She had lived on the streets for three years... that explained a lot. I involuntarily looked between her and Eliza, then took a deep breath and answered her prior question. “Yeah, they'll have eggs. We only got a half hour before the line starts forming. I just need to get cleaned up. This line is for the showers.”

  She grinned. “Yeah, you stink.”

  I slugged her gut and was surprised just how solid that flat belly of hers was. I licked my lips remembering the ripped abdomen muscles I had felt under her shirt. Damn, I was three years older than her, but you couldn't tell my libido that.

  She caught the look I involuntarily shot at her stomach and she said with that smirk of hers, “I like the way you stink.” Was she... flirting? Badly? I had to chuckle. I found something bird-girl sucked at.

  I said as I looked away to hide my smile. “You're not getting a peek in there girly, so you might as well give up.” I swallowed as our fingers grazed as we started moving with the line, electric tingles shot up my arm and into my core. We were standing awfully close to each other, and I couldn't bring myself to put some space between us.

  She chuckled. “In your dreams, Casper.”

  Umm... yes. I smiled widely at my inner commentary as she supplied, “The shower here is going to be loads better than the silly sit down closet shower in the Winnebago. We usually stop at campsites or the Y to shower.”

  I blinked when I realized what she was saying. “You four... live in the motorhome?”

  She nodded matter of factly, “Pretty much. Though Adelaide's Gran has rooms for us at her place when we stay in our hometown, New Orleans.” I knew it! The slight hints of an almost nonexistent Creole and French accent I caught from her on some words she said, combined with Adelaide's slightly more pronounced accent, odd word choices, and phrases all.

  I nodded. “So you're still essentially homeless.”

  She tapped the back of our hands together as she parried, “No, our home is just on wheels. I don't know how the thing even runs, Addy never gets it serviced or anything, and it is older than God.”

  I snorted as we moved into the shelter. “Anything less than a week old is older than God to you. You're not even twenty years, Bird-Brain.”

  She grabbed my pinky with her finger and shook it. “You're not much older than me, woman.” True... I was well aware that we were still connected by a finger and I wasn't going to say a word, or let on that I felt a mild blush burning on my cheeks about it. She really was bad at this.

  Then I sobered. Her family was murdered when she was fourteen, and she's basically been on the streets since. She's probably never had any real dating life... no wonder she was so awkward about her flirting and preferred to act all tough.

  I moved my hand to clasp hers for a moment to give it a little squeeze. There were three showers for women and five for men here. Only two were in use. I smirked as I let go of her hand, saying, “You snooze you lose.” Then I hustled into the shower room and locked the door behind me.

  I chuckled at her complaining, “Hey! Bitch!”

  I liked this shelter better than the one on the other side of the Bronx, by the Community Center. They had communal showers there. One for men one for women, so I didn't shower there since I had to hide that... well, that I wasn't all here.

  I rotated which shelters I used with the Y so that it made it difficult for Lazarus to pinpoint where I was hiding from them. I dreaded the day they figured out I was living on the streets and started watching the shelters. I knew that day would come, and I'd have to say goodbye to my new unorthodox family to keep them safe. I've heard that Denver is pretty amenable to the homeless there. Let's see if the black book government agency can find me in the Rocky Mountains.

  I took a deep breath when the water started running hot and closed my eyes and dropped my clothes to step in. I waited until the heated spray had drenched my entire form before I opened my eyes and looked down.

  I gingerly touched the hole in my chest, thinking I felt sensation from the ghostlike skin, and watched the water roll off it. I knew from experience that if the water sprayed directly on it, the water would break the surface tension of the quantum event horizon and pass through me. It freaked me the hell out the first time it happened.

  I looked at the various other minor wounds and scratches that covered my arms, legs, and torso, all translucent, water beading on the surface and dripping off in rivulets. I seemed to lose a tiny bit more of myself every day. I just thanked whoever was looking down upon me from the heavens and laughing at my expense, that so far, I could hide all of them with baggy clothes.

  I dreaded the day I lost part of my hand, or even worse, my face. Then I don't know how I'd be able to hide myself anymore. It was good I didn't actually need to eat or drink... at that time, I'd probably head north to Canada, and lose myself in the mountains for the rest of my life. If I didn't take the cowards way out and just dive off a cliff to lose the rest of myself so I could just fade away into oblivion.

  I smirked, and said into the spray of water coming down upon me, in my best James Earl Jones voice, “But today... is not that day.” I found myself glancing toward the door, to where Trinity waited, as I sudsed up. Oh shut up, she was sexy, and you'd be having the exact same thoughts as me just then.

  It was gooood shower.

  After we all got cleaned up and ate at the makeshift cafeteria they made of the open area that was usually lined with cots for the homeless to sleep in at night, I badgered Ferret about her lessons, and she gave me some teen attitude, letting me know she was going to... AFTER she got some of the things the people needed back 'home.'

  Then I realized I was alone with Rin. Walking down the street, into some back alleys I was impressed she knew about. How long had she been in the city, hunting me? She turned to me as she sat on a stack of pallets, which I'd have to remember to pilfer later.

  Those pallets would make great fuel for the burn barrels to keep my people warm, or materials to modify the shelters to be insulated better like mine. Dumb of the warehouse we were behind to leave them out like this unless it was on purpose. What better way to dispose of things than to leave them out for people on the street to use?

  She patted the wood slats she was sitting on. “Ok girlie, time to spill the story of Cam to Auntie Rin.”

  I smirked at her and sat close enough for our hips to touch as I said, “If I had aunts, they'd never look this good.” Stupid flirty mouth. Well, she was displaying interest too, so I guess I can forgive my mouth.

  She was actually blushing, so I leaned over, pressing our shoulders together. I gave her a warm smile as I said, “Ok, Pushy Pigeon.” Then I thought about the night that I couldn't get out of my head. The night I relived almost every time I went to my zen place, bordering on real sleep.

  I took a deep breath and steeled myself as I said in a faraway voice, “Once upon a time...”

  She poked my belly with a finger, and I grinned. I liked how playful she was. It was a good counterpoint for the dangerous lethality she possessed.

  I rested my cheek on top of her head for a moment, secretly taking in her odd scent of leather and some sort of spicy fruit and feathers, and started again.

  Chapter 7 – Accident

  I could see the whole thing playing out in front of me as I spoke. It was as if I were re-living it all again. I had never shared with anyone before. Knowing I'd be branded a freak, or a monster if anyone found out, and I'd wind up on some dissection table somewhere. I understood since the impossibility of it all still had me questioning myself as it was.

  I looked at her, and her gaze was intent on mine, a serious and inquisitive look on her face that I haven't seen on her yet. I liked it.

  My voice was flat as I began. “I had been on my way home from my graduation from Chicago State University... I took an Amtrak, living on a budget and all. If I had known what was going to happen, I would have splurged and taken a plane instead.”

  I chuckled at the irony. “I had been so excited about coming home. I was the first in our family to get a college education, and I couldn't wait to visit dad in prison to show him the diploma.”

  Absently wringing my fingers I offered, “I hadn't had time to even change after the ceremony, I had to grab my overstuffed suitcase and rush straight to the station to catch the train.”

  “I fell asleep the moment I settled into my seat. It had been a hectic week followed by an insanely busy day. I mean, graduation, hello? I woke up almost eleven hours later, just an hour out of New York City.”

  A sad smile quirked at the corner of my mouth as I saw Rin's eyes on me as she almost leaned in, caught up in the story. “I was still in the little black dress I had worn under my graduation gown and felt a little silly and overdressed. I decided to hit the dining car for breakfast, then I'd head back to the luggage car to find my suitcase they had me check, so that I could change into something more comfortable. I certainly wasn't going to walk through Penn Station in a little black dress and the strappy kitten heels I was holding in my hand.”

  I contemplated that a moment. If it really was the Lazarus crates that did this to me in the wreck, then it was my own idiotic need to be dressed comfortably that had damned me. I should have heeded the 'Personnel Only' sign and the locked door on the car and stayed the hell out.

  Shaking the thought from my head, I voiced it partially, “Once I got in...”

  Rin interrupted, her face screwed up almost cutely in thought. “Don't they secure those...”

  My guilty shrug stopped her mid-sentence, and she grinned, “Ah. I see.”

  I leaned into her, bumping her shoulder with mine. “Pops taught me a few skills that maybe a girl is better off not knowing. Let's just say that locks aren't much of an obstacle, and I'm not some wide-eyed innocent and leave it at that?”

  She suppressed a chuckle and inclined her head in amused acquiescence, smartass bird. I went on, tensing as I did, my voice getting tight as I saw it all unfolding clear as day in front of me again, “I located and liberated a change of clothes from my suitcase. And slid behind some large crates marked with the Lazarus logo to change as the New York City suburbs flashed by the windows that were mostly covered by external metal louvers.”

  I shivered, and Rin was there, wrapping an arm around me, looking almost frightened, like she didn't know what to do to console me. I steadied my voice. “We passed under some elevated tracks, just before the entrance to the tunnel to Penn Station when the car started lurching and I heard sounds like metal shrieking and tearing, people screaming, and tremendous thuds and a cacophony of sound as I was flung to the roof then toward the far end of the car... then it all went black.”

  I turned to her and met her eyes, her pupils so wide as she listened that her eyes looked almost black, and I saw tiny black feathers rustling her hair in distress. I whispered, “I knew what was happening as the train car tumbled and slid before I lost consciousness. I just knew that was the end. That I was about to die in a train wreck, and I felt so... small, so insignificant, like it didn't matter.”

  Rin clasped my hand, letting me feel the reassuring substance of her, feel her heat seeping into me at the contact. I shrugged at her in apology as I admitted, “I sometimes wish it had been the end. Because when I woke up in the twisted and burning wreckage of the train, I knew I was in hell. Trying to turn my life around and not follow Pops on a path to the slammer, and make something of myself by going to college and hopefully getting a legit job in science wasn't enough to erase all the little indiscretions being the daughter of a con man and thief had heaped upon me.”

  I stopped for a moment. This was it, for the first time I was going to admit to someone just what I was, the monster I had become. She didn't look like she was judging, nor like she was going to run. Instead she gave an encouraging squeeze of my hand and nodded once. I closed my eyes against the tears I could feel welling up then nodded back, gathering my courage.

  “I woke up to see the brightening sky of New York City, the luggage car torn into shreds, something leaking onto me from one of the Lazarus crates that were in a tangled mess of metal and debris that was hanging precariously over me. Something was sparking the whole car was electrified, and I could feel it coursing through me, stiffening my muscles, preventing me from screaming from the pain.”

  “I could barely move my eyes down to see things from another Lazarus crate covering my feet. They were like some sort of artifacts or something, with different symbols and carvings on them, like they came from various different cultures, they were all sparking, but I had the impression it wasn't because of the power lines that were electrifying the wreckage. But that wasn't what had held my attention as my mind threatened to shatter like so much spun glass.”

  I looked absently down toward my chest and whispered the memory of the most frightening moment of my life, “As the sirens approached, I was hanging there in the wreckage of the Amtrak train, my toes dangling just above the broken asphalt like some sort of effigy of the damned, with a huge pipe through my chest, where my heart should have been. I died in that accident, but some sort of sick cosmic joke was being played. I was aware of it and was helpless to do anything. I could look around to see my death, mixed in with the death of so many others I could see being dragged out of the wreckage by survivors and people showing up at the scene. It was my penance for the wicked that outweighed any good in me.”

  Inhaling deeply, a shaky breath I didn't need except to tell my tale, I told her of the most excruciating experience in my life with a banal chuckle. “I still couldn't scream. But my muscles seemed to be getting used to the electricity coursing through me as I was gaining some control of my extremities. Every single movement sent more pain through my chest than I had experienced my entire life.”

  Her hand tightened on mine like she was giving me a lifeline to go deeper into the memory. A promise she would pull me back out to safety if I dove too deeply into the madness I had been experiencing back when I felt like some sort of stringless marionette on that pipe, helpless to do anything but watch the carnage around me. My whole existence was the pain centered in my chest.

  I whispered so that the gods or whoever had played this cruel joke on me wouldn't take notice and finish their job, “I reached out and grabbed the pipe and pulled. I opened my mouth in a scream I couldn't utter as my body shook from the excruciating pain of it and the electricity. Inch by inch I pulled myself along the pipe until I fell to the ground. The relief from the sudden absence of the electricity coursing through me was lost in pain from my chest.”

  My hand was rubbing at the place my heart should be as I watched the memory play out. “It was then that I saw it. Or actually, didn't see. There was a hole through me I could see sparks from the wreckage through. The rational part of my brain kept telling me I was dead because that's where my heart should be. So I was living out some random synapse firing induced vision in the last instant of my life.”

  “But it just kept going as I realized why I hadn't been able to scream. I wasn't breathing. That realization almost stripped whatever sanity I had left from me as I sucked in air into my damaged lungs. There wasn't much sanity left to lose at that moment. But the detached voice in my head told me that people couldn't see me like this, I had to move. So when emergency vehicles started arriving, as well as a couple heavily armored military transports with Lazarus logos, I stumbled out into the darkness of the city.”

  I shrugged as Rin watched my eyes, almost carefully. “By the time I got home, I was still in shock, not understanding what was going on. There was no power. I could barely afford to pay the rent on Pop's place while I was in school. I had to dip into his 'emergency fund' for it. I really don't want to know where that slush fund, read shoebox filled with cash, came from. I assumed we had no water either but was pleasantly surprised to find cold water flowing when I checked the taps.”

  My chuckle didn't even fool me as I started wringing my fingers until Rin laid a hand on top of mine to stop me. I inhaled and continued, “I cleaned up, keeping away from the impossible hole through my body. I couldn't even bring myself to look at it. Did I need to go to the hospital? No. They'd... well they'd do something. I couldn't let anyone else see what had happened to me. And I couldn't comprehend how I was even walking around. Was I a ghost? A spirit? Pinching myself and wincing at the pain dissuaded me from that idea. I was... alive.”

  I looked over at the woman who smelled like feathers and leather, and I shrugged again. “I don't know what I am. I found an old transistor radio in the emergency drawer, next to the matches. I turned it on, and almost all the AM news stations were buzzing about the Amtrak wreck. Initial reports from the inspectors that had arrived on the scene were saying the rails were in perfect shape, that there seemed to be no reason for the train to have derailed.”

  Shaking my head, I almost whispered, “Eyewitnesses said they had seen a dark, shadowy shape moving around on the tracks just moments before the accident. That all passengers and train crew, save one, had been located, twenty-three dead, dozens injured. I had stopped breathing again when they said the wreckage was still being scoured for Cameron Tourvell. The reporters couldn't get close because of some sort of military crew was roping off the area and going in with hazmat suits on.”

  I growled, tightening my grip on Trinity's hand I had clasped between mine; when had that happened? “That's when the door was kicked in at our place. Men dressed in paramilitary gear and black masks over their faces streamed in yelling and barking out orders to me to stay where I was. Laser dots danced all over me as I heard the hiss and bite of half a dozen tranquilizer darts hitting me.”

  My lips curled up into a devilish smirk as I shared, “I think they expected me to fall on the spot. I think I did too, but I didn't. And all my fear and rage and shock had me lashing out at them. Throwing whatever I could get my hands on to stop their nervous advance on me. They had those damn Lazarus patches on their arms.”

 

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