either of you. I hope you can forgive me.”

  I was suddenly spent, as the last of the apology crossed my lips. It was as if I had run a marathon. My arms and legs were lead weights, my head woozy. It was eight in the morning, yet I was ready to go home, fall into bed, cuddle with my binky, and sleep the sleep of the dead… And no, I don’t still have a binky. Mine suspiciously disappeared when I was eleven. I suspect my mother, who had been hiding it from me for months.

  “You were a real pill last night,” Erin said.

  I nodded.

  “’Dark hair streaked with gray. Looks like an escapee from a horror flick.’” She repeated my words from the night before with dramatic flair. Then suddenly she smiled. “Drama Queen!”

  And now Matt was smiling too. “I thought Armando was gonna have a coronary.” They began laughing uncontrollably, as if they’d been hanging onto it all morning.

  I was stunned. “So… you… forgive me?”

  “I don’t know who that person was roaming these halls the past few of weeks, but it certainly wasn’t you. Welcome back.” Erin threw her arms around me, hugging me dearly. “I missed you,” she said softly.

  “I missed you, too.”

  I looked up. Matt was staring at me, his expression serious. “No more of this crazy talk, Megan. From now on, you leave your mother and Armando alone.”

  I nodded.

  “For real this time, or I promise we’re gone forever.”

  I nodded again, my head bobbing up and down like a bobblehead. “No more. I swear.” I extended my arms to him, wiggled my fingers. “Now can I have a hug?”

  The three of us stood hugging until the bell rang.

  #

  When Erin and I walked into English together, the expression on Maudrina’s face went from pleasure to pain in two-point-five seconds.

  It was obvious she’d been saving the seat next to her for me, even though no one ever sat there. When she spotted the two of us, she quickly looked away, pretending she was going over some homework. Surreptitiously, she removed the sweater that had been draped across the seat. I excused myself and approached the now-vacant seat.

  “Thanks for saving it for me.”

  “Huh?” she said, turning as if she hadn’t noticed I was there.

  “My seat. Thanks for saving it.” I plopped my books down on the desk.

  “Umm, sure,” she said, eying me with distrust.

  I sat and looked over at Erin, who was trying to figure out what I was doing. I shot her an innocent smile.

  “You don’t have to,” the voice next to me whispered.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You don’t have to sit here if you don’t want to. You guys are friends again. I’m cool.”

  “I know I don’t have to sit here, silly. I want to.” I reached over and rubbed her arm. Faint doggy odor wafted over to me. “By the way, I’m not grounded anymore.” Maudrina’s eyes filled with hopeful expectation. “I was wondering if you still wanted to have that play date?”

  “You serious?”

  “Of course, I’m serious. I’ve been looking forward—”

  “Yes! When?”

  “How about Saturday afternoon?”

  “You are going to love Sam. He is soo fun.”

  Visions of frolicking on the floor with smelly Sam invaded my thoughts. “Can’t wait,” I said. And I meant it.

  I have to admit, the new me had me feeling pretty good about myself. Matt and Erin were my friends again, and I couldn’t get over the smile on Maudrina’s face when I told her I’d be coming over to play with her dogs.

  When class ended, I formally introduced my old friend to my new friend. They eyed each other with caution. Getting them together was going to take some time.

  After the brief intros, I excused myself and headed to the first floor stairwell for a rendezvous with Guy. I’d done a good thing. I deserved a kiss.

  I arrived in the stairwell first. A few students drifted through, but by the time the first bell had rung, the place was a ghost town. Perfect, except… no Guy. I pushed open the stairwell door and peered out into the corridor. A few stragglers, like mice fleeing a sinking ship, raced to get to class before the second bell.

 

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