Wild wild quest a litrpg.., p.1
Wild Wild Quest: A LitRPG/Gamelit Adventure (The Good Guys Book 12), page 1
Wild Wild Quest
Eric Ugland
Air Quotes Publishing
Air Quotes Publishing, Inc.
V 1.0
Copyright © 2021 Eric Ugland
Cover by Sarah Anderson/No Synonym
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This is a work of Fiction. Of Fantasy. All of the characters in this novel and series are fictional and any resemblance to people living, dead, or undead is purely coincidental and surprising. Mentions of places are incidental, accidental, and mostly inconsequential. The magic and spells have been researched in absolutely no way whatsoever, and any ill-effects after you attempt to cast them are completely on you.
Those of you looking for the thing, we’re on pause right now while trying to come up with a new way to play the game.
To MiniBode
Thank you for needing me,
And for being exactly what I needed.
1
I found myself standing next to the river, watching the water flow under the ice.
I could feel someone walking up next to me before anything was said. The feet were small enough I wasn’t worried, though.
“The goblins,” came a soft voice, “did not act like goblins.”
I looked over to see Baltu staring at the water’s movement.
“There was more strategy,” he continued. “Planning.”
“But the thing they summoned ate more of them than it did of us.”
“Well,” Baltu said with just the hint of a smile, “that is more expected of goblins.”
“I feel like you’re trying to tell me something without just telling me something. Do you think someone was working with the goblins?”
“I think so, yes.”
“Who could that be?”
“That I cannot answer.”
“Are you telling me for a reason?”
“This war is not over, because you have not finished it.”
“By finish it, you mean—”
“Find and kill whomever declared war upon you first.”
“You want me to go hunt down the goblin king that did this—”
“I want you to hunt down whatever being caused this desolation. Or it will, inevitably, happen once again.”
“He is right,” another voice said.
I glanced over my shoulder and saw Hetsetsa standing there. Ragnar and Skeld were behind her. And Arno and Yuri behind them. The rest of the council still standing spread out in the background.
“Is this an intervention?” I asked.
“It is the culmination of discussions which took place while you were otherwise occupied,” Hetsetsa said.
“I’ve been working with you guys—”
“We, your followers, come to ask you to complete a quest.”
“Is that possible—”I started, but then the quest popped up.
You have been offered a quest:
Complete Destruction I
Find and destroy those responsible for the Night Goblin - Coggeshall War.
Reward for success: Unknown
Penalty for failure (or refusal): Severe morale penalties, increased goblin presence, loss of all morale penalties against goblins, loss of Goblinbane title and indicium.
Yes/No
“Well shit,” I said, reading it over and, naturally, accepting the damn thing considering how severe the fucking penalties were. “Thing is, though, if I’m not here, who’s going to lead what little army we have left?”
“Army?” called out a voice from the river canyon. “Why do we need an army?”
A group of soldiers began climbing over the frozen falls and walking our direction.
Wian gave me a wave. “I brought you an army. What the fuck happened to the tunnel? And the fucking walls?!”
Trying to figure out where Wian had come from puzzled me. But then the memories surged back, and it was all clear. I mean, as clear as anything really ever seemed to be around Coggeshall, Glaton, or Vuldranni.
“You get the princess?” I asked.
“That’s a rather complicated question right out of the gate,” Wian replied, his regular smile faltering ever so much. His beard had become impressive.
“It’s been a complicated time while you’ve been gone.”
“So I see. Nikolai hiding in his office?”
“He’s actually hiding in a lot of places at once.”
Wian frowned and tilted his head to the side. “The fuck does that mean?”
“He died,” Ragnar said. “Badly.”
“Oh,” Wian said. The former Thingman’s demeanor twisted in a heartbeat, and all joviality left him. “I am sorry. I have failed both him and you. I should have been here.”
I nodded, but said nothing. I couldn’t say anything. I was on the verge of cursing, and I just didn’t want that to be, well, I didn’t want to be that guy right then.
“A lot has transpired,” Wian said, “both outside and here. Here is a bit of a guess, your grace, because I have been, um, out in the world. At your behest.”
“Was it?” I asked. “I think you requested leave to go.”
“Yes,” he blurted. “That is certainly a more accurate version.”
I held a hand up. “Let’s table this conversation for a moment. You brought new people?”
“I, uh, yes. Nikolai was in contact with me, and he, um, disagreed with the full extent of my quest to recapture, I mean, to return the princess to Coggeshall. He had me visit some of your other lands in your stead and procure citizens and soldiers for you.”
I looked at the people busy climbing along the canyon, all of whom looked a lot like I had when I’d first arrived in Coggeshall. Big, strong, mismatched armor, long hair, lots of beards. I recognized a lot of Thingmen who’d originally come with Wian, and had also gone back out with him. Most of those who’d I’d’ve considered our best soldiers, fighters. People we definitely missed over the last months.
“Those them?” I asked, pretty confident I already knew the answer.
Wian glanced over his shoulder, then shook his head. “No, your grace. Those are some of your sworn men who went with me and, uh, yes. The rest are waiting outside the tunnel. We thought, perhaps, something had happened, given, well, the lack of tunnel at present.”
“There was an issue with the tunnel, yes.”
“A cave-in?”
“Of sorts. Magical explosions delivered by goblins flying on giant bats.”
“Oh? That, I should have expected.”
“There was a bit of, well, a goblin incident here.”
“A bit?” Ragnar sniped.
There was grumbling amongst my people, and I had to give a shut-the-fuck-up glare right quick.
“I apologize, again, for not being here, your grace,” Wian said.
“Your grace,” Hetsetsa said, “I often keep myself out of things within your holding, but I must insert myself to point out how little time you likely have to follow the night goblins and whomever might have been working with them.”
“You know what,” I said, “fuck it. Let’s go have a fucking meeting and figure out what the fuck I’m doing. And what we’re doing. Sorry Wian, the tunnel’s fucked, and we can’t deal with it right now. Also, Wian, until Nathalie is out of the hospital, you have to come to the meeting and kind of be in charge of the military.”
I didn’t wait for anyone else to agree. The whole thing irritated me, so I wanted to use my duchal prerogative. They’d have to come.
2
Baltu, Lee, Timurlan, Harmut, Eliza, and my hirð sat on one side of the table. Lieutenant Mogenson, Wian, Essie, Mercy, and Hetsetsa sat on the other. This was my council, at least for the moment.
“Okay,” I said, slamming my palm on the table, “calling the meeting to order.”
Everyone looked at me.
“Point one, obviously, the tunnel,” I said. “How long are we looking before it’s open?”
“You want the tunnel first,” Harmut asked. “Or the wall?”
“If it weren’t for Wian’s new people—”
“They are not my people, your grace,” Wian interjected. “They are here for you.”
“Purely saying it for clarity, bub,” I said. “But fine, if there weren’t people waiting to get in here, I’d say the wall.”
“What about Air Fritz?” Bear asked.
“Depends what’s on the other side of the mountain,” I said. “Wian?”
“There were quite a few willing to join your army, your grace,” Wian said. “Four hundred archers, five hundred heavy infantry, three hundred light infantry, fifty light cavalry, and twenty-two heavy cavalry. We have twenty wagons, a portable smithy that does double duty for the farrier, being we also have two hundred horses.”
“What the fuck?” I asked. “Where did all this come from?”
“It appears some of your accounts were in arrears, something to do with quite a few of your counts and barons not exactly paying up when asked via letter. A simple reminder got us offers of coin or men or goods. I did as Nikolai asked and built a bit of an army. They’re not, well, veterans, mind you. And you can’t exactly call them all young, but, well, new would be polite. More rusted armor, sc avenged swords and arms than I’d like, but there are a few notable warriors in the midst. Low-level but willing to learn, eh?”
I tapped my fingers on the table and thought through Air Fritz logistics. How much could we fit on his platform? The wagons would likely be a problem, just from a size perspective, and who knew about weight? And horses? They’d freak when a fucking roc swooped down at them.
“I think the tunnel needs to happen first,” I said.
“It will take time,” Harmut said. “Longer’n’you be expectin’.”
“Want to explain why?” I asked.
Harmut looked to Essie. Essie sighed.
“Native rock is, generally speaking, easy to manipulate. Depending, naturally, on the type of rock,” she said. “Some rocks just sort of resist magic, and they’re a pain. Some seem happy to work with magic, and it’s simple. This granite is sort of in the middle. But after you throw magic at rock, no matter what the rock, it is significantly harder to work them. Higher mana cost, more intricate spells, and a greater chance of spells going fuckwise.”
“And we done used quite a bit ‘o magic making that first tunnel so quick,” Harmut continued. “And we made it hard on purpose, to make sure there ain’t no way no one can mess up our tunnel.”
“The goblins did,” I said.
“Aye, that they did. The goblins brute-forced their way to exploding, melting, and filling our tunnel in ways I never even thought of.”
“It was some amazing and strange magic,” Essie said. “A combination of explosives, arcane workings, and banded-worm foam. Fucking brilliant and savage. It is possible to dig through it, but not with magic. Not for a long while, at least.”
“Yeah, that’s why you guys were going to curve it, right?”
“Aye,” Harmut said, “but we still’re diggin’ through magic-touched rock, so it’ll be takin’ a good long while.”
I sighed, irritated. Not at them — after listening to the explanation I got it. I wasn’t happy about it, but I got it.
“Days? Weeks?” I asked. “What are we talking here?”
Harmut looked over to Essie, and she shrugged, then made a stretching motion with her hands.
“Two weeks, maybe,” Harmut said.
“I’m still trying to recover,” Essie said. “And I made that tunnel as secure as I could, so—”
“Mercy,” I said, “what about an ice bridge through the canyon above the river?”
Mercy blinked, clearly not expecting to be drawn into this conversation.
“I’msorrywhat?” she said.
“Make a bridge of ice through the canyon,” I repeated. “I’m thinking that’s mainly for the horses, because I don’t see horses and Fritz getting along.”
“That’s a good point,” Eliza said quietly. “Horses will not like Fritz.”
“Get most everyone and the horses over the river, and Fritz can probably get the wagons. Maybe. Or we take the wagons apart and bring them over the river as well. Can you do something like that?”
Mercy’s eyes were wide. I got the feeling she did not like being put on the spot.
“Maybe,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Look, Mercy, either you can or can’t,” I said. “In this room, there are no wrong answers. We’re discussing things. If you can, great. Say yes. If you can’t, say no. That’s also fine. But if you say yes, and you can’t do it, you could put over a thousand lives at risk. Okay?”
“I think I can,” she said. “I just, it has, I mean, this is not something I’ve tried.”
“Mind seeing if you can?” I asked.
“Right now?”
“Sure,” I said.
She gave me a nod.
“Take Ragnar with you,” I said. “He’s the best swimmer out of all of us. In case the bridge, you know—”
“Fails?” Mercy asked.
I nodded.
She and Ragnar left.
“Great,” I said.
“What if we just build a footpath?” Eliza asked.
“Where?”
“In the canyon. We have the wood, get a footpath wide enough for the horses and the people, and we can take it down afterward. Or leave it up for events like this.”
“Harmut?” I asked. “You’re kind of the head of construction — does that sound doable?”
“Not much experience with wood,” Harmut said. “But I don’t see why it wouldn’t work.”
“How long to build it?”
“A mile of footbridges above a river? Couple of days, maybe a week, depending.”
“Depending on what?”
“Number of workers I can get.”
“As many as we have.”
Harmut looked over at Essie, who just shrugged.
“Job one is getting the new folk in,” I said. “After that, wall.”
“Got it,” Harmut said.
“Can we take a moment to shift over to you, your grace?” Hetsetsa said. “Again, I feel—”
“I will go after the night goblins tomorrow morning,” I said. “I know it’s important to find them, but I need to make sure Coggeshall is at least on its way back to something before I head off, okay?”
I got a slight nod from her, which felt like the extent of the victory I was going to get at the moment.
“Wian,” I said, “I need you to get our military up to speed. There are a ton of injuries, lots of sick soldiers, a lot of missing soldiers, and—”
“Let me guess here,” Wian said, “you can’t actually count on the Legion to do anything.”
Dark looks flew between the former Thingman and the current Legion commander.
“That’s part of the problem,” I said, “but I’d really prefer if the two of you could work together on defense. And figure out how we’re going to split our forces, because we need to make sure there are guards up at NorthFort by spring.”
“There is a bit of news I must share,” Baltu said.
“Oh?” I asked.
“I fear the numbers of kobolds in Coggeshall will be rather low at the next count.”
“Okay, why is that?”
“Twofold. There is some doubt as to the safety of Coggeshall, and there is news from the east. A great king rises under the mountain, and many see that as a path to freedom they lack even here.”
I sighed and shook my head. Not the sort of shit I needed to deal with. Not today. Fuck it, not any day.
“Fine,” I said, tamping down my urge to ask what the oath fucking meant if it could be broken whenever a kobold felt like it. There were definitely a few looks from around the table that seemed to be in the told-you-so vein.
Also something I felt like ignoring. No reason to bring any attention to the blatant bigotry of my lovely people.
“Thanks for the heads up,” I said. “Are you staying?”
“Of course,” Baltu said, looking hurt that I would even question him.
“Just had to ask,” I said, making sure to smile at Baltu before turning my attention back to Wian. “Captain Czubakowski had some good luck with the centaurs in Coggeshall, getting them to work together as a shield wall. I’d like to see that training continued.”
“Can do,” Wian said.
“Anyone have an update on the fucking lizard plague?” I asked.
I got a bunch of blank looks from around the room.
“You want to explain that one?” Wian asked.
I sighed, but before I had to jump into an explanation of the Night Goblin war, my trusty buddy Skeld hopped to my aid. He gave a surprisingly eloquent summary of the whole thing, including all the various attacks by the goblins, and ended with the titanic war against Gobthulu.
“Seems like I missed a big one,” Wian finally said. “And I agree: those do not sound much like goblin tactics.”
“Which again,” Hetsetsa snapped, “brings us back to you, your grace, and tracking down who was actually behind this war.”
“I’m going to do it tomorrow,” I said.
“With whom?”
“You want to come?”
“You know as well as I do that you have no need for a crotchety historian when you are in the midst of the goblin caves.”
“I’m taking Ragnar, Bear, Yuri, Amber, and Arno if he’s willing.”
“Seems a small group,” the historian said. “I like it.”
