“Yeah.” I looked out the window. “I know I’ll be grieving for the rest of my life.”

  “Of course you will. You lost your entire family.” Tina weaved our fingers together. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “The worst part is the guilt that I wasn’t there to help. Maybe I could have eased their suffering by reading to them or making sure they had food and water. I’m not saying that I could have healed them of the virus, but as the only survivor of my family, I keep thinking, why me?”

  For the next hours, Tina listened as I talked about my family and my grief. She asked questions and let me go back to happier times for a while. It was nice to have someone to talk to about it, but when she suggested for the second time that maybe the place of reflection wouldn’t be so bad, I shook my head again.

  “No. I’m not letting anyone tell me what to think or feel. My book wasn’t sick or twisted. It was a love story between two people who had been taught to dislike each other. If anything, it was a beautiful story of acceptance and tolerance.”

  “I agree. I loved every page of your book. I’m so sorry the Council couldn’t see how wonderful it was. It’s because they don’t understand how the mind of an author works.”

  Her kindness and praise of my book made me squeeze her hand and give her a sad smile. “Tell me about your latest book. I would like to think of something other than my worries.”

  Tina did her best to entertain me with her gift of storytelling. She published mystery novels but had dabbled in a romance for her own amusement, although she had no hope of getting it published now that there was a ban.

  When we arrived at the house in the forest, we got out and before we had unlocked the front door, the self-driving car had already left us.

  “Aww, the house looks cute. It’s exactly how you described it.”

  I walked inside with Tina at my heels and felt an instant surge of grief wash over me. Setting down my bag, I walked over to turn up the heat.

  “There are blankets on the couch. Feel free to curl up under one.”

  Tina plunked herself down on the sofa and covered herself with the white throw-over that my dad knitted a few years ago.

  “Let me just turn on the fireplace. That will warm up the living room fast.”

  Tina waited until I had lit the fire and joined her on the couch. “Here.” She lifted the blanket and gestured for me to let it cover my feet. “You want to tell me the truth now?”

  Again, I hesitated.

  “Come on, Devina. The frenzy your book created with all the people dreaming of an Nman themselves happened because you’re an amazing author. It’s not right that they’re banning your book.”

  “Why didn’t you say that when Amber was around?”

  Tina bit her lip. “Because people are going crazy these days and Amber has changed. I’m not sure, but I think she reported one of her sisters for improper communication.”

  “Are you saying that you’re afraid of Amber?”

  “Of course not. It’s just that she’s become quite judgmental. If I told her how much I loved your book, she might…” Tina trailed off and lifted her shoulders in a small shrug.

  “She might think less of you. Is that it?”

  “Mmm, with the way people have treated you, do you blame me for not wanting a piece of that?”

  “I could have used someone in my corner.”

  Tina leaned forward and reached out her hand to me, her white unruly curls pointing in all directions. “I’m here now!”

  My lips tugged upward in a tiny smile.

  “So, tell me, is there a real Mark or not?”

  I gave a single nod.

  A shriek came from Tina, whose eyes glowed with excitement. “Tell me everything.”

  “His name isn’t Mark. It’s Tyton.”

  “Tyton… wow that sounds very Nmannish.”

  “Just like Mark in the book, Tyton runs a large family business overseeing their estate with its fields and woods.”

  “Is he a landscape architect like Mark?”

  “No, I just made that up because Tyton likes to garden and he’s outside a lot.”

  The heaviness in my chest lifted a little just from speaking about my deep secret. “Things happened much like in the book except it was his sister, Wilma, who threw over a letter and her that I began corresponding with.”

  I told Tina how I’d believed Wilma was in danger and how I’d gone to save her.

  “Oh, Wind and Water, you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met. Weren’t you scared?”

  “Terrified!”

  “So, what happened?”

  “I tapped on what I thought was Wilma’s window and out of nowhere, Tyton attacked me from behind and carried me to a hay barn. I tried to get away from him, but he thought I was a danger to his family, so he was furious. He assumed I was a boy and wanted me to explain myself.” I didn’t tell Tina how Tyton had thrown me around and punched me.

  She had her hands to her mouth and her eyes fixed on me as I told all the other details from that night.

  “Why didn’t you get on his bike?”

  “Because I didn’t know him!”

  “Yeah, but if he was anything like Mark, he would have protected you.”

  “You’re only saying that because you read my book, but to me, Tyton was a large and very scary Nman.”

  Tina’s eyes lowered to my abdomen and a small triangle formed between her eyebrows. “Be honest. Did he rape you?”

  “Nooo!!!”

  She smiled. “Did he give you a book of tantra sex? Is that what happened? Like Mark did to Deidra in the book.”

  “No, that part was all fiction and written by Tyton.”

  “What?!”

  “How would I know how to write sensual scenes like that? In the beginning he did it to mess with me but then we worked together to create a romance between a Motlander and a Northlander.”

  “That’s crazy. I can’t believe that you wrote the book with a real Nman.”

  “Yup.”

  “And when did you fall in love with him?”

  I jerked my head back. Tyton and I had never spoken the words that we loved each other. At least not out loud.

  “I mean you must have made love to him at some point.”

  I placed a hand on my belly. “The last time I was there, he took me home and stayed for the night.”

  Tina’s voice sank to a whisper. “Was it as good as you described it in the book?”

  “Yes. A thousand times yes.” My eyes teared up when I said it.

  “Then why didn’t you beg him to stay with you? Why would you ever want to be apart from him?”

  Blinking my tears away, I shook my head. “This isn’t some fiction book, Tina. The Council won’t even allow a book about an Nman. In what world do you think they would allow him to stay here?”

  “But Mark…”

  “Mark isn’t real!”

  “I know that. But Tyton is real and you’re having a child with him. What did he say when you told him?”

  I swallowed and looked down.

  “You didn’t tell him?”

  Shaking my head, I blinked away more tears. “I wanted to but family means everything to him and it would have driven him mad to know he had a child on this side of the border that he couldn’t raise.”

  Tina was quiet. “What if you went to the Northlands?”

  My heart sped up. “It wouldn’t be safe. They have a mad king and Tyton is convinced I would be auctioned off in a tournament.”

  “But then he could fight for you, couldn’t he?”

  “And what if he loses? I’ve seen their tournaments. It’s brutal and inhuman. Men die, Tina.”

  “They die?” She scrunched up her face. “Do you mean die die?

  “Yes. I don’t want men fighting for me. I only want Tyton.” It flew out of me with some force.

  “Then what are you going to do?”

  I looked away, unsure if I could trust her with my deepest secret.

  Tina touched my leg. “Devina, what are you going to do?”

  “I’ve made a decision.” My eyes stayed downturned because I didn’t want to face the shock in her eyes.

  “Yes?”

  “I’m not crazy and I don’t want to spend months in a place of reflection. Tyton lives on an estate and I’m hoping he can hide me there somehow.”

  “What do you mean hide you?”

  “If no one knows I’m there, we can raise our child without the mad king knowing about me.”

  Tina brushed her hands through her curls and frowned. “Devina, that’s never going to work. You can’t stay inside forever.”

  “I wouldn’t have to. They have land and I could move around. If we go out, I’ll dress as a boy. I’ve done it before.”

  “And your child. How would you explain your child?”

  Throwing my hands up in despair, I sighed. “I don’t know. I haven’t figured out everything and that’s why I need to meet with Tyton. We have to find a way to make it work.”

  Tina’s face softened and her hand landed on her chest. “Aww, that’s just like Deidra and Mark.”

  “Except we’re not them.” I tried to bring her back to reality.

  “Okay, okay, but…” She looked around. “What’s the plan then?”

  “I’m going to write him a letter and hopefully, he’ll answer right away. I can only stay here a few days before the officials will insist that I check into a place of reflection.”

  “And if he doesn’t answer?”

  Scratching my arm, I thought about it. “I don’t know. I expect him to be angry with me for leaving so suddenly. Nmen are proud. Tyton might be too upset with me to answer.”

  “Then you have to tell him about the baby. I’ll bet he’d answer then.”

  “Maybe.”

  While Tina stayed under the blanket, I got a pen and pad to write my letter.

  Dear Tyton,

  I’m back early and hope you’re getting this letter.

  Our book became an instant success and sold more copies than any of my other books. The good thing was that the Press spoke about the book a lot, which provided exposure, and boosted the sales. Almost three hundred thousand copies were sold and that’s unheard of for a romance. The bad thing is that the Press hated it and called it a toxic book. Today, I was told that our book has been banned and that I’m considered a danger to the innocent minds of my readers.

  I want to meet with you, Tyton.

  Please write me back as soon as you can.

  May our souls find a way to break down the wall between us,

  Devina

  When Tina and I walked through the forest to the border, we arrived to see new signs warning of mortal danger and a new security camera on top of the border wall.

  “This is bad.” I frowned and watched the camera to determine if it was a prop or the real thing. It didn’t move and there were no lights in it to signal it was on.

  Searching the ground for bottles, I was disappointed to see that there was nothing waiting for me.

  Either Tyton had been too angry to respond to my goodbye letter or whoever had set up the new signs and the camera had found the bottle before I got here.

  The catapult was still hidden under the branches where I’d left it, but it was slippery from moss.

  “You think they’ll record you on the camera?”

  “Maybe, but what are they going to do about it?” I pulled my scarf higher over my nose to hide my face. Just as I was about to send off my letter, a small drone came flying along the border wall.

  “Hide.” I pulled Tina back and saw the tiny thing continue to the right along the wall.

  “You never mentioned border drones in your book,” she whispered.

  “Because I’ve never seen one before today,” I whispered back.

  Tina scratched her nose, which was red from the cold. “Well, the News did say that the Council has increased the security along the border.”

  We waited a while before I sent off my letter. My heart was pounding. “I think we’re good.”

  Tina helped cover up the catapult and just as we were about to walk away, the drone returned. This time it spotted us and a red light turned on.

  “This is a restricted area and you must move away.”

  We turned our backs on it and jogged to get out of the way.

  When we returned an hour later, we sneaked up, running from tree to tree.

  “This is so exciting.” Tina grinned. “I can use this in one of my mystery novels. I could have someone spying or avoiding being seen.” The way she made herself small behind a large tree had me smiling.

  She beamed back at me. “It’s good to see you with color in your cheeks and a smile on your lips. I was worried for a while.”

  There was a moment when we just smiled at each other and then I whispered. “Thank you for coming with me.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” As soon as she said it, she ran the next distance and pressed herself against another big tree.

  We managed not to get detected by the border drones, but even though we checked for Tyton’s reply four times that day, there was nothing.

  When there still wasn’t a bottle the next day, I wrote another letter.

  Dear Tyton,

  I understand that you’re angry with me for leaving, but please, I need to talk to you.

  Won’t you answer me?

  Devina

  For two more days there was nothing but silence and Tina kept pushing me to tell him I was pregnant.

  I resisted because I feared it would only upset him to find out that I hadn’t told him about the pregnancy.

  To Tina this was like another entertaining chapter in Forbidden Letters from the North, but for me there was nothing fun or exciting about Tyton’s hating me. I longed for him and I physically hurt on the inside from worry that I might never see him again. Memories of our night together kept me above water and every time I walked to the border it was with hope in my chest.

  When three days had passed without a sign of life from him, I sent him another letter.

  Dear Tyton,

  Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. I’m giving over the house at noon and then I have to leave. You don’t know how much I wish I could stay and wait for your anger to cool down, so we could talk.

  Please forgive me for causing you the pain that would make you hold a grudge so deep that you continue to ignore me and refuse to write me back.

  For what it’s worth, I think of you constantly, and I meant it when I said that I love you.

  Devina

  Tina stood by my shoulder when I sent off the letter.

  “Did you tell him about the baby this time?”

  “No.”

  “Why not? I’m sure it would make him write you back.”

  “I have to tell him in person.”

  “How? He won’t even respond to your letters. I hate to say it, Devina, but maybe he doesn’t love you the way Mark loved Deidra.”

  My throat felt like someone was pouring down boiling hot tea and it hurt.

  “I’m not saying it to upset you,” she continued. “But tomorrow is our last day here.”

  “I’m not going to a place of reflection.”

  “What choice do you have?”

  I closed my teary eyes and leaned my head back, sucking in a breath of fresh air. “I could go there and demand that he speak to me.”

  “How? You’d die from hypothermia if you swam. It’s December and freezing.”

  “I could dig a tunnel.”

  Tina angled her head. “Don’t be silly. You can’t dig a tunnel in a day.”

  “Then I’ll climb the wall.”

  “They have cameras and border drones. Even if you got over there, they would demand you were returned and it could start a war. Not to mention that you’re four months pregnant and could lose the baby if you fall down. How would you even get over that wall? It’s at least twelve meters high.”

  Fat tears were rolling down my cheeks as I stood powerless, hoping for a bottle to come across that wall.

  “I love him.” My words were low and weak.

  Tina rubbed my back. “I know, sweetie, but it doesn’t seem that he loves you back.”

  CHAPTER 33

  Head on a Spear

  Tyton

  We were like caged lions clawing the walls to get out of our imprisonment.

  Even my father, who was known to have a calm personality, was losing his shit and had to be stopped when he banged his head against the wall in frustration.

  “We’re not helping anyone by hurting ourselves.” My eyes fell on Lucas, whose knuckles were hurt from when he hit the door two days ago.

  “Our women are out there, unprotected! If anything happens to Claire…” Lucas’ jaw tightened.

  The somber atmosphere permeated the cell we were in, and the fact that it was smaller than my bathroom with only three thin and dirty mattresses for six people meant that we were all sleep deprived, sore, hungry, and worried out of our minds.

  We didn’t talk much except for the initial declarations that we would kill King Jeremiah and anyone who supported him as soon as we had a chance to.

  Unfortunately, our time was running out fast as we were starving and losing strength by the hour. Eleven days with a minimum of food had left us dizzy and weakened. On the evening of the second day, we were brought water, but when the guard laughed and told us that he suspected the king had poisoned it, none of us wanted to touch it at first. My dad declared that we needed to drink and as the oldest he would go first. When he didn’t develop any symptoms of poisoning, we greedily shared the jug of water.

  The almost two weeks in that room had felt like years and we’d all lost weight. On the morning of New Year’s Eve, the captain returned and opened the small square in the door.

  “We need food and water. We’re starving,” Henry complained.

  “Aww, are you hungry?” The captain’s tone was mocking. “Then I have good news for you.”

 

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